My Name is Remus Lupin
by SaraBeth
Summary: From werewolf to Hogwarts teacher one man tells his story. From the misery of rejection, to the glory of friendship, to the bitter anger of betrayal, Remus reflects on the events of his past, that will lead him to take on the future. *Finished*
1. Chapter 1: Prologue

From werewolf to Hogwarts teacher one man tells his story. From the misery of rejection, to the glory of friendship, to the bitter anger of betrayal, Remus reflects on the events of his past, that will lead him to take on the future. ****

**Sorry for such a long disclaimer and author's notes, but I encourage you to read them, as they will make the story much easier to understand. Thank you.**

Well, after nearly two hundred and fifty pages and a full year of work, I've finally finished this story! It's by far the longest, and most detailed story I've ever written. I hope you enjoy it, and please review, good or bad. I want to know what you think!

Disclaimer: Okay, let's just start off by saying that nothing belongs to me. Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Lily Evans, and any other recognizable characters, places or ideas are part of the Harry Potter series and belong to J. K. Rowling, Scholastic, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros. etc. Adhara Black, Marianna O'Connell, Erin White, Taurus Black, Orion Black, Fiona Black, Professor Beaker, and Cassiopeia Black, as well as most of the basic plot belong to Kaydi, (From_ My Name is Sirius Black_) although we did rework some of it, as you'll see in this story, as well as her revised version of _My Name is Sirius Black _if she'd ever finish (hint, hint, Kaydi!) And if there's anything else left to claim, I suppose that belongs to me.

Author's notes: First of all, I'd like to thank Kaydi; number one, for encouraging and allowing me to use her characters and ideas to write this story, number two, for helping me with ideas, and number three, for proofreading the entire story, which she's probably doing as I'm writing this.

Please understand that I am not claiming any part of this story to be my own, and if you find similarities to _My Name is Sirius Black_ that is because they were intended for the purpose of a series. 

Beware before you begin reading that this is a very long and complex story. It should be self explanatory, but if you find anything confusing, don't hesitate to email me with questions.

My apologies if some chapters are longer than others; there is a wide range. I had most of this story written without chapters, and then had to split it at logical places. I could have made some of them shorter, but there are 49 as it is!

The end of this story is not a cliffhanger, or at least if you have read _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban _it isn't. And I certainly hope you aren't reading this if you haven't read that because you're preparing yourself to read a very long story about a character you don't even know! And in that case I'm slightly worried. From where this story stops, the third book begins.

Lastly (I think), this story is rated PG-13, for dark themes, violence, and mild language. Please be aware and understand this before reading. There's nothing that bad, but the rating is just to be safe.

I'm only uploading the first few chapters of the story to start out, but the rest will be coming within the next few days, I promise!

Well, I think I've done enough rambling, and I'm certain you're ready to get to the story now, so without any further interruptions...

My Name is Remus Lupin

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Prologue 

_My name is Remus Lupin and_ _I am the only one left. Hmm… not much of a title. Oh, well, no one will ever actually read this anyway. No one cares. Everyone who cared is gone. James and Lily are dead and so is Peter. Sirius is off at Azkaban, as good as dead. He was the one held responsible for their deaths. I don't want to believe it, even after all these years. Sometimes, I don't. It's as if he tells me he's innocent and I have to believe him. _

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I swear I can still feel their presence. I can see James grinning as he pulls another prank and Lily yells at him for it, but can't help laughing as well. I can hear Sirius say, "You worry too much, Moony. We won't get caught." And I can see Addi's beautiful eyes; full of hope of the future we'd never have together. I can feel them and for an instant it seems so real. Then I open my eyes and I am alone. They are all gone, every single one of them. That cold empty feeling of loneliness creeps back into my veins. It's been ten years since I last saw any of them. Ten long, lonely years. It's Halloween, the anniversary of James and Lily's death. Tomorrow I will be thirty. Thirty!

When I look in the mirror, I don't recognize the man I see staring back at me. Red-brown hair now streaked with gray, tired pale blue eyes framed by thin wire-framed glasses, wrinkles beginning to show on a pale colorless face. It's not me. It hasn't been me for eleven years. When everyone left, I lost so many pieces of myself that by the time they'd all gone, there was nothing left. Nothing but memories. It wasn't always this way. There were better days, much better days. But those days and the person I had been seem a world away, like a fantasy that all I can do is dream of. And I do dream of it. Every hour of every miserable day I dream. And I cry. Usually without even realizing it. The sadness just overtakes me and don't bother to fight it. 

To this day, I spend hours wondering, why us? What did any of us ever do to deserve this? We'd been happy. Then I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself. After all, I have it the easiest of the four of us. James and Peter are both dead. And Sirius. I don't know what to think about Sirius. I just can't believe he went bad, but he did. When they found him, he was laughing. They arrested him and still he laughed. Had he killed James, Lily, Peter and all of those other people and found it funny? The thought is disturbing enough to make me feel sick to my stomach. Sirius had been the most loyal friend you could ever have. He would stick up for you no matter what, and he would do anything for you. He and James had been best friends, probably even closer than I'd been to the two of them. They were like brothers, never apart. But I guess even brothers kill brothers sometimes.

I guess I have sort of begun my story at the end. There was plenty that came before this, of course. Lots of happy years we spent together before our so close to perfect little lives came crashing down before us.

_I guess you could say it really all began when I began. I was born on November first, 1967 in a small village in Wales. My parents were Christopher Remus Lupin and Sarah Marlena Lupin. I was named Remus Jeremy Lupin. My father worked for the Ministry of Magic for the Department of Wizard Manufacturing and Product Testing. They tested wizard products to make sure they were safe. And my mother stayed home to take care of me. I was an only child. I don't have many memories of my early childhood. One of my first memories is one of my worst._


	2. Chapter 2: Werewolf

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Chapter 2: Werewolf

My living room floor was covered with sleeping bags. Each was occupied by a very awake six-year-old. They were the guests at my sixth birthday party. Eight tiny boys had arranged themselves around the room, doing anything but sleeping. John, my best friend at the time, a very intelligent outgoing boy with dark brown eyes and sandy brown hair was sitting in the center of the group, his expression showing deep thought, eyes glowing with adventure. Eric, a quiet, rather chubby blonde haired boy, and a red haired boy who whined a lot, named Stuart, were seated on the floor at the edge of the room playing a game of muggle checkers. Brandon, a loud and boisterous boy of black hair and black eyes to match was showing off his new Jr. Flying Broomstick to Robert, a curly haired boy with lots of freckles who insisted that everyone spend all of their free time playing broomstick tag and Sean, a very speedy boy with blonde hair who loved to play football. Joshua, an obedient, calm, and quiet boy, who rather reminded me of myself, and I had curled up in our sleeping bags and were trying to sleep. We had been under strict instruction by my parents, who had both went to sleep, that we should go straight to bed.

"I've got an idea!" shouted John suddenly.

"What? What? What is it?" exclaimed Brandon excitedly.

"We can play hide and seek in the woods!" said John, as though it were the greatest idea ever.

"Yeah," agreed Sean excitedly. "I've done that before. It's fun!"

"I wanna be it!" cried Brandon.

"But you're always it when we play broomstick tag," whined Stuart. "I wanna be it!"

"We should let John be it," said Joshua. "It was his idea."

"Yeah," agreed Eric.

"Okay, I'm it," said John. The others were ready to protest, but I spoke up first.

"We shouldn't play in the woods at night," I said. "It's dangerous." 

"C'mon Remus," John had said. "It'll be fun. Your parents will never know." Finally I agreed. We slipped out the back door. Eric was 'it'. Figuring that if I was going to play I'd at least have a good hiding place, I crept deep into the forest, far from everyone else. Kneeling behind a bush, it wasn't long before I wished I hadn't hidden so far away. The forest at night was nothing like I'd remembered it from when I'd played there in the daylight. The light of the moon bathed the night in silvery light and the shadows of the trees danced in the wind. I shivered. _I can't go back, _I thought. _I don't want them to think I'm scared._

Just then I heard a rustle of leaves. I silenced myself and listened attentively. I could hear the sound of an animal panting behind me. I couldn't resist the temptation to turn around and see what it was. A pair of yellow eyes stared back at me. Through the moonlit shadows I was barely able to identify the silhouette of a huge gray monstrous looking wolf. Slowly, I got to my feet and steadied myself, legs shaking. I trembled with fear, my feet unwilling to run. The wolf stared at me, snarling, its fangs dripping. I stared back, still frozen with fear. Suddenly, the wolf's head snapped to the side jerkily and it began to turn around. The peculiar movement of the animal puzzled me, but I wasted no time in realizing that it was my opportunity to run. My feet pounded hard against the earth and my heart raced. I didn't dare look back to see if the wolf was following. Gasping for breath, I staggered on, my pace lessening, still unsure of where I was running. All at once with incredible force, I felt four large paws pounce against my back, forcing me forward. My face in the dirt, the taste of blood already filling my mouth, I felt the animal still on top of me, with crushing weight, as though, aware of its defeat, pondering the best way to finish off its prey. 

A few seconds later, I felt the weight lessen, claws removed from my flesh. I remained facedown, and thought perhaps the wolf had gone, but I felt warm breath on my face. Terrified to run or make any sudden motion, I kept my face down, clamped my eyes shut and remained still. Without warning, I felt sharp fangs sink into the upper portion of my arm, which was sprawled out straight on the ground from when I had fallen. I silenced myself from screaming, but felt the wolf begin to effortlessly drag my lifeless body further into the forest. It was going to take my somewhere where I'd never be found and kill me! I felt the sleeve of my shirt growing warm with blood pouring from the bite. I was too overtaken with fear to feel any pain from the wound. I felt my limp body being dragged across the ground, face down, being scraped by brush and twigs. I had to do something. I reached out my other arm and was able to grasp a rather large stick. The energy came to me, I'll never know how I managed it, but I swung the stick as hard as I could in the direction of the wolf. Its grip on my arm loosened, and I heard it moan in pain. I forced myself to my feet, at the same time trying to free my arm from the wolf's fangs. As I pulled, I felt a horrible pop within my shoulder, and the wolf's teeth tearing through flesh, but I finally broke free. Powered only by adrenaline, I sped away, my arm hanging lifelessly at my side, my head pounding and unclear, the wolf chasing along behind. Vaguely able to think, I managed to force my weak limbs to quickly climb a large tree, the wolf nipping at my heels. Finally, I was able to seat myself on a safe branch. I sobbed, my mouth tasting of blood, dirt and tears, every limb of my body too weak to make another movement, and still the wolf stood at the base of the tree howling furiously at its escaped prey. Finally, it appeared to grow bored and darted away into the forest. Too weak and afraid to descend the tree, I remained there, my good arm maintaining a tight grip on the branch. I had no idea where I was. I couldn't see my house, and it felt as though I'd run for miles from the wolf. I was beginning to feel the throbbing pain in my arm, which had now thoroughly covered my shirt with blood. Helpless and worried that I was lost forever to live in the forest, because it seemed that I'd never find my way back, but perhaps if I shouted loud enough someone would hear.

"Help!" I cried out weakly, my voice barely audible. I tried twice more, before I had no strength left and felt my grip from the tree slipping. I fell downwards, tumbling farther and farther, never feeling the impact of the ground.

***

"He'll be fine," I heard an unfamiliar voice saying.

"You're certain there's nothing wrong?" asked a voice I recognized as my father's. I opened my eyes and squinted. I was lying in a bed in a tiny white room. Warm rays of sunlight were flooding through the windows. The man my dad was talking to was a doctor. 

"So, how likely is lycanthropy?" asked my dad.

"Well," said the doctor. "Given the night it happened, it's highly likely. The test results should be finished in an hour or so. I'll go check on it." The doctor left the room. 

"Lyca- what?" I asked.

"Oh, Remus," my dad was startled. "Nothing... important. I'm glad to see you're awake. How are you feeling?" I thought for a second.

"Tired."

"Well, you'll be needing to get plenty of rest, but you'll be just fine," said dad. "It's a good thing your friends realized you were in trouble last night."

"What happened?" I asked, trying to remember.

"John helped me find you. You'd fallen from a tree in the forest, and we discovered that you'd been bitten," said dad. "You know, it was very dangerous for you kids to go out in the woods at night like that." I knew he was right.

"I'm sorry," I said, beginning to cry.

"I'm just glad you're alive," said dad, hugging me. "You could have been killed. That was so dangerous, Remus." There was a long silence.

"Where's mum?" I asked finally.

"She's gone to speak with some doctors," said dad. 

"When can I leave the hospital?" I asked.

"We'll see," dad replied, ruffling my hair. "I'm going to go find your mum now. We'll be back soon." Shortly after that, dad reentered the room, accompanied by mum, who was teary-eyed. 

"What's wrong, mum?" I asked when she entered. She simply shook her head and pulled me into a long hug, staring at me with sympathetic loving eyes. 

"My baby," she said as she rocked me in her arms.

"I'll be fine, mum," I said confidently. To this she had no reply. 

Two days later, I was allowed to return home. During that week my mum ran about fretting over me constantly. I didn't understand why. My bite was bandaged, my shoulder had been placed back in correct location, and aside from several minor scratches and bruises, I was feeling like normal. That was, aside from my dreams. Every night I'd have nightmares of the wolf. I was never there, it was only the wolf. I could hear it talking, and the things it said terrified me. I never told anyone of these dreams, so they couldn't be the reason my parents were so worried.

After a week out of the hospital, I returned to school to find myself amidst the most peculiar situation. All morning in class, I noticed people glancing at me with their heads turned to the side, as though I was something unusual to them. Everyone seemed to maintain their distance. Josh, who I sat next to, had moved his desk over to sit next to Eric instead. I'd even caught my teacher staring at me as though trying to see something deeper than visible to the eye. I was glad when recess finally came. On the playground I talked to John.

"So, are you all right?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm not in the hospital anymore," I replied, as we swung next to each other on the swings. 

"That's not what I mean," he said. "I mean, you know. You got bitten by that wolf on full moon. So, you know. People think, well, that you're a werewolf. I told them you're not. I'm right, aren't I?" I was appalled that anyone could think such a ridiculous thing. Of course I wasn't a werewolf! I'd scarcely heard of them before, in fact, I reckoned they might not even be real.

"Sure you're right," I replied confidently. "I'm not a werewolf. That's a dumb thing to think."

By the end of that day, my entire class had heard that I wasn't a werewolf, and after John convinced them, no one believed it anymore, including myself. Outside of school, my life remained the same as well. The only slight difference that I could sense was my parents' treatment of me since the incident. My mum was constantly asking how I felt, and checking on me. She and dad would both exchange worried glances and have long discussions that I couldn't hear. I assumed they were just worried about me getting into danger again. But nothing seemed that out of the ordinary in my six-year-old eyes. 

One night, however, that all changed. I had tossed and turned awake for quite a while, unable to sleep. Finally, I crept out of bed and, planning to go downstairs, overheard a conversation between my parents.

"How are we going to tell him, Chris?" demanded my mum, who sounded as though she'd been crying.

"We're just going to have to tell him like it is. There's no way other than letting him see the truth and face it. That's just the way it is."

"But couldn't they do something? There's got to be some sort of treatment."

"We've been through this a thousand times before. There's no cure for being a werewolf. It's something that you, me and him are all going to have to deal with. Granted it won't be easy." I couldn't believe what my ears were hearing. I was a werewolf. I began to feel sickness spreading through my stomach. A werewolf? It couldn't be! I'd know if it was true. I'd feel it or something, and I felt fine. My parents must have been mistaken. Perhaps the hospital had been wrong. 

"What's he going to do on full moon?" asked mum.

"He'll have to go out," said dad. "Perhaps I could build him a shed or something in the woods for him to transform in."

"My poor baby going out all alone," cried mum.

"We've got no choice," said dad. 

"We got a letter from the school today," said mum. "It asked if Remus was a werewolf. We're required to tell them of his condition if he is. They could expel him, Chris!"

"Let's not worry about that now, Sarah," said dad. Terrified of what I'd just heard, I crept back up the stairs and to my bed. I crawled back under the blankets, but I couldn't sleep. All I could think of was the wolf that I'd been seeing in my dreams. Could it have been me? I sobbed and sobbed. I just wanted everything to be normal again. I was still crying when I heard the creaking of my door opening. I shut my eyes and tried to remain silent. My dad walked into the room.

"Goodnight, Remus," he whispered, leaning over me. I accidentally let out a soft sob.

"Remus, are you awake?" he asked. I turned over. "What's wrong?" he asked, noticing that I was crying. He sat down on the bed next to me.

"I-I overheard you and mum talking earlier," I said. "I don't want to be a werewolf." Dad's face had grown pale.

"That's not the way we intended for you to find out," he said quietly, as though he was at a loss for more comforting words.

"What's going on?" asked mum, walking by the room.

"Remus heard us talking earlier," said dad, giving her a look.

"Oh, no!" she exclaimed, rushing to my bedside. "Remus, I want you to understand that you're going to be fine, okay sweetie?" She was crying uncontrollably. I hugged her. 

"I'll be fine, mum," I said confidently. I'd make it through somehow. Even at six I knew I was responsible for my own actions, and it had been my foolishness that made me a werewolf in the first place, and the only one who should have to deal with it was me.

Despite my decision to deal with the misfortune I'd acquired from my own mistake, my parents had seemed to hope for some eventual miracle cure; that if they took my to enough doctors, I might eventually be cured. In the next few weeks I visited many random hospitals and strange doctors of all sorts. We traveled all over Europe by floo powder, always to find the same conclusions. There is no cure to lycanthropy. I later learned that they'd spent most of their life savings on this, which wasn't much, mind you. 

The next full moon came much to quickly for my liking. Though at six I was determined to face my problem, I had no idea what I was facing. At about five o' clock on full moon, I found myself shaking with nervousness.

"What's going to happen to me?" I asked dad.

"Well, Remus," he said slowly. "I've been doing a lot of reading on the subject, and from the best sources I've determined that you're going to go through about a five minute changing period, where you'll change into the wolf. After that, you most likely won't remember anything until the next morning, when you change back to yourself."

"Will it hurt a lot?" I asked. 

"I don't know, kid," said dad sadly.

"But I won't bite anyone like the other wolf did to me, will I?" I asked curiously.

"No," said dad quickly. "You'll be safe and sound in the shed I built in the woods. There'll be no way for you to get out while you're the wolf."

"Okay," I said uncertainly. I didn't want to bite any person who might be in the woods. 

A bit later, when the sun had nearly set, after mum had told me to be careful about thirty times, dad accompanied me to the shed he'd built. With a last wish of good luck, I closed myself in. The only thing left to do was wait. Trembling with nervous fear, I stretched out on my back on the floor of the shed and closed my eyes. The last traces of sunlight disappeared from the cracks of the boards of the shed. Still nothing. Maybe I'm not a werewolf! I thought excitedly. There must have been a mistake! And then I felt it, all at once. Pain ran down my spine, to every inch of my body. I began to twist and turn unwillingly. I could feel my bones transforming with horrible pops and cracks underneath my flesh. I felt the tickling sensation of fur sprouting all over my body. Then it felt as though someone had grabbed my nose and pulled. Finally, my eyesight changed, and that was the last thing I remembered.

I felt the warmth of sunlight blanketing me. I opened one of my eyes and peered out. I was back in human form again, and it was morning. No sooner had I awoken then I felt a horrible throbbing pain run through my head. I attempted to stand, but could hardly move. My limbs were extremely weak and I had numerous scratches and bite marks all over. I drifted back to sleep and when I awoke again, I was lying in my own bed.

After recovering from full moon for two days, I returned to school. That day I was questioned and prodded by most of my class. Rumors flew rapidly. 

"Remus was absent after full moon."

"That must mean he's a werewolf."

"He's dangerous, stay away from him." I listened to all of this, not sure how to react. Perhaps I shouldn't tell anyone, I concluded. But I knew one person I could trust to tell. At recess I caught up with John.

"John, I am a werewolf. I didn't know it before, but I am. Will you promise not to tell anyone?" I asked. What a foolishly hopeful six-year-old I was. 

"Well, uh... gosh, I can't believe you really are..." John began, looking at me differently than he ever had before. "I—uh... I'll... talk to you later. I've got to go now." He walked away, into a large crowd of kids, leaving me to myself. I still had confidence in him. He was my best friend, and he wouldn't tell anyone.

After recess, I noticed I was being treated very differently. The entire class seemed to be excluding me. Other kids moved their desks away. A girl near me dropped her pencil on the floor and when I picked it up to give it back to her, she screamed and wouldn't take it. A boy in the class asked the teacher if I was going to bite someone and turn them into a werewolf. Then I realized what had happened. John had betrayed me. He'd told the rest of my class. From across the room he sniggered at me as I began to cry. The rest of the day was miserable. The teacher insisted that I work alone instead of with a group for the rest of the day, and scolded me for being a distraction to the rest of the class. The fact that I ended up turning her hair blue didn't make her much more pleased with me. That day, she sent a letter home with me to give to my parents.

I never returned to school again. Mum and dad simply said they felt it was better that I stayed at home and learned from them. From then on I was home schooled. I knew the real reason I couldn't go to school though. No one wanted me there. My teacher had probably kicked me out.

It didn't take long for me to grow used to being alone. None of my friends ever visited. I hadn't spoken to John since that day on the playground. I didn't mind being lonely much though, and my parents tried to make up for it. We'd travel to the beach or over to London to spend days having fun. I grew to love learning. Since I had little better to do, I'd spend the majority of my time studying the things my mum taught me, or reading books.

On the outside I was a perfectly happy child, quiet and polite. But inside I was troubled and torn between my feelings and acting like everything was fine. And I was terrified of full moon. There was nothing more terrible to me than becoming that wolf. But somehow I managed. Of course I'd grown accustomed to the fact that I'd never have to face people again. After six years of solitude, that changed.


	3. Chapter 3: The Letter that Changed Every...

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Chapter 3: The Letter That Changed Everything

I knew about the wizarding school called Hogwarts. Both of my parents had gone there and were fully qualified wizards. But all along I'd assumed that I'd never be able to go, because I couldn't go to primary school. I'd never even given any thought to going to Hogwarts, in fact I never planned to be able to do anything with my life. I was an outcast. I didn't belong in the normal world with the normal people. My parents never mentioned Hogwarts to me, but I know they knew that I'd never be able to go. 

One evening, I was alone in my room, reading, when I heard a tapping noise on my window. Startled, I went to see what it was. I found that it was an owl, which was most unusual. I never got mail. I took the letter from the owl, who ruffled its wings and flew back out of the window. I opened the letter and read.

__

Dear Mr. Lupin,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.

Yours Sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress

For a few seconds, I was excited. I could go to Hogwarts! Then I remembered the reason why I wasn't going to school now. How could I go if I had to put up with changing every full moon? People would find out and they'd hate me, just as those at my primary school did. I was ready to toss the letter into the trash can, when I noticed another letter that seemed to have just magically appeared with the first one.

__

Dear Remus,

Hello. I know you are concerned about coming to Hogwarts with your condition, but I assure you that I have a plan for you. You will be safe to come if you would like, and no one except for the faculty here at Hogwarts will ever know anything about it. I hope you will attend. I look forward to having you as a student. Your father and mother did quite well and I'm certain you will, too. I encourage your attendance.

Sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore

Headmaster

I wasted no time in showing my parents the letters. My mother frowned at the idea of me going away to school. My father, on the other hand, insisted that I go. 

"Sarah," I'd heard him say to my mother once. "Remus, no matter what he is, has got to learn to get along in this world. He's going to be on his own someday and if he doesn't learn magic, then what will be left for him? Besides, I think he'll have fun at Hogwarts. We always did. It'll get his mind off of his problem. Who knows, maybe he'll even make some friends. The boy could use a few friends. Dumbledore is very trustworthy and he gave us his word that Remus would be safe. In fact, I should pay the headmaster a visit anyway, so I'll speak to him tomorrow. And Remus will be going."

It was that simple. My father said I was going, and I was going. I was really nervous. I wanted to be able to go, don't get me wrong, but I just wished that I could be normal. Instead I had to constantly worry about when it was full moon and how to make sure I wouldn't kill anyone. If anyone ever found out about me being a werewolf, my days at Hogwarts would be over. Suddenly, I didn't want to go.

"Dad," I'd said one evening in early August. "Do I have to go to Hogwarts?" My dad sighed.

"Remus," he began. "I think it's best that you go. You need to learn. You can't shut yourself away from the real world your whole life. Dumbledore will make sure you're safe. Now will you please go, for your mother and I?" I nodded reluctantly. 

"I guess so."

"Good, now time for bed. Run along."

I spent the rest of summer worried. I didn't want to go. I just didn't want to. And no one would listen to me.

About a week before school began, my dad and I went shopping in a place called Diagon Alley for my school supplies. I'd been there a few times before, but I wasn't familiar with it. First we bought my books at a store called Flourish and Blotts. While there, I met another kid who would be going to Hogwarts.

He was a skinny, black haired, greasy looking kid, a little taller than me with a long pointed nose and big ears that stuck out. A sneer played across his bony features. I didn't like him from the moment I saw him.

"So, you're going to Hogwarts, huh?" he asked.

"Yeah," I replied. 

"Severus Snape." The boy introduced himself.

"Remus Lupin," I stuck out my hand. "Nice to meet you."

"I hope I'm in Slytherin, how about you?" he said. My dad had told me about Slytherin. It was the house that all of the bad wizards had been in when they went to Hogwarts.

"I hope I'm in Gryffindor or Ravenclaw," I said. "Those were my parents' houses." 

"Oh," Severus said in a voice that sounded as though those houses weren't good. I made a face. "So you are a pureblood then?"

"Yeah, what's that matter?" I asked.

"Oh, well you know, halfbloods are never as good at magic," he sneered. I frowned. "Well, I'd better be going," he said suddenly. "See you at school."

"Yeah, see you," I mumbled. I finished buying my books and we left. After that we bought my cauldron, then my uniform. After that, my dad had a surprise for me. He bought me my own owl. It was a large brown barn owl. I named him Jeremy, after my grandfather who I was also named after. Then there was only one thing left to buy, my wand. 

We entered Ollivanders, the wand shop. Mr. Ollivander was a strange elderly man. He knew me when we entered. 

"Remus Lupin, yes, I've been expecting you," he said. "And Chris," he spoke to my father. "Seems it was just yesterday that you were here buying your wand. Oak, unicorn hair, 11 ½ inches. How is it?"

"It does its job well," my father replied.

"Well, Remus, are you ready to get your wand?" Mr. Ollivander asked me.

"I guess so," I replied. He handed me a wand. I looked at it. What was I supposed to do?

"Wave it around," said Mr. Ollivander. "Go on." Feeling nervous and a little dumb, I gave the wand a small wave. Nothing happened. Mr. Ollivander wasted no time in taking that wand and placing the next in my hand. Again, nothing happened. This happened at least twenty more times. Mr. Ollivander looked confused and my father looked a little concerned. _Great,_ I thought. _I'm probably not really a wizard. Just another disappointment for me. _It was nothing unusual. I was used to having things not work out. After a while you just get to the point where you don't even care. You lose all hope and it doesn't even matter anymore. But I wanted to be a wizard, I really did.

Mr. Ollivander looked at me thoughtfully. He took my left hand and placed a wand in it. I waved it around and sparks flew from the end.

"Why didn't you tell me you were left handed?" Mr. Ollivander smiled slightly, and my dad laughed. I blushed, feeling foolish.

"I didn't know you had to use the hand you write with," I admitted.

"Well, that's quite all right," said Mr. Ollivander. "We found your wand. Let's see, maple and dragon heartstring, 9 3/4 inches." He placed the wand back in its box and my dad paid for it. After that we used floo powder to arrive back at our house.

Full moon was nearing and so was the day I'd go to Hogwarts. Full moon was only two days earlier. My parents had written Dumbledore and asked him if I could go to school late, but he had said that I needed to be there on time because of getting sorted. The sorting could happen only one day a year, so I had to be there on time. Everything was really getting to me. I kept on thinking how hard it would be to keep people from finding out about me being a werewolf. It would be impossible. How could I keep that from everyone? How could I keep something so huge a secret? Surely someone would find out, and if they did--well I didn't even want to think about that. Everyday, I asked my parents if I had to go. And everyday they told me that I had to. I knew my mother wanted to let me stay home, but my father wouldn't allow it. He said I was going and there was no arguing. I knew he was right. I did have to go. I wanted to be a wizard and I wanted to go to a new school and meet new friends. But the problem was, I wasn't normal. I was different. I was a werewolf. One night out of every month I was something different. But that one night that I could be dangerous was enough to turn everyone against me. Was it really worth living like this? I thought that more and more often lately.


	4. Chapter 4: The Hogwarts Express

****

Chapter 4: The Hogwarts Express

That full moon had been particularly bad. I was tired and cranky the day that I had to get on the train to go to Hogwarts. And to make it worse, the kids who had been my friends so long ago had owled me a letter that morning. It said, good riddance, werewolf. They had been doing things like that to me every since they'd found out, but this time it was too much. Every shred of hope for a better future that I'd been trying to build up every since I found out I was going to Hogwarts had been destroyed. Sitting in the back of our car as we pulled up to the train station, I wondered why I had even bothered to come this far. 

"Mum, Dad, do I have to go to Hogwarts?" I tried one more time. My mother sighed and looked at my father. I could tell she was thinking that I should stay. My father just shook his head. 

"Remus, you'll be fine once you get there. Just don't worry. Dumbledore will tell you what to do about your problem. Your mother and I want what's best for you, and this is." Dad gave me a reassuring smile. "We know you'll be all right, Remus. Believe in yourself and no one can make you any less." I forced a smile and nodded.

"Well, you better go catch that train," said my mum, blinking back tears. We unloaded my trunk and my owl and headed for platform 9 ¾. 

"Where is it?" I asked, staring at platform nine and platform ten and seeing nothing in between. 

"It's right there," my dad told me, motioning to the divider between platforms nine and ten. "You just walk right through it. Don't be afraid when you do, or you won't make it through."

"Oh, Remus," said my mum, hugging me. "We'll miss you so much. Be sure to write often. I'll think about you constantly. I love you."

"Love you too, mum," I said. I really didn't want to go. 

"Remus," my dad began. "You will be fine at Hogwarts. Your mother and I had fun there and we know you will too. Now don't waste your time worrying. Just have fun." He hugged me. "I love you son," he said.

"Love you too, dad," I said.

"Now run along," he told me, patting my back. I grabbed the handle of my trunk and dragged it to the divider. _Don't be afraid, _I thought to myself as I walked. The next thing I knew, I walked right through the divider and found myself standing in front of a large scarlet steam engine with the words Hogwarts Express printed on the side. I was early, so there weren't many others there. I was glad because that way I could find a seat to myself. I reluctantly rolled my trunk onto the train. It was easy to find an empty compartment. I chose the one nearest to the back. I stashed my trunk in the corner and sat down next to it. I really didn't want to go to Hogwarts. I didn't want anyone to know about my secret. I didn't want to live. _The whole world would be better off without me,_ I thought. No one wanted me here. No one cared. My parents only did because they had to, and no one else did. _I wish I were dead,_ I thought suddenly. _Everyone would be happier that way. That's it, I'll kill myself._ I was so caught up in thinking that I didn't notice two boys walk into the car.

"Excuse me," one of them said. He was tall with messy black hair and bright blue eyes framed with glasses. Next to him was another tall boy with longer black hair and pale grayish eyes that gleamed in the light. "Do you mind if we sit with you?" the first boy asked, smiling.

"No, go ahead," I mumbled, wishing they'd just leave me alone. But they didn't, and it's a good thing.

"I'm James," he said. "James Potter." He stuck out his hand. 

"Remus Lupin," I muttered, shaking his hand.

"And I'm Sirius Black," said the other boy. I shook his hand. The two of them sat down across from me. We sat in silence for a few minutes. My thoughts drifted back to what I was planning to do. I was wondering what the easiest way to kill myself would be, when another boy entered the car. _Oh, great, _I thought. _One more person to annoy me._

"Is there room for one more person here?" the short, stocky, blonde hair boy asked.

"Sure," said James. "Come on in." The boy sat down next to me.

"I'm James Potter," James continued. "And this is Sirius Black and Remus Lupin."

"Hullo," the blonde haired boy smiled. "I'm Peter Pettigrew." We sat in silence again. The train began to move and we were off to Hogwarts. A few minutes later, the compartment door opened and the food cart was there. I bought some chocolate frogs and every flavor beans. So did James, Peter and a puzzled looking Sirius. We just finished paying when someone walked by.

"Well, if it isn't Potter! And I know you two from somewhere," the greasy kid I'd met in the book shop pointed to Sirius and I. He looked at Sirius. 

"You're that mudblood kid," he said, sneering. He turned to James and I. "Why are you two hanging around a mudblood like him? You're pure bloods. You should stick with your own kind. You know you'll be better wizards than he'll ever be." Sirius looked slightly confused, but angry.

"Knock it off, Snape," James said to the kid. "Who cares if he's pureblood or not. I'll bet he'll be a better wizard than you'll ever be!" Peter had gone and sat down, looking frightened. I backed away. James and Sirius didn't look a bit scared at all, just angry. 

"Ha!" said Snape. "You really think that, Potter? I'd be happy to prove you differently right now." He pulled out his wand. Sirius clenched his fists together and got ready to attack Snape.

"No, Sirius!" said James, grabbing his arm and trying to hold him back. "Don't fight him. You don't know what you're getting into." Without thinking, I jumped up and grabbed Sirius's other arm. Snape grumbled something that couldn't be heard clearly and left.

"Thanks, guys," said Sirius. "But I would have liked to fight that kid anyway." James shook his head. 

"Don't even bother with him. He doesn't know what he's talking about, by the way. Some of the best witches and wizards come from muggle families." Sirius nodded.

"So, what house do you guys want to be in?" James asked, changing the subject as we ate. Peter looked thoughtful and Sirius looked confused.

"I've heard Slytherin is really good," said Peter.

"I hope I'm in Gryffindor," said James. He looked at me as if expecting an answer. I didn't feel like talking.

"I don't care," I mumbled.

"What?" asked James.

"I don't care what house I'm in," I muttered.

"Why not?" said James. "Everyone does. You have to at least have some idea."

"Gryffindor or Ravenclaw," I mumbled, remembering the names of my parents' houses. I made a face that suggested that I really didn't want to talk. James turned his attention to Sirius. 

"What about you?"

"Oh, I don't know," said Sirius. "What are houses anyway?"

"Oh, that's right, you're from a muggle family," said James "You have a lot to learn but you'll love being a wizard. You should want to be in Gryffindor, by the way. It's the best house." Sirius nodded. The three others carried on a conversation for a while. I didn't pay much attention. My mind floated back to my plans to kill myself. The three people seated on this train with me didn't care about me at all. They probably only sat there because there weren't any other seats left. They'd been nice enough, but they didn't know. They didn't know the one thing that I was sure would turn them away for good. I wouldn't tell them, of course. They must have noticed how tired and depressed I looked because it wasn't long until Sirius said something.

"Remus, are you all right, mate?" he asked. "You look sick."

"Fine," I mumbled. "Just tired." I don't think they believed me, even then. 

"You look sad," said James. "Is something wrong?"

"Nah," I said. "I guess I'm just a little worried about going to Hogwarts." I added honestly.

"Yeah, me too," said Peter. "I think it will be fun, though."

"Of course it'll be fun," said James. "We'll make it fun. And if anything goes wrong at least we have each other, right?" He grinned at us in a way that would become common over the years. That's the thing I miss most about James. His smile and the way he could always cheer you up. He seemed to know from that very moment that the four of us would be best of friends, something I wouldn't be certain of for over a year. Well anyway, back to the story. After that, I started feeling a little better. I talked more. Sirius, James and Peter were really great. The only problem was, they didn't know. And when they found out, no matter how much they'd been good friends to me before, they'd leave me just like everyone else had. I was sure of it. Still, I hadn't had this much fun in years. It was so nice to talk to other people my age, something I hadn't done in a long time. I was sort of shy, but James and Sirius could easily make up for that. Peter was quiet as well, but friendly nevertheless. 

We talked about weird things that had happened to us before we knew we were wizards. I told them about breaking the swings and turning my teacher's hair bright blue. But that was nothing compared to what James had done. He turned a stick into a snake and sent it after his mum once, and his dad had let him fly on a broom before. Sirius told us that he came from a muggle family. His mum had been a witch, but she died when he was born. He also told us that he had a twin sister named Adhara. He explained that his family named people after stars. The things he had done were similar to mine. People at his school and his sister were his main victims. Peter had bounced when he fell once. He claimed it was fun. He'd also turned his cat red once by accident. His parents were wizards, like mine and James'. We talked about what we thought we'd learn at Hogwarts. None of us really knew. James's parents told him they wanted it to be a surprise for him when he got there. I realized that I'd been too busy worrying to actually wonder what we were going to learn. Sirius had no idea because he'd never even heard of Hogwarts until he got his letter, and I guess Peter didn't know anything because he didn't say much.

"We should change into our robes," said James. "I'll bet we'll be there soon." We agreed and rummaged in our trunks. We pulled out our black school robes and pulled them on over top of our clothing. 

"Look!" shouted Sirius. "Is that Hogwarts?" They looked out the window and saw the outline of a large castle in the dusk. 

"Must be," said James, looking too. I began to get the sickening feeling in my stomach again. What would I do? I was supposed to get instructions from Professor Dumbledore, whoever that was, on what to do when it was full moon. How would I ever get to talk to him without James, Sirius and Peter finding out? And what if I didn't get to talk to him in time? What if he forgot or something? And what exactly would he have me do? What if it didn't work? I was worried. Peter didn't look much better. James and Sirius just looked excited.

"We have almost arrived at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," a voice came from the train. "Upon arriving, please exit the train. Let your luggage aboard, as it will be transported for you. Second through seventh years, please board the carriages to be transported to the castle. First years, please find a boat and wait for further instructions." The train came to a stop. I exited quickly to keep up with James and Sirius, who seemed extremely hyper, from excitement and maybe from a few too many chocolate frogs. Peter followed us, looking rather pale.

"First years, board a boat!" a giant man with straggly black hair and beard shouted. "No more than four in to a boat!" We climbed into one.

"Don't leave yet!" shouted the giant. "Wait for everyone to get on a boat, then I'll lead the way!" 

"Should we go now?" James asked, grinning. 

"He just said to wait," I pointed out.

"So?" Sirius shrugged.

"I don't like boats," moaned Peter. "They make me sick." He looked green. James and Sirius both grabbed an oar. They began rowing. Peter, wanting them to stop, stood up. 

"You better stop rowing while I'm standing," he said. "I'll fall out."

"Yeah, you will," said James, continuing to row. "You'd better sit down." 

"Guys, I don't think we should be doing this," I said. "We better stop." Just then, the giant noticed us. 

"Wait for me!" he shouted. "You four! Stop rowing now!" The giant startled Peter, and he fell into the water.

"Aaagghhh!" he screamed. "Help me!"

"Oh, come on," said Sirius. "It's not that deep. Get back in here." Peter tried to scramble back into the boat, but it tipped and the rest of us fell in as well.

"You idiot! This is all your fault!" Sirius shouted at Peter as we treaded water.

"Don't yell at him!" I said. "You guys are the ones that started moving before we were supposed to!" We stopped and noticed that James was hysterically laughing. We looked at him, then at each other and began laughing too. It was ridiculous to get so angry about it.

"Now look what you've done!" the giant sounded angry. "Hold on, I'll be over ter get yeh!" He rowed over to us and easily picked us up one by one and placed us back into the boat. 

"Well, what have we here?" he asked. "Four trouble makers, huh?" We looked slightly guilty. James nodded. 

"Now you may head across," said the giant. "By the way, my name is Hagrid." He told us. We rowed the rest of the way across, Peter being careful not to fall out. Finally, we reached the opposite shore and before us stood the great castle that was Hogwarts. We gathered with the rest of the first years in front of the large wooden door.


	5. Chapter 5: The Sorting Ceremony

****

Chapter 5: The Sorting Ceremony

A stern looking middle-aged woman, wearing emerald green robes opened the door. 

"Greetings, first years," she said, directing us through the door. "My name is Professor McGonagall." She allowed us all to enter the entrance hall, which was large with high ceilings and torches lined the walls, casting a dim light. We were crowded into a small chamber off of the hall. 

"Before the start of the term banquet, you will be sorted into you're houses," she told us. "There are four houses, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. You will belong to your house for all of your seven years here at Hogwarts. Houses participate in such things as the annual quidditch cup. You may also gain or lose points for your house based on behavior and participation. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup. I will return when we are ready to begin the ceremony." We all looked at each other. We were all still soaking wet from falling into the water.

"How do you think they sort us?" asked Sirius. I shrugged. I didn't know.

"I don't know," said James. "Maybe you have to do magic."

"I hope not," said Sirius. "I don't know how to do anything yet." 

"Neither do I," said Peter, and I agreed. I had never done any magic on purpose. What would we have to do? Professor McGonagall returned to the room.

"All right, first years," she said. "We are ready to begin the ceremony. Please follow me." She led us into a large room with four long tables where the rest of the students sat, and another table where all of the teachers sat. There were candles floating in the air, lighting the room. The ceiling looked like there was no ceiling at all. It instead looked like the starry sky. We were led to stand in front of everyone else. I was nervous, needless to say, and so was everyone else. I could tell that even James and Sirius were, though they'd never admit to it. Professor McGonagall brought out a stool and an old, ragged hat and placed the stool in front of everyone with the hat on top of it. We looked at each other with confusion. What did we have to do?

"Now, first years," began Professor McGonagall. "When your name is called, you will put on the hat, and it will tell you what house you'll be in." That was it? All you had to do was try on a hat? We were all relieved to find this out. Then, the hat began singing.

Well I may not be beautiful,

But it's my guarantee,

That you will never find,

A more clever hat than me,

I'm not the type of hat,

You wear to block the sun,

I won't sit atop your head all day,

That would be no fun,

But if you'd like me to see,

What's going on in your mind,

Step right up and put me on,

I'll see what I can find,

Now it's time for you to know,

In which house you belong,

Come to me, the Sorting Hat,

For I am never wrong,

You could be in Gryffindor,

Where the brave find their success,

You could be a Hufflepuff,

Loyal above the rest,

Perhaps you are a Ravenclaw,

With a mind that's wise and clever,

Or maybe you belong in Slytherin,

Where power is you greatest endeavor,

But you'll never know where you belong,

Until I look inside your mind,

For I am the Hogwarts Sorting Hat,

The one and only of my kind!

The song ended and Professor McGonagall began to call names. The first one happened to be "Black, Sirius". 

Sirius looked startled at hearing his name at first, then walked confidently to the hat. He placed it on his head and sat down. James had his fingers crossed and kept on whispering Gryffindor.

"GRYFFINDOR!" the hat shouted suddenly. There were loud cheers from the Gryffindor table as Sirius chose a seat near the end. James cheered and gave him a thumbs up. We stood silently for a while. I noticed James looking at a girl with bright red hair who ended up being, "Evans, Lily", "GRYFFINDOR!" It wasn't long before "Larson, Rachel" became a Ravenclaw, and I knew what was coming next. "Lupin, Remus." I froze. What if I got Slytherin? I wanted to be with Sirius, James and Peter.

"Good luck," James tapped me on the shoulder and smiled. I walked forward to the hat. I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I placed the hat on my head and sat down.

"Hmm, a werewolf, huh?" the hat whispered. _How does it know that? _I thought. _I hope it doesn't say anything. _"Well, you're smart and brave," it continued. Finally it said, "Better be GRYFFINDOR!" I felt myself grinning as I removed the hat and went to sit with Sirius. The Gryffindor table once again cheered. James held up his crossed fingers, and Peter still looked nervous.

After "Malfoy, Lucious" became a Slytherin and "Norrison, Henry" became a Hufflepuff, they called "Pettigrew, Peter". Peter nervously approached the hat, looking a bit green. He placed it on his head and sat down on the stool. His eyes widened as the hat apparently told him something. Finally it shouted "GRYFFINDOR!" He ran to join us and we cheered along with the rest of the Gryffindors. Right after Peter, "Potter, James" was called. He approached the stool. The hat barely touched his head when it shouted "GRYFFINDOR!" We all cheered loudly as he ran to join us.

"All right!" he shouted. "We did it! We all got Gryffindor!" The four of us grinned. James took the seat on the other side of Sirius. Just then, as you never would have guessed, "Snape, Severus" was made a Slytherin. James's seat happened to be across from "Evans, Lily". James stared at her, and went a shade of red when she looked and smiled back. I poked Sirius. 

"I think James is in love," I told him. He laughed and nodded. We waved our hands in front of James's face, slapped him in the arm, even pinched him and he had no reaction. Finally, Sirius hit him in the face.

"Ouch! What did ya do that for?" demanded James.

"You were staring at her," Sirius motioned to Lily. 

"I was not!" James denied it.

"You were!" I insisted. "We pinched you and hit you and you didn't even notice!" I laughed.

"I- uh…" James's stuttering was stopped when Sirius caught the eye of "White, Erin" who had just become a Gryffindor. She took the seat next to Lily and across from Sirius.

"Look who's in love now," I whispered to Sirius.

"Shut up!"

"Hello, I'm Erin White," Erin introduced herself to Sirius and then the rest of us. James barely noticed because he was still too busy staring at Lily. I couldn't help laughing at both of them. Then Erin asked Lily if she'd met us. When she said no, she introduced herself, me first, then Sirius and finally James. I'm not sure if it was just me, but it seemed she shook James's hand a little longer than she had everyone else's, and if James had been red before, he was now a deep shade of crimson. He smiled at her and she just smiled back and shook her head, giggling. Peter found this absolutely hilarious, as did Sirius and I. I noticed that Erin had whispered something to Lily afterwards, and she turned red so her face matched James'. 

Finally, the sorting was over, and we looked to the teachers' table, where a man dressed in deep midnight blue robes covered with silvery stars that matched his long hair and beard, that I assumed was Professor Dumbledore, stood.

"Welcome students!" he shouted, spreading his arms. "Welcome to another year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! I am Albus Dumbledore, your headmaster. I'd like to wish each and every one of you a great year! Now, without further ado, let the feast begin!"

We stared in fascination as the empty serving bowls and plates before us filled with food. I realized how hungry I was.

"Wow!" Peter was fascinated. "How did they do that?"

"Eat now, ask questions later," insisted Sirius, handing him a bowl of potatoes. We ate and ate. A ghost came gliding around the table. We looked at each other. A ghost? James nodded.

"Hi Nearly Headless Nick," he said, as it glided by.

"It's Sir Nicholas de Mimsy…" said the ghost, in a rather stern voice. 

"How can you be nearly headless?" asked Sirius.

"Like this." The ghost grabbed the side of his head and pulled it off like a hinge so that only one side was attached to his neck. We stared in horror. He flipped his head back onto his shoulders.

"Well, I must be going. Good luck first years," the ghost said to us.

"Bye," we said to him. I noticed that each house had a ghost gliding around it. The one at the Slytherin table looked particularly horrible. 

"Each house has it's own ghost," explained James. "My dad told me. Nearly Headless Nick died when someone tried to behead him, but they didn't do it properly." I nodded, and we continued eating.

Finally, when we could eat no more, Dumbledore announced once again.

"First years, I am making you aware that the forbidden forest is off limits to all students. There has also been a new tree planted this year, the whomping willow. All of you need to stay away from it. It is dangerous and you will be hurt if you go near it."

"Why would they plant a tree if it was that dangerous and they didn't want anyone to go near it?" I asked.

James shrugged. "This place is weird, what do you expect?"

"Quidditch tryouts will be held in three weeks. I encourage you all to try out. The prefects will show you to your common rooms and tell you the new password," Dumbledore continued. "Then you will find your dorm rooms and go to sleep. Your luggage will already be there. Goodnight everyone. Classes will begin tomorrow morning. Now, before we leave, let's take a moment to sing the Hogwarts School Song. Pick your favorite tune." We watched as words shot out of the end of his wand and formed in the air. We began to sing

__

"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,

Teach us something please,

Whether we be old and bald,

Or young with scabby knees,

Our heads could do with filling,

With some interesting stuff,

For now they're bare and full of air,

Dead flies and bits of fluff,

So teach us things worth knowing,

Bring back what we've forgot,

Just do your best, we'll do the rest,

And learn until our brains all rot."

We all clapped when we finished singing, and then stood. The Gryffindor prefects directed us out of the room and towards the staircase from the great hall. We followed and stared as we did. The staircase was wide and marble. After that we were led down a long hallway with doors on either side, an occasional suit of armor, and pictures of famous witches and wizards from the past. 

"Wow!" exclaimed Sirius, as he saw one of the people in a picture leave to visit the one next to it. "They move!"

"Well, what do you expect them to do, sit still all day?" asked Peter.

"Muggle photographs are still," explained Sirius. "They don't move."

"That's weird," I said. James nodded in agreement. We headed up another staircase. On this one, we were warned, you had to avoid the fifth step or your foot would get stuck in it. We walked down another hallway, which looked identical to the one we'd just been in. I wondered how we'd ever find our way to classes in such a confusing school. We took yet another staircase. This one was old and rickety. When you walked on it, it sounded as though it was going to collapse. After that, we went down another hallway with lots of sharp turns. If you weren't careful, you'd walk right into a wall. It seemed almost like a maze. I had no idea how I'd ever remember which turns we'd taken. We passed a cat that a fifth year told us was named Mrs. Norris and helped the caretaker, Filch. If we did anything wrong in the hallways, she'd have him there in an instant, and you'd be in big trouble then. We came to yet another staircase. This one wasn't really a staircase at all, rather, just stairs floating in midair, with nothing holding them up.

"Is it safe?" I wondered out loud as we approached it. The people in front of us walked right up it as though it was a normal staircase, then so did we. At the top, people screamed as the rug they were standing on was being pulled from under their feet.

"Knock it off, Peeves! We'll tell the Bloody Baron!" shouted a prefect. Peeves, we found out, was an obnoxious poltergeist that would always try to disrupt students passing in the hallways. The Bloody Baron, which was the horrible looking Slytherin ghost I'd seen earlier, was the only one who could control him.

After taking about five more hallways and three more staircases we arrived at a large picture of a fat lady in a pink dress.

"Password?" she asked the prefects. 

"Pluribus Animagus," said one of the prefects. The picture opened like a door, revealing a large, circular room filled with cushioned armchairs. 

"Girls' dorms to the left, boys' to the right!" announced a prefect who was standing on a chair to make herself heard. We headed to our dorm. There was a large spiral staircase, and the four of us shared the room at the top of the tower. There were five large four-posters with curtains surrounding them. We each chose one. Sirius's on one end, then James' then mine and finally Peter's on the other end. Our trunks and animals had been delivered to the room already. We got ready and laid down to go to sleep.

"Goodnight guys," said James, when we were all lying down.

"Goodnight," we all replied. I rolled over and tried to sleep. I wondered what would happen to me on full moon. Dumbledore hadn't spoken to me yet. What would happen if James, Sirius and Peter found out that I was a werewolf? I'd had more fun that day than I'd had in a long time, and they seemed like they really wanted to be my friends, as I wanted to be theirs. But if they ever found out, it would change everything. It would have been so much easier just to stay at home. Then I'd never have to worry. I could have spent the rest of my life hidden away from the world and no one would ever have to know what I was. I felt tears sting my eyes. Without realizing it, I let out a sob. I was quickly silent, but it was too late. James had heard.

"Are you okay, Remus?" he asked.

"Yeah, fine," I tried to sound normal when I answered. 

"All right, goodnight then," he sounded doubtful. After that, it was silent and I eventually drifted off to sleep. 


	6. Chapter 6: The Fun Begins

****

Chapter 6: The Fun Begins

"Wake up!" I heard someone shout. I heard the curtains around my bed being pulled back. I moaned.

"Get up, Remus!" Sirius shouted. James grabbed a nearby pillow and threw it at me.

"Okay, okay, I'm up," I mumbled, still not moving.

"This will wake him up!" I heard Peter saying as James and Sirius laughed. I rolled over to find him holding a glass of water above my head.

"No!" I shouted. "I'm up!" I jumped out of bed and everyone laughed. I looked out the window. No wonder I was so tired. It was still dark. 

"Why are we up so early?" I asked. "Breakfast doesn't start for almost two hours."

"Because," James grinned as he held up several firecrackers.

"Old Dumbledore's gonna be in for a surprise this morning," said Sirius.

"I say they're crazy!" said Peter. "Don't you think they're crazy?"

"Hey! I've never claimed not to be!" exclaimed Sirius. "And as for James, he just wants to impress Lily."

"I do not!" James shouted. "I don't like her!"

"Sure," I said. "We saw you yesterday! So anyway, where did you get those?" I pointed to the firecrackers.

"I found them at my house before we left," explained James. "I figured we have to have some fun while we're here."

"Yeah," said Sirius. "Now we'd better get down to the great hall before everyone else wakes up."

"But how?" I demanded. "What if we get caught?" James pulled out a shiny, silvery piece of cloth.

"Is that-" I began to ask.

"Yep, it's an invisibility cloak," said James, proudly. "My dad gave it to me."

"I don't know, you guys," I said. "We shouldn't be doing this."

"Of course we shouldn't," said Sirius. "That's why it's fun!" Peter shook his head in disbelief. 

"Well, what are we waiting for?" asked James, who was partially covered by the cloak so that all we could see were his legs.

"How are all of us supposed to fit under here?" complained Peter as we tried to all fit under the cloak. I was wondering the same thing, but some how we all managed to. As we left the common room, I thought of something.

"Do you guys even remember how to get to the Great Hall?" I asked, doubtfully.

"We'll figure it out," said James. "Besides, why do you think we're leaving so early?"

"Quiet now," said Sirius. "People can still hear us under this thing." We began walking down a hallway.

"I think we were supposed to go the other way."

"Yeah this doesn't look right."

"We did go right."

"So we should have gone left?"

"Right."

"We did go right!"

"No! I mean right go left."

"Ouch! That was my foot!"

"Sorry."

"Is this my arm?"

"No it's mine! Get off!"

"Look! Stairs!"

"Let's go."

"Everyone step together or we'll fall."

"Aaggghh!" Needless to say, we fell, and tumbled to the bottom of the staircase. 

"Ouch, my leg," Peter wined. 

"It's your fault," said Sirius.

"Knock it off, guys," said James. "I think I remember the way from here. Get up." After another three minutes, we were finally all on our feet and well hidden under the cloak. I guess James knew where he was going, because I certainly didn't, but several minutes later, we arrived in the Great Hall, which was dark and empty. 

"All right," said James. "Let's do this fast." We went to the front of the room and found the chair that Dumbledore usually sat in. Sirius handed James the firecrackers, all of us still hidden under the invisibility cloak, and James fastened them to the chair. 

"All right, all set," said Sirius. "We better get back to the dorm now." We headed back. Once, we almost thought we were going to get caught when we saw Mrs. Norris wandering a corridor. But we stayed silent and she didn't show the slightest signs of knowing we were there. Finally, we arrived back at the common room.

"We did it!" James shouted as soon as we were in the safety of our dorm room. 

"Yeah!" shouted Sirius. "Dumbledore is gonna be in for a big surprise at breakfast!"

"I don't know if it was such a good idea," I said, doubtfully. "What if he finds out that we did it?"

"How would he find out?" asked James. "We had the cloak. No one could see us."

"I guess," I agreed.

We could hear noise from the common room as the other Gryffindor students began to awake. We dressed and got ready to go to breakfast. I was really worried that Dumbledore would find out that it was us. What would he do? What if he expelled us? 

"Let's go," said Sirius, as we left the dorm room. We didn't have to worry about getting lost finding our way to the common room this time. We just followed everyone else. When we arrived in the Great Hall, we took the same seats we had taken the night before. James was pleased when Lily took the same seat across from him, and Sirius didn't seem too disappointed when Erin sat across from him again either. Peter still found it hilarious how James stared at Lily. He sat cracking up until finally I had to ask him to be quiet. 

"Good morning, students," Dumbledore greeted us. "Enjoy your breakfast, then you will go to your first class." Dumbledore sat down and the food began to pile up on the plates as it had the night before. 

"If the timer's right, they should go off right about…" said James. "Now!" There was a loud boom and a flash of light. Dumbledore, surprised, jumped off of his chair. The other teachers looked startled as well. The students laughed.

"Well done guys!" said Sirius.

"You guys did that?" Lily stared at us in disbelief. 

"Yeah," James nodded, smiling. She only shook her head in disgust and his face fell. Erin, however, seemed to find it funny. She laughed.

"James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew," we froze as Dumbledore said each of our names. We'd been caught, just what I had feared. "I'd like to see the four of you after breakfast," he said. He didn't sound entirely angry, and we continued eating.

"Well, what do you think he'll do to us?" I asked, worriedly.

"I don't know," James shrugged. "It can't be that bad." We went back to eating in silence. I think we were all more worried than we'd admit. Even Sirius, who thought the whole thing was great. Finally, after what seemed like hours, breakfast was over. Reluctantly, we approached the teachers' table, where Dumbledore awaited us. 

"Well, you four were responsible for the little incident this morning, correct?" he asked. We nodded. Peter seemed to find a sudden fascination with his feet, I stared at my hands, James had his eyes fixed on the wall behind Dumbledore, and Sirius looked as though he was used to this sort of thing. I glanced up at Dumbledore. He didn't look angry. 

"Let's not let that happen again," he said. We nodded again.

"Okay, Professor," said James.

"Now run along to class, or you'll be late," he told us. "And by the way," he added as we were walking away. "Thanks for that! I needed it. You're some clever kids." He chuckled.

"Thanks," said Sirius.

"Just don't let it happen again," said Dumbledore.

"Don't worry, we won't," James made his most innocent face. As soon as we were out of earshot, we began talking frantically. 

"Can you believe he let us off like that?" asked James.

"He thought it was funny," said Sirius. "You could tell."

"Well, that certainly won't be the last time we do anything like that," said James, grinning.

"You're telling me this?" questioned Sirius. I laughed. It had been fun now that we weren't in trouble. And everyone thought it was funny. Well with the exception of most of the teachers who hadn't looked pleased, and maybe Lily, who'd looked a bit annoyed with us.

"Oh, man," said Sirius looking at our schedules. "We have potions class first. It's with Slytherin in the dungeon."

"Great," said James sarcastically. "Another encounter with greasy boy." Meaning Snape, of course. We all laughed. By the time we found the dungeon, which wasn't difficult, of course, you just kept on going down, we were late. We slipped into the back of the classroom, attempting to be unnoticed, but an old man with severe eyes and balding gray hair noticed us.

"You four are late," he said to us. We stared at him. "What are your names?" he demanded.

"Remus," I muttered.

"James," said James.

"Peter," said Peter.

And I'm Sirius," said Sirius.

"I'd like to know your name, not how truthful you are," said the teacher, sternly. 

"But I'm Sirius!" said Sirius. We were all laughing and the professor gave us evil glares. I didn't like him, even then. 

"My name is Sirius," Sirius insisted. "Check your roster." He did and sure enough, there was Sirius's name. 

"Four points from Gryffindor," said the professor. "That'll teach you to be on time from now on." Snape sniggered from across the room and Sirius shot him a dirty look. Lily grumbled something about irresponsible people affecting the good of everyone. She also didn't look exactly pleased that James had selected the table next to hers and Erin's for him and Sirius to sit. Peter and I sat behind them.

"Hello class. My name is Professor Beaker and I am the potions teacher here at Hogwarts," Professor Beaker began. "I want to make you all aware that this class is not a time for jokes. Potions is a very important subject and should be taken seriously."

"I'll be good at that!" Sirius called out. Several people laughed. I guess Professor Beaker didn't get the pun, because he just scrunched up his face and scolded Sirius for speaking out in class. Then he continued on about the certain types of potions we'd learn to make. He did nothing more than talk the entire class period, and I don't think I'd ever been so anxious for forty minutes to be over in my life. When it finally was, we were the first ones out the door.

"I don't like him," said Sirius when we were walking down the hallway. The rest of us agreed.

"I think we should blow something up the next time we have his class," said James. I, of course, thought he was joking. Sirius, on the other hand, apparently didn't.

"Yeah!" he said. "Good idea, James!"

"You can't be serious," I moaned.

"But I am," Sirius said grinning. "Remember?" Peter began the hysterical laughter again.

"Well, what class do we have next?" I asked. James looked at the schedule. 

"Transfiguration. With that McGonagall lady."

"No greaseball, right?" asked Sirius.

"Nope, we have it with Ravenclaw," replied James. We were actually on time for class this time, although that could have been because James was sure not to let Lily out of his sight since we left potions. It was getting ridiculous, really, but none of us said anything. There was no teacher in the room when we got there. A cat sat on top of the teacher's desk, but it wasn't Mrs. Norris. Eventually, the whole class arrived. There was a small pop and the lady that we recognized as Professor McGonagall appeared sitting on top of the desk where the cat had just been. The class instantly began asking questions.

"How did you do that?" asked Sirius, incredulously. 

"She must be an animagus," James was telling me quietly.

"I always like to surprise my students by doing that on the first day," explained Professor McGonagall. "Welcome to Transfigurations class. What I just showed you is a form of transfiguration known as an animagus. Through complex spells, a human being can form the ability to change into an animal. You all, however, are no where near as advanced as you need to be in order to perform such spells. That is, of course, why you are here. I expect respect, attentiveness, and cooperation in this class at all times." She glanced at the four of us. "There will be no pranks or disruptions. Well, with those things in mind, let's begin." We opened our _Simple Transfiguration Spells _books to page thirty and began discussing changing porcupines into pincushions. There was a knock on the classroom door. Professor McGonagall walked over and opened it. It was Professor Dumbledore.

"May I speak to Remus Lupin for a few moments?" he asked. Professor McGonagall looked a bit annoyed, but nodded. I knew what he wanted to speak to me about, but James, Sirius and Peter didn't. They thought I was getting in more trouble for the firecrackers. They gave me sorry looks as I left the classroom. Once I was in the doorway, Dumbledore spoke.

"Remus," he said gently. "I know about your condition." He looked at me, sympathy showing in his sparkling blue eyes. I nodded. "Now, I'm going to show you what to do when it's full moon. Do you remember the tree I made an announcement about last night?" he asked.

"Yeah," I replied quietly. I was nervous. What would I have to do?

"That tree," he said as we headed for the large wooden door at the front entrance of the school. "Is really a secret passageway to a place where you will be safe to stay. I am going to take you there now so you can see." He pushed open the front door and pointed in the direction of a large willow tree. As we neared it, the branches began swaying violently.

"Now, watch carefully," said Dumbledore as he selected a large stick on the ground and pushed a knot on the tree. It stopped moving and revealed a passageway. Dumbledore jumped down and I followed. We were underground.

"Keep on going this way," said Dumbledore. "It's a rather long walk. You'll have to leave well before sundown." The passageway was damp, dark, and scary for an eleven-year-old. Finally, I could feel us walking upward, towards the surface. 

"Here we are," said Dumbledore finally. We emerged into an old, rundown house. The windows were broken and boarded up, and thick layers of dust covered the few pieces of furniture; a bed, and several couches and chairs.

"It's not much," said Dumbledore. "But you'll only be here for one night. And we had to make it look haunted enough that no one would want to come near it." I nodded. I didn't like it. It scared even me, with the dim shadows cast across the dark room through the cracks in the boards that covered the windows.

"Now, Remus, when you come here, it is extremely important that you stay in the house. Lock all the doors. The next morning, when you return, please go to the hospital wing. I'm sure you'll need some rest before going back to classes." I nodded, not wanting to think about it.

"Well, I suppose you should be getting back to class now," said Dumbledore. "Do you have any questions before we go back?" I shook my head. We went back through the passageway and back to Hogwarts. By that time, Transfiguration class had ended, and we had a free period before lunch. I headed back to the Gryffindor common room, where I found James, Peter and Sirius. I was instantly flocked with questions.

"Where were you, Remus?"

"What happened?"

"Did you get in trouble?" I sighed. What could I tell them?

"Dumbledore, uh- he had a letter to show me," I said.

"Really? From who?" James asked curiously. I thought fast.

"My mum," I replied. "She's ill."

"Oh, I'm sorry," said Peter.

"Do you think she'll be all right?" asked Sirius.

"Oh, yeah, she'll be fine," I answered. They'd bought it. Although James did look a little doubtful.

"Well, Remus, we've already been assigned homework for McGonagall," said James, handing me the assignment. I looked at it. We had to read pages 32-45 in _Simple Transfiguration Spells_, then write the steps to changing a porcupine into a pincushion. It didn't look that hard. 

"Well, should we work on it now?" I asked.

"Are you crazy?" asked Sirius. "This is the perfect time for planning more pranks!" James nodded and grinned. Peter made an unsure face. I wasn't so sure. We'd gotten away without getting in trouble once, but if we did something again, we'd most likely get in trouble. Dumbledore wasn't going to let us do whatever we wanted.

"I think we'd better do our homework," I said again.

"Oh come on," said Sirius. "Don't tell me you're afraid of getting caught! We'll get that all worked out. They'll never know it was us."

"I don't know—" I began.

"Come on," said James. "You seem like a person who could use some fun in their life. Now, potions class."  
"I say we add the ingredients together all wrong and hope for the best," suggested Sirius.

"More like the worst," I said. Sirius continued talking, pretending to not have heard me. "And Snape gets on my nerves. We need to think of something to do to that little greasy kid."

"I know a spell that will turn you hair different colors," suggested James.

"Cool," said Sirius. "But shouldn't we have some practice first?"

"Oh Peter!" called James, laughing.

"No!" Peter shouted. "What if you can't change it back?"

"Well, that would be bad luck for you," said Sirius. James pulled out his wand and began to chase Peter, who was running as fast as he could, but was still no match for James. He shouted the curse and Peter's hair turned bright pink.

"Well, it works," Sirius said to me from where we were sitting, watching. We all burst out laughing.

"Mates! Change it back!" Peter whined. "C'mon!"

"Nope, I think it looks better that way," said Sirius. 

"Yeah," James agreed. "Pink is definitely your color!" We continued laughing and Peter continued whining. Finally, James turned his hair back to its normal color. 

"Well, that's definitely a good one for Snape," agreed Peter. "But let's not use it on me anymore, okay?"

"Oh, we won't," said Sirius. "Much." He muttered under his breath. 

"Lunch time!" Peter said cheerfully. Nothing could stand in the way between that boy and food. We headed down to the Great Hall and once again took the same seats. I laughed when I noticed that Dumbledore thoroughly examined his chair before sitting down this time. This also happened to be the first time that James and Lily had an intelligent conversation.

"So, what class do you have after lunch?" James tried starting a conversation with Lily.

"History of Magic," she replied. "With Professor Binns." She laughed a little as she said it.

"Uh, James," Sirius said to him. "All first year Gryffindors have the same classes."

"Right, I knew that," said James.

"Sure," said Sirius. James slapped him. Lily and Erin laughed.

"So, do you know where the class is?" asked Lily. "Because I was thinking maybe you could show us."

"Sure, we could do that," said James. Sirius tapped him on the shoulder and reminded him that we had no idea where the class was. He shrugged and said we'd figure it out. Lily and Erin were too busy in conversation to notice this. When lunch was over, we got up and James led the way, Lily and Erin next to him. I walked next to Sirius.

"So what do you think the chances are that he actually knows where he's going?" I muttered.

"Not a chance," said Sirius. "I hope you don't mind being a little late. For one thing, I definitely know we were supposed to make a left back there."

Peter caught up with us. "This is going to be funny," he said. "I wonder how long it'll take Lily to figure out that he has no idea where he's going."

"I don't know," I said. "But let her figure it out for herself. James is so desperate to impress her." We must have walked in circles about four times. Finally, James chose a staircase and we went up it.

"You have no idea where you're going, do you?" asked Lily.

"Sure I do," said James. "This is the- er- scenic route." Sirius, Peter and I choked on laughs.

"I should have known," Lily complained. "You don't know where we're going! You're such a liar, James Potter! I'd have been better off finding my own way!"

"Well you're the one that asked!" James shouted back at her. "You know it's only my second day here, too!" Lily didn't say anything, but gave him a sorry look. The rest of us burst out laughing, and eventually the two of them did too.

"Well, we'd better look for that class, or we're going to be really late," said Erin quietly.

"Yeah," I agreed.

"Well, any ideas what direction we go in?" asked Lily. "Since our tour guide over here seems to be lost." She smiled at James. Just then, Severus Snape rounded the corner. 

"Well, well, well, if it isn't mudbloods and mudblood lovers," he said. "Are we lost?"

"Yes," said Lily, sounding exasperated. "Do you know where the class is?"

"Yeah, but why should I show you, mudblood?" he asked. 

"Don't talk to her like that!" James shouted.

"What is with you and mudbloods, Potter?" he asked. "You can't seriously be friends with these people!" Sirius began to look angry as well. 

"The only person here that I'm not friends with is you!" James retorted.

"Knock it off you two!" said Lily. "Now will you please show us where the class is?" she asked Snape.

"Well, I guess so," said Snape, reluctantly. "But only because I'm going there anyway."

He gave us an evil glare led us down the hallway. James scrawled. 

"He won't get off with only pink hair!" he shouted.

"He has such an attitude problem!" I said.

"You're telling me?" he demanded.

"Stupid greasy kid," said Sirius. "But at least your beloved Lily isn't mad at you anymore." He tried to cheer up James.

"I do not like Lily Evans!" James' voice echoed throughout the corridor. A few seconds later, we heard Lily shout at Erin from up ahead. (We all let Snape stay a good distance in front of us and he didn't seem to complain.)

"I do not like James Potter!" We all burst into hysterical laughter.

"Don't worry about what greasy kid said, James," Sirius told him. "It just gives us all the more reason to torture him." James wasn't talking. Needless to say, we were all late for class. Professor Binns didn't take house points, though. He just warned us to be on time from now on. Oh, one thing I did forget to mention about Professor Binns is that he's a ghost. This was a little weird at first, but his class was so boring that even I, the one out of the four of us who actually paid attention in class, had trouble staying awake. Sirius was asleep almost instantly, and Peter soon after. James kept on glaring at Snape the whole time, and I attempted to take notes on how Hogwarts School was started. When the forty long minutes were finally over we headed off to our final class, Herbology.

"I'm not even going to ask," said Lily as she walked by James on the way out the door.

"Oh come on, I actually know how to get to this one!" insisted James. He seemed to have gotten over his anger from earlier.

"Fine then," said Lily, then she muttered to herself. "Why do I even bother?"

"Because you like him!" Erin hissed. James actually did know how to get to Herbology, so we weren't late.


	7. Chapter 7: Full Moon

****

Chapter 7: Full Moon

Things went on this way for the next three weeks. We did some odd things to Snape, who I think became more afraid of us than anything. Erin and Lily became good friends with us. I felt like I'd known all of them forever, even though it had only been a few weeks. We started to become well known and respected for our pranks. Teachers everywhere feared us. James' invisibility cloak and his innocent smile and Sirius's talented lying abilities were the only thing that kept us out of constant detention. I was having such a good time with all of them, that my problem had almost left my mind completely. Then before I knew it, it was the day of full moon.

We were in Potions Class that morning. Professor Beaker was teaching us how to make a potion to cure boils. Sirius, Peter, James and I were all working at the same table. 

"Now, don't forget to remove the cauldron from the fire before adding the porcupine quills," said Professor Beaker. In the mean time, James and Sirius were busy coming up with the most creative way to mix the ingredients.

"Let's see," said Sirius. "How about a little of this, hmm…maybe some more of that…oh and definitely a whole lot of this." He was randomly dumping ingredients into the cauldron while James selected new ones to be added. Peter and I, now well aware of the disasters that could be caused when you let the two of them have anything capable of exploding, kept our distance. Either by careful planning, or just good luck, just as Snape was passing by our table, there was a loud bang and acid green smoke began pouring out of the cauldron.

"Aggghhh! Ouch!" he screamed as the liquid burnt his skin. "You idiots!"

"All right!" said Sirius. "That was the perfect explosion!"

"What is going on here?" Professor Beaker rushed over, raging with anger. "You! Go to the hospital wing!" he shouted at Snape. "As for you," he pointed to Sirius. "You're responsible for this, aren't you?" Sirius stood, his eyes wide.

"It was an accident, Professor," he said.

"Accident!" Professor Beaker bellowed. "You call this an accident? Why half of these ingredients aren't even in the recipe!"

"They're not?" James pretended to be astounded.

"I guess you had something to do with this, too?" Professor Beaker asked.

"Something to do with what?" James asked innocently.

"Yeah, what did we do wrong?" asked Sirius.

"That's it! Detention all week! All four of you!" shouted Professor Beaker. "Starting tonight! And you'll be working hard, Black. I'll be sure of that!" The bell rang then and we rushed out of class.

"That man is insane!" shouted Sirius angrily. "I would have liked to cover him in that potion even more than Snape!"

"It's all right, Sirius," I said. "We'll all be in detention together. It can't be that bad."

"Well it's not fair!" said Sirius. "He didn't have any evidence that it wasn't an accident."

"Hey, I didn't even do anything!" said Peter. "And I got detention too."

"Oh get over it!" Sirius snapped at him.

"Stop fighting, guys," said James. "I mean after all, it is worth all this to see Snape get burnt like that, right?" He did have a point. And detention couldn't be that bad. Then I remembered. How was I supposed to go to detention when it was full moon? I'd have to report to detention at the same time I should be leaving. If I didn't show for detention, I'd get in more trouble, and even worse, Sirius, James and Peter would think I abandoned them. What was I supposed to do?

Later that evening, we sat in the common room. Detention started at six-thirty, the same time I should have been leaving. I stared at the clock. 6:00. We decided to actually work on our homework. 6:10. Our homework was long forgotten and Sirius and James were planning more pranks. 6:15. I was too worried about what to do to pay attention to what was going on. 6:25. I knew I had to leave, so I got up my courage.

"I'm not feeling so well," I said.

"Really? You all right?" asked James.

"I don't know," I said. "I think I'm gonna head down to the hospital wing for a while."

"Trying to get out of detention, huh?" asked Sirius. 

"No, honestly," I replied. "I really need to go now!"

"Let him go," said James. And when he thought I was out of earshot, he said, "We don't need any chickens in our group." I felt tears forming in my eyes as I left the common room. I hurried to the front door so that they wouldn't see me leaving when they left for detention. I ran to the whomping willow and entered the passageway. I hated it so much in there. I ran as fast as I could, tears stinging my eyes and now running down my cheeks. Why did it have to be this way? What would I ever tell James, Peter and Sirius? I arrived at the old rundown house. As Dumbledore instructed, I made sure all of the doors were locked. I looked at the sun setting. It wouldn't be long now. I lay down on the floor and watched the last traces of sunlight disappear from the sky. I drew in a deep breath as I felt myself being overtaken by the horrible, ugly, hideous monster that I'd become.

I awoke the next morning on the floor to sunlight casting shadows through the windows. I didn't even try to move, because I knew the pain would be too great. Blood stained my shirt, and my arms and legs were covered in scratches. I ached all over. My head was throbbing. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep again. But in my subconscious thoughts, I could remember the night before. Becoming that horrible werewolf, pacing around, growling, thirsting for human blood. Clawing and biting ferociously at whatever I could find. And changing. The most painful part of all. Taking human form again. Twisting and turning as paws become hands and fur disappears until I am once again an eleven-year-old kid.

Moaning, I tried to bring myself to my feet. I struggled and nearly fell over getting up, then stumbled to a nearby chair and collapsed into it. Panting, I attempted to stand again. Regaining balance, I headed back through the passageway. I stumbled through, my vision still blurred from the throbbing in my head. I finally found my way back to Hogwarts. I headed immediately to the hospital wing, not wanting to be seen by anyone.

"Oh, hello dear," said Madame Pomfrey. "Why are you—oh you must be… right this way." She led me to a bed where I could lie down.

"I'm Madame Pomfrey," she introduced herself. "You are Remus Lupin, correct?"

"Yeah," I managed to mumble.

"All right then," she said. "Dumbledore has informed me of your—er—condition. You will come here after every full moon, understood?" I nodded weakly. "Now you need plenty of rest." She pulled the curtains closed around my bed and I slept.

When I awoke, it was a lot later because the sun wasn't shining as brightly. I yawned, feeling a considerable amount better than I had earlier, but still sore and tired.

"Oh, you've awaken," Madame Pomfrey entered the room. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," I said.

"Well, that's good," she replied. "Your friends were up earlier asking about you. They thought you were sick, and I told them you were." I nodded.

"When can I go back?" I asked.

"I want you to stay here tonight," she said. "Perhaps tomorrow if you're feeling up to it." I nodded. All the energy I'd had when I woke up seemed to have faded and I fell back asleep.

I awoke late morning the next day. I was now feeling mostly back to normal. I sat up. 

"So, how are you feeling, dear?" asked Madame Pomfrey. I thought for a moment.

"Hungry," I replied. She laughed and then got me some soup. After finishing, I didn't feel much like sleeping anymore.

"Would you like to go back to your common room now?" she asked. "Lunch will be in about twenty minutes."

"Yeah," I replied, standing up, shakily. She handed me my black robe, which I put on over top of my still bloodstained shirt. I headed back to the common room. Luckily, that day was double Transfiguration Class, so James, Sirius and Peter weren't there. I went to our dorm room to change out of my bloodstained clothes and get ready for lunch. A few minutes later, I headed down to the Great Hall.

"Hey Remus!" I heard James' voice behind me. "Wait up!" _Oh, great, _I thought. _They're going to yell at me for not coming to detention. They're going to leave me just like all of my other friends had._

"Hi," said James, in his usual friendly tone. 

"Hi," I replied slowly.

"So you were sick?" asked Sirius. I nodded quickly. I felt horrible about lying. But then again, it wasn't necessarily a lie. It was more like avoiding the truth.

"Oh—uh sorry about the other night then," he said.

"It's okay," I said. So they weren't mad. "How was detention?" I asked.

"Not that bad," said James. "We had to go to the forbidden forest with Hagrid. You know, the giant guy that was helping us with the boat?" I nodded.

"Not bad!" shouted Peter. "It was awful."

"Only because you made that big spider go after you," said James.

"Well, I didn't mean to!" said Peter.

"Well, it was a good laugh, Petey. I reckon you should do it again tonight," said Sirius. James nodded. 

"No!" shrieked Peter, horrified at the idea.

"But Remus missed it," said Sirius. "You're coming tonight, right?" 

"Yeah," I replied. "Was Professor Beaker mad that I wasn't there?"

"I think so," said Peter. "Then Dumbledore told him that you excused because you were sick. He didn't say anything after that. He just sort of got that look on his face. You know, the one where his eyes bulge out and his nose scrunches up and he turns all red." We all laughed.

"Yep, I know that one," I said.

"The forbidden forest is the best!" said Sirius.

"Yeah," agreed James. "We have to go exploring down there sometime on our own," he added. "And I wonder why that Whomping Willow tree is there? It has to be there for a reason." I didn't say anything.


	8. Chapter 8: Keeping Secrets

****

Chapter 8: Keeping Secrets

That evening, I attended detention along with Sirius, James and Peter. Once again, we were assigned to go into the forbidden forest with Hagrid, under the instruction of Professor Sprout to collect Mandrake seedlings. The earmuffs we were forced to wear made hearing impossible. Sirius would taunt us by pretending he'd seen something dangerous to try to make us take off our earmuffs to hear what he was saying. James and I brushed him aside and continued with our work, fully aware that it was his idea of a prank. Peter on the other hand, wasn't so smart. To Sirius' delight, he panicked and yanked off his earmuffs, just as James had pulled a Mandrake from the ground. He ended up spending over a week in the infirmary before he regained hearing. Madam Pomfrey , furious about the incident, scolded Sirius for two hours straight before allowing him to leave. This seemed to dampen his spirits just a bit, but not enough to prevent him from turning Snape's hair pink when we were walking down the corridor behind him.

By the time the rest of our detentions had been served, it had become Sirius and James' constant goal to 'earn' more of them. Only when they were assigned to clean the hospital wing bedpans without magic, did they back down from their detention obsession.

Soon, the Christmas holidays were upon us, and we all returned home that year, though we were permitted to sign up to remain at school if we wished. The holidays passed quickly with a blur of mum's delicious cooking, the savory scent of gingerbread cookies, relatives visiting, Christmas carolers, hot cocoa on snowy nights and piles of presents stacked high under the Christmas tree.

We returned to Hogwarts on a wintry January day. Snow fell rapidly, as we watched with excitement from the train windows. By the time we reached school that night, the ground was blanketed in a sheet of silvery white. It was that night that Sirius discovered how to bewitch snowballs to hit people with miniscule effort. Little did he know that Lily was also experienced with the spell, and he spent that night in the hospital wing.

Our classes grew more and more demanding as the winter went on. It took me all of three weeks to master transfiguring a turtle into a bowl, after both James and Sirius had mastered it in two hours. Of course, after all three of us had spent the best part of a month trying to teach Peter how to do it, his bowl still had feet and a turtle shell pattern. 

"He's hopeless," James would mutter under his breath. McGonagal seemed to think so as well. As much as she scolded the rest of us, she was particularly harsh on Peter. I suppose it was because he couldn't transfigure something to save his life, or it could have been because of the one time when he actually did perform a transfiguration. Of course, that one had been accidental. Peter had been attempting to curse Sirius while he was standing in front of class speaking to Professor McGonagall. Peter, hopeless as usual, had his aim off, and the results weren't pleasant. McGonagall's long brown hair, twisted neatly into its usual bun, was transfigured into hundreds of wriggling worms. The class found this hilarious, but Peter served detentions everyday for two months. In any case, whatever the reason, McGonagall never liked Peter.

In Defense Against the Dark Arts, we were each assigned a dark creature on which to give a report in front of the class. I noticed a loathing glint in Professor Lohrfink's eye as he assigned me werewolves. Of course, I could write the entire three rolls of parchment without ever cracking a book, although I had to be careful not to make it sound like I knew too much, or people would start to get suspicious. I got incredibly nervous when presenting to the class, but other than James and Sirius, no one seemed to notice, and by the time class was over that day, they thought nothing of it. Despite instances like that one, and the strong disliking of my teacher, Defense Against the Dark Arts was easily my best subject.

The rest of my classes were going fairly well. Herbology was simple; even Peter was decent at it. History of Magic class was more boring than ever, as we were studying Muggle theories on British history of the thirteenth through fifteenth centuries. Nevertheless, I attempted to take notes, as Peter and Sirius slept, snoring loudly, and James stared at Lily. Charms class wasn't difficult, although both James and Sirius were jealous of Lily's talent with charms, and constantly at competition to try to be better than her. The both of them failed miserably. Sirius found a certain fascination in putting cheering charms on Snape. James argued against in constantly, "Snape should not be that cheerful! It's not right!" Personally, I agreed, but we'd learned not to get in the way of Sirius' pranks, and so we let him carry on.

It was becoming more and more difficult to think up good excuses for leaving at full moon. One month, I said my grandmother died. Another three months, my mum was sick. Then, I reckoned, if she didn't get better soon, she should have died, so I didn't use that excuse anymore. Once my great Aunt Ethel died. Just for the record, I have no great Aunt Ethel. And another time I said that I myself was sick. I was quite relieved when the last full moon of the school year came to pass and Sirius, James and Peter still hadn't figured anything out.

By the end of May, all of our teachers were stressing the importance of doing well on finals. Lily and Erin didn't leave the library for three weeks straight except to eat and sleep. And of course to nag us for not studying. Two days before exams, I reviewed Potions and Transfiguations. Other than that, none of us bothered studying.

Finals came and went. The multiple choice history final felt more like a guessing game than anything. My turtle transfigured into the best bowl I'd ever made, and I suspected McGonagall had given me full marks. My potion was a bit to runny, as Professor Beaker didn't neglect to mention. The Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts and Herbology finals were a breeze. I had no doubt that I didn't do well on them.

After final exams, our first year had come to an end. Later that week, after packing our things and bidding farewell to the castle, we boarded the Hogwarts Express to head back to London. At the station, after saying goodbye to everyone, we headed our separate way, promising to write often over the summer. We were all thoroughly disappointed to find out that underage wizards aren't allowed to use magic over the holidays, however I doubted that that would stop Sirius or James.

I was greeted by my parents with the announcement that I'd received no less than thirty-six owls home that year. And there'd be plenty more to follow in the years to come.


	9. Chapter 9: Summer at Sirius'

****

Chapter 9: Summer at Sirius's

Soon after summer vacation began, it was full moon. I wasn't thrilled to be back in the shed in the woods, of course, but it wasn't that bad. The day I was feeling better, I received a letter from Sirius.

__

Remus,

Hey! How's your summer going? Guess what? My dad said that you, James and Peter can visit this summer! Can you come in two days? Let me know ASAP. I hope you can. See you soon.

Sirius

I showed the letter to my parents. My mum was doubtful, but my dad easily convinced her that I needed to get out and have some fun. I couldn't wait. I hurriedly wrote a letter back to Sirius.

__

Sirius,

I can come! I can't wait to visit you and meet your family. Your sister sounds cool. See you soon.

Remus

I gave the letter to Sirius's owl, Ernie, and let him fly out of my window to deliver it. Two days later, my dad drove me to Sirius's house. His house was a typical muggle cottage. It built of brick with a few windows framed by white shutters, and a blue door. It had a high pitched roof with windows two windows poking out, facing the front that suggested there might be a second floor, or an attic. As we pulled up into the driveway, Peter and a woman I assumed was his mother were standing by the door, ringing the doorbell.

"Bye, Dad," I said, getting out of the car, bringing my bag. My dad got out with me, insisting that he wanted to meet Sirius's dad.

"Hey, Peter, Hey Sirius," I said when I got to the door, although neither of the two responded. Peter had an annoyed expression on his face, and Sirius was hysterically laughing.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Peter—has--happy—sheep—pa—pajamas!" Sirius gasped between fits of hysterical laughter.

"Happy sheep pajamas?" I laughed. My dad gave us odd looks, and greate Peter's mum, who looked at us all as though we were insane, before saying goodbye to Peter, with a kiss on the cheek, and leaving. Just then, James and his dad, who was of course, the Minister of Magic, arrived.

"Ah, Minister, good to see you again," My father greeted James' dad with a handshake.

"Mr. Lupin, it's been quite a while," said Mr. Potter. "I'm glad to see that our sons have made acquaintances." Dad nodded.

"Hey, what's going on?" James asked me, pointing to Sirius and Peter.

"Happy sheep pajamas!" I laughed. He looked confused. 

Sirius was finally recovering from the hysterical laughter and let us through the door. A man that I assumed was Sirius's father entered the room.

"So this is the famous James, Remus and Peter?" he asked. We nodded, grinning. "So, did you three get as many owls home this summer as Sirius did?" We nodded.

"Possibly more," said James. Mr. Potter, Mr. Black and my dad headed off to the kitchen to talk. Sirius began a new fit of hysterical laughter about the sheep pajamas, and Peter sulked. James, who'd finally caught on, began to laugh as well. I laughed too, at first. Just then, my attention was captured by the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She came walking down the tiny spiral staircase that led to the second floor of the cottage. She had light red hair that came to her mid back, her pale green eyes glowed, and when she smiled, she seemed to light up the whole room with her beauty.

"Hi Sirius," she said. "So these are your friends?" She smiled.

"Yeah," Sirius answered. He turned to us. "Mates, this is my sister, Addi."

"She's your sister?" asked Peter. "You don't look a thing alike." I'd been thinking the same thing.

"I know," Sirius explained. "She looks like dad and I look like mum. So anyway, Addi, this is James, this is Remus and this is Peter."

"Hi," she said to us.

"Hi," I replied.

"Hullo," said Peter.

"Do you know your brother is insane?" said James. We all laughed.

"You're telling me?" asked Addi. "Sirius is always doing dumb things. Just last week he tricked me into eating one of those horrible candies that burn a hole right through your tongue!"

"You shouldn't be talking, James," said Sirius.

"Well, you came up with all of those crazy prank ideas," argued James.

"Yeah, and you never helped at all," said Sirius sarcastically, preparing to chase James. "You were too busy staring at Lily!"

"I don't like Lily!" said James, beginning to run. Addi continued to laugh.

"I can't believe I've got to spend the next two weeks with a bunch of boys! I hope you're not all as bad as Sirius," said Addi.

"Don't worry," I said. "The rest of us aren't that bad." She smiled. I found myself staring at her, then realized and stopped. I hoped that Peter, James and Sirius hadn't noticed, or they'd definitely make fun of me. 

"Where's dad?" asked Addi.

"In the kitchen," replied Sirius, as he threw a pillow from the sofa in James' direction. "With James' and Remus' dads. They're most likely talking about us. We'd better go listen." He ran for the kitchen and the rest of us followed.

"I have no idea how those kids could have gotten into so much trouble," my dad was saying. "Remus has always been such a well behaved child."

"Well, I'll bet meeting my Sirius is what changed that," said Mr. Black. I took a closer look at Sirius' father, and noticed that Addi resembled him much more than she resembled Sirius.

"And James is always getting himself into trouble. Quite the prankster; he likes to make people laugh," said Mr. Potter. We walked into the kitchen and our fathers were suddenly silent.

"Dad, we heard you talking about us," said Sirius.

"Eavesdroppers, eh?" asked Mr. Black, laughing.

"Well, I really should be going. Ministry business to attend to, you know how it is," said Mr. Potter. "You have a good time, James. And behave yourself." James grinned and nodded, using his innocent look, which apparently didn't work for his father because he just shook his head and rolled his eyes, then left the room.

"I should go now, too," said my dad. "You have a good time Remus. And don't get into any trouble."

"Bye dad, and don't worry, I won't," I said. My dad left.

"It was nice meeting you kids, and this is going to go against my better judgement," began Mr. Black. "But unfortunately I've just had a house call from Mrs. Smith down the street. She thinks she's broken her leg. So the five of you will be alone for the afternoon. I don't want to hear about anything going wrong, is that understood?" He made a stern glance toward Sirius, who nodded. His expression softened as he turned to Addi. "You keep these four out of trouble, all right?" She laughed and nodded. "What would I do without a child who actually knows right from wrong?" he asked, laughing.

"Hey!" Sirius said, sounding offended. "I know right from wrong, I just choose to ignore it." Mr. Black sighed and shook his head with a slight smile.

"I certainly wish you'd reconsider your choice," he laughed. "But I'm leaving now, and I don't want to hear anything about explosions, or chasing Addi with objects, or flying, or anything of the sort. Bye." 

"Bye!" we chorused back. He hurried out through the back door carrying his doctor's bag for house calls, and leaving us to ourselves.

"I'm hungry," said Peter. "Got any food?"

"Yeah," said Sirius. "Should we cook?" he grinned at us.

"Uh-oh," said Addi, who had obviously seen Sirius cook before. "I'm out of here. I'll be in our room with the fire department on hold for an explosion in the kitchen." She laughed.

"Shut up," mumbled Sirius.

"And don't you dare bring any icky boys on my side of the room, Siri," threatened Addi, before leaving the room.

"Don't worry, I won't," Sirius called after her, using his most innocent sounding voice and most charming smile.

"Let's see," Sirius looked in the refrigerator. "We could make a meat pie. He pulled out some pieces of beef. I had never seen food cooked without magic before. Neither had James and Peter. We glanced at each other doubtfully.

"Uh, I'm not really that hungry," said Peter. "We could wait until later."

"Why?" said Sirius. "Do you think I can't cook."

"Honestly," said James. "Yes." 

"Oh, shut up," said Sirius. "Now let's get started…" In the next two hours, the four of us managed to wreck the kitchen, blow up the oven, cause a fire, and end up with nothing edible. 

"Well, that was fun," said Sirius as he stared at the destruction around us that had once been a perfectly normal kitchen. 

"There's nothing to eat," wined Peter, poking at the charred remains of what might have slightly resembled a pie at one point. "You burnt all of it."

"So, at least it was fun," Sirius shrugged. James sighed and waved his wand around to start cleaning.

"Hey, where'd you learn to do that?" asked Sirius, amazed at how the kitchen seemed to be cleaning itself.

"Well, you can't live in a wizard house and not learn anything useful," said James, continuing to wave his wand. Suddenly, a hurricane of pots and pans began to fly around the room crashing into cupboards and falling to the ground. "Of course, I haven't perfected it yet." We moaned at the mess but couldn't help laughing.

"Might as well start cleaning up now," I said, grabbing some of the pots that were now lying on the floor. Just as soon as we finished cleaning up (muggle style), Mr. Black arrived home. He glanced at us, frowning, when he saw how normal everything looked.

"So, nothing went wrong while I was wrong?" he asked.

"No, nothing at all," said Sirius. "Everything is fine here." Mr. Black looked at him suspiciously.

"Then why does it smell like something burnt in here?" he asked. We glanced at each other.

"I don't know, dad," said Sirius.

"The truth, Sirius," said Mr. Black.

"We –er- tried to cook," said Sirius.

"And you blew something up, right?" said Mr. Black.

"Uh, the oven," said Sirius. Mr. Black shook his head. 

"What am I going to do with you kids?" he smiled a little. "Now get out of the kitchen and I'll try to make you something to eat. Although I can't promise you I'm much better than Sirius."

"Don't worry, Mr. Black," said Peter. "My dad can't cook either. But we're so hungry we'll eat anything now." Sirius' dad laughed. We headed upstairs to Sirius and Addi's room.

The next few days were fun. We came up with all kinds of pranks to scare Sirius's muggle neighbors. We went for walks to the muggle candy store that was nearby, which was very different from wizard stores. We always asked Addi to come with us, but she refused, saying she had better things to do with her time than spend it with her brother and his annoying friends.

One day, Sirius was trying to teach us how to ride a bike (a muggle form of transportation that requires balancing on two wheels and pedaling to move. I'll never understand the purpose of such ridiculous things, but that's beside the point.) Sirius was just trying to explain how to stay balanced, when I fell down. And somehow, I managed to get stuck under the bike. The guys were just helping me up, when one of Sirius's old friends came out of his house and over to talk to us. 

"Hi Sirius," he said.

"Hi Tommy," said Sirius. I noticed Tommy looking at each of us as though we were inferior to him. His glance took in James's messy hair and broken glasses, Sirius's shaggy looking black hair that hadn't been cut for a few months, my tired expression still showing from full moon, and Peter's plumpness. 

"These are my friends," said Sirius. "This is James, Remus and Peter." 

"Oh, hi," said Tommy.

"Hi," I smiled. Peter waved, and James mumbled hi after Sirius hit him in the arm.

"You're Sirius's _friends_?" asked Tommy. "Sirius doesn't make friends easily." I didn't like this Tommy kid. He reminded me a lot of a Severus Snape type.

"Yeah, we're his friends," James was defensive. "And what do you mean Sirius doesn't make friends easily? He's the most popular kid in our year at school. The king of pranks."

"Right," said Tommy. "Sirius is nothing more than a weirdo who gets in trouble a lot." He sneered. James, Peter and I had to laugh at that one. Sirius, unpopular? There was no way we could be talking about the same person.

"I've changed, Tommy," said Sirius bitterly.

"So you've never told me where you go to school, Sirius" said Tommy suddenly.

"We go to Hog-" I put my hand over Peter's mouth before he could finish. I didn't think it was a good idea to let Tommy hear where we went to school.

"You never told me where you go to school either," said Sirius.

"Smeltings," said Tommy. "You know, my dad's old school." They continued talking and somehow got on the topic of a teacher that Sirius had put a full body bind on in grammar school.

"That teacher you cursed?" asked Peter, remembering when Sirius had told us about it.

"Yeah," said Sirius. "Cursed him with a full body bind. I can't believe they blamed me. It wasn't my fault."

"Cursed? Full body bind?" asked Tommy. "What are you talking about?" I couldn't help offering up one of my intelligent sounding definitions.

"A full body bind is an elementary spell that will leave the victim helpless and unable to move for a certain amount of time," I explained.

"It's summer, Remus," moaned James.

"What do you mean, spell?" asked Tommy. "None of that stuff's real. You don't think you're witches or something, do you?"

"No, we're wizards," James blurted out.

"A bit old to be playing make believe, aren't you?" asked Tommy. I didn't like him at all. I could tell James had the same reaction. I felt in my pocket for my wand.

"Sirius is such an idiot. There's no way he could ever be a wizard." That was too much. I couldn't take it anymore. James looked ready to strangle Tommy with his bare hands. Peter, sensing a fight, had backed away. I pulled out my wand.

"Aww, look. He even has a little wand," Tommy taunted. How could I curse him? I tried to think of the worst thing I could do. "What are you going to do? Cast a spell on me?"

"Don't tempt me!" I said angrily. I wasn't going to take this kid making fun of my friends like that.

"Sirius, your little friends really need to grow up," said Tommy. That was too much. I pointed my wand at him. Sirius grabbed my arm instantly.

"No Remus!" he said. "Remember the underage wizard law? You'll get in trouble. Knock it off." 

"All right," I muttered, reluctantly putting down my wand. Normally, I wouldn't be a person to fight, but Tommy had made me really angry. Angrier than I could remember being in a long time. I would have really enjoyed casting a spell on him.

"Tommy, my friends are telling the truth," Sirius said slowly. He glanced at us. He had to tell the truth. James nodded. "We go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. James, Remus, Peter and I are all wizards. Broomsticks, spells, wands, dragons, it's all real."

"No, it can't be," said Tommy. "You're joking. You're crazy."

"No I'm not," said Sirius indignantly. "Remember when I was little and all that weird stuff kept on happening to me? I didn't know then, but it was magic. My mum was a witch." The look on Tommy's face was somewhere between shock and terror.

"Well, then your mum should have died," he said. "We don't need freaks like that in the world." Sirius's face fell, and for the first time I saw sadness in his eyes, though his expression still showed anger.

"Go!" James spat. "Get out of here! And if you ever come back, you'll be very sorry!" Tommy slowly backed away. The expression he wore on his face was all too familiar to me. It was the expression my friends had on their faces when they found out that I was a werewolf. It was the expression you saw and you knew you'd lost a friend. We turned to go inside. Sirius looked terribly upset, though he didn't cry. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what to say. James was first to speak.

"Are you all right, Sirius?" he asked. Sirius nodded.

"I know how you feel," I tried to offer some words of comfort. 

"No," Sirius sounded like he was holding back tears. "What he said about my mum."

"I'm sorry, Sirius," I said.

"You should talk about it," said Peter.

"Yeah," agreed James. "You need to talk about this. Now talk."

"I can't," Sirius said.

"Well, how did she die?" James began. Sirius took a deep breath.

"A dark wizard." I stared, my eyes wide with shock. A dark wizard had killed my best friend's mum. But that wasn't all.

"She was protecting me," Sirius continued. "I was just a baby and the wizard wanted me dead. She was in the way."

"Why would someone want to kill you when you were just a baby?" I asked, surprised.

"I don't know," said Sirius. "Neither does dad." 

"Who was it?" asked Peter.

"A guy called Lord Voldemort," replied Sirius. Voldemort. We hadn't heard of him then, but now that name sounds all too familiar. How many innocent lives had he taken? How much pain and suffering had he caused us? Ironic how Sirius joined the man who'd killed his own mother. I guess I never really did know the real Sirius Black. He was very good at disguising himself, though.

"I'm sorry about it," I said.

"What could have you done about it?" Sirius snapped. I looked at him and saw the pain in his eyes. "Sorry," he apologized. 

"Don't worry about it," I patted him on the back. 

"No," Sirius shook his head. "I shouldn't have acted that way. I shouldn't have let it get to me. You were trying to help."

"It's all right," I said. "Sometimes you need to let it all out."

"Are you okay now?" James asked him. Sirius nodded.

"Then shall we get back to doing damage?" A mischievous smile spread across James's face. Sirius forced a grin. I smiled and shook my head. If anything would cheer Sirius up, that would be it. 

We decided to go to the candy store, and to our surprise it wasn't the typical muggle candy store we'd thought it was. Sirius told us that the owner was really a wizard. He let us into the back room where we got all kinds of great wizard candy. We were just on our way out when we saw Tommy entering. He took one look at us and ran away, terrified. We had to laugh. Even Sirius. 

The rest of the time at Sirius' house passed by quickly. The five of us sharing Sirius and Addi's tiny attic bedroom was quite a tight fit. Addi had drawn a line across the center of the room dividing her side from ours. To our disadvantage, the stairs were on her side. Every time we wanted to go down, we had to make a run for it, and hope she wouldn't catch us. Unfortunately for Peter, Addi was faster than he was. She caught him three times in one day.

Once we even offered to help her dress him up as a girl and give him a makeover, to Addi's delight, and Peter's disgust. James had even brought a camera along with him, so we took plenty of pictures of Peter clambering throughout the house dressed in a pale pink dress and bright red heels, makeup covering his face, and his short mousy brown hair transfigured into long blonde curls. It was quite the sight to see. Even Mr. Black thought it funny, until he finally sympathized with Peter's whining and forced us to change him back. 

Then, common agreement suggested that the same should be done to Sirius, who ran throughout the house, chased by James, Peter, me, and even Addi. Finally, we were triumphant, and succeeded in making Sirius' black hair longer, applying makeup to his face, dressing him in a long green dress, and of course, high heels. Despite the situation, he paraded throughout the house, fulfilling the role quite well, bragging to Peter that at least he could walk in heels.

After this, Addi officially accepted James, Peter and I as friends, proclaiming us no longer to be 'icky'. Finally, after a lot of convincing, she agreed to allow us to be friends with Sirius too.

The five of us together as friends, no longer causing mischief to one another, was a hazard for the tiny village where Sirius and Addi lived. Addi happened to be just as crafty at ideas as Sirius was, and it wasn't long before every cat on the street was an unnatural color, every little kid had been scared away from ice cream after they suddenly found that it chased them, and every adult feared that their house, yard, or trees would end up a different color than it had been the last time they checked. This was mostly due to James' fascination with changing things to a different color. It's a very basic spell; he claimed to have learned it by the age of four after experimenting with his father's wand, and to him it never got old.

It wasn't long before our two weeks at Sirius' was over and our parents arrived to take us home. We were disappointed to leave, but we would see each other again in Diagon Alley before school started. Even Addi was going to be coming along with Sirius. She'd also asked me to write to her over the summer and during school. My mum had sent a letter to me with Jeremy and she thought owl post was much more exciting than muggle post and wanted to be able to use it.

A few days after I returned home, I wrote a letter to Addi, and sent it off with Jeremy. Two days after that, I received a letter back.

Remus,

Hi. I hope you are having a good summer. Mine's all right. My brother is crazy, as usual. I honestly don't see how you can stand him. The other day, he sent a plate flying after me at dinner. It was actually very funny though because it ended up chasing him and then shattered over his head. I told him he needs to get back to school and get more practice. Dad got angry with him and told him that if he uses any more magic over the summer he'll be grounded. I know he hasn't written to you guys at all since you left. I keep on telling him to, but he's just too lazy. So, anyway, he says hi and he'll see you at Hogwarts. You know, I almost wish I went to school with you guys. You're probably more crazy there than you were here. Notice I said almost. Hehe. Well, I've got to go. I'm going to my friend Marianna's house for a while. I'll talk to you later. Please write back.

Addi

I couldn't help grinning from ear to ear when I saw that she'd written to me. I might as well face it. I liked her, even then. Not nearly as much as James liked Lily, but more of a friendship kind of like. I must have started a thousand letters to her before I actually wrote one that was good enough to send. She wrote once again later that summer.

The five of us met in Diagon Alley that year before school started. Addi just came along because she enjoyed looking at all the magic things. Our parents, obviously not thinking clearly, let the five us on our own. We didn't do anything that bad though. James bewitched some little kids' ice cream to fall out of the cone. Sirius set off a dungbomb and we had to leave the area because it smelled so bad. Luckily, no one realized that he was the one who set it off. Other than that, we basically spent the day buying our books and supplies, and chasing each other down the crowded street. Then, James and Sirius noticed Lily and Erin walking down the street together and stopped to talk to them. We introduced them to Addi and we all walked around together for a while. Finally, all of us had to be leaving. We said goodbye and left. We'd see each other again in three days on the Hogwarts Express.


	10. Chapter 10: Second Year

****

Chapter 10: Second Year

We met on the Hogwarts Express and sat in the same spot as last year, only this time, Lily and Erin sat with us. We talked about going back to Hogwarts.

"I hope they've fired Beaker," said Sirius. "He hates me."

"He hates all of us," James pointed out. "And I don't think Dumbledore ever fires anyone. At least not without good reason."

"He's insane! That should be reason enough!" said Sirius. We laughed.

"So, Sirius, since you're the expert, I hope you've got some good pranks for Snape," said James.

"Don't worry," said Sirius. "I have plenty." Lily and Erin rolled their eyes.

"Why can't you just leave that stupid kid alone?" asked Lily.

"No, Lily, you don't understand," said James. "It's _funny_. As in making people laugh. Hahaha. You know."

"You're so immature," Lily moaned.

"Well, were only twelve," I pointed out.

"Actually, I'm thirteen," said James. "Today's my birthday."

"Really?" I said. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Are you serious?" asked Peter. Sirius moaned.

"Yes, it's my birthday," said James.

"Prongs, I wish you would have told me. I could have baked you a nice cake," Sirius joked.

"No!" Peter, James and I shouted in unison. We'd seen enough of Sirius's terrible cooking abilities to know that a cake would have been a disaster. Sirius laughed.

"Well, how are we supposed to get you anything for your birthday now that we'll be in school?" I asked.

"Don't worry about it," James insisted.

"Happy Birthday to you…" Lily and Erin began singing. We joined in, even James.

"Happy birthday to me!" he finished.

"Oh, so it's your birthday? How nice," said a familiar sarcastic voice from the door. We turned to find Snape standing there, listening to our conversation.

"Yeah, it is," said James. "What's it to you?"

"So, a little party in the mudblood section. How nice," asked Snape sarcastically.

"Shut up, Snape," said Sirius.

"Oh, little mudblood's going to try to defend his little friend the Pothead," said Snape. Sirius looked at James, who nodded and pulled out his wand. A second later, Snapes hair was bright green. We laughed, even Lily and Erin, who failed at their attempt to hide it.

"What? What is it?" asked Snape.

"Go look in the mirror," Sirius laughed. "And be careful, it might break." Snape stormed off.

"Nice one guys," I said to them.

"Oh that's nothing compared to some of the things I've thought of over the summer," said Sirius. "I'll tell you guys later."

"You know, we can try out for quidditch this year," said James. "You guys up for it?"

"Yeah," said Sirius.

"I don't know," I said. 

"Oh, come on, Moony," said Sirius. "You know you're good at flying." He was right. I was better than average at flying. Not as good as James and Sirius, but better than a lot of people. I would have tried out if it hadn't been for my needing to be away at the shrieking shack so often. I would have missed too many practices.

"No, I don't think it's a good idea," I insisted quickly.

"Why not? You'd be good enough," said Peter.

"I-I just don't want to. I mean, I might get too far behind in classes," I said.

"You will get too far behind in classes if you keep on leaving all the time like you did last year," said Sirius. My stomach did a funny jolt at his words, and I felt my heart pounding in my chest. I didn't know how to respond.

"Whatever sparks your wand," James said shrugging. "I guess it'll just be Sirius and I then. Unless, of course, Peter is trying out?"

"I can't even stay on a broom for two seconds!" said Peter.

"We know," said Sirius. "But face it, not all of us are meant to fly."

"Yeah, some of us are meant to have pink hair," said James, flashing a grin. 

"No!" shouted Peter, darting out of the compartment, closely followed by James.

"They're so immature," muttered Lily.

About five minutes later, the compartment door slid open. James and Peter were accompanied by the food cart witch, who didn't look pleased.

"The two of you had better remain in here for the rest of the train ride, understood?" she demanded. James and Peter nodded. "And if I catch either of you making raucous again, I'll report it to your headmaster."

The train ride went by quickly. We continued having weird conversations. Snape didn't show his face again. When the food cart came by, we bought all kinds of candy and ate it all, so we were very hyper. Later on, James thought it would be fun to try to use the spell he'd used on Snape to turn Lily's cat, Daisy, pink.

"Hey, Lily," he said. "Let me see Daisy." 

"No!" Lily shouted, grasping the cat in her arms.

"I'm not going to hurt it," James said, pointing his wand. "I just want to –er –experiment with the color a little."

"You're not changing the color of my cat!" shouted Lily. 

"He likes a girl, so he traumatizes her cat," Sirius sighed. "When will he learn?" James was now chasing Lily and the cat. He shouted the spell, but Lily was running, and his aim was a bit off. Lily's hair turned neon pink. We all went silent and stared. James's face fell.

"What?" Lily asked. "What did you do?" Sirius pointed at her hair. She grabbed some of it and pulled it into her view. She shrieked.

"Wow Lily, pink is really your color," said Sirius jokingly. Lily ignored him.

"James Potter! You change it back right now!" James shook his head and laughed.

"I mean it, James! Change it now!" her face was threatening.

"Nope," James grinned. "Not unless you'll be my girlfriend."

"Oh, now there's some expertise," said Sirius sarcastically. 

"Freak," Lily muttered as she stormed out of the room. Erin, looking surprised, followed.

"Oh, good one Prongs," I said.

"Yeah," said Sirius. "There's the way to win a girl's heart. Attack her cat and turn her hair pink. I'll have to remember that one."

"Oh, shut up," muttered James. "I'm an idiot."

"Yeah you are," said Sirius. "But don't worry, it's Lily. She'll forgive you."

"Yeah," I mumbled. "Three thousand years from now."

"You didn't honestly expect her to say yes?" Sirius asked.

"Well technically, she never said no," pointed out James.

"Prongs, what were you thinking?" asked Peter.

"We don't want to know, trust me," said Sirius.

"Shut up," said James.

The compartment door slid open. Standing in the doorway was the food cart witch, a frown stretched across her wrinkled face.

"Did I not tell you to behave yourself the rest of the train ride?" she asked.

"Yes ma'am," James replied.

"I've got no choice other than to report you to Professor Dumbledore," she said.

"Yes you do," said Sirius brightly. "You could not report him to Professor Dumbledore." The witch glared at him briefly, before turning her attention back to James. 

"Now what's your name?" she asked.

"Severus Snape," James replied without missing a beat.

"Okay, the headmaster will be certain to hear about your misbehavior, Severus," said the witch, scribbling something down on a bit of parchment before leaving the compartment. We burst into laughter. I couldn't wait to see the look on Snape's face when he got into trouble. 

James sulked for the rest of the train ride about Lily. We'd never seen him that way before. He really liked Lily. But she didn't seem to feel the same way about him. She and Erin didn't come back for the rest of the ride. By the time we arrived at Hogwarts, James seemed to have forgotten the whole thing. We got on a carriage, and spotted Lily and Erin. Lily's hair was back to its normal color, and James was back to his staring.

"He'll never get over her," said Sirius quietly. I shook my head. We arrived at the large wooden door at the front of the door, where we were allowed into the Great Hall. We spotted the first years, rowing their boats across the water. I laughed recalling the year before. That had been us.

We once again claimed our usual seats at the Gryffindor table and waited for the Sorting Ceremony to begin. The first years paraded in, terrified expressions on their faces.

"Do you think we looked that bad?" asked Peter.

"You looked worse," said James.

"Shut up," said Peter. We watched each of them try on the hat, and cheered for the new Gryffindors. Finally, sorting was over and the feast began. After eating as much as our stomachs could hold, we went to the Gryffindor common room, and back to our dormitory. The room hadn't changed a bit. Our things were already there. We took the same beds as last year, and went to sleep.

We went to our classes the next day. We still had potions with Slytherin, and Beaker was still the teacher. Our other classes weren't that bad. McGonagall liked to give us lots of homework, but transfiguration class wasn't that hard. Defense Against the Dark Arts was still my favorite, though.

Two weeks after school started, quidditch tryouts were held. Peter, Lily, Erin, and I went to watch James and Sirius. They did really well. The team would be posted in the common room the next day.

"I really hope we got it," said Sirius.

"You guys both did really good," said Lily. James blushed.

The next day was Saturday. James and Sirius dragged Peter and I to sit in the common room all day, waiting for the results to come.

"You know, I really should be working on that transfiguration homework," I said.

"Oh, lighten up, Moony. We've got plenty of time. And this is actually important," said Sirius. Twelve-o clock came. 

"Lunch time," said Peter.

"Nope," said James. "We're not going anywhere until we see the results."

"But I'm hungry," said Peter.

"Live with it," said Sirius. Peter was ready to object when Professor McGonagall emerged into the common room, with a sheet of paper in her hand. Sirius and James went running over to her instantly.

"Is that the quidditch team?" asked James.

"Yes," replied McGonagall, as she placed the paper on the wall and left. Peter and I joined Sirius and James.

"All right!" shouted James. "We both got it!" Sirius cheered, and so did Peter and I. Sirius was a beater, and James was a chaser.

"Now, can we eat?" asked Peter.

"Okay," agreed Sirius. "Just one more thing, though." He checked the teams for the other houses. 

"Ha! Snape didn't make the Slytherin team!" he laughed.

"Stupid greasy git," muttered James as we headed to the Great Hall.

Second year started off smoothly. Lily and Erin actually became good friends with us that year. Lily forgave James about her hair about three after school started. The only trouble came about on the day of the first full moon.


	11. Chapter 11: The Secret's Out

****

Chapter 11: The Secret's Out

The first full moon of the year was on a warm night in late September. We'd just gotten back to the dorm room from dinner, and I decided to get started on my Transfigurations homework until closer to dark, silently cursing McGonagall for giving us so much. I stretched out across my bed and began copying notes on how to Transfigure a porcupine into a pincushion. James and Sirius were engaged in a competitive game of wizarding chess, while being observed and advised by Peter.

While copying the second step from the book (aim the wand carefully at the side of the porcupine, not the front or back) I yawned and realized how exhausted I was. We'd been up most of the night before, terrorizing the Slytherin dorms. I felt my eyes growing heavy as my nose inched closer and closer to the open book.

I awoke suddenly and snapped my head up. Wondering what time it was, I glanced out the window. The sun was nearly setting! I had to leave right then or I'd never make it! I leapt up from bed.

"Sheesh, don't scare us like that, Remus," said Sirius, from where he was sitting on the floor hunched over the chessboard.

"I-I've got to go," I stuttered quickly, heading for the door. James and Sirius were on their feet in an instant.

"Where are you going?" James demanded. Both he and Sirius blocked the door.

"No time!" I shouted, panicking. "I've got to leave! Now!" I tried darting past them, but they grabbed me and held me back.

"Let go! Trust me, I've got to leave!" I wailed. From the corner of my eye I noticed that the sun was nearly down. I wasn't going to make it.

"What is wrong with you?" demanded Sirius, noticing how panicked I was and eyeing my trembling hands.

"I've got to get out of here!" I demanded, shoving him forcefully.

"You're not going anywhere until you tell us why you've got to leave!" he argued. Both he and James keeping a firm grip on my arms. I felt it all at once. I was transforming! Right there in the dorm room I was going to change into the wolf! I wailed and shrieked and cried. Sirius and James let go of me and stared, looking extremely startled. A voice escaped from my mouth that wasn't mine.

"Get me out of here, or you will die tonight." I fell to the floor, as the transformation continued, fighting desperately to keep my mind, to get out of the dorm room so I wouldn't kill my best friends. I felt the eyes of three alarmed faces staring down at me. I prayed they'd leave. It was only a matter of time before the wolf would start craving human flesh.

"What in bloody hell!" exclaimed Sirius. "Remus! What the hell's wrong with you?"

"Damn it! It can't be! Why this, of all things!" shouted James frantically.

"He's dying!" I heard Peter's voice. "We've got to help him!" No, I tried to shake my head. I needed to warn them. They had to leave. I remember hearing my screams changing to growls and whimpers, as I panicked through the last of my transformation. The wolf's nose caught the scent of human flesh, and my last senses of control slipped away. 

I awoke the next morning after the sun had come up. It took me a moment to realize where I was, and then with horrible realization, I remembered the night before. Glancing around, I found that I was locked in a large cage, with thick metal bars. To my relief, James, Sirius and Peter were each asleep in their beds, curtains open, their faces facing my cage. They must have been making sure I didn't get out. My initial relief began to wear off and reality began to set in. I tried desperately to remember the night before. What had I done? But I hadn't the slightest recollection of anything after transforming, right before my best friends' eyes. James, Sirius and Peter knew. After keeping it a secret from them for over a year, they knew that I was a werewolf. How could I face them? I'd lied to them. I was a monster, not the boy they thought they knew, and they didn't deserve to have someone like me as a friend. If only I could have gotten out of that damned cage! I'd have left the dorm and never returned. 

Unfortunately, the cage was small and crammed, and I could find no way of escaping. I watched in horror as James' eyes flickered open. He glanced at me and noticed that I was back to normal. He climbed from his bed and woke Sirius and Peter. None of them spoke, as they allowed me from the cage, and helped walk me to the infirmary in awkward silence, where I spent the remainder of the day drifting in and out of restless sleep.

By later that evening, I couldn't take it any longer. I didn't know what to do, but I certainly couldn't sit in the infirmary while Peter, James and Sirius announced to the whole school that I was a werewolf. No, it would be better just to get away before facing the humiliation rather than sticking around to see what would happen.

I climbed from my bed and sprinted from the infirmary, ignoring the calls from Madam Pomfrey behind me. I ran straight to the Gryffindor common room, which was nearly empty except for some first years, darted up the stairs, and forced open the door into our dorm room. James, Sirius and Peter were all gone. They should have been there. Classes were over for the day, it wasn't time for dinner, and since they hadn't been in the common room, the dorm was the only other place they should have been. Then it hit me. They weren't going to come back until I was gone. They didn't want to share their dorm with a werewolf. The professors had probably allowed them to stay somewhere else until I packed my bags and left Hogwarts. Who could blame them for not wanting to be around me? I couldn't stand myself anymore. I was a pathetic excuse of a human being, hiding the monstrous beast inside me. But I couldn't even be that anymore. Now, I was the wolf. I glanced around the room I'd called home for over a year, for the first time feeling like I didn't belong, feeling unwanted. Miserable with disgust, I walked towards the wall next to my bed, where my trunk sat. _It's their fault anyway_, I thought angrily, kicking the corner of my bed. _If they'd let me leave last night they'd have never found out. _My trunk was gone. I stared at the empty space where it had once sat. All of my things were gone. Even my desk, which wasn't really even mine. It belonged to the school. _I see how it is_, I thought. _They couldn't even wait for me to move out my own things. They did it for me._ Staring angrily around the room, I wondered what I should do. Out of the silence, I heard the sound of three sets of footsteps pounding up the staircase. They were coming. I knew I couldn't face them. I froze, unsure of what to do.

The delayed reaction finally came to me. They knew. I turned and ran as fast as I could. Finding the closest place to hide, which happened to be the bathroom, I locked myself inside. I sat down in the corner and cried. I sobbed loudly and didn't care. My only friends had found out my terrible secret. And I was certain of one thing. No one wanted to be friends with a werewolf. Other people had made that quite clear. I wanted to be dead. There was no reason left for me to live. I sobbed even harder. I could hear the voices of James and Sirius shouting, but I didn't listen to what they were saying. I didn't want to know. What's the use to live when you've got no one to share your laughs, to comfort your tears, to stand by your side no matter what, to be a true friend forever? I thought I'd found three people who I could consider true friends. Why did everything always go so wrong for me? Everything I'd ever wanted seemed impossible to have. _I'd rather die a thousand times over than live this miserable life,_ I thought. I wanted to die, to be free from this living nightmare. But what could I do? I didn't have my wand, because I'd let it lying on my bed the night before when I was doing my homework. There was a sink. Could I drown myself? Still sobbing and wishing it didn't have to be this way, I plugged up the sink and began to fill it with water. I heard sounds of someone at the door. It sounded like they were picking the lock. _Just get it over with, _I told myself. I leaned over, hanging limply from the sink, most of my head immersed in the water. I couldn't breathe. At first it was terrifying and painful, but then the pain faded and became dull. I could feel myself slipping away to unconsciousness. Just before I did, I heard the bathroom door creak open.

"Remus!" I heard Sirius's voice shout. "Remus!" he pulled my face out of the water. I coughed and gasped for breath. 

"No," I whispered as I sprawled out on the floor. "It was so close to being all over." Sirius stared at me, puzzled.

"What were you thinking?" he shouted. "Trying to get yourself killed?" James and Peter darted into the room. They looked at Sirius then at me with a confused expression.

"Why don't we go back to the dorm room?" James suggested. They got up and left. I followed. This was it. It was all over now. They knew and they didn't want to be friends with me anymore. They'd probably already told everyone that "Remus Lupin is a werewolf." I entered the dorm room, where Sirius and James were sitting, silently. I ignored them. I couldn't stay at Hogwarts anymore. I couldn't face the humiliation. I'd have to leave and return home to spend the rest of my life locked away from the world because no one could accept me for who I was, what I was. I felt James eyes on me and he opened his mouth as though he wanted to say something, but no words came out. Then, suddenly, Sirius burst out laughing. Yes, laughing. James stared at him, surprised. _Oh great,_ I thought. _He's not going to waste any time on making fun of me. And Snape thought he had it bad. _But that wasn't it at all.

"You honestly think that we're going to stop being your friends just because you're a werewolf?" Sirius continued hysterically laughing. "I thought you knew us better than that!" James slowly began to smile, then he was laughing, too. I was appalled.

"If you want to be my friend then what the hell did you do with all my stuff?" I demanded. James and Sirius exchanged glances.

"Well?"

"Er—um Remus, when you transformed in the dorm last night, you er, kinda did some damage to the room. And well, the teachers found out, so they moved all of our stuff out to make repairs," said James.

"Yeah, if you would have paid more attention instead of being so determined by your suicide mission, you'd have noticed that all of our stuff was gone too!" Sirius scolded.

"Oh," I said, feeling foolish as I looked around and noticed that the entire dorm room was empty except for our beds. I felt my eyes tearing over again and made a quick effort to wipe the tears way. Sirius and James laughed again.

"There's no reason to cry. You know we don't mind that you're a werewolf. James here reckons he had it figured out months ago. Personally, I didn't believe him, but I was wrong," said Sirius.

"Yeah, can you believe it Remy, Sirius was wrong!" James teased. I looked at the two of them and began laughing through my tears. Looking back, the whole thing was kind of ridiculous. You have to be able to trust your friends. (Until, of course they murder your other best friends and laugh about it, but that doesn't come until later.) 

"You are our friend, Remus," James said kindly. "We would never like you any less because of a small little thing like that." He smiled that infamous smile that could brighten any room. I couldn't fight the smile forming in the corners of my mouth. They were still my friends. They had accepted me for who I was. I had found my true friends.

"Now will you stop thinking about committing suicide, or leaving. You're one of us, we need you here. You cannot leave. We won't allow it," said Sirius. I nodded.

"One more thing," I said quietly. "You guys didn't tell anyone, right?"

"Of course not," said James, and Sirius nodded.

"And you won't, right?"

"Remus! Of course we won't!"

"Are you guys serious?" I asked to reinforce their answer.

"No," Sirius said. James looked at him, confused. This was it. They'd been lying. They hated me.

"He's James and I'm Sirius!" Sirius shouted, grinning. We laughed at his old joke. There was only one more question I needed an answer to.

"What exactly happened last night?" I asked. James, Sirius and Peter glanced at one another. I noticed for the first time the various scratches that covered the three of them.

"Well..." James began.

"I didn't..." I said, my stomach churning with worry.

"Of course not!" snapped James. "We're all fine. Look, why don't we just forget last night? The important thing is that we're all okay."

"Amen," said Peter, sighing.

"So, where do you go when it's full moon?" asked Sirius curiously. I told the three of them about the house, which was now known as the Shrieking Shack. I'd heard that people thought it was haunted. Of course I knew better than that. When I finished, Sirius looked interested.

"Wow," he said. "A secret passage." I knew I'd said too much when I saw that mischievous smile appear on his face.


	12. Chapter 12: Sirius' Idea

****

Chapter 12: Sirius's Idea

After that day, I was never the same person again. The three of them had given me a new outlook on life. I had friends. There were people who cared about me. I was never again the depressed, suicidal, little kid anymore. I guess you could say I found out who I really was for the first time in my life. I was happy, for the first time in as long as I could remember, I was actually happy. I didn't have to worry because I had nothing to hide anymore. I became a fun loving prankster like James and Sirius, only with a bit more common sense. I did try to talk them out of most of the pranks they came up with, but everyone, including myself, knew that I really enjoyed them too. I noticed that Peter seemed to act a little different when he was around me, sort of scared. I didn't pay attention to it, though. I was too busy with other things. I didn't dread the full moon as much anymore. It helped to just have people that I could talk to about it. They always expressed concern, and always came to visit me in the infirmary afterward. Madame Pomfrey wasn't pleased about this, because none of the teachers knew that James, Sirius and Peter knew that I was a werewolf. But they'd always find some way to sneak in, and finally she just gave up and let them come. Soon it was spring, and our second year at Hogwarts was coming to an end. 

One day, we were having lunch in the Great Hall, as usual. James, Peter and I sprinted to our seats, starving and attracted by the smell of all the delicious food. 

"Where's Sirius?" asked Peter, after we'd piled our plates high with as much food as they could hold.

"I don't know," I replied. "But it's weird that he's not here. He never misses an opportunity for food." We laughed. Just then, Sirius arrived, a book in his hand.

"Sirius? What are you doing?" James asked. "Put that book down right now! You don't want to be seen with it!" he scolded jokingly.

"Oh, shut up," said Sirius. "I have an idea. He placed the book on the table. It was titled _Becoming Animagi_. What was he thinking? He spoke quietly. "We could do this," he said to James and Peter. "We could become animagi." James' face lit up.

"Yeah, cool," he agreed. Peter looked pale.

"See, then we could go with Remus on full moon. Werewolves are only dangerous to…" Sirius began.

"Humans," finished James, understanding the plan. They were going to do something stupid and risk their lives for me? I couldn't let them.

"You can't do that," I objected. "You can't do that for me. You might get hurt or even worse!"

"We want to be there with you," said Sirius. "Plus we're going to do it whether you like it or not!" he insisted.

"Yeah," said James. "It's going to be fun." I couldn't help grinning at the idea, although I was really worried about them.

"I don't know," said Peter, flipping through the book. "This is a really complex potion.

"So," said Sirius. "We'll figure it out."

"Yeah," said James. "After all, potions is all of our best subjects, and Beaker is the best teacher ever!" We all looked at him, surprised.

"It's called sarcasm," he said, marveling at our appalled faces. We laughed. "But really, Sirius is right. We can do this." I shook my head. What if something went wrong? I was grateful that I'd found friends who cared enough about me to do something that dangerous for me, but if something went wrong I'd never forgive myself.

Finals came and went. They weren't much more difficult than first year, unless, of course you were Peter, in which case even first year finals were deadly. In early June, we crowded back onto the Hogwarts Express to head home for the summer holiday.

"We should visit again this summer," said Sirius. We nodded. "Addi says she'd like to see you all again." We spent most of the ride home discussing pranks, old ones, new ones, ones we could only wish to be able to pull off.

James mentioned the animagi potion once while we were on the train. He said that we should start to work on it over the summer if we could. I didn't like the idea of it. I'd been hoping that James and Sirius would forget about the whole thing. But that's the thing with those two, they forget what you want them to remember and remember what you want them to forget. 

We were nearly back at King's Cross Station when Lily and Erin entered the compartment to say goodbye to us.

"See you next year," said Lily. "Don't forget to write often."

"Don't worry, Lily," said Sirius. "I'm sure James won't!" James slapped Sirius, who laughed. Lily rolled her eyes.

"I meant all of you," she said.

"Yeah, bye," said Erin, quietly.

"Bye," we chorused. The train pulled up at the station and came to a stop.

"Well, this is it mates," said James. "See you all soon, hopefully."

"Yeah," we nodded, collected our luggage and got off the train. I saw James call bye to Lily one more time as she went to find her family. She smiled and waved at him. Sirius and I, who were still standing together, shook our heads. We knew they'd be together someday, even then. They made it so obvious. And of course Peter was laughing hysterically at the idea, as usual. Peter, Sirius and I said bye to each other and went with our parents.

"Remus!" my mum shouted when she saw me. She gave me a huge hug. "How was it, dear?" she asked. 

"Fun," I replied honestly. She smiled.

"Well, that would explain all the owls home then," I looked up to see my father smiling. I grinned and blushed a little.

We had gotten better with pranks that year, of course, causing more owls than ever to be sent home to our parents. James and Sirius had gotten 103 detentions, and they were very proud. I wasn't far behind with 87, most of which were their fault anyway. 


	13. Chapter 13: Sand, Sun and Fun

****

Chapter 13: Sand, Sun and Fun

Second year ended and it was once again summer. James invited us all to his house that year, even Lily, Erin and Addi. I don't think I'd ever had so much fun in my life. We pulled all kinds of pranks on unsuspecting people, and roamed Diagon Alley, browsing shops, and stopping daily to marvel at the new Nimbus 1000 displayed in the store window of Quality Quidditch Supplies. James was convinced he was getting it for his birthday. I was sure the price was terribly expensive. They hadn't even placed a price tag on the broom; it said price on request, although, I was certain the Potters' could afford it.

We'd known that Mr. Potter was the Minister of Magic, but I hadn't realized just how important he was, and with how much respect he and his family were treated. The Potters' house was remarkable, both in size and in decoration. The magnificent front hall opened into a wide, double spiral staircase, and the whole area was decorated in vibrant red and gold. Behind the staircase, a giant painting of Godric Gryffindor, consumed nearly the entire wall space. James had, not one room, but an entire suite of rooms. We gawked with envy as he showed us his large bedroom, adjoining quidditch room, which was nothing more than a large space devoted entirely to quidditch posters and supplies, including four magnificent broomsticks. There was also a bookshelf that housed every piece of Quidditch literature ever written. He also had a game room, a room to be used for studying, and a walk in closet larger than three of his bedrooms combined, and completely full of shoes and clothing.

"My mum is obsessed with shopping for clothes," he explained as we walked through the aisles of everything from muggle suits to every color of wizard robes imaginable.

From James' main bedroom, there were French doors that led out to a large balcony, overlooking acres of beautiful gardens.

"But we're in the dead center of London!" exclaimed Peter, when he saw the gardens. "How'd you manage that?"

"Dunno," James replied. "It's magic of some sort that my dad had done. Guess it's a courtyard of some sort." The entire Potter house was amazing. James led us all throughout the many sitting rooms, the large magnificent library, the kitchens and house-elves quarters, the elaborately decorated banquet room used for entertaining guests, the smaller dining area where we'd be dining, the inviting indoor pool, with shimmering multi-colored water, and even his father's office, in which James shared with us the secret passage that led straight to the Ministry buildings, where none of the rest of us had ever been. We were each given one of the many comfortable guest rooms, complete with its own bath, and balcony, like James' main bedroom.

The Potters were extremely friendly to all of us. Mrs. Potter was very much the motherly type, and she worried every time we left the house, insisting that we be accompanied by at least one of their fifteen security guards. She also seemed to love us to death. I could see how James got slightly annoyed with her sometimes. One day, she returned excitedly from a shopping trip and presented us each with matching sets of red and gold dress robes. Then, she insisted that we put them on instantly so she could take pictures of her 'Jamesie and his adorable little friends'. Mr. Potter was more willing to let us have our independence. While Mrs. Potter was fretting worriedly, scurrying about the house trying to find a security guard to accompany us on the walk to the ice cream parlor, Mr. Potter would secretly sneak us out one of the back doors and then cover for us when Mrs. Potter realized. Of course, the majority of the time we spent at the Potters', we spent alone. Mr. Potter worked long hours and the Ministry, and when he wasn't there, he was off to visit one of the foreign Ministers, or some type of Muggle equivalent. This let Mrs. Potter with the task of attending a slew of dinner parties and public events on his behalf. Usually, she asked James to accompany her, but he flat out refused the request each time and she went alone. 

I guess you could say all of us grew closer that summer. Lily and James were actually on speaking terms, and spending the majority of their time together without turning each other's hair pink or purple or green. Of course there was always the occasion when James would do something really stupid to Lily, Lily would get mad and stop talking to James, James would beg for forgiveness, and finally Lily would forgive him. But that would become a constant life cycle with those two. Although they'd argue, there was a certain glow about their eyes when they looked at each other, and the rest of us could easily see they were steadily growing fond of one another.

Sirius and Erin seemed closer too. They made the most peculiar pair; as opposite as black and white, we used to say. Everything about them was completely different. Sirius was tall, nearing just above six feet when we were only thirteen; Erin was short, barely reaching five feet and she wouldn't grow to be much taller. Sirius' hair was raven black, and Erin's was so blonde it was almost pure white. And even more opposite than their appearances were their personalities. Sirius was, of course loud, outgoing, obnoxious and boisterous, always looking to be the tough guy, and the troublemaker, just to see how far he could push the limits. Erin, on the other hand, was the most quiet, gentle person I'd ever seen. She was very focused on school and studying, wasn't the least bit outgoing, and would never be described as loud. Though despite their differences, they seemed to make the perfect pair. Peter reckoned they had the one similarity they needed, their mutual fondness of one another. Unlike James and Lily's rocky relationship in the making, Erin and Sirius got along fairly well, because she was the only person that Sirius wouldn't pull pranks on. 

I'd be lying if I were to tell you that nothing was happening between Addi and I as well. We could spend hours, talking laughing, just the two of us. She was different from Sirius, James and Peter. The two of us were incredibly alike, and I felt a closeness with her that I had never shared with anyone else. We understood each other completely; the way we always studied to do well in school, the way we were always the sensible member of our groups of friends, trying to keep peace between the others and keep them out of trouble, the way we were both usually friendly and with an abundance of patience, but could get angry on occasion, usually at Sirius. She'd listen with fascination as I told her stories of the wizarding world; about quidditch and dueling, and dragons and mysterious creatures, potions and incantations. Her eyes glowed with a longing to see for herself the things I spoke of. I promised her that someday I'd show her. There was only one thing I kept from her. I cared too much about her to lose her friendship because of what I was. I vowed that someday, before we ever became anything more than friends, if that ever was to happen, I'd tell her first.

One particularly hot day, while we were staying at the Potters', Mr. Potter and Mrs. Potter both had to attend a dinner party with the Minister of France. We had gotten bored of the Potters' swimming pool (after spending the best part of five days there), and James' parents felt guilty about leaving us alone. So, it was Mr. Potter's sudden idea to send us off to the beach for the day with some of the security guards. James instantly suggested Merlin's Shores, a popular wizarding beach, but Mrs. Potter objected instantly ("What if you're recognized and they give you trouble for being the Minister's son?") so Mr. Potter arranged a compromise. We could go to a Muggle beach, where it was very unlikely that James would be recognized.

We set off in one of the Potters' private stretch limousines (for formal Muggle occasions) with James' two personal security guards. They were two young men of about twenty, one which kind of reminded me of a blonde-haired Sirius, whose name was Tony, and another who was shorter with brownish hair, named Joe. 

"So, fellows," said James when we were in the car on our way to the beach. "What should we do today?"

"Anything you want as long as your parents don't hear about it," said Tony, glancing at James in the rear view mirror.

"Yeah, mates, do you really need us to follow you around all day? You're old enough to take care of yourselves," said Joe.

"I don't know, Joe. I can't stand the thought of Mrs. Potter beating me over the head with that lamp again for letting James get into trouble," Tony shuddered.

"True, that lady can hit hard," said Joe, wincing at the thought.

"Look out!" shouted Peter suddenly. Tony face forward just in time to swerve out of a lane of oncoming traffic. Lily, Erin and Addi all shrieked as we narrowly avoided a collision with a large truck.

"Come on, please?" begged James. "You can have the whole day to yourselves, and we promise not to get in trouble. We'll tell my parents you were wonderful guardians."

"Well... alright," agreed Tony. "But if anything happens, we're gonna tell your mum to beat you over the head with that lamp!"

"Deal," said James. There were three groans from the girls, though none of them objected.

"All right, we're here," said Tony, pulling up to the parking lot. "Everybody out."

"Thanks, Tony, Joe, you guys are the most bloody awesome security guards I've ever seen," exclaimed Sirius, jumping out from the car.

"Er... thanks kid," said Joe, looking a bit surprised. 

"Oh, wait a minute Joe!" said Tony. "We have got to read them the letter from Mrs. Potter! Read them the letter from Mrs. Potter!" Joe took the letter from Joe's hands and read.

"_This is a muggle beach. There will be absolutely no magic from any of you. Don't do anything that will draw attention to yourselves, and most of all, be careful. You'll be needing some muggle money for food, which will be provided by Tony_." Joe glanced at Tony, who mumbled under his breath and handed James a fifty-pound note. 

"_I am trusting all of you. Do not do anything wrong. This includes you, Joe and Tony. Consider the light incident a warning for what will happen again if you ever, ever, let James get into danger again. Have a fun day, everyone, and I love you Jamesie-Poo._—ugh, your mum said that, not me. We'll that's everything, so we're out of here."

"And please don't get into trouble. I don't like the light," whined Tony as Joe climbed back into the car.

"Don't worry," James and Sirius chorused.

"We'll pick you up at six. Be here!" shouted Joe out the window as Joe began to drive off.

"Okay!" shouted James. We had only been standing at the edge of the beach for about two seconds when Peter prodded James and I in the back and picked up a handful of sand. We followed, and tossed it at Sirius.

"Hey!" Sirius shouted. He chased James and pushed him into the water. Then they went after Peter, who was complaining about the sand burning his feet. 

"Remus! Help us!" shouted Sirius, as he chased Peter.

"Coming!" I shouted, chasing after them. I sneaked up behind Peter, who was standing at the edge of the water.

"Oops!" I said as I gave him a little push, causing him to fall forward.

"Ouch!" he shouted when he regained balance. 

"Nice, Remus!" shouted James. I nodded.

"Where are the girls?" asked Sirius. I glanced around, noticing they hadn't followed us.

"I don't know," I said. "Should we look for them?"

"I guess so," said James. We began walking around the crowded beach looking for them. Finally we spotted them sitting on towels in the sand about halfway up the beach.

"Why are you just sitting there?" asked James.

"We're trying to get tans," said Lily.

"Well, this is no fun," complained Sirius. "How can you sit around like this all day?" Erin sighed and shook her head.

"Can we go get some food?" asked Peter.

"Yeah," Sirius agreed, suddenly sounding more enthusiastic. James pulled out the muggle money.

"Anyone want to help me with this?" he stared at it, puzzled.

"I know how to use it," said Sirius, looking impatient. "Now can we go get some food?" We began walking towards a food stand. I motioned for Addi, Lily and Erin to follow. We arrived at a food stand and read the menu. 

"Hotdogs, french fries, ice cream, lemonade, coke," James read the menu. "What do you guys want?"

"Everything," said Sirius and Peter in unison. The girls exchanged glances and rolled their eyes.

"Okay," said James. "We'll have seven of everything." The man working at the stand looked at us strange, but got seven of everything. James frowned when it took almost all the money to pay for it all.

"How are we supposed to eat all of this?" complained Lily as we walked back to their spot on the beach.

"Don't worry," I told her. "I'm sure Sirius and Peter will be more than willing to help you out."

"Sirius never stops eating," said Addi. "Dad can't even keep food in the house."

"Hey, I'm not that bad!" said Sirius, who had already eaten his hotdog, all of his french fries, and half of Erin's.

"Sure you're not," I said to him.

After eating, we made the girls get in the water. James figured out how to bewitch waves to make them chase people. Lily was his main victim, until she too figured out the spell and got him back for it. 

"Agghh!" shouted Addi, as a wave that Sirius had bewitched crashed into her, causing her to fall to the ground. "That's not fair! I can't fight back!" she called to him as she stood up and he ran away laughing. Then she took off chasing him anyway.

"Don't worry, Addi, I'll get him for you!" I called, bewitching a wave to hit Sirius. Sirius got a bit over enthusiastic with bewitching waves after that. He sent two at me at once, then three at Peter, who accidentally messed up the spell when trying to get him back, and ended up sending another after himself. Sirius then noticed James chasing Lily near the edge of the water. He bewitched a wave to hit both of them. The were knocked off their feet, and James landed on top of Lily.

"Sirius you idiot!" James shouted, standing up quickly and chasing after him.

"Everybody get Sirius!" shouted Lily, chasing after them. They all took off running. I noticed Addi staying behind because she couldn't do spells. I walked over to her.

"Are you all right?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she smiled. "Sometimes I just wish I were magic too, though," she said sounding a little sad. I sat down next to her.

"Look at them," I laughed as Sirius got hit with about twelve waves from different directions. Addi laughed too. Muggle children were giving them weird looks. Then, the five of them came running back to us.

"Let's bury someone in the sand," said Sirius.

"Who?" asked James. Peter volunteered. We began piling sand on him.

"Hey! Not that much!" shouted Peter when he was covered in about two feet of sand everywhere but his face.

"Okay then, let's go," said James, turning and pretending to leave.

"Hey! I can't get up!" shouted Peter. We laughed as he attempted to stand up, but failed. "Help!" We dug him out of the sand and got ready to leave since it was nearly six-o clock. Tony and Joe were too cool for us to make them get in trouble for being late. 

We only remained at the Potters' two more days before we had to return home to our families. James had agreed to try to buy ingredients for the animagus potion in Diagon Alley so that we could get started on it as soon as school started.


	14. Chapter 14: A Harmless Prank on Snape

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Chapter 14: A Harmless Prank on Snape

Summer ended and we found ourselves once again heading back to Hogwarts. I wrote to Addi more often that summer and got to see her again in Diagon Alley before we went back, and again at King's Cross Station before we left. I guess you could say things really started getting interesting our third year. The beginning went smoothly. We had lots more classes to keep up with, like Divination. Our teacher, Professor Trelawney, was constantly making predictions. Most of them were ridiculous. Like the one she told Sirius on our first day of class. We were starting palm reading. She decided to use Sirius as an example. She looked at his hand and said that he had one of the shortest lifelines she'd ever seen. Sirius had looked a little concerned, but after a few classes we realized that her predictions were fakes. Then we had fun. Sirius would look at James's palm and say something like, "Hm, let's see now…oh my, it looks as though you're going to have a terrible future. Attacked by a dragon sometime next week, fall ill next month, oh, and what's this? You'll marry Lily Evans before the age of twenty." James would slap him and Professor Trelawney would give them a strange glance. 

Snape was really starting to annoy us with his mudblood jokes. We plotted a very evil prank to play on him. Sirius wrote him a note that was supposedly from Professor Beaker.

__

To: Severus Snape

Please meet me in the dungeon this evening at eight o' clock to discuss your grade on your last exam.

Thank you,

Professor Beaker 

"I'm telling you, it's perfect," Sirius insisted to us. "Snape would listen to Beaker if he told him to use the Avada Kedavra curse on himself."

"I don't know," I said doubtfully.

"Come on Remus, he is really rude with all of those mudblood comments," said James. "He deserves it." James was right. He had been really ignorant lately. I nodded. We sent Peter to take the letter to the owlery and send it using a school owl.

"So," said Sirius. "Tonight when he goes down to the dungeon, we first steal his wand, then we lock him in, and bewitch all of the stuff in there to fall off the shelves. He'll still be locked in there tomorrow morning when Beaker shows up, and he'll get blamed for all of it."

"It's great," said James. "Stupid greasy git deserves it." 

That night at quarter of eight, we left the common room under the invisibility cloak and sneaked to the entrance of the dungeon. 

"He's coming," whispered James, a few minutes after we arrived. "I'll get his wand. James carefully slipped Snape's wand out of his pocket and under the cloak as Snape entered the room. 

"Professor Beaker?" asked Snape as he walked in.

"Quick," I hissed. Sirius closed the door and performed the locking spell on it. James waved his wand, and we listened as things inside the room began to fall off of the shelves and crash to the floor. Snape shouted.

"Let me out of here! Someone trapped me in here! The door's locked! Help!" James placed Snape's wand on the ground in front of the door so it would appear that he'd dropped it there. We covered our mouths to keep from laughing and tiptoed up the stairs. At the top, we couldn't hear his screams, so we knew no one would find him before morning. When we were back in the dorm room, we exploded into fits of laughter.

The next day we had potions class first thing in the morning. We stood behind a corner and watched Professor Beaker descend the stairs to the dungeon. We heard him shout when he got to the bottom.

"What happened in here! Snape!" he roared. We tiptoed down the stairs.

"I didn't do it," said Snape. "I was locked in when I came to discuss my grade on the last exam last night. You weren't here."

"What are you talking about?" roared Beaker. Snape reached in his pocket and pulled out the paper. It was blank. Sirius had written it in special ink that disappears after five hours.

"Nice try," said Professor Beaker. "That'll be one weeks detention, and five points from Slytherin."

"If that was me, Gryffindor's points would be negative numbers," muttered Sirius, sounding a bit annoyed. Beaker glanced at the doorway where we were standing.

"What are you doing here?" he snapped.

"We're here for class, sir," I said. He nodded and continued to look at us suspiciously..

"Wow, what happened in here?" asked Sirius, staring at the shattered glass jars on the floor with odd looking liquids now seeping out of them.

"Nothing of your concern," said Professor Beaker, waving his wand to clean up the mess. "Now get ready for class." The rest of the class had arrived. Beaker hardly seemed angry with Snape at all. Sirius was right. He would have gotten a lot angrier if it had been one of us. But still, our prank worked, we didn't get caught, and Snape looked upset and terrified. All in all, it was another success for the Marauders.

Pranks went well the beginning of our third year and we can proudly say that we got 94 owls home before Christmas Break. James and Sirius finished the animagi potion, which scared me since they were so good at blowing things up. I didn't know what I'd do if something happened to them when they took it. I'd be horrified, and I'd feel so guilty. They were doing this all for me. But I had plenty of time to worry. The potion had to sit for 730 days before it would be ready. Two years. We hid it under one of the beds in our dorm room. We didn't have to worry about anyone finding it. The room was so messy that even all of us were afraid to look under the beds.


	15. Chapter 15: The First of Many

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Chapter 15: The First of Many

James, Sirius and I all stayed for Christmas break that year, and we were practically the only Gryffindors, except for two seventh years. On Christmas day, after a delicious feast, we were relaxing in the common room, enjoying a competitive game of wizard chess. 

"Good evening, boys," came a familiar voice, calm and almost sad. We glanced up from our game to find Professor Dumbledore observing us, looking more solemn than usual, the familiar twinkle absent from his eyes. 

"Sirius, come with me," he said. Sirius stood.

"Can we come too, Professor?" asked James.

"No, James," said Dumbledore. "I need to see Sirius alone right now."

"Come on Headmaster. Where's your Christmas spirit?" Dumbledore's eyes flickered downward, and he was silent. This was not at all the usual behavior of the ambitious and witty headmaster we knew.

"Please can we come! PLEASE?" I begged. I'd had sugar, and according to James and Sirius, I get dangerous when I have sugar.

"Stay here, Remy," said Sirius. "And whatever you do, don't have anymore sugar while I'm gone." I grinned and held up several chocolate frogs.

"So, still up for that snowball battle later?" asked James. Sirius nodded as he left the room. James and I waited for him. We waited, and waited and waited. Finally, it got really late and we went to bed.

"Where do you think he is?" I asked James for the hundredth time, as we climbed into our four posters.

"I don't know, but I hope nothing is wrong," James replied. The next day, he still wasn't back. We decided to ask Dumbledore where he was, but all Dumbledore would say is that he couldn't tell us anything and that Sirius would be back after break. We spent the next two weeks in constant worry. Something had to be wrong. Sirius wouldn't have just left without telling us if it was nothing.

On the day when everyone returned from the holidays, James and I went down to the Great Hall extremely early to wait for them, in hope of talking to Sirius before the others arrived. We sat at our usual places at the Gryffindor table, which had been set up once again. The doors in the entrance hall suddenly swung open and the swarming melody of excited voices filled the air. A few seconds later, the Great Hall overflowing with its usual commotion and chatter. Lily was the first of the others to arrive at our table. We greeted her, attempting to act as normal as we could manage, but there was no fooling her. Her cheerful smile quickly vanished when she saw the worried looks we wore on our faces. Peter arrived next. We said hi to him, and he sat in his usual seat next to me, scarcely noticing that anything was out of the ordinary. It was Erin, who arrived next, that noticed that Sirius was missing.

"Where is Sirius?" were her first words when she got to the table. James and I exchanged glances.

"He's supposed to be back now," said James.

"What do you mean--?" Erin started to ask, but before she could finish, Sirius arrived at the table. He didn't look well. His eyes looked sad and I noticed he had several bruises on his face and arms.

"Sirius, where were you?" I demanded. "You were gone for two weeks." Erin, Lily and Peter listened to us, confused.

"I went home," said Sirius.

"Why?" asked James. "I thought you were staying." Sirius shook his head.

"It's okay," said Erin, taking his hand. "You can tell us when you're ready." Sirius sighed, looking pale and exhausted. He collapsed into his usual seat. I groaned as I noticed Snape parading his way over to our table.

"So, Black, what's this I hear about your dad?" he demanded.

"Shut up!" said Sirius.

"Got your father killed too, huh?" asked Snape. The next thing we knew, Sirius had leaped up and started punching Snape, who tried to fight back. Soon Sirius had him on the ground, pounding him in the face, with horrible cracking sounds and spurts of blood. Snape had taken a hold of Sirius' hair and was yanking it, while using his other hand in attempt to scratch Sirius' face. A crowd was gathering around them.

"Sirius! Stop!" wailed Erin.

"Come on, Sirius! Let him go!" James pleaded.

"Sirius, please stop fighting him. You're going to get yourself in trouble!" I shouted. 

"Not until this damn filthy git learns to mind his own bloody damn business!" Sirius shouted between blows.

Meanwhile, Lily and Peter were trying to shoo the crowd away.

"Mind your own business!"

"This has nothing to do with you! Go away!" It proved a useless effort, and soon Dumbledore came rushing over, accompanied by Beaker. He grabbed Sirius and Dumbledore grabbed Snape, the two of them forcefully yanking the fighting boys apart. Both were shedding blood. 

"My office. Now," he didn't sound pleased. They left. The crowd of people returned to their seats. We all stared at each other in silence.

"Did I miss something?" James asked. I shrugged.

"I don't know what gets into him," said Erin. She looked kind of upset. "I wish he'd tell me what's going on."

"Well, Snape said something about his dad," said Peter.

"Yeah," said Lily. "Something about him killing his dad, I think."

"This is Snape we're talking about," James pointed out. "It could have been anything."

"He's right," agreed Erin. "So Sirius didn't stay here with you over break?" I shook my head.

"Dumbledore came and took him on Christmas night," said James. "All he told us is that he'd be back after break." 

"We need to get him to talk to us," said Erin.

"He seems to like to keep things to himself a lot," said James. I agreed. Sirius didn't come back during the meal. The five of us headed to transfiguration class without him. 

"I hope he tells us," I said.

"He'll tell us," said James. "He just needs time to think, probably. You know how Sirius gets when he's mad, and if he was already upset then that makes it all the worse." I nodded.

"But what Snape said about his dad," said Lily. "Do you think it's true?"

"I don't know," I said, shaking my head.

"I hope not," said Erin. "His mum's already dead. Where will he go? I don't think he's got many other relatives."

"Don't worry yet Erin," said Lily. "Wait until we know what really happened." Erin nodded. We arrived at Transfiguration class late, but Professor McGonagall pretended not to notice. A few minutes later, Sirius walked in. Professor McGonagall asked him to come to her desk. She spoke to him quietly, then he nodded and sat down.

"Sirius," said James. "Will you tell us what happened?" Sirius took a deep breath and nodded slowly.

"My dad was killed on Christmas," he said quietly. It was true. We stared at each other in awkward silence.

"I'm sorry, Sirius," said Lily finally.

"Can we talk about this later?" asked Sirius. "I need to tell you something, but it's too dangerous to talk about it here."

"What is it Sirius?" I asked, feeling alarmed that my friend might be in danger. "Can you at least give us a hint?"

"All right," agreed Sirius. "It has to do with Voldemort." We gasped.

"VOLDEMORT?" The entire class was now staring. There, once again is that name, another innocent life taken by him. And more would come later. In those days, Voldemort was just gaining power. Lots of people had heard of him, but he didn't have any followers. There would be random attacks, no more than three or four times a year, for no apparent reason. No one knew why he chose to kill those certain people, in fact to this day we still don't know.

"Quiet," said Professor McGonagall.

"Sorry," we whispered.

"Oh guess what?" Sirius asked us quietly. "She told me that we should blow something up this class period. She says she can't stand seeing all of us this worried looking." I laughed halfheartedly. McGonagall wanted us to blow something up. That was something I never thought I'd see.

"I've got the perfect idea," said Sirius, though his usual marauder grin was missing. A few seconds later, Professor McGonagall's desk was transfigured into a small pig. We laughed hysterically as it raced around the room. Professor McGonagall smiled slightly.

"Class dismissed." We got up and left. When we were back in the common room, Sirius told us the whole story.

"Okay, this is what I needed to talk to you about," he began when we were all seated around him. "I don't know a lot, but what I do know is that Voldemort murdered my dad."

"Why?" asked Peter.

"I'm getting there," Sirius continued. "I told you guys he killed my mum, when I was little, because she was trying to protect me. Now he's killed my dad too. It's all because of me. He's after me." Sirius was trying to look calm, but he was worried.

"Oh my gosh, Sirius!" said Erin. "You have no idea why?" She looked at him.

"None at all," said Sirius. "Except that Voldemort knew I was powerful and I'd be a threat, or something like that."

"You don't think he'd try to attack you here, right?" asked James. "I mean with Dumbledore and everything." Sirius shook his head.

"I don't know James, I don't know." We all stared at each other silently. We'd never known fear this great. One of our best friends was in danger of being murdered. And both of his parents had been murdered. He had no one left, except for, how could have I been so stupid. In all of the commotion, I hadn't even thought of her.

"Addi," I said. "Is she all right?"

"Yeah, Remus, she's fine," said Sirius. "Voldemort never touched her."

"You mean she was there when it happened?" I asked, shocked.

"Yeah," Sirius didn't look like he was comfortable talking about it.

"I've got to write to her then," I said. "Where are you two staying now?" I asked.

"Oh, with my grandfather," said Sirius quickly, as though not to make a big deal of it. Erin put her hand on Sirius's arm to comfort him, but when she did, he winced.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing," said Sirius. "I just fell the other day and hurt my arm. It's fine, really, just a little sore."

James, Sirius and I looked for clues to why Voldemort was after Sirius. We spent more time in the library than Sirius had in his entire life in those three days. Still, we found nothing that explained anything. There were books on scars, books on exchange of extraordinary powers through dueling, and a several recently published book on theories of Voldemort's motives, however the latter was written by a young writer by the name of Rita Skeeter, and James reckoned it was rubbish. And so, nothing was helpful to us. 

"Don't worry, Sirius," James would say. "We'll always be here with you. If Voldemort tries to kill you, he'll have to take us too." Even then, James would have died for Sirius. And so would have I. I can't stand looking back at all of this and then thinking how Sirius betrayed us. Like I said before, I guess none of us ever knew the real Sirius Black. Maybe he had been plotting with Voldemort the whole time. I didn't even want to think that.

I wrote to Addi, and she wrote back a few days later. She said she was all right and to remind Sirius that she didn't blame him for what happened. She mentioned very little of the actual incident, only that her father had passed away in the hospital on her and Sirius' birthday, and she was now staying with her grandparents, where she said she was content to live. Perhaps she should have blamed Sirius for what had happened. How could he have done that to her? His mum, his dad and his very own twin. It makes me so angry that I ever trusted him. But that's just the thing. He'd seemed so trustworthy, the most loyal friend you could ever have. I guess things aren't always what they seem.

The rest of third year went by slowly. Sirius insisted to us that he was fine, but we could tell that he was hurting inside. He and Erin grew closer than ever. He seemed to confide in her things he would never share with the rest of us, and we respected this, by not begging Erin to share the news. For the first few weeks after Sirius' return, we all seemed to silently share the common fear that Voldemort would try to do something horrible to him. It had become our unspoken agreement to never leave him alone without at least one of us with him. This accomplished little, aside from making Sirius quite annoyed with us. The days crept by and nothing out of the ordinary happened. It seemed as though Voldemort had forgotten about whatever he'd been planning to do. At the end of the year, Sirius seemed reluctant about going to his grandfather's house. I had the feeling something might have been wrong, but I didn't say anything.


	16. Chapter 16: Summer at My House

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Chapter 16: Summer at My House

Everyone visited my house that summer. It was fun but we couldn't get what had happened off of our minds. Sirius and Addi just didn't seem the same. They would smile and laugh, but all of us could tell they were hurting. And not just emotionally, either. Sirius had cuts and bruises on his face and arms. He and Addi both said he'd fallen out of a tree. James questioned this, asking what he was doing climbing a tree when he could fly. Sirius just shrugged and didn't answer.

One morning during their visit, I awoke early. I glanced around my bedroom where James was still asleep on the bed, Sirius slept on an armchair in the corner, and Peter was in a sleeping bag on the floor, snoring. Aware of the dangerous consequences that would result from depriving the three of them of their sleep, I headed downstairs without them. From the window by the staircase, I could see that a pink glow was just beginning to light the horizon. Rather sleepily, I stumbled into the living room. I jumped, as I noticed the room wasn't empty. A shadowy figure I recognized as Addi occupied the sofa. As I approached her, I noticed that her face was buried in her hands and she was crying softly.

"Addi?" I whispered. "Are you okay?" She glanced up at me, her eyes glistening with tears. She hastily began rubbing them with her fists.

"Oh, Remus. I'm fine. I—er couldn't sleep," she said quickly.

"Me either," I said. She motioned for me to sit down, and I did.

"So, is there something keeping you from sleeping?" I asked her.

"No, not really," she replied quietly, her eyes darting towards the ground.

"Are you sure?" I asked. She sighed and pressed her eyes shut tightly.

"I miss dad," she whispered quietly. 

"I'm really sorry about him, Addi," I said to her. "If there's anything I can do..."

"No, really, I'm fine," she insisted. She forced a smile, but there were tears in her eyes. 

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" I asked gently.

"Well, I...I can't," she finished, tears rolling down her cheeks. She began to cry softly.

"It's okay to cry," I said doubtful of whether I was saying the right thing. "I think you need to cry." She sobbed.

"It's been months since it happened though. I just want to know when it'll stop feeling like this," she cried.

"I'm sure it will get better," I whispered. "You lost someone you love, and healing doesn't come easily. The best healer is time." I placed my arm on her shoulder and she buried her face in my shirt. A bit surprised at first, I sat with her as she cried for a while. Eventually, she lifted her head and wiped her eyes.

"I think I'm feeling better now," she said. "Thanks."

We sat in silence for a few moments. The warm rays of the early morning summer sun were shining a bit brighter through the windows now. I glanced at Addi, and noticed she was looking at me. Not the same way as usual, there was something different. Feeling a bit uneasy, I looked back at her.

"Thank you for being here for me, Remus," she said. I nodded.

Before I knew what was happening, she leaned forward and kissed me, right on the lips. I stared blankly at her. There was an awkward silence. I noticed she turned slightly red, and I could feel myself turning red too.

"I better go now."

"I'm going to go back upstairs." We spoke at the same time. A curious sensation still tingled on my lips. It was like nothing I'd ever felt before. I ascended the staircase, noticing that my knees were shaking like mad. I could barely keep my balance. I could feel the warm blood rushing to my face, and I became aware that I had a grin stretched from ear to ear. Addi liked me. She'd just kissed me. For a few seconds, I felt I must have been the luckiest person alive. Of course, it didn't take long for the ugliness of reality to set in. She didn't know she'd just kissed a werewolf. What could I do? I had to tell her now. She had enough misfortunes in her life already, losing both of her parents. But she deserved to know. She had no idea what she was getting herself into. I couldn't tell her, but I had to do something. I thought of talking to one of my friends about it. James seemed to know a lot about liking girls, of course, I remembered, every time he tried to talk to Lily it usually resulted in her getting angry with him. Sirius was Addi's brother, and I didn't feel comfortable talking to him about it. And Peter, well, Peter and girls didn't belong in the same sentence. He usually tried to avoid them as much as possible. I went back to my room, where everyone was still sleeping. I sat down on the floor and thought. I knew what I had to do, as much as I didn't want to admit it. 

Later that day, when I saw Addi again, both of us turned bright red with embarrassment again, receiving odd glances from everyone else. It remained that way for the rest of the visit; the two of us didn't talk much, because neither knew how the other had reacted. The fact that I was concerned about telling her about being a werewolf didn't help either. I purposely tried to avoid her the majority of the time, most likely giving her the feeling that she'd angered me. Needless to say, I never did get the courage to tell Addi that summer. She and Sirius left a few days after the incident, and I didn't see them until we went to Diagon Alley. By then, Addi and I were talking like normal again. But there were other more serious issues to preoccupy my concerns. Sirius had fresh cuts and bruises on him, and even Addi had a few. Something wasn't right with them. It worried me, and it worried James and Peter too.


	17. Chapter 17: The Winter Ball

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Chapter 17: The Winter Ball

Fourth year was fun. Voldemort became less of a worry to us because nothing had happened to Sirius and it had been nearly a year. We were back to being our usual selves, pulling pranks as often as possible. Things went smoothly all year. Except one night that stands out clearly in my mind. It might have been good for everyone else, but it was a nightmare for me. About a week before break, we were sitting in the Great Hall having lunch, when Dumbledore made an announcement.

"Students," he began. "We have decided to hold a ball this year the day before Christmas Break begins. It will be a formal occasion, so please dress appropriately. All students are invited to attend." He sat and we resumed with eating. Lily and Erin were talking excitedly.

"A ball. That's so exciting," said Erin. "I can't wait."

"I know," agreed Lily. "But what will we wear?" she realized suddenly.

"Oh no, what will we wear?" James mocked her in a girlish voice. Lily hit him on the arm.

"Ouch!" James pretended it hurt. Lily rolled her eyes and continued talking to Erin.

"We have to have dates," Erin pointed out.

"Yeah," agreed Lily. I noticed James and Sirius exchange glances.

After lunch, we went back to our dorm room. I kept on thinking about the ball. I'd heard lots of girls talking about finding dates.

"So, should I ask Erin to go to the ball with me?" asked Sirius.

"Yeah," said James. "At least you know she'll say yes."

"Are you going to ask Lily?" I asked James.

"Yeah, I'm going to try," said James.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" asked Peter. "Now is a good time to ask. They're in the common room."

"Now?" said James.

"Yeah, unless you want Lily to end up going with someone else instead," said Peter.

"Now is good," said James suddenly standing. What would I do? James had Lily and Sirius had Erin. I wished Addi were there. We went out into the common room and approached the two chairs that were occupied by Lily and Erin.

"Hi guys," said Erin.

"Hi," said Sirius. James nudged him. "Um, Erin. Would you like to go to the ball with me?" he asked. She smiled.

"Sure, I'd like that," she said with a smile. James stared at his feet awkwardly, looked pale. Lily looked at him, expectantly. 

"Will you go with me, Lily?" he managed to mumble quietly.

"Okay," she agreed, smiling at the look of relief spreading across James' face. "Well then, what about Remus and Peter?" she asked. I shrugged.

"We'll find you two dates," said Erin, giggling.

"Oh, no," I moaned. "Please don't." They laughed.

"It's just for fun, Remus. Don't you want to have a good time?" asked Lily. I shook my head. I didn't want to be fixed up with someone that I couldn't stand.

"Well, you could always go with Peter," said Sirius, jokingly.

"No!" both of us shouted at the same time. 

"You can find me a date in that case," I said, though I regretted it.

"Don't worry. You charming young bachelors wait here," she announced, giggling like mad. "Come on Erin, this'll be fun." They went to talk to some of their other friends. Meanwhile, I was sitting in a chair moaning.

"It won't be that bad Remus," said James.

"Yeah, who could be that bad?" asked Sirius. "It's only for one night."

"I guess," I mumbled. A few minutes later, Lily and Erin came back, giggling.

"We've found dates for both of you," said Erin.

"Who?" I asked.

"Well, Remus. You're going with Julia O'Keefe," Lily announced, looking pleased with herself. I moaned. Julia was one of the most conceited girls at Hogwarts. She was tall, taller than me, with a stick thin frame. Her mousy facial features were framed by short, golden brown tufts of hair, and she held her tiny pointed nose in the air with a great amount of conceitedness. I also was well aware that she was one of the biggest gossips in school. Every time I'd been near her, her loud, giggly voice was commenting on someone. ("Oh my gosh, look at her shoes! Those or so last year!" or "Did you hear that so-and-so is going out with so-and-so? Don't they make a positively horrid couple?"). I shuddered at the thought of spending an entire evening with someone so shallow, superficial and self-centered.

"Not that bad, huh?" I asked James sarcastically. He shrugged, only half paying attention, still caught up in a daze from the initial shock that Lily had agreed to go with him.

"And Peter," Lily continued. "You're going with Rosalind McLaughlan."

"Really?" asked Peter, sounding surprised. Rosalind wasn't exceptionally pretty, she was short, a bit plump, had a large nose, and her curly blonde hair was usually a mess. She wasn't very intelligent when it came to school, but she was at least better than Peter. Of course, it was a surprise to Peter to have any girl be willing to go to a dance with him. Not that he'd ever tried to get a girlfriend or anything. He usually just assumed no one liked him. He was grinning, and I was happy for him. Later that day, when he'd headed off for dinner, we talked to Lily.

"So, how'd you manage to get Rosalind to go with Peter?" asked Sirius.

"She was really worried that she wouldn't have anyone to go with," explained Lily. "And she doesn't seem to think Peter's that bad."

"Why Julia for me?" I asked.

"You don't like her?" Lily asked.

"She's annoying!" I said.

"Well, she was the first person I could find, and she said yes," said Lily. "She seemed happy. I think she really likes you."

"Oh great," I muttered. That was just what I needed, someone like that liking me. "Next time we have a dance, remind me to find my own date. Or better yet, I'll go alone." I told Sirius.

"Unless my sister is there, right Moony?" he teased.

"Shut up," I muttered. But he was right.

A week later, we were in our dorm preparing for the ball. We dressed in dress robes. James was trying to fix his hair, and failing, of course.

"I could try to transfigure it for you, James," Sirius offered. But James refused saying that it would probably end up worse than it was already. Sirius agreed that he was probably right. The two of them were so happy. They were going to the dance with girls they liked. And here I was, going to the dance with Julia, and still unable to get Addi off my mind. 

"We should go. The girls are probably waiting," Sirius said, checking his watch.

"Great," I muttered. James drew in a deep breath, and attempted to straighten his face, which was plastered in the same stupid grin he'd worn whenever Lily had agreed to go with him. Sirius seemed the cool and collected one, as usual, taking one last glance in our mirror before heading out of the dorm.

"Cheer up, Remus," said Sirius. "This is going to be fun."

"Maybe for you," I said. "You're not going with Julia." He shrugged and continued out the door. I followed. We descended the staircase into the Gryffindor common room. The girls stood, waiting for us. James joined Lily, Sirius joined Erin, Peter joined Rosalind, and I stood, not wanting to join Julia. I took a deep breath and walked over. I could hardly believe how she was dressed. Her royal blue gown was tight and much to short in my opinion, exposing her thin bony features. Her pale face was now heavily plastered with layers and layers of makeup, including bright red lipstick and caked-on blue eye shadow. Her short hair was clipped back from her face in tiny barrettes. She stood haughtily, her hand resting on her hip impatiently, nose raised highly in the air in a look of superiority. I groaned inwardly. 

"Hi, Julia," I said when I reached her.

"Hi Remus," she said in a voice that was much too cheerful.

"You look nice," I tried to complement her. She giggled and instantly clung to my arm, leading me off behind the others. I sighed. It was going to be a long night. We walked down to the Great Hall. It was brightly decorated with candles floating in the air, ribbons of house colors were streaming from all around, garland and red bows adorned the walls, and the floor had been bewitched to look like ice, reflecting the multicolored glow from the torches that floated overhead.

"This is it?" asked Julia when she saw it. "I can't believe this is all they did. I thought this was going to be a formal dance! I've seen muggle dances look better." I rolled my eyes. The music for the first dance started to play. I stood with her at the side of the dance floor, watching the other couples make their way out.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" asked Julia in an annoyed tone. She grabbed my arm and yanked me onto the floor. Then she put her arms around my neck. I reluctantly put my arms lightly around her waist, and we danced. I didn't look at her, instead I looked around at everyone else. James and Lily were dancing close, looking deep into each other's eyes, and smiling. Erin was leaning her head on Sirius' shoulder as they danced. Rosalind was frowning as Peter continually stepped on her feet as he tried to dance. My mind drifted off to Addi. I wished she were there. Then, the night would have been perfect. But instead, I had Julia.

"Would you at least look at me while we're dancing," she complained. "Agghh! You are so bad at this!" I sighed. It had only been five minutes, and this was already terrible. The song ended and we left the dance floor. Now, Julia dragged me over to a group of her giggly friends. They were three girls who seemed to act the same as Julia. One of them was with a Ravenclaw fourth year that I didn't know, another was with a Hufflepuff fifth year, and the third one appeared to be alone, until her date came walking over. It was Snape. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, they did. Julia was still hanging on my arm.

"Guys, this is my date, Remus Lu-. What is it again?" she said.

"Lupin," I mumbled.

"Right," she said. "Remus Lupin."

"Hi," the others said cheerfully.

"Hi," I mumbled. I saw Sirius, James and Peter standing with Lily, Erin and Rosalind at the other side of the Great Hall.

"Why don't I go get us some drinks," I offered to Julia.

"Okay," she said. "Hurry back."

"Right," I muttered, walking away. I reached the other side of the Great Hall.

"Help me," I moaned to James. He laughed.

"It's not funny!" I shouted. "She's so annoying!"

"Having fun, huh Remus?" said Sirius.

"Oh, yeah, the time of my life," I said sarcastically. I noticed Julia waving for me to come back. "Well, duty calls," I said, walking back over to her.

"Let's go dance some more," she said, grabbing my arm and leading me to the dance floor. We danced next to Snape and his date. She and Julia were talking. Snape glared at me.

"Oh, you know Severus, don't you Remus?" Julia said after she noticed that we weren't talking.

"We've met," I said stiffly.

"So, you are a pureblood, right?" Julia asked as we danced.

"Yes," I said. "What does that matter?"

"Oh, well, you know," she answered. "We're the only ones that are _real_ wizards. Those others are never as good at magic." She smirked. I was liking her less by the minute. It was only eight thirty, and the dance lasted until twelve. It was going to be a very long night. After the song ended, I was dragged back over to her group of friends.

"Oh my gosh! Look at her dress!" they were talking about some other girl. "That is so last year!"

"I know!" said Julia. "I would die if I had to wear that!"

"Look at that girl's hair!" Snape's date was pointing to Lily.

"Oh, that is terrible!" commented Julia. "Oh, and she's with your friend." She said to me, referring to James. "I would have thought he could do better than that."

"I think you'd better stop talking about my friends like that!" I told her. I was really getting angry with her now.

"Oh, sorry," she tried to look apologetic. 

"Sure," I muttered.

"What was that?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing," I said.

"Well, then," she said. "Would you run and fetch me a drink? I'm really thirsty."

"I'm not going to _fetch _you anything," I muttered angrily. Who did she think she was? She frowned, looking a little upset.

"Then, I'll come with you," she said. We walked over to the punch bowl. Sirius and Erin were there too. Julia was getting herself a glass of punch, and Sirius was standing near her, holding one. He grinned his mischievous smile. I wondered what he was thinking, but it didn't take long to find out.

"Oh, I am so sorry," he said as he bumped into Julia, spilling punch all over her dress. He grinned at me, and I couldn't help laughing.

"You idiot! How could you do that!" she shouted at him.

"It was an accident," now Sirius was using his innocent look. 

"You _ruined_ my dress!" Julia wined. Erin grabbed Sirius's arm.

"Let's go," she hissed, pulling him away. 

"Thanks," I mouthed to him as he left. 

Julia dragged me to the other side of the Great Hall where there were chairs. She sat down.

"I can't be seen like this," she was in tears. "Your stupid friend ruined my dress! This is so humiliating!" I bit my lip, forcing myself not to laugh. Several of her friends came rushing over to see what was going on. She told them what happened.

"Oh, that's terrible," one of them said. Another turned to me.

"Can't you see that she's upset? You're supposed to be comforting her!" 

"Right," I muttered.

"Sit down, Remus," Julia said to me. Reluctantly, I sat down next to her. "Oh, this is such a tragedy!" She wined, now leaning her head on my shoulder. I sat helplessly, unable to move.

"Uh- would you mind not leaning on me like that?" I asked. She sobbed harder and moved.

"Come with me, Julia," said one of her friends, putting her hand on her shoulder. "Boys are so insensitive," she muttered as they walked away. _Finally, _I thought. I went back over to Sirius. 

"Thanks, Sirius," I said.

"Well, you looked miserable," said Sirius. "It was the least I could do." He grinned. "Next on the list of 'ways to embarrass Julia' is blue hair."

"You most certainly will not!" said Erin.

"Okay then, I won't," said Sirius. "Oh Jamesie!" he called to James.

"At your service," said James, coming over. Sirius talked to him quietly. 

James laughed. "This'll be fun."

"What will be fun?" Lily came over.

"Oh, nothing, Lil," said James.

"Yeah, that's really the look you have on your face when it's nothing," she said, observing his grin. Just then, Julia and her friend came back into the Great Hall. Julia had stopped crying and was back to being her pushy, conceited self. 

"So, Remus," she said when she came back over to me. "What are we doing with these people?" she asked observing my friends.

"What, we're not good enough for you?" asked James. Julia made a face.

"Oh no! I have to leave now! I'm not good enough for Julia!" said Sirius sarcastically. If looks could kill, he'd have been dead and in his grave. James slid his wand out of his pocket and let it fall to the floor.

"Oh, would you look at that," he said. "I've dropped my wand." He bent to pick it up, and as he did, muttered the spell for changing hair color. Julia's hair turned bright blue. He put his wand back in his pocket without looking at her.

"Feeling a little blue, Julia?" asked Sirius.

"Huh?" she said. We all laughed.

"Oh my gosh! Did I do that?" said James, pulling his best innocent look.

"Do what?" asked Julia.

"Your hair," said Sirius, between fits of uncontrollable laughter. She pulled some of her hair into view. She shrieked in a high pitched voice that sounded like it could shatter windows.

"My hair!" she wailed. "My beautiful hair!" I was nearly doubling over to keep from laughing.

"Oh, let me change it back for you," said James, holding his wand up. He waved it around and turned her hair green.

"Oh, no, that's not it," he said. "Let me try again." He once again waved his wand. This time her hair turned purple. "I don't understand," James said, staring at his wand. "I must have forgotten the spell."

"No!" Julia shrieked. "CHANGE IT BACK RIGHT NOW!" she wailed. There was now a considerable crowd around us. Lily grabbed James's arm.

"Change it back, James," she ordered him.

"But I don't want to," James pretended to wine.

"Change it!" Lily insisted.

"Oh, all right," said James, changing it back. Lily looked satisfied with herself at being able to tell James what to do.

"CHANGE IT BACK!" Julia still wailed.

"Uh, Julia," I said, fighting hard not to laugh. "It is back." She glanced at her hair.

"Oh," she grabbed my arm. "Well then, let's go, sweetie." I gave my friends a helpless glance as she dragged me away once again. Sweetie? I moaned. She insisted that we dance again.

"I can't believe you're friends with those jerks," she told me as we danced. "They're so immature." I wanted to tell her that she wasn't much better, but I didn't say anything. I just shrugged. The torture went on all night. James and Sirius gave up on traumatizing Julia because Lily and Erin yelled at them for it. Julia dragged me around with her friends, and she insisted that we danced about five more times at least. I kept thinking about Addi the entire time. She was the exact opposite of Julia. The exact opposite of Julia was a very good thing. I found myself wishing that it was full moon at one point. Then I stopped myself. Something has to be really horrible for me to prefer being a werewolf over it. A night with Julia definitely came close. After all that had happened, it was finally eleven forty five. The final slow song played. Julia once again dragged me to the dance floor. I couldn't help smiling, because I was so glad that the night was almost over.

"So, did you have a good time?" I asked Julia.

"A good time?" she spat. "Your friends ruined everything!"

"Oh, did they?" I asked, grinning. She stared at me, confused.

"I'm glad I got to come with you, though," she said. I rolled my eyes. She noticed. "Is something wrong?" she asked me.

"It's about time you asked!" I couldn't stop myself. "You have been making rude comments about me and my friends all night! You're a conceited, selfish, arrogant person with no respect at all for anyone!" She stared at me, blankly. Then, she laughed.

"You're funny," she said. What was with this girl? Didn't she see that I couldn't stand her? I just shook my head and sighed.

"I know you're not serious," she said, giggling. "You can't fool me." What was I doing still dancing with her? I wanted to shout at her and make her angry, then leave. But I remained calm, as usual. The song finally ended. I turned to go, but Julia grabbed my arm.

"Don't you know you're supposed to walk me back to the common room?" she asked. Then, as though it wasn't a question, she pulled me in that direction. I walked her, silently, back to the common room, following Sirius and Erin. When we reached the common room, she stood in front of me. 

"Goodnight," I said.

"Well?" she looked at me. I glanced around. James kissed Lily goodnight, and Sirius noticed them, then kissed Erin. I moaned. I was not going to kiss Julia goodnight.

"No!" I shouted. "There is no way in hell that I would kiss you after the way you acted tonight! Now go away and don't ever talk to me again!" I don't know where the words came from, but they came out faster than I could think. Julia ran, crying, into the girls' dorm room. I didn't feel the least bit sorry. James, Sirius, Lily and Erin stared.

"Whoa Remus," said Sirius. "That was a little mean."

"I don't care," I said angrily. "She deserved it. They put her in the wrong house three years ago. She should be a Slytherin!" James and Peter still looked shocked to hear me talk like that, and Lily and Erin looked a bit disgusted. I had to laugh. Julia deserved every bit of it. I went to bed, glad that the night was finally over. Needless to say, Julia O'Keefe never spoke to me again.


	18. Chapter 18: Telling Addi

Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing this story. Sorry I haven't had anything new out for a few days, but the two chapters I'm posting today should make up for it. Hope you like it, and keep reviewing! ~SaraBeth

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Chapter 18: Telling Addi

The rest of fourth year passed by quickly. James and Lily admitted to liking each other, and began going out. So did Sirius and Erin. Then they started bugging me because I didn't have a girlfriend. Sirius suggested that I asked Addi out. I wanted to, but the only problem was that she didn't know I was a werewolf. 

"Sirius, how can I ask her out when she doesn't even know what I am?" I asked. "It would be like lying to her."

"Well, then you'll just have to tell her," said Sirius, as though it was simple.

"But how can I?" I asked. "She'll hate me when she finds out."

"She won't, Remus," said Sirius. "She's my sister, and I can tell she really likes you. She won't mind, but I really think you need to tell her."

"But she doesn't even know that werewolves exist," I argued. "She probably doesn't even know what they are."

"It doesn't matter, Remus," Sirius insisted on the train ride home that year. "She likes you a lot, and that won't change her mind. You've got to tell her this summer."

"I don't know," I said doubtfully.

"Well, would you rather have one of us tell her?" asked Sirius.

"No!" I shouted quickly. As much as I didn't want to tell her, the thought of Sirius, Peter, or James telling her seemed ridiculous. Then she'd think I was too afraid to tell her, which, in all honesty, I was, but she didn't need to know that.

The thought of telling her was like a nagging voice in the back of my head that I couldn't get rid of. As soon as I wasn't thinking about anything else, I would remember that I had to tell her. About three weeks after the end of school, everyone was spending a week at my house, including Addi. I was certain I would hear it constantly from Peter, Sirius and James until I told her. I prayed that the three weeks would pass slowly, and that I would work out exactly what to say to her. Needless to say, either of these two things happened. 

James was the first to arrive, early Saturday afternoon. The main focus of our conversation before the others arrived was Addi and Sirius. 

"I wonder when Sirius and Addi are going to be here?" I said.

"I don't know," said James. "Hey, did you notice how reluctant Sirius seemed to go back to his grandfather's house?" I nodded. "And the way he's always hurt all the time?" I nodded again, instantly knowing what James was implying. I had thought the same thing myself.

"He says he falls down the stairs," I said, raising my eyebrows. "Do you believe him?"

"No one falls down the stairs that much."

"You don't think his grandfather does it to him, do you?" I asked. "I mean, you don't think he could be that violent?" James shrugged.

"I hope not."

"And it's not only him. I've noticed that Addi is injured more often too," I added.

"Yeah," James replied, sighing. "I hope there's nothing wrong, but I've got a really bad feeling about it. Do you think we should say something to them?"

"I guess so," I answered. "I don't want anything really bad to happen."

"Should we say anything to anyone else, like Peter, or Lily or Erin?" asked James. 

"I don't think so," I said. "We don't know anything for sure, and they've probably figured it out for themselves already." James nodded, and our conversation was ended as the doorbell rang. James followed me to the answer it. I swung the door open. It was Lily.

"Lily!" James shouted, faking an overly enthusiastic tone and throwing out his arms. She laughed and rolled her eyes, but went greet him with a hug and a kiss. Peter arrived soon after, and his mother brought up sheep pajamas again, causing us to erupt into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. Peter cursed under his breath and Mrs. Pettigrew gave each of us an extremely odd look of disgust and left. I sensed that she didn't seem to take a liking to us much. Peter, angered about the sheep pajamas, whined loudly at us for laughing, and by the time we had finished, Erin arrived. Now, only Sirius and Addi were missing. 

They didn't arrive for several hours. James and I continually shared worried glances, which were unnoticed by the rest of the group. Finally, I heard the sound of a muggle vehicle coming up the drive. A large black stretch limousine came into view and pulled up in front of my house.

"They're here!" I called to everyone else. We ran outside to greet them. Addi got out first. I felt my stomach lurch remembering how Sirius had made me promise that I'd tell her this summer. Sirius, emerged next. His arm was in a sling. James glanced at James. He raised his eyebrows, looking concerned. The driver got their trunks and handed them to Sirius and Addi.

The limo driver sped away as quickly as he came. Sirius and Addi began walking towards the porch.

"Hi mates," called Sirius. Addi waved.

"Hi," we called back. They reached the door, and I allowed them to enter.

"Padfoot! Addi!" said James in the same over-enthusiastic tone he'd used to greet Lily. And Peter, and Erin. And, come to think of it, even me. 

"Hi Remus," said Addi when everyone else was heading upstairs. She smiled her beautiful smile, and I felt a shiver go through my spine. I shuddered. I was going to have to tell her soon.

"Hi Addi." I found it difficult to look her in the eye. I'd never been this way around her before. What was it? I felt the same sensation I'd felt after she kissed me, and shivered. We went upstairs. The girls went to the spare room, and James, Peter, Sirius, and I went to mine. James gave me a questioning glance, and knowing instantly what he meant, I made a small nod.

"So, um, Sirius," said James.

"What?" Sirius asked.

"Sirius, you're our friend," I began. "We don't want anyone hurting you. So, we want to ask you something." Sirius looked at us, trying to keep his normal expression.

"Sirius, your grandfather," said James. "Does he, er, hurt you at all?"

"No, of course not," said Sirius, color draining from his face.

"So, how'd you hurt your arm?" I asked casually.

"I-I fell down the stairs," said Sirius quickly.

"Again?" asked James.

"Well the stair's broken!" Sirius snapped.

"That's what you say," said James. "But why do you always get hurt over holidays? And you always act like you don't want to go to your grandfather's house."

"I hate it there, because he hates me," Sirius muttered.

"You and Addi won't even talk about it," I pointed out. Sirius just shook his head. We weren't going to get him to tell us anything. James decided to take the more direct approach.

"Sirius, does your grandfather hit you?"

"No!" Sirius exclaimed. "Why would you think that?"

"I've seen him do it, Sirius," said James.

"It was a one time thing, okay!" Sirius shouted angrily.

"Sirius, friends don't keep secrets from each other," I said, calmly.

"Don't you talk to me about keeping secrets!" he shouted at me. "Because you know bloody well how to do it!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked James.

"It means get the hell off my back!" Sirius shouted, and with that he stormed out of the room. We found Lily, Erin, and Addi outside the door, with wide eyes. They'd heard the yelling.

"What happened?" asked Lily. James shook his head. Addi looked scared and I noticed she was shaking. Erin's eyes were wide in surprise.

"Well, what should we do now? " I asked James, ignoring the girls. I didn't want to mention anything with Addi right there.

"I think we need to let him be alone for a while," said James. I nodded. James looked like he wanted to tell Lily about everything, and Erin deserved to know too. I gave James a look.

"Tell them," I muttered. He nodded. Lily, Erin and Addi's worried faces had faded to a look of confusion.

"Addi, why don't you come with me?" I asked. She nodded. I led her downstairs, and we sat down on the porch.   
"So, how have you been?" I asked her.

"Fine," she answered quickly. 

"So, everything's all right at your grandfather's house?" I asked.

"Yeah, everything's good," she replied.

"And Sirius is okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, he just needs to remember that stair is broken," she attempted to force a laugh. I nodded.

"Then you're sure there's nothing you want to talk to me about?" I asked.

"No, really, I'm fine!" she said, her voice quivering slightly. "I-I need to go inside now," she said, standing and walking back towards the house. Her eyes looked watery. I sighed. Why wouldn't they talk to us about it? It was getting dark. I looked out to the woods, and heard a rustle of leaves. Through the trees and brush, I saw the shadowy figure of a human being and figured out where Sirius must have gone.

"Sirius!" I called. "Sirius?" He emerged from the woods, looking calmer now. "Hey Sirius!" I said, trying to forget everything that had just happened. He didn't say anything, but went back to the house. I followed. When we got into the kitchen, everyone was standing crowded around the table, including my parents. They all wore the same solemn expression, but appeared relieved to see Sirius. I noticed that Sirius looked rather annoyed by this.

" Well, hello, Sirius. What happened to your arm?" my dad asked. I could tell he was trying to sound friendly, but succeeded only in sounding suspicious. Sirius shot me a dirty look. He thought I told my parents. I hadn't.

"I fell down my stairs," he answered.

"Oh," said my dad. "Well, better try to be more careful." Sirius nodded. I prayed that my parents didn't say anything else. Luckily, they didn't. Mum made dinner and we ate. James and I decided not to bring up Sirius and Addi's grandfather anymore for a while.

Later that night, we were in my room talking. Sirius had forgiven us completely and acted as though nothing had happened.

"So, Remus, when are you going to tell my sister?" he asked.

"Oh, I don't know," I said.

"Tell Addi wh-…"James began. I raised my eyebrows. "Oh," he said, understanding. "How about now?" I wanted to slap him.

"Now is good, Moony," said Sirius. I moaned.

"Can't I wait until tomorrow?" I asked. Sirius and James frowned.

"I guess so," said Sirius. "But you will ask her tomorrow."

"Or you'll have blue hair," threatened James.

"That one just never gets old, does it James?" I asked. He shook his head grinning mischievously.

"Okay then, tomorrow," I agreed reluctantly. The conversation was followed by a pillow fight, which soon involved the girls, who had heard us and came over. When we finally finished the pillow fight, it was getting late. We said goodnight to the girls and went to sleep. I tossed and turned worriedly throughout the night. The thought of telling Addi terrified me.

I soon drifted into a disturbing nightmare. I had just told Addi that I was a werewolf, and she had looked horrified and told me she hated me. Upon this, I turned into a wolf and began to chase her. Finally, when I caught up to her, I bit her. I sat straight up in bed, drenched with cold sweat, shaking, and trying to catch my breath. After I was able to relax, I finally drifted back to sleep.

The next morning came all too soon. I felt something cold and wet splash onto my face.

"What the hell?" I mumbled, attempting to jump out of bed, but falling onto the floor in a tangle of blankets. I heard hysterical laughter and focused my eyes. I looked up to find Peter, Sirius and James standing over me, doubled over, gasping for breath.

"You'll pay for that one!" I shouted. Untangling myself from the blankets, I jumped up and began to chase them around the room, armed with pillows.

"So, Remus, you're going to tell her today?" demanded Sirius, as he ducked to avoid the pillow I launched in his direction. It wasn't a question. 

"Couldn't you at least wait until it's light outside?" I asked, glancing out the window where the sun was just beginning to rise, and dodging a pillow from James.

"But Addi is already up," said Sirius. "She likes to sit outside early in the morning. Go tell her now!"

"No," I moaned. I'd have done anything to not have to tell her, but in the back of my mind, I knew it was what I had to do.

"Come on, Remus," said James. "She'll understand."

"Yeah," said Peter. "You should tell her."

"Really Remus," said Sirius. "She's my sister. I know her better than I know anyone, and I know she won't mind. Now go tell her. And then ask her out. You know you want to." I groaned. Telling her was hard enough, but asking her out too? James sighed and grabbed my arm.

"What do you think you're doing?" I demanded, as Sirius grabbed my other arm, and they began dragging me out of my room and down the stairs. I kicked and flailed my arms, but there was no hope of them releasing their grip. Peter followed.

"We're helping you out," said Sirius.

"But what do I say to her?" I asked anxiously.

"My name is Remus Lupin, and I'm a blood thirsty, flesh eating monster once a month, but I'm still the same guy you've known for four years. Will you go out with me?" said Sirius, simply.

"Oh, that's easy," I replied sarcastically.

"It won't be that hard, Remus," said James. Despite my resisting efforts, we reached the bottom of the stairs. Peter opened the back door, and they pulled me out onto the patio.

"See, she's right there," Sirius pointed to the park bench we had under a large shade tree in the back yard.

"Now, go tell her," James shoved me in the back.

"Ouch!" I yelled. Addi heard me and turned around. She saw us and waved, grinning.

"Now, Remus," said Sirius, tapping my shoulder. I took a deep breath. 

"Okay," I said. "I'll do it. I'll tell her." I wished I were as confident as I sounded. James, Peter, and Sirius cheered. Addi gave us a strange look. I slowly approached her.

"Hi Addi," I said nervously, sitting down next to her.

"Hi Remus," she smiled. Why me? Why do I have to do this? I took a deep breath. "Isn't it beautiful out here in the morning?" she asked pleasantly.

"Yeah, er, look, Addi? I'd like to tell you something," I began. "I need to tell you something."

"What?" she asked quickly. "It's not about grandfather, is it?"

"No, no it's not that," I said. I went silent for a second. "Addi, I-I'm…" I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell her.

"You're what?" she asked. I felt her green eyes penetrating into mine, and I immediately cast my glance downward.

"I-I'm…Addi, I'm a werewolf," I forced out the words quietly. I'd said it. I stared at the ground. I didn't want to see her expression. Finally, after a moment of silence, I dared to look up. She looked confused.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you properly, Remus. What did you say?" she asked.

"I said I'm a werewolf," I muttered grimly. I dared to look up again, and this time Addi's confusion had faded to slight anger.

"Is this some kind of joke Sirius has you playing on me?" she demanded.

"No, Addi, I'm serious!" I said.

"No, Sirius is the idiot that has you trying to tell me something that ridiculous," she said.

"No, Addi," I said. "Please believe me?"

"You expect me to believe that you're a werewolf? Werewolves don't even exist! How stupid do you think I am? You and your ignorant pranks!" She sounded angry. But then again, I hadn't expected her to take it easily. I sighed. I pulled up my sleeve and revealed a scar on my upper arm.

"Now do you believe me?" I asked.

"Oh my God!" she gasped. "But, how… you can't be…they aren't real…" she couldn't put a sentence together.

"I am," I said flatly. "I'm a werewolf." She looked at me and shook her head.

"So you're trying to tell me that every full moon you turn into a wolf?" she asked doubtfully.

"Yes," I said firmly.

"And you go around attacking people and turning them into werewolves, just like in those stupid movies? Honestly, I can't believe you expect me to believe this!" 

"Well, I've never attacked anyone," I said. "Luckily." I added. She shook her head slowly.

"It can't be, it just can't be," she said.

"It is," I said. "I am. I'm sorry, but there's not much I can do to change it! It's not like I wanted this!"

"It's completely ridiculous!" she shouted. "Insane! Unbelievable! I can't even believe I'm listening to you have this conversation with me! That scar has got to be fake!"

"Addi," I said. She frowned and stared at the ground. "Addi, look at me!" I demanded. She raised her eyes.

"I swear this is real," I pointed to the scar. "Why would I lie to you?"

"I can't believe this!" she repeated.

"Damn it, Addi! Don't you think it's hard enough for me to tell you this in the first place? Why have you got to make it more difficult?" I demanded.

"Why the hell are you insisting on this so much?" she shouted.

"Because it's the truth," I said honestly, willing her gaze to meet mine. She shook her head.

"No, no. No!" she shouted. With that she ran for the house.

I glanced over to James, Sirius and Peter who'd been observing.

"Oh, yeah, that was easy," I said sarcastically, as I walked closer to them. "She really didn't mind at all."

"Don't worry, Remus," said Sirius. "She'll get over it. She just needs a bit of time."

"You were bound to tell her sooner or later," said James. "At least now it's over with."

"And she'll hate me forever," I said.

"She will not," argued Peter.

"Let's just give her some time to herself," said Sirius. The rest of us agreed. Thoughts of what she was probably thinking of me know swam through my mind, consuming my concentration. We remained outside and were soon joined by Lily and Erin, who said that Addi had locked herself in their bedroom and refused to come out. They didn't know what had happened. Addi didn't come down for lunch, or dinner. We told Erin and Lily that she'd gotten into an argument from one of her friends from school through a letter. That night, she still hadn't come out of the room. Sirius tried to persuade her, but she wouldn't listen. None of us had the heart to magically open the lock, so Lily and Erin slept in our room that night.

I had a very similar dream to the one I'd had the night before, only this time Addi was arguing with me that I wasn't a werewolf, when I changed and began to go after her.

"Remus," I heard a voice whisper softly, tapping my arm. "Remus?" Startled, I sat straight up in bed, to find Addi standing at my bedside.

"Addi?" I mumbled sleepily.

"Yeah, Remus, can we talk?" she asked. I glanced at the alarm clock. 3:17. I moaned sleepily, but recalling my confession earlier that day, I forced myself from bed. Addi, on noticing that I'd gotten up, turned and exited the room, and descended the staircase. She knew I'd follow. I found her already sitting in the living room when I arrived at the bottom of the stairs. Without any speaking, I took the seat next to her on the sofa. 

"Remus, I believe you," said Addi, honesty flickering in her pale green eyes.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah," she replied. "I mean, I find it difficult to believe, really difficult. But I know you too well to think that you'd lie to me about something like that."

"You really, honestly believe me?" I asked once again.

"Well...Yes," she said seriously.

"So...?" I asked.

"So, what?" asked Addi.

"Well, you know...do you...mind?" I questioned.

"No," Addi replied slowly, looking slightly confused. She sighed. "Of course I don't, Remus." She added more quickly.

"Wow," I mumbled sleepily. "But is there any reason that you had to tell me at three o clock in the morning?"

"I couldn't sleep knowing that I'd upset you," said Addi. 

"Don't worry about it. I know it's really hard to believe," I said.

"Ridiculously unbelievable," said Addi.

"But it's true," I said frowning. 

"So, what's it like?" Addi seemed hesitant to ask.

"Well," I said. "Really it's just that I turn into a wolf every full moon. Usually I can't remember much about it, but I guess the worst things are that it's terribly painful, and that werewolves crave human flesh." Addi gasped. "Don't worry though, I spend every full moon locked up safely. I've never hurt anyone. But in the wizarding world, werewolves aren't the most popular of creatures, as you can probably figure. We're shunned out from just about everything. I didn't even tell Sirius, James and Peter what I was. They just sort of figured it out." 

"Yeah," said Addi, still frowning slightly and staring blankly into space. "It must be awful." I shrugged.

"You kind of get used to it after a while."

"Well, I don't think of you any differently than I did before," said Addi.

"Really, why not?" I asked.

"Well, I figure, if I've always known you, and you've always been a werewolf, then you're not going to change at all from the Remus I've always known. I like the Remus I know, and if he's a werewolf, then, well, so be it."

"Wow, you mean that?" I asked, noticing how rehearsed her words seemed to sound.

"Of course," Addi smiled. "I'm really sorry about earlier. I feel awful about it."

"It's okay. You reacted better than most people do... So, you know, Addi, I've been thinking," I said. "I mean, well, Lily and James are going out, and so are Sirius and Erin, and well I was just thinking... I mean, well, uh, Addi, would you be my...my girlfriend?" There, I'd managed to get the question out. There was a long pause.

"Okay," said Addi rather uncertainly. "Sure," She added more confidently. "I've always been hoping you'd ask." I stared for a few seconds in silent shock, startled by her reply. I couldn't believe it. I was sure that my face was wearing a grin identical to hers.

"Remus," she said, giggling. "Your face is all red!"

"So is yours," I laughed. Before I realized what was happening, she leaned over and kissed me, taking me completely by surprise, like she had before. I realized that I was wearing the same stupid grin James usually had every time he saw Lily. We were silent for a moment. I could feel the tips of my ears burning, and knew that my face had to be crimson. Addi was blushing furiously, and avoiding my eyes. She yawned.

"Well, I should get back to bed," she said quickly.

"Yeah," I yawned in agreement. "Goodnight." The next morning I had to wonder if it had all been a pleasant dream.

The next day, I told James, Sirius and Peter what had happened, with the least amount of details possible. They congratulated me, and Sirius expressed his true feelings about how disgusting he thought it was for his best friend to be dating his sister when he pretended to throw up during breakfast. I didn't tell my parents that I was going out with Addi, but between our red faces, and Sirius's gagging, it took my mother all of three minutes to have it figured out. She didn't say anything, but I could tell by her expression that she was a bit angry with me. She thought none of my friends knew what I was, and I wasn't about to tell her that they knew, and I certainly wasn't making mention of what they were planning to do in just a few months.


	19. Chapter 19: Unwanted

****

Chapter 19: Unwelcome

After everyone went home, summer went by slowly. Mid July arrived and I got my usual letter from Hogwarts, containing the list of supplies I would need for the year. But this year, there was something else enclosed with it.

__

Dear Mr. Lupin,

We are very pleased to inform you that you have been chosen as a prefect for this school year. Your outstanding academic performance has earned you this honor. Congratulations. Please verify that you have received this letter when you reply informing us that you will return to Hogwarts this year. Remember, we await your owl by no later than July 31. See the enclosed list for information on the proper prefect attire. 

Sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress

I was going to be a prefect! I couldn't believe it. I had always worked hard in school, but I had never expected to be a prefect. Actually, I'd never even thought about it. I wondered if Sirius, James and Peter were going to be prefects too. I decided to write them and ask.

A few days later, I got their replies. James said he was, and he'd talked to Lily who said that she and Erin were too. Sirius said he was. Unfortunately, Peter wasn't. He didn't seem to mind, though. Like me, he hadn't been expecting it, so it wasn't a big disappointment for him. I think he could have gotten it too, if he'd just worked a little harder in school. The problem was, he didn't care about his grades. I tried to help him, but it was no use. He just didn't try.

I had made mention to Sirius and Addi of visiting them at their grandfather's house earlier that summer. My intention had only been to see how they would react to my asking, as to try to find out if they'd make excuses to keep me away from their grandfather. However, one afternoon while I was finishing up my summer essay for Transfigurations, Jeremy arrived carrying two letters instead of just the usual one from Addi. After reading Addi's, which was relatively normal to her usual letters, I tore open the other one and recognized Sirius' messy scrawl. It read:

__

Remus,

You asked if you could visit this summer. Well, you can. You're invited to stay here next week, that is, if you want. I'm inviting James too. I'm not allowed to invite anyone else. If you come there's just a few things you've got to know. You've got to pretend you're a muggle, and you can't let my grandparents know you're going out with Addi. You should also bring some muggle dress clothes (NOT dress robes) because my grandfather is having one of his parties while you'll be here. Let me know if you'll be coming. I understand if you don't want to. Don't expect much. We can pick you up at the station on Saturday if you're coming. Talk to you soon.

Sirius

I frowned as I folded up the letter. I had never thought I'd actually be invited to their grandfather's house. Sirius seemed so unlike himself in the letter, completely indifferent about whether or not I was coming. If he was still living with his dad he'd have insisted that I come or he'd attack me on the train at the start of the following school year with some spell. But this time the decision was up to me. Should I go? I didn't know what to do. I didn't particularly want to act like a muggle for a week and stay at a place that Sirius described as a living hell. On the other hand, it would definitely give me a deeper insight into whether or not their grandfather was, in fact, abusive. I decided to write to James first and ask him if he was going.

Two days later, on Thursday, I received James' reply. He said he was going, and that he thought I should too. He had the same idea that we might find out once and for all the truth about Sirius and Addi's grandparents. Later that evening, I wrote to Sirius and told him that I'd be coming.

Early Saturday morning, I caught the train over to London. At Kings Cross I, met up with James and we took the train to Sirius and Addi's town. We got off the train about an hour later, and searched the train station for Sirius or Addi. We couldn't find them.

"Where do you think they are?" I asked him.

"Dunno, I haven't seen them. Perhaps they're running a bit late," he replied.

"So what do you think about going to their house?" I asked.

"I think it will definitely be interesting," said James. "We've got to pay close attention to everything that goes on. And if we see any sign of that old bastard being abusive I swear I'll never let Sirius or Addi set foot in that house again."

"Did Sirius tell you we've got to act like muggles?" I asked.

"Yeah," James replied. "But I've got my wand and I wouldn't be one bit hesitant to use it if I need to."

"Me too," I agreed. "So, have you seen Lily or Peter lately?" I asked. James nodded.

"Peter was down for a bit last week. And I just flew over to see Lily yesterday. I told her that we were coming here. She said she reckons we shouldn't. She said to come to her house if anything goes wrong. Where she lives is only about a twenty minute drive in a muggle car from Sirius' house." I nodded.

"I've got a feeling it's going to be quite a long week," I said. James nodded.

"And we've only got two weeks until we go back to school."

"James! Remus!" We turned around to find Sirius waving and calling out to us. He hurried over. He looked very different than we were used to seeing him. His clothes were the equivalent of our school uniforms, which he typically hated. Normally, outside of school, he'd be wearing jeans and his trademark leather jacket. His hair, which was normally tied in a messy ponytail, was instead down and neatly combed. 

"Hey Sirius," said James.

"Well, you came," said Sirius plainly.

"Of course we did," I said. "Where's Addi?"

"She's back at the house," said Sirius. "We'd better get over to the car go. My grandfather has guests for dinner and he'll be pissed if we're late." James and I began wheeling our trunks and exchanged glances. I could tell he was thinking the same thing I was. Sirius seemed completely different than usual.

In front of the car, which turned out to be a limousine, we met the driver instead of Sirius' grandparents. They hadn't come along.

"I'll take your luggage," said the driver stiffly to James and I. He was a rather short and slightly fat man with graying black hair and mustache. He was dressed in a suit and stood rather haughtily at the rear of the car. He had black penetrating eyes, and I couldn't help shuddering a little when he looked at us. James and I quickly handed him our trunks. We walked over to the door to the rear seat of the car. I reached out to pull it open.

"Stop!" said the driver. He walked over to the door. "There'll be none of that," he said in a rather exasperated tone. "Haven't you any manners? You shouldn't do the driver's duties yourself. It's rather rude."

"I-I'm sorry, sir," I stammered. "I didn't know."

"Very well," he replied, and finally allowed us into the car. Sirius sat in the seat in front of us.

We entered the very tiny town, and from there, on the hilltop, the manor could be seen. At last we pulled through the wrought iron gates of the manor. The driver allowed the four of us out of the car.

"Your luggage will be taken to your rooms for you," he said.

"Thank you, sir," replied James pleasantly. We stood in the drive just in front of the manor, a broad, vast granite building. It had a castle-like appearance with many large windows, only a few of which showed light from the inside. The building was very tall, though only having two main stories, and a third, which appeared from the outside to be more of an attic. A wide set of stairs led to the tall oak door at the front entrance.

"Might as well go in," said Sirius, slowly heading for the door. James and I followed. We had nearly reached the front door when it was pulled open, by a butler.

"Come right in," he said. "Your grandfather is waiting, Master Sirius." We entered the front hall.

"They're already seated in the dining room," said the butler. "Hurry along now. You know your grandfather will be upset if you're late." Addi, who must have been waiting at the top of the stairs for our arrival, descended the staircase. She was very formally dressed, as Sirius was. Observing my khaki pants and tattered maroon sweater, I began to feel a bit uncomfortable. I glanced at James, who wasn't dressed for the occasion either. He didn't seem to have noticed. I could hear muffled talking and laughter coming from somewhere down a hallway.

"Let's go," said the butler impatiently. Sirius led us towards the dining room, rather reluctantly. 

"Hi," I said quietly to Addi as she walked by.

"Hi," she whispered, smiling. We entered the dining area, which was a large elegantly decorated room, with a crystal chandelier suspended from the high ceiling and faded tapestries covering the stone walls. There was a huge oak table in the center, surrounded by at least twenty red velvet chairs. At the far end, sat a small group of people, all elegantly dressed and conversing silently, so that only a muffled rumble echoed throughout the room.

"Well, here the two of them are now," said Sirius' grandfather, with what sounded like a rather forced laugh, that echoed throughout, piercing the silence. I shuddered. Observing Mr. Black, as I assumed we should address him, I saw that he was a stern looking man. His eyes were small and beady and his wrinkled sinister face was ghost white and seemed to remain in a permanent glare, though his thin lips were curved into a sort of smirking smile. His hair was deep gray, almost black, and thinning on top. 

"Hello Adhara, Sirius. I'd like you to meet Lord and Lady Lambston," he motioned to the man and lady on his left. "And this is Lord and Lady Townsend," he motioned to the man and lady on his right. "And you may recall Sir Charles Wilmington, who visited last summer." He motioned to a rather jolly looking plump man who sat to his right, next to Lady Townsend. "They've kindly accepted the invitation to stay at our manor until the party on Tuesday night." The adults all smiled and greeted both Addi and Sirius warmly. James and I remained a few feet back from them, feeling rather awkward, seeing as our presence hadn't been acknowledged.

"Would you two and your friends please be as kind as to take your seats," said their grandfather. "Dinner's about to be served." We all glanced at each other, before taking seats. I sat next to James, who was sitting next to Sir Wilmington and across from us, Sirius and Addi sat next to each other. Using my better judgment, I remained silent as we awaited the food. About five minutes later, we were served.

"Sirius and Adhara are such wonderful children," Mr. Black said suddenly. "And they're growing up so quickly. It's been such a pleasure having them live here. I'm only saddened on what account they're staying with us."

"Ah, yes I do remember their father Orion well," said Lord Lamston. "Tragedy he had to have that heart attack. He was still so young."

"Oh, it was so awful, when he died," the lady who hadn't been introduced cried dramatically. "These poor things left all alone without anyone to care for them. Luckily Taurus and I were more than willing to take them in, or they'd be living on the streets right now," she sobbed. So that lady was Sirius' grandmother. Estimating her age, I'd have guessed late thirties. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I noticed Sirius roll his eyes.

"And what became of their mother?" asked Lady Townsend.

"Ah, yes, who did Orion marry?" asked Sir Wilmington. I knew from what Sirius and Addi had told me of their grandfather that Sir Wilmington had asked the wrong question. He had hated their mother so much that he disowned their father when he married.

"Ah, Sirius and Adhara's mother. Of course," Mr. Black stuttered. "She was... well..."

"Her name was Fiona Dumbledore." We all turned to look at Addi, who looked panic stricken, as she held her mouth open, as surprised about what she'd said as we were. I noticed Mr. Black's beady eyes fall upon her for a moment in an odd sort of glare, and she shuddered slightly.

"Ah, yes, that's it," said Mr. Black quickly. I noticed his knuckles turning white from gripping the table edge.

"And what became of her?" asked Lord Townsend.

"Oh, she was killed when Sirius and Adhara were very young," said Mr. Black. "Erm... train crash if I remember correctly." Across the table, Sirius was beginning to look furious; his face had gone pale, and he was taking deep breaths to remain calm. I prayed that he would; I didn't want to see the reaction that man had when he was faced with Sirius' attitude.

"So, Sirius, tell me, how do you like school?" asked Lady Townsend, changing the subject. Sirius' grandfather coughed and nearly choked on a piece of fish.

"It's good," replied Sirius.

"That's nice," replied Lady Townsend. "What school do you attend?"

"Clearglen," choked Mr. Black quickly.

"That's wonderful. Clearglen is a lovely school. How do you like it, Adhara?"

"It's nice," replied Addi, forcing a smile.

"And I suppose your friends attend school there as well?" she asked. 

"Of course they do," said their grandfather, his beady eyes flickering towards James and I. We nodded. 

"Yes, we thoroughly enjoy it," James added. Addi glanced around at the four of our plates. We had all finished forcing down as much as we could of the food. The women at the table seemed to be gossiping, and the men were still on the topic of education.

"May we be excused, Grandfather?" Addi asked politely.

"Certainly. Now off to bed you go," he replied, in a very forced cheerful tone.

"Such kind, well-behaved grandchildren you have," commented Lady Lambston.

"Oh yes," he replied quickly. "Nice and normal kids." I noticed he stressed the word normal.

"Come along," Addi said to us. I picked up my plate and began to leave.

"You! Where do you think you're going with that?" Mr. Black asked. I jumped and nearly dropped the plate.

"I'm sorry, sir?" I said, trembling.

"Why, you little thief! You're trying to steal one of my antique china plates!" he hissed.

"I—I was going to take it to the kitchen for washing, sir," I said nervously. Glancing around, I noticed that everyone else had let their plate remain on the table. 

"Nonsense! That's what servants are for. Are you a servant, boy?" he demanded. All eyes in the room were on me. I felt my face turning red. Quickly, I sat the plate back on the table.

"N-no, sir," I replied. Mr. Black's voice was smooth and calm, but he looked as though he was suppressing a desire to kill something, and I noticed that he was gripping the edge of the table so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. 

"Remus doesn't have servants," Sirius explained. "He was only trying to be helpful."

"Hmph," he muttered. I felt everyone continue to stare at me. I hurriedly followed Sirius, Addi, and James out of the room. I was still violently shaking as we ascended the stairs.

"Is-is he going to do anything to me? He looked ready to kill me," I asked. There was a pause.

"Don't worry," said Sirius.

"But, I mean he seemed furious. He's not going to do anything, is he?" I asked nervously.

"He'll get over it," said Sirius quickly, brushing the thought aside as we reached the second floor landing. He and James walked ahead, while Addi and I trailed behind. Addi grasped my hand.

"How have you been, Remus?" she asked.

"I'm all right," I replied. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," she replied, giving me a quick hug. "Don't worry about dinner tonight," she added. "He'll probably forget anyway. Besides, you're not the only one he was angry with. I shouldn't have said our mum's name." Keeping my hand in hers, we hurried to catch up with James and Sirius.

"Why don't we go to one of your rooms so we can talk?" suggested James.

"Okay, but we'll show you your rooms first," said Addi. She led us down a long hall. 

"Wow, this place is huge," I said.

"Bigger than my house even," commented James. "Could we go exploring sometime?"

"Sure," Sirius replied. "There's not much else to do around here." Addi stopped and swung open a door on the left of the hallway.

"Here's your room, Remus," she said. I glanced inside. The room was large and had cold stone walls. The three large windows, with designs that reminded me of prison bars, that faced the rear of the house had no curtains, and the late evening sun cast their patterns onto the floor. There was a tiny fireplace with some wood for a fire, a large wardrobe, some old mismatched furniture, including a vanity, several chairs, and a large four poster that reminded me of my bed at Hogwarts. But the room felt cold and remote. It lacked the warmth and familiarity of our dorm. 

"Great," I replied with a smile. "Thanks." James' room was next to mine, and looked nearly identical.

"So, where are your rooms?" I asked.

"Mine's just down the hall a bit," Addi replied. We continued walking and entered what appeared to be a newer part of the house. Addi opened a door to the right and allowed us to enter. Her room was smaller, and painted a pale blue. A canopy bed stood in the center. There were two large bureaus, two deep blue armchairs, a large vanity, and in a corner a small desk upon which a tiny, leather-bound book way lying open. Addi noticed this and hurriedly closed it.

"What's that?" asked Sirius.

"Nothing," Addi replied quickly.

"It's your diary," said Sirius, snatching it from her hands and flipping through it. "Hey Remus, Addi was writing about you in her diary."

"Shut up, Sirius," she said, turning red.

"I read Lily's diary once," said James. "She got mad at me."

"And she should have," said Addi, prying the diary from Sirius' grasp and shoving it in a drawer. "You had no right to go through her personal things."

"She wrote stuff about me in it," said James, grinning. Sirius let out an audible groan.

"Please don't start it with the Lily obsession."

"I am not obsessed!"

"Don't argue," I moaned. Sirius continued to give James a look of disbelief.

"Well, I'm not!" James insisted.

"I'm not saying anything," Sirius said, shaking his head. 

"You can sit down," Addi said to us. The three of us were still standing in the center of the room. Addi had taken a seat on her bed. Sirius and James each took one of the armchairs, I grabbed the chair from her desk.

"So, what do you think of him so far?" asked Sirius, with slight sarcasm.

"He seems all right," I said. I didn't want to admit that he struck me as rather the abusive type.

"I think," said James. "He's just a somewhat grumpy old man who is extremely over protective of his dinner plates." James and I chuckled, but soon stopped dead. Sirius and Addi, opposite of laughing, were staring at us with wide, surprised eyes and solemn faces. After an awkward moment of silence, we quickly changed the subject. We sat up late in Addi's room talking. Finally, the lot of us we're yawning and barely able to keep our eyes open.

"Maybe we should get to bed," I suggested. The others agreed. We let Addi to herself in her room.

"So, where's your room, Sirius?" I asked.

"Well, why don't we all share a room?" said Sirius quickly. "You know, like school. And like we always do at your houses."

"All right," I agreed. I didn't like the idea of staying in that room alone anyway. We agreed to stay in the room that was James'. No sooner had we decided upon a sleeping arrangement, than we heard the clicking of a lock from the door.

"What was that?" I asked.

"Oh, my grandfather insists on locking us in our rooms at night," said Sirius.

"What?" James demanded. "Why?"

"I guess he thinks we'll try to leave or something," said Sirius. "He doesn't realize that I can unlock it with my wand. Or with a piece of wire for that matter."

The next day, we explored the house because it was raining. For such a large house, there was nothing even remotely exciting in it. Practically every room looked the same, and they were all crammed full of old broken furniture. 

The following day, the weather was nice, so we went exploring in the large gardens behind the house. We found that the gardens farther from the house were neglected and overgrown, and quite nice to explore. We spent the next two full days exploring the area, strolling down grassy paths, picnicking and plotting pranks for the upcoming school year under large shade trees. On the morning of my fourth day there, we were just heading out the back door from the kitchen to go exploring.

"Where do you suppose you're going?" We turned to find Mr. Black, his harsh eyes staring at us suspiciously. 

"We were just going to go out to the gardens, Grandfather," said Addi.

"Not today. The dinner party starts at four. I've got fifty guests arriving around three. I suggest you all get upstairs and make yourselves look presentable," he said harshly.

"Yes, Grandfather," said Addi.

"No," Sirius flat out answered. "I'm going out to the gardens."

"Like hell you are, boy!" hissed Mr. Black's sickeningly calm voice.

"You can't stop me," said Sirius. God Sirius, don't do this, I thought. Don't get him angry. Before another word was spoken, Addi grabbed her brother's arm and began pulling him away, her eyes pleading him not to argue, and he listened. Obediently, we headed upstairs to dress for the party.

An hour and a half later, we were all dressed in Muggle dress clothes. I had borrowed an old suit from James, and it was a bit too big. The pant legs were several inches too long, and the jacket hung loosely over my small thin frame. Addi stifled a giggle when she saw me, as James and Sirius tried to make improvements by rolling up sleeves and pants legs. Finally, James got frustrated and pulled out his wand. He muttered a spell and instantly the clothes were a perfect fit. Addi marveled at his handiwork and I scolded him for using magic outside of school. Our next issue for concern was James' untidy hair. Both Sirius and Addi insisted that their grandfather would be angered if he attended dinner with it looking that messy. James pleaded desperately for us to leave his hair alone, as the rest of us crowded around his head armed with brushes, combs and hair gel. In the end we gave in to him, as none of our attempts had made the least bit of improvement. 

At the party, the entire downstairs was crowded with elegantly dressed ladies and gentlemen who waltzed around, glasses of wine in hand, laughing and gossiping. The sounds of their voices made a pleasant rumble echo throughout the mansion, erasing all traces of its usual desolate silence. Soft violin music played in the background of the party, and the cook and servants bustled throughout merrily, offering hors-d'ourves and refilling wine glasses. James and I, however, felt like outcasts from this pleasant gathering. While Sirius and Addi were endlessly being paraded around by their grandparents and introduced to guests, along with Mr. Black's endless bragging of what nice, well behaved children they were, James and I stood aside, hardly noticed by anyone, except for the occasional gentleman or lady that would greet us with a warm smile before quickly bustling off to speak to some other acquaintance. 

The evening dragged on endlessly. James and I occupied a corner of the dining room, making small talk about nothing, really. We decided against discussing anything of importance, for fear that it would be overheard and make a nosy guest curious enough to make mention of us to Mr. Black. Two or three times, Addi and Sirius joined us, but they could scarcely stay longer than a minute or two before being dragged off again by their beaming grandfather, who insisted everyone at the party must meet his "charming grandchildren." 

The guests didn't retire to their rooms until well past midnight, and only then were we permitted to return to our rooms. I was exhausted and my feet ached like mad from being cramped up inside muggle dress shoes for hours. I fell asleep almost instantly and didn't awake until late the next morning. 

The following day, Mr. Black was too busy seeing off his guests to make us his concern, and so we once again headed off to the gardens. James and Sirius, feeling the need for mischief, as usual, soon grew bored and upon Sirius' suggestion, sped off to the garage to work on making a few 'modifications' on his motorbike. I would have gone with them, but Addi wasn't interested, and so we spent the day together, wandering through the vast gardens, strolling hand in hand down paths aligned with blossoming brightly colored flowers, stopping to gaze at the occasional fountain, or to see refuge from the summer sun's rays under a tall shade tree. We talked quietly, as she rested her head lightly on my shoulder, smiling more contentedly than I'd seen her since we'd arrived.

The topic of her grandparents arose several times, but she'd brush it aside, quickly changing the subject, adding to my suspicion of what happened within the walls of the Black Manor when it was absent of guests. Although I had no evidence on which to prove my judgment, I felt as though the cheerfulness at the party the night before had been uncomfortably staged, by not only Sirius' grandparents, but the servants as well. As it turned out, I would find out the truth much sooner than I expected, and in the worst possible way.

The next day began as nearly an exact repeat of the day before. Addi and I headed back to the gardens, and James and Sirius were still deeply engaged in work on the bike. The last of the guests had set off early that morning, and the house was back to its usual emptiness. 

The main cook at the mansion was a short cheerful lady, I guessed of about early forties, who adored Sirius and Addi. Before we had set off that morning, she had insisted on packing a picnic lunch for Addi and I to share.

After spending the cool morning roaming throughout the overgrown gardens, the sun had reached its highest point in the sky and we were both tired and hungry. Seeking shade under a large inviting maple tree, we ate our lunches hungrily. Afterward, we lounged leaning against the tree trunk as the afternoon hours lazily passed by. Opposite of usual, Addi was telling me about Muggle customs.

"Have you ever been to a movie?" she asked.

"A what?" I asked blankly.

"A movie," she sighed. "You know those things we call televisions?... The little boxes with pictures on them that move?"

"Oh, yeah. Those," I said, realizing what she meant.

"Well, a movie is like that, only the screen is bigger. They've got all kinds of them; action, comedy, romance... You've got to see one with me sometime."

"Okay," I agreed. "And sometime you should go flying on a broomstick." I grinned at her terrified face.

"There's no way I will ever touch one of those things!" she exclaimed. "Sirius convinced me to get on one with him once, and he crashed right into a tree while trying to do a loop in the air!" I laughed.

"I can imagine. You should see Sirius play quidditch. He spends more time in the infirmary than the entire rest of the team put together."

"I believe it," she said. "And who knows what he and James are doing to 'modify' dad's old bike."

"We should go see. Unless, of course, you feel safer not knowing." I grinned.

"Well, I figure as long as we don't hear any explosions, nothing has gone terribly wrong," she said. Just then we heard a low rumbling bang in the distance. Both of us groaned.

"Leave it to those two," muttered Addi, shaking her head. "What would they do without people like us, who actually have common sense?" Both of us laughed. My eyes caught on hers and we slipped our arms closer around each other. I smiled and brushed a silky strand of hair back from her face.

"You really are beautiful, Addi." She blushed furiously and I felt our faces moving closer and closer...

"Adhara Fiona Black!" his voice rumbled angrily. The two of us instantly jumped to our feet. Mr. Black appeared from around the corner, looking absolutely furious, his face flushed red and his beady eyes penetrating into me, sending shivers down my spine.

"Yes, sir?" said Addi meekly.

"You---" he sputtered. "You—you stay away from that—that freak!" His hand trembled with rage as he pointed his finger straight at me. I stood, motionless and silent, unsure of how to respond.

"I—I don't know what you're talking about, sir," said Addi, barely above a whisper.

"This! This is exactly what I'm talking about!" he bellowed, producing a tiny leather-bound book from behind his back. I recognized it as Addi's diary. He held it open and shook it in front of her face in disgust.

"You have no business reading my personal things!" she shrieked, trying desperately to snatch the book from his grasp.

"I am your guardian. I take care of you. I pay for your bloody belongings. I put a roof over your head when no one else would, and this is how you repay me?" he breathed venomously. "Now you will treat me with the respect I deserve, and I'll read your things if I damn well please!"

"You're nothing more than a filthy lying selfish coward, and the only reason you keep Sirius and I around is for the money you get paid every month! You don't give a bloody damn what the hell happens to us!"

"How dare you say that you inconsiderate ungrateful half-blooded freak! If I didn't care about you, then why the hell would I be keeping you from getting involved with one of... them!" He finished, pointing at me once again.

"I'll do whatever I want!" shouted Addi.

"Don't speak to me like that, you foolish girl!" bellowed Mr. Black, holding his hand out to strike her. I panicked. _Do something! _My mind screamed, but I was frozen in place. Frantically, I looked back and forth between Mr. Black and Addi, terrified of what would happen to her.

"Touch her and I swear to God I'll kill you!" came a voice from behind me. I turned to find Sirius, followed closely by James. I felt slightly relieved.

"Stay out of this, you son of a bitch!" Mr. Black spat, once again preparing to strike at Addi. Sirius ran at him, punching and kicking.

"Sirius!" Addi wailed. "Look out!" Mr. Black had Sirius on the ground almost instantly, and quickly advanced on Addi. With a loud smack he struck her across the face and she nearly fell to the ground as well. A bright red handprint appeared across her face, and her eyes welled up with tears. I wanted to help her, to comfort her, to at least do something, but I couldn't. James and I felt very helpless and out of place. Sirius climbed back to his feet.

"Adhara, I won't have you associating with these two freaks anymore," said Mr. Black, regaining some of his calm. "You saw what happened to your father when he mixed with their kind, and married that bitch you had for a mother and I won't have you running off and getting yourself killed!"

"It's my life and I'll do as I please! You have no right to try and control me!" cried Addi angrily.

"Don't you dare talk about our mum like that," breathed Sirius. "You're the bastard who ruined their lives! They'd have been happy without you interfering!" Sirius and Mr. Black broke into an open fighting match, and Sirius was rapidly losing. James and I stood helplessly amidst it all, doing nothing more than watching. Addi sobbed loudly, and I wanted to comfort her, but I was afraid of what that man would do to the pair of us if I tried it. Next to me, James was shaking with fury. I saw his hand slip into his pocket, and reemerge with his wand.

"No, James!" I shouted, grabbing his arm. I couldn't let him use magic. Who knew what kind of horrible things would happen? I caught the attention of both Sirius and Mr. Black, causing the fighting to stop. Mr. Black grabbed both Addi and Sirius by the arm, as both of them tried to fight him off, and began dragging them toward the house. 

"You two get the hell out of here," he breathed to us. "Now! And don't ever come back here. And whatever the hell you do, stay away from Addi! Stick to your own kind!" James and I stood speechless, as we watched him drag Sirius and Addi away. I turned to him.

"Oh my god," I breathed. "What the hell do we do?"

"I—I think we'd better leave," said James shakily.

"And what about them?" I asked. 

"I don't know," James sighed. "I think we should go talk to my dad about it."

After retrieving our trunks from the house, as quickly as possible, and noticing that Sirius and Addi had been locked in their rooms, James and I headed straight for the train station in town. I spent the train ride explaining to him what had caused the fight; that it was all my fault. Addi had written about me in her diary and he read it and got angry that she was associating with a 'freak'. 

By the time we arrived in London, we hadn't calmed down much. We sprinted straight to James' house, luckily to find that his dad was home. We explained the situation breathlessly, being sure to include every detail. He only frowned slightly and said he'd look into it, but there wasn't much he could do in the course of Muggle affairs. He said he'd be quite honest with us, that since Sirius' grandfather was town mayor, there was little authority over him, and it would be quite a difficulty to get anyone of any significance to believe our story.

I spent the last week before school started in Diagon Alley with James. We worried constantly about Sirius and Addi, hoping each day that they might show up at James' to finish out the summer. The week passed slowly, and still there was no sign of them. Never in my life had I felt so helpless and guilty as I did that week. I felt horrible for leaving Sirius and Addi there and leaving, but we hadn't had much choice in the matter.

Finally, two days before school started, Sirius and Addi did arrive, to the great relief of James and I. They both insisted that they didn't blame us in the least for leaving, and that they were fine. It had only been a slight misunderstanding with their grandfather, they explained. He had always blamed his son's death on his marriage to a witch.

"People don't fight like that in a little misunderstanding," argued James.

"It was a one time thing," Sirius would insist. "It won't happen again."

Addi would hardly talk to me when they first arrived. Finally she burst into tears and admitted that she was afraid I'd hate her for getting her grandfather so angry at me. I told her on the contrary; I loved her and was worried sick about her. After plenty of convincing, she finally believed me. 


	20. Chapter 20: Animagi At Last

****

Chapter 20: Animagi at Last

We went back to Hogwarts for fifth year. It was a good year, in the beginning, and we had lots of fun with pranks, exploring, and even finishing the animagi potion. We were so wrapped up in our own little lives, however, that we didn't pay attention to what was happening around us. Voldemort was rapidly gaining power. He was getting people to join his "Dark Side". These people were known as Death Eaters. People feared him to the point where they didn't even use his name. They referred to him as _You Know Who_ instead. There were more random attacks on innocent victims. The Ministry of Magic was hard at work to make sure muggles didn't find out anything, because some of them were attacked and killed as well. At Hogwarts, no one worried much, though. We had Dumbledore as headmaster, and rumor had it that he was the only person Voldemort feared.

Our animagi potion was still safe under the bed where we'd placed it two years earlier. It was hard to believe two years had gone by so quickly. It wasn't long before the day came when James announced that the potion would be ready the next day.

"At this time tomorrow, we'll know if it worked," he announced before we went to bed that night.

"Please don't do it," I begged them. "What if something goes wrong. I could never live with it."

"Remus, we're doing it," said Sirius. "Don't try to talk us out of it. If something goes wrong we're responsible for it, not you." I sighed and shook my head.

"Nothing's going to go wrong," said James confidently. "We followed the directions completely for the potion. What could go wrong?" He sounded more confident than he looked. Peter hadn't spoken a word in a while. He looked pale. It took a long time for me to fall asleep that night. I couldn't stop thinking about what I'd gotten my friends into. If it weren't for me, they wouldn't be risking their lives to do something crazy and dangerous. It wasn't that I didn't want to have them with me on full moon. I really did. It was just that it was such a risk to all of them. If the potion went wrong, who knew what would happen? I thought of ruining the potion at one point. But then I realized my friends had put five years of hard work into it, awaiting this day for so long. I couldn't ruin it for them. Finally, I fell asleep.

As usual, the next morning, I was awoken by James and Sirius, who never slept in late, especially when they were planning something. Peter and I, who actually liked to be able to sleep once in a while, were annoyed by this. I could hear Peter wining from his bed as James and Sirius pulled off my blankets.

"Knock it off," I mumbled.

"No, Remus! Get up! You sleep too much!" James insisted.

"You don't sleep enough," I mumbled, rolling over, placing my pillow over top of my head to muffle the noise, and trying to sleep.

"Get up or Peter's going to pour cold water on you," Sirius threatened, grabbing my arm and pulling me out of bed.

"Ouch!" I landed with a thud on the floor. "Why do I have to get up so early?" I moaned.

"Because today's the day!" said James excitedly.

"But not until tonight," I muttered, stumbling back to bed.

"Oh no you don't!" exclaimed Sirius.

"Fine, I'm up," I mumbled. Realizing that I wouldn't get anymore sleep, I forced myself to awake. Peter was now up, too.

"There, are you satisfied?" I asked. "It's four forty-five in the morning, we're all awake, and we have nothing to do until seven thirty."

"I wonder what animals we'll become?" said Sirius thoughtfully, ignoring me.

"You'll know soon," said James. "I hope I don't get something awful."

"Yeah, what if you got a fish or something? Then you'd have to be in water all the time," said Peter. James sighed.

"Pete, you worry too much. Kind of like Remus," he added, throwing me a glance.

"...or what if you end up being an elephant?" Peter ignored him. "And then you'd be too big to fit through the passage-way to the shrieking shack."

"Peter!" shouted James and Sirius in unison.

"Sorry, I'm just nervous," he apologized.

"Well knock it off. None of the rest of us are," said Sirius.

"He's got every reason to be nervous," I argued. "It's dangerous. What if something does happen to one of you? What will we do?" I demanded. Sirius groaned and ignored me.

"I wonder what animal I'll be?" said James thoughtfully. 

"I think you'll be a cute little bunny rabbit," said Sirius teasingly. 

"Shut up," muttered James. "I'll bet you're a bird."

"So?" said Sirius. "Why?"

"Because, I reckon they're not very smart, because they haven't got very big brains," said James, grinning.

"Hey!" said Sirius. "I feel insulted!" He pretended to sulk.

"What do you think I'll be? Huh? Huh?" Peter demanded.

"A toad," said Sirius honestly.

"A toad?" said Peter. "Why would I be a toad? They're fat and slimy and ugly."

"Exactly," replied Sirius, grinning.

"What?" Peter looked confused. "Oh... hey that's mean!"

They spent the next few hours talking about what it would be like to be animagi. I tried to fall back to sleep, but they prevented it with their constant prodding and threatening. The rest of the day went by that slowly. We couldn't pay attention in any of our classes. I was too worried, and Peter shared this feeling. James and Sirius were just excited. During our last class of the day, Transfigurations, McGonagall looked very confused, as we didn't pull one prank the entire time. She did, however, have to scold us for not paying attention. The four of us sat nervously, fidgeting in our seats. I was still trying to plot ways to make the three of them change their minds, though in reality I knew it was much too late for that.

"I can't wait until tonight." James grinned when we were seated and eating dinner.

"What's tonight?" asked Lily suspiciously.

"Oh, nothing," said James, in a tone that implied that it was something.

"Don't give me oh nothing," said Lily. "You make it so obvious whenever you're up to something."

"Yeah, what is it?" asked Erin.

"Why do you always think we're up to something?" asked James.

"Because you always are up to something," Lily informed him.

"We can't tell you," said Sirius.

"Really, you don't have to do it," I chimed in.

"We're doing it, Remus. Don't try to talk us out of it," insisted Sirius.

"It's something dangerous, isn't it?" asked Erin.

"No, " James lied. Lily looked at him for a moment.

"Yes it is," she said.

"Okay, fine, it is," said Sirius.

"Why can't you tell us?" Erin looked a little hurt, and Sirius looked ready to give in and tell her.

"We don't want anyone to know right now," said James. "We'll tell you later."

"James, I know you're up to something. You guys paid attention even less than usual in classes today, and you hardly ate at all," Lily bugged him. "Will you please tell me what it is?"

"I'm sorry, Lil," said James. "But I just can't right now. You understand, right?"

"Yeah, James, I understand just fine. If you don't want me to know what's going on in your life just say so!" Lily sounded angry.

"No, Lil, please," said James. "I really want to tell you, it's just that, well, we don't want anyone to know right now."

"So, now you don't trust me?" Lily asked angrily.

"I never said that!" shouted James.

"Well, you implied it!" Lily shouted back.

"Well why don't you just stay out of things that are none of your business!" 

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine," Lily said quietly, looking James in the eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks, before turning and storming off to the girls' dorm.

"No, Lil, wait…" James stopped when he realized she wasn't going to listen. Then he just stood there, closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head. "Girls," he muttered with a forced chuckle, looking at us. We could tell she'd hurt him. Erin had seemed upset with Sirius too, but, unlike Lily, she was too quiet to fight back. Now Sirius and James both looked hurt and guilty, and Peter looked a nervous wreck.

"You know, you don't have to…"

"We're doing it!" James and Sirius shouted at the same time. There was no stopping those two. After that, they went to their quidditch practice. Meanwhile, I tried to help Peter with his Defense Against the Dark Arts homework, which was basically pointless. He just didn't get it. Finally, James and Sirius returned. It wasn't long before we were joined by Lily and Erin. James and Lily apologized to each other, and they were back to their usual selves.

"We're not angry," Lily spoke much more calmly now than she had earlier. "We just would really like you to tell us what's going on. But, we understand if you can't," she added.

"I really am sorry," said James, and Sirius nodded.

"If it's dangerous, then please be careful," added Erin, as she hugged Sirius. 

"I have no idea what you're up to, but please don't get yourselves killed over some stupid prank," Lily enforced this to James, placing her hands on his shoulders and looking him in the eyes.

"Don't worry, Lil. We'll be fine," James insisted. He kissed Lily, and Sirius did his usual cheering.

"Shut up Sirius!" Lily yelled at him. James returned the favor when Sirius kissed Erin. The girls left then, still looking worried.

Several minutes later, we occupied our dorm room, James on his knees peering under the bed where the potion was hidden, and rubbing his hands together looking pleased with himself. Sirius shifted on his feet in the center of the room, wearing his classic mischievous grin. Peter huddled on the floor next to his bed, ghost white and trembling, his beady eyes staring fixedly at the cauldron under James' bed.

I sat atop my bed, kicking my foot into its frame and mentally slapping myself for ever letting my friends get this far into doing something so ridiculous. I should have stopped them sooner, I told myself. I should have ruined the potion while it wouldn't have mattered as much. Now here it was, just minutes before my only friends would risk their lives for me, and I hadn't done one thing to prevent them from trying it. Granted, I wanted to have someone come with me on full moon, but it seemed selfish to expect them to do something so dangerous for me. But it was their idea, I reasoned. Torn between what seemed like the right thing to do, and what I wanted, I knew I needed to act fast. But what was there to do now? The determination burning in James' eyes, the excitement making Sirius' face glow like a child's, told me it was too late to try and stop them now. 

James' eyes were now fixed on Sirius' alarm clock, which read 11:59. "As soon as it hits twelve," he announced, staring intently for what seemed like minutes, until the clock's red glowing numbers read 12:00. "Go check the common room and see if anyone is still awake," He instructed to Sirius importantly. Sirius didn't need instructing. He darted from the room and returned an instant later, his grin wider than before.

"Everyone's asleep," he reported.

"Great, then now's the time," said James, with a slight waver in his voice. I felt a sudden lurch in my stomach. This was it; they were going to be drinking that potion any minute now. James cautiously slid the potion out from its hiding place under the bed with more care than he used when handling his brand new broomstick. Sirius presented three large, jewel encrusted gold goblets.

"Courtesy of the house elves." He beamed. James began to ladle equal amounts of the greenish-brown potion into the three goblets, being extremely cautious not to allow any to drip out onto the floor. He soon found himself attempting this task one-handed and using the other to hold his nose. We wrinkled our noses at the awful stench.

"It never smelled that bad before," said Peter.

"That's just the sign that it's ready, Pete," said James. "It says so right in the book." Peter shrugged.

"I can't imagine it tastes very good."

"It's not supposed to taste good, Peter!" said Sirius, sounding slightly agitated. "Now let's do this!" 

"Ready then?" James asked Sirius and Peter. Sirius took a deep breath, clamped his fingers over his nose and nodded.

"Yeah."

"Peter?"

"I don't know, mates," he said. James looked ready to yell at him, but I spoke first.

"You don't have to if you don't want to, Peter," I said. He looked ready to thank me, and spill glass of potion he held in his trembling hand, but Sirius objected.

"He's doing it."

"Yeah, c'mon, Peter," said James. "It'll be fun. And we're doing it so we can go with Remus. We need you."

"I guess so," Peter squeaked nervously. I thought of signaling Peter to 'accidentally' spill his potion, but my better instinct told me that it would only make James and Sirius angry, and they'd still be taking the potion regardless of Peter anyway. If it was going to hurt one of them, then it would hurt all of them, I concluded.

"Well then, everybody ready now?" asked James once again. Sirius and Peter, who appeared to have suddenly gained more confidence, nodded in agreement.

"Okay then. On the count of three," said James slowly. They held their goblets up, ready to drink. "One…two…three!" They all gulped down the potion, scrunching up their faces and shuddering at the terrible taste. 

Just as each had finished, I began to hear a loud whistling roar, like a train. A gust of some sort of wind ripped through our dorm room, sending books and clothes flying, knocking pictures off the walls and shattering the frames, making pieces of parchment swirl in circles. I immediately flung myself face down on the bed, covering the back of my head with my hands to protect it. My heart was throbbing like mad in my chest. The wind was so strong that I couldn't even lift my head to see what was happening, and had such a penetrating cold that I felt as though I covered in ice. 

The wind stopped as quickly as it had come. Trembling and confused, I remained face down until I heard the last of the windblown objects crash to the ground. I sat up slowly, as a sickening feeling settled in my stomach. Something wasn't normal. 

My eyes scanned the room frantically. They were gone. James, Sirius, and Peter were all gone. I felt sick with worry. What had happened to them? Where were they? They couldn't have died, could they? If so, where were their bodies? What had the tornado like wind been? I sat on my bed waiting for something to happen, feeling confused and useless, without a better plan than to just wait. It seemed as though maybe if I waited long enough things would begin to make sense; that I'd regain my state of mind and suddenly know where James, Sirius and Peter were and that they weren't in trouble. They could have been anywhere. Perhaps they'd been captured by the ministry. After all, not only was it very dangerous to become an animagi, it was also illegal unless you registered. James, Sirius and Peter weren't going to register, making it all the more dangerous. I suddenly became aware of myself, and that I had begun to cry. I drew in deep gasping breaths and buried my face in my hands. What had I done to my friends? It was just what I'd been afraid of, something had happened to them, something terrible. What if I never saw them again? What if they'd just disappeared to never return? 

"Ouch!" I moaned as I felt something large and heavy land on top of me. Two more large crashes followed. I was face down again and couldn't see a thing of what was going on.

"Geroff!" I tried to shout.

"Remus?" a familiar voice asked.

"Yeah," I responded.

"Sirius, you're seriously squishing me!" said a voice I recognized as James'.

"Well, Pete won't move!"

"Get off my leg!"

"That's my arm!"

"No that's my leg!"

Finally, we untangled ourselves.

"Where were you?" I demanded, slightly angry. "What happened?" James and Sirius exchanged glances.

"Were you crying, Remus?" Sirius asked.

"That's not the point! Answer me!" I insisted. Peter looked even more pale and frightened than he had before, if that was possible. In minuscule detail, they told me about how they'd been transported to this weird place where a voice spoke to them about what they'd chosen to do. Their uncomfortable tone of voice surrounding the topic made me almost certain that they weren't telling me something. I sat at the edge of my four-poster, glaring in the direction of James, who looked extremely uncomfortable, especially whenever his eyes met mine.

"So, let's see if it works," he spoke suddenly. "Sirius, you first."

Sirius sprung to his feet from his desk chair. "Great! I can't take the suspense! How do I change again?"

"Just close your eyes and concentrate on changing," said James. Sirius did so, and after a few seconds of nothing, suddenly there was a small pop and a large black dog was where Sirius had been.

"It worked!" James cried, leaping around the room, throwing his fists in the air. "We did it! You're a dog!" Sirius seemed to understand and barked loudly. James paused from his celebrating when he noticed that neither Peter nor I had joined in. 

"Aren't you going to be more enthusiastic?" he demanded. "We did it! It worked!" The large black dog, understanding James' confusion, leapt onto my bed, causing me to fall backward and then to the ground.

"Sirius! Knock it off!" I shouted. With another pop, Sirius returned to his human form.

"Wow! That was the best thing ever! I can't believe I got a dog! You wouldn't believe how I can smell! By the way, Remy, how was that chicken you had for dinner? I could smell it on your breath! And I can bark, and make puppy-dog eyes! And chase things!..." He went on and on, his eyes glowing with excitement. "You have got to try it! I don't understand why you're not happy, Remus."

"Oh, I'm happy," I muttered. "Thrilled." I forced a small smile. Sirius paid little attention to me, as James prepared to transform. He stood in the center of the room, hands held out in front of him, his head bent with concentration.

"Here I go," said James, with just a hint of nervousness in his voice.

"You can do it, Jamie," said Sirius. "It's not that hard." He concentrated, as Sirius had, and a second later, the remaining three of us shrieked in shock.

Before us, antlers proudly raised, stood a large, majestic stag. The deer took to James' look of confusion, and Sirius, Peter were hysteric with laughter. Soon I couldn't help joining in as well.

"James!" cried Sirius between fits of laughter, as James wandered through the room, puzzled. "James, you're a—a deer!" He finished, gasping for air. James changed back, looking slightly offended.

"Oh, we're just joking, Jamie," said Sirius. "What'd you think of it?" James shrugged.

"I like it alright."

"Okay, Peter, your turn," announced Sirius, still ecstatic about being a dog.

"I don't want to," whined Peter nervously cowering by his bedside.

"Come on, it's fun," said Sirius.

"Please, I really don't want to," said Peter, pulling his knees up to his chest and letting out a sob.

"Come on, Pete. You already took the potion. If anything bad was going to happen, it'd have happened already," said James. Peter looked a little relieved, and I glared at James for lying to him. The truth was, that the most dangerous part to becoming an animagus was changing for the first time.

Peter brought himself to his feet, knees trembling, and steadied himself on his desk.

"You can do it, Pete," said Sirius with a reassuring grin. Peter frowned, then closed his eyes tightly and scrunched up his face in a look of concentration.

"Nothing's happening," he complained.

"Just keep trying, Pete, you'll get it," said James reassuringly. "Think about transforming." Peter bent over and grunted and succeeded in making himself look foolish. James and Sirius fought to hold back laughter. I felt sorry for Peter at the moment, because he'd been dragged along into one of Sirius and James' plans unwillingly. Finally, after a peculiar grunting sound and a sudden pop, Peter was gone.

"Where is he?" I demanded.

"No! This is not supposed to happen!" groaned James worriedly. Sirius, who was on the other side of the room, burst into laughter. James and I eyed him suspiciously.

"Look over here!" he laughed, motioning to the floor. James and I looked down.

"See? He's a rat!" Sure enough, sitting on the floor where Peter had been sat the ugliest, fattest rat I'd ever seen. James began to laugh, and soon so did I; not at Peter in particular, but because I was so relieved that they had all successfully become animagi. Peter scurried all about on the floor. He sneaked up on James when he wasn't paying attention and crawled across his feet, causing him to shriek like a girl until he realized what had happened. This had Sirius and I rolling on the floor with laughter. Just when we were starting to think that Peter didn't know how to change back, a small pop brought him back to himself. 

"That was awesome!" he shouted excitedly.

"It worked!" James roared jumping up and down and shaking his fists in the air. Soon Sirius and Peter joined in cheering and shouting so loud that I'm surprised they didn't hear us all the way over in Slytherin. I joined in as well, finally accepting that they could all safely become animagi. The four of us took to hopping on our beds, and this soon led into a pillow fight. James, Peter and Sirius continually switched to their animal forms, sometimes all at once and they'd chase each other around the room, while I was laughing so uncontrollably that I'd fall off the bed and hit my head on the ground. After the initial feeling of danger had worn off, I couldn't have been happier. I'd have my friends with me on full moon!

After a few hours, the three of them briefly settled down. We flopped down on the large piles of pillows and feathers that covered nearly every inch of the floor. 

"So, Remus, do you think you'll be so moody on the full moon now that we'll be there?" asked Sirius.

"I hope not," I replied.

"Yeah, you're moody on the full moon," said James thoughtfully. "You know, we should call you moony. Get it? Like moon and moody put together?"

"I like it!" said Sirius. "Moony."

"Why do I always get the nicknames?" I moaned jokingly.

"Well, do you want one for me?" asked James.

"Okay," I said. "How about moron?" 

"No, seriously," he said.

"You can't have that name! It's mine!" Sirius tried to sound offended. James moaned.

"Well, deer have antlers," I thought out loud.

"Yeah, but we aren't going to call James Antler," said Sirius.

"Prongs," said Peter.

"What?"

"You know. Prongs. That's what antlers look like; prongs."

"Prongs," I repeated. "That's pretty good."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed.

"And you," James pointed to Sirius. "What can we call you?"

"Hmm, well your dog's got big feet," I said. "I know 'cause you stepped on me at least four times!" 

"So," said James. "I've got it! Padfoot!"

"Yeah!" I exclaimed. "Padfoot."

"What about me?" asked Peter.

"Catfood," said Sirius, grinning.

"No!" Peter whined. "I want a real nickname!"

"I've got it," I said. "Wormtail."

"What? Why?" demanded Peter.

"Well, I noticed that whenever you transform, the rat has a huge tail, and it kind of looks like a worm. Understand?"

"Yeah," said Peter, looking a bit more pleased now that he knew the meaning behind his nickname.

"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs," James repeated. "I like it."


	21. Chapter 21: A Changed Werewolf

****

Chapter 21: A Changed Werewolf

We slept through two classes the next day, and would have slept longer if the girls hadn't woken us up and insisted that we go to divination class.

The only thing that kept us going all day was our anticipation of the night to come. It was full moon and James, Peter and Sirius were going to venture out with me to see how the wolf reacted. A mixture of excitement and nerves filled my thoughts throughout the day. Paying attention in class was impossible for all of us, even me. I couldn't wait to have James, Sirius and Peter along with me on full moon, but I couldn't avoid questioning myself; what if something went wrong? What if I slipped and bit someone, or someone couldn't change or something? I must admit the excitement outweighed the worry, but it was always in the back of my mind.

Dinner finally came, and our plan was about to take place. As I sat down at the Gryffindor table, I realized that this was the first time I'd ever looked forward to full moon. I glanced out of one of the tall cathedral-like windows. The golden evening sun was just beginning to set, and I could see the Whomping Willow in the distance.

"I don't feel well," I announced at dinner biting my lip to avoid the smile trying to spread across my face. "I'm going to go to the infirmary." I got up to leave.

"We'll meet you there," muttered James as I left. I exited the entrance hall through the large oak doors. I inhaled the late summer air, enjoying the light breeze that blew across my face, for once in my life feeling at peace with myself. Savoring the feeling, I slowly strolled across the grounds to the Whomping Willow. I selected a stick lying on the ground, pressed the knot, and continued through, bidding goodbye to the serene sunset. I continued along, feeling as though an incredible weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I didn't feel the dreaded depression that I usually felt while trudging through the tunnel; instead a feeling of something more like excitement raced through me. I had the brief feeling that I should be worrying about something; about James, Peter and Sirius finding their way, about them transforming in time, but my mind was incredibly clear. Somehow I seemed to know everything would be all right.

I arrived at the end of the tunnel and entered the Shrieking Shack, but even that dreaded building had an unexpected golden glow under the setting sun. I settled myself in a ratty velvet chair and sat for a long time, just thinking. Finally, the last traces of sunlight crept behind the trees in the distance, and the sky began to turn black. A beam of silvery moonlight danced in through the window and as though automatically drawn, I pulled myself to my feet. I drew in a deep breath, feeling incredibly calm as I felt the painstakingly familiar changing process overtake me. I felt the transformation changing my body to the wolf's. Just as the last of the transformation took place, I saw the familiar silhouette of a stag, a dog and a rat cast on the wall. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs were together for the first time. And my memory faded from there. 

After a brief visit to the infirmary, by the next night I was feeling well enough to go to dinner. It was the quickest I'd ever recovered from my transformation. The cuts and bruises seemed less painful than ever before, and I didn't have my usual sickening feeling of worry that accompanied me on every previous full moon. The wolf had been befriended; I was a changed werewolf. The first and most glorious victory of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs had been achieved.


	22. Chapter 22: The Marauders' Map

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Chapter 22: The Marauders Map

The next full moon was the first that ventured out of the Shrieking Shack and into the forest. James, Sirius and Peter seemed to recall this event with quite a bit of uncomfortable laughter. I had very vague memories of chasing something with Padfoot, but I couldn't remember what we were chasing. I'd often asked, but the three of them brushed the question aside and changed the subject every time. I could only hope that I'd soon be able to keep my mind more during the full moon so that I could prevent the three of them from getting us into trouble. It wasn't long until I could remember nearly all of what happened on full moon. There were only the occasional times when the wolf's mind got the better of me, but Padfoot, Wormtail and Prongs would help me out. All in all, things for me were much better than they'd been in a long time.

By several months into the school year, we had explored all of Hogwarts, inside and out, and discovered just about every secret passage there was. Sirius reckoned that we probably knew the school better than Dumbledore himself. But it was James' idea to create something that would allow us to share our discoveries with future mischief-makers, so that the work and marauder spirit of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs would be preserved forever.

After our plans had been set, we found ourselves in the library, surrounded by books and several rolls of parchment.

"Well, it looks as though the first thing we've got to do is select our password," said James, tracing his finger across the words on a page of a large book called _Preserving and Protecting Your Discoveries_. "So, what should it be?"

"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs?" I suggested. James and Sirius shook their heads.

"Too many people know that we call ourselves that," said Sirius.

"It's got to be something…unusual," said James. Just then, Professor McGonagall entered the library, and looked at us with wide eyes and a puzzled expression.

"Sirius Black, what on earth are you doing in the library?" she demanded.

"Oh, well, Professor, if you'd rather not have me here working on my assignments, I'd be more than willing to leave and go put red and gold hair dye in the Slytherins' Shampoo." He flashed his most innocent grin.

"You'll do nothing of the sort!" scolded McGonagall. "I was simply commenting on how rare it is to find you in a library, Mr. Black. Are you boys behaving and working on school work?" she asked, peering at our books. James quickly slammed his shut and leaned over it, covering the title. Sirius, however, didn't seem worried in the slightest.

"Oh, never Professor," said Sirius. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." He placed his hand over his heart. Professor McGonagall's face twisted into some sort of unintentional smile.

"Just try to stay out of trouble for the day," she said. "If that's possible for you four," she added, before leaving with her book.

"That's it!" I said the second she was gone.

"What?" asked Sirius.

"I solemnly swear I am up to no good," I said. "The password."

"Yeah!" said James. "Good thinking Moony."

"Well, it was actually Sirius," I pointed out. We agreed on that for the password, and 'mischief managed' to erase the map. James looked at the spell book.

"Okay, this doesn't look that hard," he said. "Could you hand me that piece of parchment?" He performed the spell

"How do we know if it works?" asked Peter, staring at the still blank parchment.

"Well, we have to make it say something," said James. Peter grabbed a quill.

"No," said Sirius. "We don't write the map at all. The trick is to make it write itself. See, look at this spell," he pointed it out to us. 

"Will you try that one, Moony? It's a charm; I think you could manage it better than me," asked James.

"Sure," I agreed, reading the page. "But what should it say?"

"Hmmm…" James thought. He began dictating "Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs, Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief Makers, Are Proud to Present The Marauders Map, how's that?"

"Couldn't have said it better myself," said Sirius. "Try the spell, Moony." I took my wand and performed the spell, concentrating hard on what we wanted it to say and muttering the words. A beam of silvery light came from the end of my wand and glided along the paper. When it finished, the map was still blank.

"Oh," I said disappointedly. "It didn't work! I must've done something wrong." But before anyone could say anything else, black lines began to swirl across the parchment and form into elegant letters.

****

Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs

Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief Makers Are Proud to Present

~The Marauders Map~

"You did it, Moony. It worked!" exclaimed James. I grinned.

"What next?" asked Sirius.

"We have to make the actual map next, I guess," said James. "Now, here's this spell…" We continued working on our map for several hours, and finally, we perfected it the map part. Then one of Sirius' ideas caused us to work for several more hours to make the map insult anyone who tried to use it without the password. And not just a standard insult either; our personalities were made immortal in that piece of parchment. If I had it today and tried to use it, Prongs, Wormtail and Padfoot would all make replies.

Later, we brought the map to dinner just after we'd finished, still not certain that it would work. We had our plan ready. We'd sit it on the table in plain view, blank, of course, and pretend to be discussing something in hushed voices, hoping to attract attention. And it worked. Our plan hadn't been underway for more than two minutes when Snape approached us. We glanced at each other, silently reminding everyone to act normally. Snape came up behind me and snatched the map off of the table.

"What do we have here?" he asked.

"Hey! Give that back!" I tried to sound angry that he'd taken it.

"Come and get it, wimp!" he said, holding it out of my reach. He was playing right into our hands. I pretended to make some effort in trying to get it back.

"Leave him alone, Snape," said Sirius, standing up.

"So, Black, what's so important about this little piece of paper?" asked Snape. "Some little secret you're working on. Well, I'm going to find out!" He smirked as he pulled out his wand. We looked at each other and grinned. He tapped the paper with his wand. Nothing happened.

"I, Severus Snape, command you to show yourself," he said. My words began to appear first.

Mr. Moony would like to greet Severus Snape and tell him he needs to learn to keep his large pointy nose out of other peoples' business.

"It works!" we mouthed silently to each other as the words appeared. Snape's face went red. Peter's was next.

Mr. Wormtail would like to agree with Mr. Moony and ask Snape where he learned to be such an annoying, nosy git.

We fought to hold back laughter. Next was Sirius's.

Mr. Padfoot would like to ask Snape why he doesn't do the whole world a favor and keep his big mouth shut.

Snape went, if possible, even more red, and looked as though steam could come pouring out of his ears at any second. Finally, it was James' turn.

Mr. Prongs would like to ask Snape if he realizes that if he doesn't wash his greasy hair soon, no girl will ever touch him, even with a ten foot pole!

Snape, looking angry enough to burst, threw the map down on the table, and stormed out of the Great Hall. We soon were an equal shade of red, from laughing so hard.

Our map worked well in other ways too. The most useful being the feature that allowed us to see the location of everyone in the school. We could see when a professor was near us, and know when the coast was clear for pranks, and sneaking through corridors. It was, by far, our most useful mischief-making tool, and the second great achievement for The Marauders. 


	23. Chapter 23: The Truth, The Whole Truth, ...

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Chapter 23: The Truth, The Whole Truth, and Nothing but The Truth

That night, Sirius insisted that we have a party in our dorm room and invite Lily and Erin, so we did. We showed them the map.

"Tap it with your wand, Lil," James told Lily, handing it to her. Lily did so, and made a face when insults began to appear on the page. Erin made a face, too.

"Oh, so that's it?" Lily exclaimed angrily. "You made a piece of paper that insults people?" She continued complaining about how rude it was, until James made it write an apology to her. She made a face at him that obviously wasn't forgiving. In the mean time, Sirius was whispering something in Erin's ear.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good?" she said, tapping her wand against the paper. Lily stopped in mid-sentence from yelling at James to stare in fascination as a detailed map of Hogwarts appeared on the parchment. 

"Wow," Lily and Erin both stared. "So this is what you guys have been working on!" said Lily.

"Yeah, today anyway," said James. He and Lily had apparently silently forgiven each other, which they were known to do at least five times a day, normally. James looked as though he wanted to say something more, and I knew what he was thinking. Apparently, so did Sirius, because he gave Erin the same look. I knew they wanted to tell them about being animagi. And they should be able to tell them, I thought. They shouldn't have to keep secrets from them. I knew what I had to do. I motioned for James and Sirius to join me on the staircase.

"You guys need to tell them," I said when we were out of earshot.

"What?" they both asked.

"You need to tell Lily and Erin. There's no reason to keep secrets from them," I said. "You shouldn't keep secrets from people you love, and I know you love them, so don't deny it." Their faces turned crimson.

"But Remus, what about you?" asked James. I sighed. This was the tough part, but I knew I could trust Lily and Erin. I hoped they wouldn't mind.

"I don't mind," I said. "You need to tell them. I trust Lily and Erin." I added.

"It's not about trust," said Sirius. "I just don't want them to be worrying." James nodded.

"And I don't want to get them into any trouble if we get caught."

"And I'm hearing this from my two best friends who have always taught me that in life you have to take chances or you'll never have fun?" I asked. They grinned.

"Okay then," said James. "We'll tell them tomorrow." We all agreed, and went back to the dorm room.

"We have something we want to tell you," Sirius announced to them.

"What?" asked Erin. I saw that hurting look in Sirius's eyes again as he couldn't tell her.

"I can't tell you, now," he said, sadly.

"Well, then when can you tell us?" asked Lily.

"Meet us in Three Broomsticks tomorrow night," said James. "I promise we'll tell you then." They agreed and left. We got ready and went to bed. As I was trying to sleep, I heard James and Sirius conversing quietly about something they obviously didn't want Peter and I to hear. I could barely hear them. I listened hard. The only thing I heard was something about a year and that I'd be upset with them if they told me. Somehow I knew they were talking about the night they'd become animagi. I had forgotten about that night, in all of our excitement, but recalling it then, I remembered that it seemed like they didn't want to tell me something. Why weren't they telling me? It had to be something really dangerous, or something, if they kept it from me. But still, we weren't supposed to keep secrets. We were supposed to tell each other everything. But they weren't telling me about whatever this was. Why? I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. Angrily, I punched my pillow, then listened. They had stopped talking now. I waited a while, until I was sure they were asleep. I wasn't going to let them keep whatever it was away from me any longer. 

I crept from my bed. I had a mind to take James' invisibility cloak, but decided against it, so I sneaked through the corridors quickly and silently to avoid being caught out of bed. I darted across the grounds to the Whomping Willow, and sped doubled over through the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack. My feet hammered against the creaking staircase as I raced to the second floor landing, sat down on the bed, and waited. I knew they'd be coming, sooner or later. I'd demand that they tell me. I sat there for what seemed like hours, upset, confused and incredibly exhausted. At last, I saw the light of the rising sun peeking over the trees in the distance. Not long after, I heard the pounding of three sets of feet ascending the staircase. James, Peter, and Sirius arrived breathlessly into the room.

"There you are, Remus," gasped Sirius. "We've been looking for you. Why the hell did you leave without telling us?" I didn't react. He waved his hand in my face tauntingly. "Hello? Moony?" My hand snapped up and grabbed his wrist tightly.

"Stop it, Sirius!" I growled at him. He tried to pull away. I tightened my grip.

"Strong grip there Moony," he joked. But it was no joking matter. I gripped his wrist more tightly.

"Remus, let go. Please," Sirius begged. But I wouldn't. I wanted some answers. I wanted to know the truth.

"What's wrong, Remus?" asked James.

"Last night," I said. "I wasn't asleep. I heard your conversation. I want to know what happened that night. Everything." Sirius and James' faces fell and they exchanged glances.

"Please let go," begged Sirius once again. I reluctantly did so.

"Now tell me," I demanded.

"There's nothing to tell," said Sirius.

"Yes there is," I said. "You said something about your deaths, and a year. Or something like that." James sighed.

"We did something to make sure your safe," he said. Oh God, I thought. They risked their lives and did something stupid for me.

"What do you mean?" I demanded. They told me.

"When we got taken away, after we became animagi," said James. "She asked us if we wanted to do one more thing."

"To make sure you, Peter, Addi, Erin, and Lily are all safe," added Sirius.

"Wait, who's 'she'?" I asked.

"Uh, the voice that talked to us," said Sirius. "Anyway, that's not important."

"She said Voldemort would see what we did for you, and try to use it against us," said James.

"So, she asked if we wanted to do one more thing to make sure you're safe," continued Sirius. Voldemort. Voldemort knew about us becoming animagi? What had I done? Why hadn't I destroyed the potion? Why hadn't I tried harder to convince them not to do it? Why? I knew the answer. I was too selfish. I wanted them with me. I didn't want them to give up on it. And now, they had risked their lives for me; an undeserving monster.

"So, what did you do?" I asked slowly.

"We gave up a year," James said quietly.

"A year of what?" I asked, hoping it wasn't what I thought it was going to be.

"Our lives," said Sirius, finally. It was. I lost all traces of sanity. I leapt from my position on the bed and shoved Sirius to the ground.

"You did what?" I demanded, glaring at the three of them.

"It's for your safety, Moony," said James, trying to remain calm. Sirius sat on the floor, staring up at me in shock.

"You didn't! Please tell me you didn't!" I begged. But one look in their eyes told me the unmistakable truth. "Oh God, you did!" I thought. "Why in bloody hell would you do something so stupid?"

"You're our friend, Remus," said James. "We would die for you."

"And I would die for either of you," I said honestly. "But why give up a year of your lives? That's so definite, so final! A year! A year is a long time! And what if it's soon?"

"Remus, think how we'd feel if Voldemort killed you while trying to get to us!" said Sirius, finally regaining his standing position.

"But Voldemort's not after you!" I objected, praying that I was right. I saw them exchange glances. Oh, God, what had they gotten into?

"There's something you're not telling me!" I roared angrily.

"When we gave up a year of our lives, she showed us a warning for the future," said James.

"James saw mine, and I saw his," Sirius explained.

"What did you see?" I asked. Neither of them looked like they wanted to answer. I placed my hand on my forehead and drew in a few deep breaths, to regain my patience. I understood how they felt. I wouldn't have wanted to tell anyone if I knew. I wasn't sure I even wanted to know.

"Never mind, you don't have to tell me," I said. They both looked relieved. I thought.

"So, Sirius, if you saw James's warning, and James saw yours, then what did Peter see?" I asked.

"Peter wasn't with us," said James slowly, eyeing Peter, who was standing at the side of the room, absentmindedly peering through the boarded up windows.

"He wasn't with you?" Sirius asked me. "I thought he stayed with you when we went away." I shook my head.

"No, he wasn't there."

"That's really weird," said James. "Remember what she said about Peter having a different future?" he asked. Sirius nodded. Peter ignored our conversation, and pretended to be fascinated by something outside the window.

"So, where'd you go, Pete?" asked James.

"Oh, uh... I don't know," said Peter.

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Sirius.

"I mean, it was just this weird place that was all dark and stuff, and this weird buzzing sound," he spoke very fast.

"And nothing happened?" asked James. "No one spoke to you?"

"No!" Peter exclaimed quickly. "Guess I don't qualify for the year thing or something," he added.

"I wonder what the lady meant when she said you had a different future?" Sirius asked. Peter shrugged.

"I have no idea," said Peter.

"Probably nothing important. Maybe they only needed two of us to do it or something," James reasoned.

"Yeah," said Peter. "I was last to finish the potion. That must be it." James nodded. Sirius frowned slightly. I could tell he was thinking something bad about Peter.

"Well, you guys have done so much for me, and I've done nothing for you," I said. "But the least I can do is thank you."

"Yes you have," insisted James. "You've given us the adventure of a lifetime every month." I shrugged, not sure how that was equal to a year of their lives.

"Well, we better get back," said Sirius. "Or we'll be late for Divinations class."

"Oh, that would be a tragedy," said James, sarcastically. We left the shrieking shack and headed back to the castle.

"We shouldn't have told Peter about the year thing," I heard Sirius mutter to James on the way inside. I wondered why.

"You four are late," scolded Professor Trelawney as we hurried into the Divinations room.

"Sorry Professor," I apologized. She ignored me.

"Take your seats quickly. You nearly missed our introduction to advanced crystal ball gazing!"

"What a pity," muttered Sirius sarcastically as we seated ourselves at an empty table.

"Now, we will begin by reviewing the standard gazing procedure..." Trelawney began. Within minutes the stifling room and the sickeningly sweet smell had us in our usual daze. Peter had fallen asleep, James was laughing at the fact that a certain way he looked into the crystal ball he could see a reflection of Snape from his table and it looked like his nose looked three times its usual size, and Sirius was busily telling Trelawney, with a gleeful look, that he had seen an attack of killer fruitcakes in the Slytherin dorms next month.

"Fascinating, Mr. Black," she said mysteriously. "And you're certain you saw this?"

"Yes Professor," replied Sirius, exchanging glances with me and nearly bursting into laughter. 

"You have a very good Inner Eye," she complimented. "Have you seen anything else lately?" He eagerly told her about a teacher's strike at Hogwarts next week, that the Slytherins would be discovered in two weeks for hiding fuzzy pink bunnies in their dorms, that every single Ravenclaw would score less than a two on their O.W.L.S. and be forced to drop out, that Hufflepuff would beat Slytherin in the match the following week, that James' secret identity would be discovered as a reincarnated Godric Gryffindor in two months, and that it would be incredibly cloudy for the remainder of the year.

"Amazing, really," said Trelawney. "What would you say to transferring to Advanced Divinations? It really is quite an honor. Only a select few have the ability to See with such accuracy."

"Sure, why not," Sirius agreed halfheartedly. 

"Now, class," Trelawney instructed. "Share with your classmates at your tables what you have Seen in the last few minutes." I turned to James.

"So, what have you seen?" I asked.

"I'd say we're in for some pretty thick fog," he replied.

"Me too," I said laughing.

"I think I saw something," Erin whispered over to us from the other table. She sounded slightly worried.

"You mean for real?" asked James, leaning over.

"Yeah," she said. "It was about Sirius. He—he... Oh my gosh!" she shrieked suddenly. Sirius had fallen out of his seat, and was now lying on the floor kicking and moaning unidentifiable words.

"Sirius?" I said, as a large group of students knelt around him. Nothing. Professor Trelawney rushed over.

"No! No!" Sirius moaned, still unconscious. Erin had begun to cry, and Lily was comforting her. Other Gryffindors looked alarmed, however a group of Slytherins, including Snape, were snickering in the corner.

"Wake up, Sirius!" said James desperately, slapping his face.

"Ouch," mumbled Sirius, coming around.

"Are you all right, Mr. Black?" asked Professor Trelawney.

"What happened?" asked Sirius, looking dazedly up at all of our faces.

"It was like you were asleep," said James. "Only you wouldn't wake up." Sirius made a face.

"But what about Voldemort?"

"Voldemort isn't here," I said.

"I believe you've had a vision," said Professor Trelawney. "You're having quite a success at Divinations. Imagine, all this in one day from a fifteen year old student!"

"I need to get out of here," said Sirius plainly, standing and walking towards the ladder as the others headed back to their seats. Erin watched him go, her eyes still overflowing with tears. James began to follow him.

"We're taking him to the nurse," I called to Professor Trelawney as I followed them. Peter came too. We sat down at the top of the staircase.

"What happened, Padfoot?" asked James.

"There was this explosion, here at Hogwarts," said Sirius. "And, everyone was leaving, but when we got to the door, Voldemort was there. And he-he just started killing people, with this flash of green light coming from his wand. He killed everyone, you guys, the girls, Snape, the teachers, everybody, until I was the only one left. And then he said to let this be a warning for the future." I saw James' face go pale for a second and his eyes widened, then he looked calm again. We couldn't just let something like that go unknown, I concluded. I stood up, and grabbed Sirius's arm, pulling him with me.

"Where are you taking me?" he asked.

"To Dumbledore," I said. "You need to talk to him about this." Sirius didn't object, and James and Peter followed. When we arrived at Dumbledore's office, he wasn't there, so we waited for him to arrive. After quite some time he came in.

"Well, hello boys," he greeted us. "Any reason why you're here?" I nudged Sirius.

"Professor, something happened to me in class today," Sirius began. He explained the vision to Dumbledore, who listened intently. When Sirius finished, he looked thoughtful.

"Well, I need to talk to some people," he said. "And then I'll get back to you. You can go back to your common room now." We turned to leave. Sirius looked worried. We barely left the room when we heard a voice announce, "Will all faculty and staff please report to the teachers lounge for an urgent meeting immediately following the end of the class period. All students should report to their common rooms until further notice."

James and Sirius exchanged glances. I knew what they were thinking. James sped back to the dorm room to get the invisibility cloak and returned a few minutes. I frowned. Peter complained about spying, James snapped at him, and he went back to the common room instead of joining us. James tossed the invisibility cloak over our heads and we headed for the teachers' lounge. We slipped in behind Professor Sprout and settled ourselves in the back of the room, staying down low, because we knew the cloak didn't fool Dumbledore, though he wasn't there at the moment. There were low concerned murmurs from the teachers. No one seemed to have any idea what was going on. Just then, Dumbledore walked in.

"Thank you all for coming on such short notice," he said. "I believe we may have an emergency." The room irrupted in quiet chatter. 

"You all know Sirius Black," Dumbledore said. The teachers nodded, as though they all knew Sirius all too well. "And you are all aware of the circumstances surrounding his parents deaths?" The teachers seemed to become more frightened now. They nodded.

"I have reason to believe," said Dumbledore. "That Voldemort may be trying to contact Sirius in an attempt to kill him." James and I were among the many who gasped. Voldemort was going to kill Sirius? It couldn't be. There had to be a mistake.

"How do you know this, headmaster?" someone asked.

"Good question," said Dumbledore. "Sirius told me that he had a vision today in Divinations class where everyone around him was killed by Voldemort. I knew Orion and Fiona Black, and both told me of similar visions shortly before their deaths."

"Why Sirius, though?" asked McGonagall.

"That, I don't know," said Dumbledore. "But I want security increased. Sirius must never be alone. I want a teacher near him at all times."

"But you know he and Potter, Lupin and Pettigrew are able to get away from anyone anytime," someone objected.

"Will you tell him?" asked McGonagall. Dumbledore thought a moment.

"Yes," he answered. "He deserves to know." People gasped once again.

"He's just a boy. It would terrify him." Dumbledore silenced them.

"He already knows," he explained. "This is a sign that Voldemort is getting closer. Now meeting dismissed, and remember, I want high security around Black, at all times." We left the meeting. I looked at Sirius, who had gone completely pale. He didn't say anything, though, and we went to the rest of our classes, like normal. 

That night, we kept our promise to Lily and Erin. It was Hogsmeade weekend, but Sirius wasn't permitted to go, and we weren't going without him, so we had to sneak out under the invisibility cloak. We met up with the girls outside of Three Broomsticks when we got there. Erin was still looking teary eyed and burst into fresh tears, pulling herself into Sirius' arms. He quickly assured her that everything was fine, not mentioning what he'd seen in his vision. Soon she cheered up a bit.

"We've got something to tell you now," said James, when everyone had calmed down.

"You'd better," said Lily.

"Come with us," said Sirius, leading everyone towards the Shrieking Shack. Lily and Erin shuddered as we neared it. Of course I wasn't scared. The house wasn't haunted. The so-called ghost was only me. But Lily and Erin didn't know this. We entered the house through a broken window. Lily and Erin, terrified as they looked, didn't object. I turned a bit red as they looked at the condition of the moldy old couch that was clawed and bitten; one of the legs was nearly falling off. They sat down anyway. Peter, James and I sat on the floor. 

James began, "You guys have to promise that, no matter what you hear tonight, you can never tell anyone. Ever." Lily and Erin nodded.

"First, you need to know about Remus," said Sirius, glancing at me. This was my cue. Get it over with, I told myself. Addi understood, they will too.

"I-I'm a werewolf," I said quietly. Their reaction surprised me. They smiled.

"Is that all?" asked Erin.

"We thought this was something important," said Lily. "We've known that for years."

"You know?" my mouth dropped open and I instantly glanced toward Sirius, James and Peter. The three of them looked as surprised as I did.

"Of course we know," said Lily. "You thought we couldn't figure it out? We didn't say anything to protect you."

"You mean you don't care?" I asked, a little shocked.

"Of course not," said Erin. "You're our friend."

"That's not all we have to tell you," continued James. "When we found out that Remus was a werewolf, we decided to come up with a way that we could be with him on full moon."

"But James! Werewolves are dangerous to humans!" Lily sounded worried.

"Exactly," admitted James. "But we found a solution to that problem. Padfoot, a demonstration please?" Sirius grumbled, but didn't refuse, and soon, with a small pop Padfoot appeared where Sirius had been.

"Oh my gosh!" Erin exclaimed. "He—he's a..."

"An animagus," finished James. Padfoot ran over to Erin and placed his head on her knee. She laughed at his big puppy-dog eyes and petted him.

"Aww," said Lily, joining in.

"But that's not all," said James. "Sirius, come back." With another pop, Sirius was back to himself.

"I can't believe you did that, Sirius Black!" Lily exclaimed suddenly. "Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to become an animagus? Are you even registered?" James' face fell and he began to wipe his forehead nervously.

"Er—well, your Jamesie here has got something to tell you," said Sirius quickly.

"Lily, I... well..." James quickly transformed. Lily shrieked as the large stag stood before her. She seemed at a complete loss for words. There were a few seconds of uncomfortable silence before James changed back.

"J-James... you—you're a deer...why?" said Lily.

"We didn't pick our animals!" James snapped looking slightly insulted.

"Don't you see how dangerous this was? Any of you?" said Erin quietly. 

"I tried to tell them," I explained. "But there's no stopping Padfoot and Prongs when they've got a plan."

"And there's still one more thing you should see," added Sirius, nodding towards Peter. After nearly three minutes of Peter's concentrating, and Sirius and James rolling their eyes, Peter transformed.

"Eww!" shrieked Erin. 

"A rat?" asked Lily, looking completely disgusted.

"Okay Pete, you can change back now," said James. "Anyway, this was not just a pointless dangerous thing that we wanted to try. We did it for a very good reason. And that reason is Remus." I smiled and nodded.

"Now we can accompany Remus at full moon," Sirius continued. "He has been doing a lot better in the last few months, he can even keep his own mind and remember things."

"I remember you chasing me last month," I said glaring. Then I grinned. "It really is a lot better having the three of them with me. Before I had them along, I used to be terrified of full moon. Transformations were terribly painful, and I'd end up biting and scratching myself because no one else was around. I was miserable. But Sirius, James and Peter changed all of that. The last few months have been the absolute best of my life. And they did risk their lives, but it was for my sake. And they did something for me that no one else would have ever done. They've been the most loyal, trustworthy, caring friends anyone could ever have. Even though what they did was dangerous, please realize what they've done for me; recognize their motives and you'll see just what great people, what caring, devoted friends they are. And so, if you're going to be angry at anyone about this whole animagus thing, please be angry at me. I was the reason they got the idea; I knew about it all along, and I let them go through with it. If you want to blame this on someone, it has got to be me, because they've done nothing wrong." I glanced at Lily and Erin as I finished. Both were in tears.

"That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard!" exclaimed Erin. 

"It was stupid, dangerous, even illegal! But not many people would do that for their friends," said Lily.

"So you don't mind then?" asked James.

"Of course not," said Lily. "I just hope you're all careful."

"Don't worry, Lil. We are," said Sirius honestly.

We spent the next few hours discussing the animagi in greater depth, being certain to include every detail. James and Sirius even told the girls about giving up a year of their lives. Lily and Erin looked a bit surprised but didn't say much. It was a great relief to all of us that everything was now out in the open.

After that day, the rest of fifth year passed smoothly enough. If Voldemort was supposed to be after Sirius, he seemed to have forgotten. There were no signs for the rest of the year, and after a while it just got annoying to watch the look of worry and terror that everyone wore on their face when they looked at him. Teachers insisted on being around us constantly, which made it very difficult to sneak around. The invisibility cloak was our only chance, and we used it more frequently than ever those last few weeks of school.


	24. Chapter 24: Worried

****

Chapter 24: Worried

Fifth year ended quickly and we were soon once again bidding farewell to the castle and heading home for the summer holiday.

We didn't have any plans made for visiting that summer, so I was thoroughly bored. I spent the first three weeks of break occupying myself with our summer assignments; two challenging Transfigurations essays, four essays for Potions, a book report for Divinations, a paragraph essay for Care of Magical Creatures, an essay for Charms, one for Defense Against the Dark Arts, and two for Herbology, as well as a star chart for Astronomy. The work load was more than we'd ever had during the summer holidays, and I decided to get an early start to get it over with. I laughed trying to picture Sirius managing to get all of it finished on the train, like he did every year.

Sirius and Addi were back with their grandfather for the first time since the previous summer when James and I had visited. I was worried about them. Addi wrote almost everyday and assured me that both of them were fine.

By the time the first month of break was over, I had finished all of my summer assignments, brushed up on my flying skills on my old Shooting Star broomstick, helped mum care for the garden, including degnoming it about four times, and helped dad figure out the complexities of the muggle television. Needless to say summer was not only very boring, but very uneventful.

Three days had passed without word from Addi. I had begun to feel slightly worried. I sent a letter out to her with Jeremy and he returned with it, squawking loudly. Now I was almost certain something was wrong. But what could I do? If I went near their house again, that would mean facing their grandfather, who already hated me. But if I didn't do anything, then something really horrible could happen to them. The answer was obvious to me. I'd go to their house and make sure everything was okay. If their grandfather did anything to me, then so be it. My friends' safety was more important to me than my own. Without any further considerations, I threw my cloak over my shoulders, yanked open my window, grabbed my old Shooting Star, and a few seconds later, I was off, soaring across the early evening sky.

After a few minutes, I began to think clearly. I hadn't told my parents what I was doing; they'd be worried sick until they found me. I hadn't brought any money, or food. I had no idea which way to fly, and the only possession I carried with me other than my broom was my wand. I briefly considered going back, at least to get some things I needed, but I quickly decided against it. The more time I wasted, the worse off Sirius and Addi might be. I leaned forward and made the broomstick accelerate faster. 

As I approached the town nearest to where I lived, I flew into a cloud to avoid being spotted. The thick gray wisps of fog blocked my view completely, and I lost of any sense of direction. 

With a loud thump, I felt something feathery collide with my leg, followed by a loud squawk. I wobbled on my broomstick, but quickly regained balance and continued flying, thinking nothing of it. I felt something pointy clinging on my back from my cloak. It was a bird.

"Get off!" I shouted, moving as much as possible without losing control, to try to make it leave. There was no use. The bird, or whatever it was, intended on staying. I decided to drop below the clouds long enough to see what it was. When I could see, I was startled to find a large owl that I didn't recognize, now perched on my shoulder, holding a letter and squawking loudly. 

"Is this for me?" I asked, looking at the letter. The owl squawked some more, and being careful to maintain my balance, I took its letter and opened it.

Dear Remus,

Do you think you could come and stay at my house for about a week? We can pick you up at the train station near my house tomorrow afternoon. Everyone else is coming and Sirius and Addi are already here. I really need to talk to you about something. You don't have to let me know; just come.

Your friend,

Lily

I groaned. So Sirius and Addi were at Lily's house, and they hadn't even let me know. They were perfectly fine and here I was flying halfway across Britain because I thought they were in danger! Angry as I felt at that moment, I was relieved that they were safe. I hadn't flown more than about three miles, so I turned back and returned home before the sun had set. Luckily, my parents hadn't even noticed that I was gone.

Early the next morning I set off on the train to Surrey, anticipating a nice calm week at Lily's house with my friends. But was I ever wrong. 

"Remus!" Lily called, spotting me from across the crowded train station. "Over here!" she motioned. I dragged my trunk over to where she stood with her mum.

"So this is Remus?" asked Mrs. Evans. I nodded.

"Well, it's nice to meet you," she said. "You're James's friend, right?" 

"Yeah," I answered. She nodded.

"Remus is the one that doesn't get in trouble constantly, mum," said Lily. Mrs. Evans nodded, laughing.

"So, where's everyone else?" I asked.

"We've got to pick Erin up here. Her train's due at four fifteen," said Lily. "Peter should arrive as soon as we get back to my house, James's dad is bringing him later, and I Sirius and Addi are back at the house. That's what I've been meaning to talk to you about." She gave me a meaningful glance. I nodded, wondering what could be that important about them. 

"Hey, there's Erin!" said Lily, after a moment of silence. "Erin over here!" Lily called to her waving her arm. Erin saw us and hurried over.

"Hi mates," she called cheerfully. Lily introduced her to Mrs. Evans, and then we left.

We arrived at the Evans' house in about a half an hour. It was a typical looking muggle house; brick and two stories, with a tiny front lawn and flowers, like all the others next to it, on a quiet street in the suburbs. We entered through the front door.

"Moony!" I heard Sirius' booming voice.

"Hi, Siri—" I stopped when I realized that he had long forgotten me and had Erin in his arms. Addi peered in from another room.

"Hi Remus," she said, smiling and walking in. I pulled her into my arms.

"I was so worried about you," I said.

"What?" she asked.

"You usually write to me everyday, and then you did write for three. And when I sent a letter out with Jeremy, he came back with it," I said. "Then Lily wrote and said you were here." I decided not to mention that I was going to fly to their house to make sure everything was all right.

"Oh—I'm sorry," Addi apologized. "I guess—I –er—just forgot to tell you we were coming." Her voice quivered.

"It's okay," I said. "I'm just glad you and Sirius are all right."

"What about me?" asked Sirius.

"Remus didn't know we were coming here and he got worried," Addi answered quickly, raising her eyebrows at her brother. I began to get the feeling that something was going on that I didn't know about. Sirius nodded.

"So, how have you been, Moony?" he asked.

"All right," I replied.

"Full moon go okay without us?"

"Yeah."

"Come on," said Lily. "You can take your stuff upstairs." We followed her up to the staircase. 

"This is my room," she motioned to a tiny room painted in pale blue, with a large bay window that faced the street. "Erin, you can put your things in there. Remus, follow me." She led me to a rather empty looking room, except for a single bed and an antique dresser. "This is the spare room where you, James, Sirius and Peter are staying." I nodded and placed my things on the floor in a corner. 

"I need to talk to you sometime when Sirius and Addi aren't around," Lily whispered to me as we left the room.

"Okay," I agreed, feeling more suspicious than ever. We were all settling ourselves in Lily's room when the doorbell rang.

"Oh, that must be Peter," Lily sighed. "Come on." We went downstairs. Lily pulled the front door open.

"Hi Peter," she said trying to hide the look of disgust on her face as she saw Peter prodding one of the plants on her front porch with his wand and turning it brown.

"Hi," said Peter, who was accompanied by his mum, an impatient looking woman of ratty blonde hair and Peter's mouse-like nose and beady eyes.

"Now Peter, you remembered your…" his mum began.

"I've got everything!" said Peter, obviously not wanting her to bring up something as embarrassing as fuzzy sheep pajamas again.

"Okay then, owl me if anything goes wrong," said Mrs. Pettigrew. "Actually, I forgot, this is a muggle house," she said rather bitterly. "Do you remember how to use the telephone?"

"Yes mum!" Peter sounded annoyed. We watched as she hugged him, then left. Peter grumbled for a bit afterward. We led him up to the room, where he put his things. Then we went into Lily's room to talk until James showed up. We weren't there long before the doorbell rang. We all ran downstairs to see who it was. Lily's muggle sister, Petunia, had already answered the door. It was James. Petunia walked away grumbling, without saying a word of greeting to James.

"Nice to see you too, Tuna!" he called as she stomped off. James hardly got through the door before he had Lily in his arms, pulling her into a hug and kissing her. 

"Eww!" Sirius joked. "Can you two breathe in there?" he asked after a moment, observing them closely.

"Sirius, mind your own business!" said Lily finally, punching him in the arm jokingly.

"Ouch!" Sirius staggered around the room, pretending to be in a great amount of pain, before collapsing on an armchair.

"Sorry, Lily. Sirius doesn't know how to mind his own business," Addi apologized, rolling her eyes at Sirius.

"Nope. I never learned that," Sirius agreed, grinning.

"So, Tuna seemed thrilled to see me, Lils, as usual," said James. Lily groaned.

"You know how she is. She's even more angry than usual because all of you are staying at once."

"I think we've just found ourselves a new target, Prongs," said Sirius.

"No!" shouted Addi and Erin in unison.

"Be my guest," said Lily shrugging. Addi and Erin stared at her, shocked. "She's mean. She hates us." Lily explained.

"Who was at the door?" asked Mrs. Evans, entering the room. "Oh, James, great to see you again. You're just in time for dinner. How have you been lately, dear?"

"Fine, thanks," James replied. 

"Come along now. Dinner's ready." Mrs. Evans led us to the kitchen.

"Well, I'm sure you all have big appetites, so I made plenty," she said. "Enjoy."

"Thanks, Mrs. Evans," said Sirius. We nodded and began to eat. The food was delicious. I was just on about my fourth plate when Mr. Evans arrived home.

"So, you're Lily's famous friends?" he asked when he walked in. We nodded, grinning. He laughed. The Evans seemed interested in the wizard world. They were obviously very proud of Lily. Petunia, however, seemed to hate her sister. She was always giving her looks of great loathing whenever Mr. and Mrs. Evans weren't looking. That night at dinner, we organized the sitting arrangement so that Petunia would have to sit next to Sirius. Somehow he managed to put a dead mouse in Petunia's salad. She screamed so loudly that I thought the windows would shatter. We were all laughing hysterically, and even Mr. and Mrs. Evans were holding back laughter. Petunia burst into tears and went running from the table.

"Hey, I take that offensively!" said Peter, motioning toward the dead mouse. We laughed again.

That evening, we watched a muggle movie on the T.V. Lily, Sirius, and Addi convinced the rest of us that they were great, however James and I still didn't think so. Afterward, we decided to go to bed, or at least pretend to, until everyone except for Lily, Erin, James and I were sleeping. James and I sneaked out of the spare room and met up with Lily and Erin in the hallway. We crept silently down the stairs and into the living room. After settling ourselves in a circle in the middle of the floor, James was the first to speak.

"Is there a point to this?"

"Yes," Lily replied. "There's something I need to tell you. It's about Addi and Sirius."

"Well, what?" asked James.

"Would you quit being so impatient!" Lily hissed.

"Sorry," said James with a slight attitude.

"Anyway," Lily continued. "I didn't just invite them to visit. Sirius called and asked if they could come. And from what I understand, James, he was at your house, right?"

"Yeah," James said. "It was weird, because he said his grandfather was in town for a few days and he and Addi allowed to stay at my house. But then, two days later, their grandfather showed up and demanded that they come home. So apparently they ran away."

"That's what I think, too," said Lily. "Because just a day after that, at three a.m. I got a phone call from Sirius asking if it would be all right if he and Addi could stay here for a little while. He said they needed to get away. But I'm wondering if anything happened..." 

"I wish they'd tell us," I sighed. "No wonder Addi reacted strangely when I asked her why she didn't tell me she was visiting you."

"Ever since last summer, I'm convinced something is really wrong with their grandfather," said James. "I'm sure he abuses them."

"He does not." We turned to find Sirius standing in the entryway.

"Sirius! What are you doing?" said Erin.

"No, more like what are you doing, talking about me and Addi?" Sirius demanded.

"Padfoot, we were just discussing what made you want to come to Lily's," I said calmly.

"Well, if you want to know, why don't you just ask, instead of always trying to figure things out behind my back!" Sirius snapped.

"Maybe because you'll never admit to the truth!" said James.

"What are you talking about?" Sirius demanded.

"You know what I'm talking about! Your grandfather!" James insisted.

"What about him?" 

"You know exactly what! He hits you."

"Do you have any idea how damn tired I'm getting of hearing that my grandfather's abusive? If you want to know the truth about what happened, I'll tell you the truth, but you had better believe me." James shook his head in disgust, and honestly, I agreed with what he thought, but I wasn't going to let Sirius know it just now.

"Go ahead, tell us, Sirius," I said calmly.

"Okay," he agreed. "I was home for summer vacation for a few weeks, and I got tired of being at my grandfather's house. You know how boring it is there," he looked at James and I. "And I don't like asking him to leave, because he almost always says no. So, I got Addi and we flew to James' house to get away for a bit. I let a note for my grandfather explaining where we'd gone. At James', I told his parents my grandfather was in town, so they wouldn't get worried. Unfortunately, my grandfather got angry that we'd left and came and picked us up. I guess he we must have really pissed him off, because when we got back, he went straight to my room, got my trunk, and put everything inside of it into the fire and made me watch it burn." Sirius paused.

"Oh my gosh!" Erin exclaimed.

"That ignorant bastard!" shouted James.

"All your things?" Lily asked.

"Everything," said Sirius. "Except for my wand and Ernie. Anyway, that's what made me want to leave again, so I called here, because it was closest, and luckily your dad came and picked us up." Sirius continued, his tone growing more angry once again. "But my grandfather never touched us! He's not abusive, and I'm getting really tired of hearing you say that constantly because it's not true! Sure he's an inconsiderate, ignorant bastard, to say the least, but he has never, ever hurt us! The only reason I came here is because he burned my trunk, and I don't want to here any of you talking about him being abusive again, understood?" he demanded. The four of us nodded, though I was certain he was flat out lying to us.

"So, then, no one's angry, right?" said Lily.

"I guess not," said Sirius.

"No," the rest of us muttered.

"Oh, Moony?" Sirius said as we were heading back upstairs. 

"Yeah?"

"Don't be hard on Addi about this. She didn't do anything. It's all my fault for dragging her into it." Not knowing what to say, I nodded and went back to bed. He was right, it was all his fault.

After that night, we didn't mention Sirius and Addi's grandfather for the rest of the visit. Soon we had forgotten completely the reason that they were at Lily's. We spent the rest of our time at Lily's terrorizing the small muggle village where she lived. Petunia was our main target for pranks, and she hated all of us. I can't believe Harry is living with her and her husband now. I can't imagine how they treat a wizard boy. I don't even want to think about that.

Despite the fact that Sirius had insisted to us that his grandfather wasn't abusive, he and Addi had several cuts and bruises, which the Evans questioned. Sirius told them that he tripped on the stairs and Addi had fallen on top of him. I exchanged glances with James, who looked equally doubtful. But using our better judgment, we remained quiet.

One day, in particular, was extremely entertaining. Lily, Erin, and Addi decided to go shopping, Mr. and Mrs. Evans were both at work, and Petunia had went somewhere with her friends, leaving the four of us alone. We were just sitting in the living room wondering what to do, when the doorbell rang.

"Should we answer it?" asked Sirius.

"I'll get it," said James. He went over to the front door and opened it.

"Hello." A large man with a huge nose and almost no hair pushed his way into the living room. He wore a suit and tie, and carried a large briefcase. 

"Who are you?" James demanded, looking quite startled.

"I'm Walter Cresswell, of Fine Vacuums and Floor Care. Surely you've heard of our company?" 

"Er…no," said James, giving us a confused look.

"Well, not to worry, young man," said Walter Cresswell. "I am here to show you the opportunity of a lifetime."

"What?" asked Sirius.

"How good of you to ask," continued Walter Cresswell. "A life time supply of our own special vacuum cleaners!" He said in a game show host-like voice. James frowned.

"What's a vacuum cleaner?" he asked.

"What's a vacuum cleaner!" exclaimed Walter Cresswell, looking very offended. "How can you not know what a vacuum cleaner is?" I covered my eyes as I saw James reach into his pocket for his wand. I peered through my fingers. James held the wand in plain view. What was he going to do?

"I'm sorry," I said, jumping up. "James is- er- very ill. Mad actually. Very tragic disease, called wizarditis. Awful really, it causes the patient to think he's a wizard. And what do you know, it's just time for his medication now. Come along James."

"But I'm not…" James began to object, but I placed my hand over his mouth before he could say any more. 

"One of the early stages is denial," I said to the salesman, nearly bursting out laughing from the looks on Sirius and Peters' faces. I dragged him into the kitchen, leaving Sirius and Peter behind with the salesman.

"James! What were you thinking? You can't just use magic on a Muggle like that!" I shouted.

"But I didn't do anything!" James protested.

"Well, you were going to!" shouted.

"I was not!" said James, then he added in a joking tone. "Me? Use magic on a Muggle? Never!"

"James, this is serious!" I shouted, realizing a moment too late that I'd used the wrong word.

"No, Sirius is over there," said James, pointing in the direction of the living room.

"Well, let's go back out there," I said. "But no magic!"

"So, how do we know that old bloke's not dangerous?" asked James.

"He's an old Muggle man selling vacuum cleaners! What could be dangerous about him?" I asked.

"What are vacuum cleaners, anyway?" asked James.

"Er—I'm not exactly sure," I said. "They're something that Muggles use to clean with. Sirius would know." We went back into the living room to find the most unusual scene. Sirius was vacuuming the salesman, who was lying face down on the floor looking helpless.

"He wanted to test it out," said Peter, shaking his head in disgust. 

"So that's what you use a vacuum for!" exclaimed James. "I want to try!" The man on the floor gave a moan.

"Enough testing!" he shouted, attempting to stand up.

"Sirius," I hissed to Sirius, who was still attempting to vacuum the man's very bald head. Sirius frowned and stopped, and the Walter Cresswell got to his feet.

"I don't know what the hell you think you were doing, kid!" he growled at Sirius.

"Sir, I don't mean to be rude, but you'll never sell any of these wonderful vacuum cleaners with that attitude," said James, flashing his most innocent smile. Walter Cresswell continued growling and mumbling things that couldn't be heard clearly.

"You know, James," said Sirius, grinning. "I don't think he looks too happy, how about you?"

"I don't think so either," said James, his eyes glittering with mischief. He had his wand behind his back, and before I could stop him, he performed a Cheering Charm on Walter Cresswell. His angry expression suddenly faded and soon he was grinning and laughing hysterically. James and Sirius took advantage this and started to do some very odd things to Walter Cresswell. Soon, he had multi-colored hair, was wearing a clown suit, and had grown a three foot long blue beard. He was still laughing hysterically at all of this when we heard the front door creak, indicating someone was home. Through the door walked Lily, followed by Addi and Erin, all three of them wearing the same expression, somewhere between shock, anger, and hysterical laughter. Lily did her usual yelling.

"James Potter! What on earth are you doing?" Lily attempted to look angry, but a small smile appeared at the corner of her lips. James did his best innocent look.

"It was all him," he said, pointing to Sirius.

"Liar!" said Sirius jokingly, pointing his wand threateningly towards James.

"I'm innocent, I tell you, innocent!" James shouted, running from the room, Sirius at his heels. Meanwhile, the Cheering Charm was starting to wear off Walter Cresswell. His laughter had worn off and now he was just smiling. It wouldn't be long until it would wear off completely and then he would have been furious. By that time, I wanted him as far away as possible. 

"I'm terribly sorry Mr. Cresswell, sir," I said. "But we're not interested in any vacuum cleaners today." He smiled and nodded.

"Now why don't you go get in your nice little van and drive away," Lily spoke in a tone that would be suitable for talking to a three year old.

"Okalee dokalee, bye bye!" called Walter Cresswell, gathering the vacuum and leaving. I slammed the door shut behind him and sighed.

"What was that all about?" asked Addi, still looking confused. She didn't know about cheering charms. Lily and Erin had figured it out already, and were currently chasing after James and Sirius. I told Addi the whole story.

After several weeks of causing terror to several cats, small children, elderly people, and the occasional door to door salesman, we left the Evans. The rest of the summer went by slowly. The daily letter from Addi was nice, and I even got a muggle telephone that year so we could call each other. We didn't do that much, though. I think Addi was afraid of her grandfather finding out and getting angry.


	25. Chapter 25: Muggle London

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Chapter 25: Muggle London

The four of us did our school shopping together in Diagon Alley that year. Unfortunately, our usual pastime of traumatizing small wizard children by making their ice cream fall on the ground wasn't enough to satisfy Sirius anymore. He was soon bored, which is always dangerous. We had bought all of our supplies, and still had plenty of time left over.

"Well, what should we do?" asked James. Sirius's eyes light up and that all too familiar grin formed on his face. I frowned.

"We could go to muggle London," he said. I shook my head. I'd only been there twice before, and that was when I was little, with my parents. 

"Yeah," said James, who'd lived on Diagon Alley and been there plenty of times. Before I could object, we were headed directly into muggle London. I read the signs of muggle shops as we walked down the streets.

Bertha's Bakery was a small shop, with donuts, breads, and muffins displayed in the window. George's Grocery was a store where muggles bought their food. It had isles filled with shelves and shelves of muggle food. Professional Photography displayed pictures in the front windows, the kind that Sirius had told us about, that didn't move. The Petshop sold only cats, dogs, and goldfish. Latest Technology Electronics had twenty tv's (muggle picture boxes) displayed in the front window. The Teacup was a small café that served tea as well as other things. It had tables out front where muggles sat, eating. There was even a muggle bank, which was very different from Gringotts, which I was used to. I watched several muggles get money. They didn't go down to their vault, the banker just brought them their money. It was really weird. 

We turned onto a different street. Tattoos and Piercing was a rundown looking little shop. There were displays of large dragons in the window, and we could see a muggle man sitting inside the shop. He had more tattoos and piercings than I'd ever seen on a person before, and he was smoking a cigarette. I walked faster, wanting to get away from that particular shop, but before I knew what was going on, Sirius had left our group and entered the shop.

"No! Sirius!" I called after him. He didn't listen. James and Peter sat down on the curb to wait, without even an attempt to stop him. It would have been a useless effort anyway. Sirius always had indestructible determination. So, in my boredom I spotted a street vendor selling fountain Pepsi, and decided to buy some. Sirius had gotten me addicted to caffeine back in third year, and Pepsi was my favorite. Since it was a muggle drink, I rarely got to have it.

"I'd like some pepsi," I said. The woman working the stand got the Pepsi. 

"No kidding, how much?" she asked.

"What?" I replied.

"We've got small, medium, and large. What do you want?" she asked impatiently.

"Er, large," I replied.

"That'll be one pound," she said, slapping the drink onto the counter top. I stared at the bit of muggle money in my hands, feeling quite puzzled.

"I'm sorry," I said to her. "I'm an American, and I'm not sure about this British money," I tried to do my best American accent, which wasn't very convincing. She gave me an odd look, then selected a pound from my hand. 

"Thanks," I said and turned to go back to James and Peter, drinking the Pepsi. There is nothing better than Pepsi to make you hyper, I mean nothing. James and Peter frowned when they saw me with Pepsi.

"Uh-oh," said James. "Moony on a caffeine high." I did my best evil laugh. We waited for a few more minutes until Sirius finally came out of the shop. I was relieved to see that he still looked the same. 

"Hi guys," he said, brushing his hair back to reveal a gold loop earring in his right ear.

"Sirius!" I shouted. "What the hell were you thinking! You can't just get an earring like that! What Erin say?" Sirius shrugged.

"And you just wait until I tell Addi," I threatened.

"I don't care," he said.

"Why'd you do it?" asked Peter.

"It looked fun," said Sirius. 

"Only you would find that fun," said James. "What do you think my mum's going to say when she sees you?"

"If this is going to scare her, wait until she sees what else I did," said Sirius, grinning.

"Oh God, you didn't!" I moaned. Sirius rolled up his sleeve to reveal a tattoo of a large black dog.

"Well, it looks like you," commented James.

Needless to say, James' mum wasn't too pleased to find out that we'd gone to Muggle London. She had forbidden us to ever go again, but other than that, she didn't say much about Sirius' tattoo and earring.


	26. Chapter 26: Attempted Murder

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Chapter 26: Attempted Murder

Three days later, we met again at Kings Cross Station to get on the Hogwarts Express and head back to school. There we met Lily and Erin.

"Sirius Black!" Lily shouted when she saw his earring. "What did you do?" Sirius grinned.

"If you don't like that, wait until you see what else I did." He announced proudly, rolling up his sleeve and revealing his tattoo.

"Oh my god!" said Lily. "Sirius, you look like such a gangster!" She was laughing though. "No, it really fits your personality actually." She commented. Erin, who never got angry, just smiled and shook her head.

"It's Sirius' rebel look," said James, laughing. "He wants to look tough, but we all know he's soft as a pansy," he added in a high pitched girlie tone.

"Shut up," said Sirius, giving him a hard punch in the arm.

"I'm joking Padfoot," said James.

"I know," said Sirius plainly.

"I still can't believe you actually did it," I muttered. Sirius ignored me.

The first week we were back in school was full moon. I wasn't pleased about this, of course, because it meant that I'd miss some of my first classes. It was also for that reason that James, Peter and Sirius weren't joining me.

That evening at dinner, Sirius was particularly annoyed with Snape, who'd been taunting him, insulting him about 'causing his father's death' calling him a 'mudblood', and asking about where we always went and what we found so fascinating about the Whomping Willow.

"Damn greasy git needs to mind his own damn business," Sirius was muttering, giving Snape a look of great loathing.

"I'm not feeling so well," I announced loudly, as we sat at dinner. "I'm going to go to the infirmary." James and Peter nodded, smiling. 

"Good luck Moony. We're with you in spirit," whispered James as I left. Sirius was still glaring at Snape and not paying attention.

I left, a bit later than usual, and headed for the tree. It was already getting dark when I entered the tunnel. Glancing at the sky, I knew I'd probably transform before I got to the Shrieking Shack. About halfway through the tunnel, I felt the transformation start. 

As I was transforming, I smelled something peculiar, unfamiliar. The transforming wolf growled, and I willed it to stop. What was that smell? I struggled to keep my mind straight. _Focus on the smell_, I told myself. _You've got to find out what it is. _Something told me I should figure out what it was, but I was running out of time. In another minute, I'd be completely transformed. I glanced back down the tunnel, towards Hogwarts, and I could barely identify the outline of a person. The sickening realization hit me. That was the smell; human flesh! I panicked. It was too late to shout to whoever it was, but I attempted. The wolf only growled, and I could see the person continuing to approach me. It couldn't have been James, Sirius or Peter; they'd have known to transform by now, but who else could have it been? Whoever it was, they would die. I would be a murderer! Now there was no time left. The wolf had gained complete control, and after a second I wouldn't remember anything more. The wolf got to its feet and began bounding toward the person, and I saw the pale, terrified face of Severus Snape...

The next morning, I awoke, weak, tired, and extremely bitten and scratched, to find myself on the floor of the Shrieking Shack. I didn't even remember getting there. And then I remembered. I'd seen Snape the night before, in the tunnel. I thought, willing myself to remember what had happened, but I couldn't. And then, a horrible thought struck me. I hadn't killed him, had I? Feeling sick with fear, I forced myself to get up and go back to the tunnel. There were no signs of a struggle in the tunnel but I was still worried. I ran the whole way back to Hogwarts, ignoring my pain. _Oh, please_ _let him have lived_, I thought desperately. _Let him have escaped in time!_ When I got back on the grounds, I went straight to the door and bolted to the Gryffindor Common Room without even a thought of doing otherwise.

"Did you see Snape last night?" I asked breathlessly, as soon as I spotted Sirius, Peter and James. "He—he got in the tunnel, and he –he saw me as—as a werewolf!" I shouted between breaths. "I think, oh God, I think I might have killed Snape!"

"Unfortunately, you didn't," mumbled Sirius in a monotone voice. I glanced around, now noticing the atmosphere. James was sitting a few chairs away from Sirius, looking extremely angry. Sirius looked a little angry, and really disappointed, and Peter looked worried, like he didn't know what to do.

"What's going on?" I asked. James glared at Sirius, then looked at me.

"Our –er—friend here thought it would be quite humorous to tell Snape to go prod the knot on the Whomping Willow and see where you go." James glared at Sirius once again.

"YOU DID WHAT?" I exploded with anger. "How could you? Why did you tell him? Now he knows!" Sirius shrugged.

"Serves him right, the nosy git. I only wish you'd have finished him off."

"Sirius! You tried to make Remus murder him! Do you know what would have happened to us if it had worked? We'd be expelled, probably in Azkaban!" James shouted. Sirius said nothing to this.

"So, what happened? How do you know he's all right?" I demanded. I certainly didn't like Snape, but I had no intent to hurt or kill him.

"Well, when I found out about _someone's _big mouth, I went after Snape to stop him from following you," said James. "It was lucky I got there when I did, or _someone _would have made you a murderer!" Sirius muttered something that we couldn't hear. James suddenly looked at me again.

"Remus! Why aren't you in the hospital wing? You'd better go right now!" James sounded angry. I stared at him, frowning. "Get going! Go!" he shouted, pushing me towards the door. "I don't know what you think you're doing! You shouldn't even be out of bed!" I had never seen James that angry before. He could usually stay at least a reasonable calm. I turned and left, frowning. 

I went to the hospital wing. I slept restlessly. I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened. Sirius had tried to make me murder Snape. After I was able to get some rest and get my mind thinking clearly again, I realized that I was as angry with Sirius as James was, maybe even more.

I stayed in the hospital wing until that night, hardly able to rest. Then, I went straight back to the dorm room to find Sirius. He was sitting on his bed, looking angry still. James had apparently gone to sleep, at least the curtains around his bed were drawn shut, and Peter's the same. Sirius glanced up at me, then frowned.

"Sirius! What the hell were you thinking sending him out after me? I could have killed him!" I shouted.

"Well, that was the plan," said Sirius through gritted teeth. "Until our little hero over here had to go save him!"

"You would have rather seen Remus be a murderer than let Snape live! He would have been shipped off to Azkaban for sure! He's already got a bad reputation as a werewolf! Do you want it to appear that everyone's ridiculous stereotypes are true? Just so you could have what you wanted! What kind of a friend are you?" James was obviously not asleep.

"Well, I would have gotten what I wanted if you hadn't interfered! That damn git would be dead now!" Sirius shouted at James.

"Fine Sirius," said James calmly. "Fine. If you're that selfish that you can only think of yourself, then you don't deserve us as friends!"

"Fine then! Because I don't want you as friends!" shouted Sirius angrily. 

"And that's not all!" I shouted. "Now Snape knows! He knows I'm a werewolf! He'll probably tell everyone! Sirius, you swore you'd never tell!"

"Yeah, you betrayed us," Peter spoke up bravely. "How could you?" 

"Well, if he'd be dead right now like he's supposed to be, then he'd never be able to tell anyone anyway!" Sirius retorted.

"Don't worry, Remus," James told me. "Dumbledore made Snape swear that he'd never tell anyone. If he does, then he'll be expelled."

"Well, maybe someone else should be expelled right now!" I shouted. How could they let Sirius stay if he tried to murder someone and frame me?

"Look there's no way that git deserves to live! If you'd have heard half of the things he was saying to me, you'd have wanted him dead too!" Sirius shouted.

"I didn't know any of my best friends were murderers!" shouted James. "Of course, _he's_ not my best friend anymore!"

"I'm going to bed," muttered Sirius. No one said another word.

The next morning, things got, if possible, worse. James and I weren't speaking to Sirius. Peter was speaking to everyone, saying he wasn't going to take sides. This made everyone angry with him, and soon we weren't talking to him either, and neither was Sirius. At breakfast, instead of taking our usual seats, we sat at opposite ends of the Gryffindor house table. Lily and Erin, who arrived after us, sat down with James and I at one end of the table.

"Where's Sirius?" asked Erin.

"Sirius? Who's Sirius? I don't know anyone named Sirius," said James.

"James! Honestly, what happened?" Lily asked. James shook his head.

"Last night, Sirius told Snape to follow me into the Whomping Willow. He was hoping I'd end up killing him. But James found out and came to get him out of there just in time," I explained. Lily and Erin's eyes widened.

"I can't believe Sirius would do that!" exclaimed Lily. Erin remained silent, looking pale and frightened, then ran from the table, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"He doesn't care about anyone but himself!" James said angrily as he watched her go. 

"Don't you think you should at least talk to him?" asked Lily.

"We did talk to him!" I said. "He won't admit it was wrong! He thinks it was the right thing to do!"" James nodded. Lily stared helplessly at her boyfriend, at a loss for words. She placed her hand comfortingly on James' shoulder.

"Well, I'm going to go find Erin and talk to her," she said. With that, she left.

Erin wouldn't speak to Sirius either. Lily tried to, but Sirius wouldn't talk to her, just because she was James' girlfriend. The next two weeks were the worst we'd ever had. James and I managed to go without talking to Sirius or Peter. One day, James and Sirius came back from their first Quidditch practice bloody and beaten. It turned out that they had gotten in a fight that involved a few bludgers. In classes, instead of playing pranks on other people, we began to play pranks on each other. Sirius put dungbombs in our bags. We switched his candy for cockroach clusters. He wrote a letter to Lily, supposedly from James, saying that she was ugly and he didn't want to go out with her anymore. Lily got angry with James, and it took us two days to convince her that the letter was really from Sirius. In potions class, we poured our potion on Sirius and made his skin turn bright green. He bewitched James' voice to sound like a girl's, and we spent three hours in the library looking up the counter-curse. We cut all of Sirius's hair off in his sleep, but he re-grew it. Sirius transfigured our transfiguration books into toads and McGonagall blamed us. We slipped some extra ingredients into Sirius's potion and made it explode all over him. Things went on like that for a long time.

One day, we walked into Sirius in the hallway. He frowned and tried to go by, but James pulled out his wand on him. Sirius did the same.

"I swear I'll do it!" said James, holding his wand ready to curse Sirius. Sirius held his the same. 

"Not if I do it first!" he shouted. I groaned. This was going too far. They were going to end up really hurting each other. I pulled my wand out.

"Expelliarmus!" They both stared at me as their wands shot from their hands and into mine.

"What did you do that for?" James demanded. I sighed.

"Because this is getting ridiculous. We can't go on forever being angry like this. I know what Sirius did was wrong, but pulling stupid pranks on each other isn't going to do anything more than eventually hurt someone. I think we all need to talk. Erin, Lily and Peter too." James nodded.

"You're right," he said reluctantly.

"So, three o clock today in our dorm room," I said. "Be there." James nodded. Sirius just stood there staring.

"Can we have our wands now?" he said, sounding a bit annoyed.

"Are you coming at three?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'll come. Now just give me my wand!" I tossed it back at him, and gave James his as well.

At two fifty five, I entered our dorm room to find it empty. Great, they weren't even going to show up! About two minutes later, James and Lily walked in and took a seat on the edge of James' bed. They were soon followed by Erin, who took a quick look around the room, and found a chair in the corner. Next came Peter, who sat down on his bed without even looking around. Last of all came Sirius, who walked in at 3:05, looking rather bored and a bit annoyed. He came in, careful not to look at anyone, sat down on his bed, and faced the window. Everyone entered in an uncomfortable silence. I finally broke it by beginning to speak.

"Okay, everyone," I began, standing to address them. "I know we've all been a part of a huge disagreement over the last two weeks. I know we're all mad, and I know what Sirius did was wrong—"

"Okay then, if this is about ganging up on me, I'll go," said Sirius coolly, ready to stand up.

"No, wait, just hear this out," I said. He reluctantly stayed. "Now, as I was saying, we know that what Sirius did was wrong. But, he's our friend and—"

"What do you mean, our friend?" demanded James. "After what he did to you?"

"If he says he's sorry, then I'll forgive him," I told James.

"Well, I'm not looking for anyone's forgiveness and I'm not apologizing because I'm not sorry!" shouted Sirius.

"Fine then, because I wouldn't forgive you anyway!" James shouted back.

"James!" Lily gave him a look.

"I'm not forgiving that traitor!" James shouted, pointing at Sirius.

"Honestly, James, this is getting ridiculous!" shouted Lily. "I can't put up with you this way!" With that, Lily got up and left. James took a deep breath, and stood up.

"You know what? All of you are crazy! Especially you Remus! He tried to make you a murderer! Lily's right, this is ridiculous! It's ridiculous that any of us ever wasted our time being friends with this slimy piece of filth!" James stormed off out of the dorm room. Peter looked around at those of us remaining, stood and left, silently. Erin looked at Sirius, her eyes ready to overflow with tears.

"Why can't you just say you're sorry? Why can't you ever admit you're wrong?" she cried at Sirius, before turning and walking out. For a moment, Sirius looked as though he'd just been stabbed through the heart, then his look of boredom and annoyance returned. He looked at me, shook his head in disgust, and he too left.

After that day, it looked hopeless that we'd ever be friends again. No one was willing to make an effort anymore. None of us were talking. James wouldn't even talk to Lily. After a while, we seemed to have forgotten even why we were angry with each other, we just knew we were. We'd lock each other out of the dormitory. One night, Sirius got there first and locked the door, so the rest of us had to sleep in the common room all night. We pulled still more pranks on each other in classes. Sirius broke James' nose once, by making his Potions book fly off of the desk and hit him in the face. James dyed Sirius's hair Slytherin colors. James stole Lily's cat and made her think it was dead. Lily made James' nose grow three feet long. I put all of Sirius, James and Peter's clothes in shrinking potion, so they had to wear the same one's for a week before they figured out how to change the other ones back. Sirius switched my ink with invisible ink, so after I did my homework, it all disappeared. It was war, worse than before. But the most violent attack happened at the quidditch match. It was Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw. 

Sirius was angry with James, so instead of playing, he spent the entire time launching bludgers at his head. James pulled out his wand and did a spell that made Sirius fall off of his broom. Sirius ended up with a broken leg, and after the match, he took James' broom and snapped it in half.

After an entire month of fighting, the next full moon came. I left that night and headed to the Shrieking Shack alone, feeling particularly depressed. James, Sirius, and Peter, of course, hadn't planned to come along. I got to the Shrieking Shack and began my usual transformation. By this time, when everything was calm I could remember most of what went on while I was a wolf. It wasn't long before the Prongs came in. I looked up, surprised. He just looked back at me, sat down, and looked as though he was waiting for something. About fifteen minutes later, Wormtail arrived, scampered across the floor, and sat down next to Prongs. I was surprised. I had no idea what they were doing there, or why they'd bothered to come. Several minutes later, Padfoot arrived too, barking and running around, he led us back to the Forbidden Forest back at Hogwarts. We ran around in the forest for a while without communicating at all. Finally, we went back to the Shrieking Shack and slept.

The next morning, I awoke first, to find the sunlight filtering through the boarded up windows, and my friends lying around me, still in animal form. I stretched and yawned. Prongs lifted his head and looked at me. A second later, James was there. Padfoot and Wormtail stirred. They glanced up and saw James and I, still not saying a word. A second later, they were Sirius and Peter. We all looked around at each other, silent. Finally, James came up with the best suggestion we'd had in a long time.

"Group hug!" We all threw our arms around each other.

"And you say I act like a pansy," Sirius muttered to James. Peter laughed hysterically, and before we knew it, we were talking and laughing just like old times.

"I'm sorry about Snape, Moony," said Sirius. "I really am. I didn't want to admit it, but I felt awful. And Prongs' shouting made me remember something I guess I had forgotten. Above all else, you've always got to be loyal to your friends." I nodded. 

"It's all right."

"I'm—er – sorry about your leg, Padfoot," said James.

"Well, I'm sorry about your broom... and your nose," said Sirius.

"You know, looking back on the stuff we did to each other, it's kind of funny," Peter pointed out.

"Yeah, like when I made your Potions book hit you in the face!" said Sirius to James.

"Beaker thought I'd gone mad or something, hitting myself in the face with my book!" 

"Oh, when Lily grew your nose three feet long!" I told James. "That was hilarious! You couldn't even hold your head up straight!"

"If only we'd put that much energy into torturing Snape instead of ourselves," sighed Sirius.

"Yeah, I think he was definitely surprised that we did pull any pranks on him for almost a month now," I said.

"Well, he's terrified of us now," said Sirius. "We—well _I_ nearly got him killed."

"Yeah, if we had to pick a bright side to any of this, it'd have to be that Snape is afraid of us," said Peter. "He hasn't even teased me lately." We spent the rest of the morning laughing about the whole thing before we came back to school, just in time for lunch. 

We took our usual seats at the end of the Gryffindor Table. Lily and Erin were there too. Apparently they were speaking to each other.

"Er—hi Lily," said James cautiously as he approached her.

"James! You're talking to me?" Lily exclaimed, grinning.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" asked James. Lily threw her arms around him in a hug. Sirius apologized to Erin, and told her that he knew what he did was wrong, and she forgave him instantly. We were back to our normal selves again. _I guess sometimes when you get in fights you get so angry and develop such a strong disliking for someone that after a while, you don't even remember how it started. I can't imagine what would have happened if we hadn't became friends again, though. Forgive and forget, I guess. But, then again, look at Sirius now. How do I forgive him for that? Should I forgive him for that? How could I ever find it in my heart after what he did? Would James forgive him? I'll never know, but I often wonder_.


	27. Chapter 27: Sweet Dreams Snape

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Chapter 27: Sweet Dreams, Snape

"I'm bored." Sirius spoke the dangerous words.

"Oh, no!" I moaned. "Anything but that!"

"Hey shut it you!" he said jokingly. Several months had passed since the full moon incident and we were all sitting in the common room on a snowy winter night, with nothing to do.

"You suffer from insanity," I moaned at him.

"Suffer? Yeah right, Moony! I enjoy every minute of it!" Sirius told me.

"Well, the fact is, you're still insane," James pointed out.

"Never denied it," said Sirius. "Never will."

"Well, what can we do?" asked Peter.

"We haven't tortured Snape for a while," said Sirius, grinning.

"Well, the last time you tortured Snape look what happened!" I pointed out.

"Well, we'll let him live this time," said Sirius. "But I have an idea. Remember that levitating spell we learned the other day? Well, I figure we could go to his dorm room, and move his mattress into one of the trees in the Forbidden Forest."

"Great idea," said James. "But one question, how do we do it without getting caught?"

"Oh you all worry too much!" said Sirius. "What's the worst that'll happen to us? Detention? It's more fun than nothing!"

"What if we covered Snape in James' Invisibility Cloak?" I suggested.

"That could work," said James thoughtfully. "I'd just have to be sure to clean it afterwards. I don't want Snape grease on it." We shuddered at the thought.

"Well, then what are we waiting for?" asked Peter. With that, we left the common room and headed for the Slytherin one. Of course we knew exactly where it was. We knew how to get into all of the common rooms. The wall slid aside and we entered. The common room was empty. We slipped back the hall to the boys' dormitories. We knew where Snape's was, we'd been there before to play pranks on him.

"This is going to be hard," I hissed, as we arrived at his bed. James slid the curtains back carefully, as not to make a sound. He then pulled out the invisibility cloak, and spread it out over Snape.

"It's not big enough," he whispered.

"Well, at least cover Snape," said Sirius. James did so, so that all could be seen was the mattress on which he slept. Sirius pulled out his wand, and made Snape levitate in the air. He began to make him move out the doorway, and into the hall.

"Of course, no one's going to be suspicious of a big empty mattress being levitated down the hallway," said Peter sarcastically.

"Shhhh! No one will notice if you keep your mouth shut," I muttered. 

"Ouch, damn it!" exclaimed Sirius as his foot caught on a suit of armor. James groaned.

"You realize I'm the only one who doesn't make enough noise to wake the entire Gryffindor house when we're out at night?"

"You're being loud enough now!" Sirius shot back.

"Oh, careful!" Peter exclaimed, as Sirius made a mistake and bumped the mattress into the wall. We couldn't tell if Snape stirred, but since we heard no noise, we figured he was still asleep. Carefully, we left the Slytherin Common Room and headed for the Entrance Hall. Then we left through the large oak doors, and headed for the forest. Luckily, no one saw us that night. We arrived at the forest, and James collected the invisibility cloak, Sirius floated Snape to the top of a large tree, made sure the mattress was securely stuck in the limbs, and let him there. We tossed the invisibility cloak over ourselves, Snape grease and all, and made a dash for the castle. 

We cheered when we made it back to the common room, but the hilarious part wouldn't come until the next morning, when Snape woke up. We couldn't be out at the forest, but we could see his reaction when he returned to the great hall.

And he did. Halfway through breakfast the next morning, Snape, snow-covered and shivering, dressed in his green Slytherin pajamas emerged into the great hall.

"Potter!" he shouted. "I know this has something to do with you and your little gang!" The hall fell silent, and everyone stared at Snape, then at James and us, who were struggling to hold in laughter.

"What's going on?" questioned Dumbledore, standing. "Mr. Snape, why were you outside?"

"I went to bed last night, in my dorm room, and awoke this morning to find myself and my mattress in the top of a tree in the forbidden forest. And I'm certain it has something to do with them!" Snape spat, pointing a finger at us. 

"Now, now," said Dumbledore. "Let's not make accusations. Can you prove that it was James and Sirius?" Dumbledore's eyes twinkled toward us. A smile played on the corner of his lips. Snape frowned.

"Well—er—no," he answered, giving us all glares.

"Well, then perhaps you'd better go warm up," said Dumbledore. "If you're not feeling well, then go see Madam Pompfrey." Snape looked angry.

"I know it was them, Headmaster!" shouted Snape. "After what happened to me last month when…" Dumbledore gave Snape a severe look, and Snape shut his mouth at once.

"Go back to your common room, Severus," said Dumbledore calmly. "I'm certain you'll be needing some rest." Snape glared at us as he left the room. We glanced at each other and burst out laughing. We were back to our usual pranks again.


	28. Chapter 28: An Unexpected Visit

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Chapter 28: An Unexpected Visit

Sixth year went by quickly and uneventfully after that. Soon, it was summer once again. Just a few days after I'd arrived home from school, it was full moon.

I was in my bedroom, waiting around for sundown, when suddenly, something large swooped in my open window and flew around the room. Finally, it perched on my desk. It was Ernie, Sirius' owl.

"Hi Ernie," I said to it. "What are you doing here?" The owl ruffled his feathers importantly, and presented a letter. Why was Sirius writing to me already? He almost never wrote in the summer.

But the letter wasn't from Sirius. It was from Addi.

__

Dear Remus,

There's something I need to tell you. I can't keep it a secret any longer. I know you and everyone else have probably already figured it out, but our grandfather is abusive. I've been wanting to tell you for ages, but Sirius made me promise not to. But I'm scared, Remus, really scared. Sirius just pushes Grandfather too far sometimes, and I think he might get really mad and hurt him really bad, or even try to kill him. He abuses me too, mostly just when I try to stick up for Sirius. He's a Muggle and he hates anything to do with magic. I need your help, we need your help. Please, Remus. I don't think we can take this much longer. 

Love,

Addi

I stood at the desk, jaw dropped open, shocked to hear the news. I had known it, of course, but I guess since they continually denied it, I wanted to believe that it wasn't true. But it was, and Addi needed my help. What could I do? I thought for quite a while, before glancing out the window and noticing that the sun had almost disappeared. I called goodbye to my parents, who were sitting in the living room. They gave me a strange look, but then realized why I was hurrying and nodded. I ran out the back door and just reached the shed, got inside and locked the door, when I felt the transformation start.

The next morning, I found myself on the floor of the shed, like normal. Tired, weak, scratched, bitten and bleeding, my head pounding as though it was going to explode. As I slowly regained consciousness, I remembered that something had happened right before I left. I thought, and suddenly I recalled the situation.

Addi and Sirius! The letter. I had to help them, I had to. I stood up suddenly, determined to try to do something to help them, and fell back over before I could even balance myself. I felt dizzy, the room around me was spinning rapidly. I heard a loud thump, and it took me a second to realize that I had fallen back onto the floor. An instant later, I was asleep.

I awoke again, in early afternoon, to someone tapping my arm. It was my mum.

"Remus," she said. "Remus, sweetie. Come on, let's go back to the house."

"I'm tired," I muttered, not opening my eyes.

"You can sleep when you get back to the house," my mum said. "Now, let's go." She took my arm and tried to guide me to my feet. I finally stood up. She put her arm around me and guided me back to the house, and up the stairs to my room. 

"Now, lie down," she said, pulling the sheets down on my bed. I was just ready to listen to her, when I spotted the letter, still lying on my desk. I forced myself fully awake. 

"No, I'm not tired anymore," I lied, though it wasn't convincing.

"Nonsense!" she said. "You need your rest. You're exhausted."

"No, really, Mum," I said. "I'm fine. It really wasn't that bad this month." I lied. If anything, it was worse than normal. 

"Don't be ridiculous, Remus," she said. "Now, lie down," she forced me to lie down and placed the covers over me. Seventeen years old and my mother was still treating me like I was six. Reluctantly, I listened to her. I fell asleep again, and the letter was once again neglected. 

The next time I awoke, it was two a.m. I wanted to help Sirius and Addi, somehow. That's all I knew. I couldn't let something really bad happen to them. I was also sort of angry with them though, I couldn't believe they wouldn't admit to us before that their grandfather was abusive. Finally, realizing that I was still very tired, and very out of ideas to help them, I decided I could wait until morning. But, I didn't even wake up again until that evening. Still feeling absolutely exhausted, I wrote a letter back to Addi, using Ernie.

Dear Addi,

I am glad you decided to finally tell me. I wish you would have said something sooner. I'll do anything I can to help, but I'm not sure what to do right now. I hope you and Sirius are all right. Please BE CAREFUL! I'm really worried about you two. Please write and let me know that you're okay. If there is anything I can do, please tell me!

Love, 

Remus

I rolled up the parchment, attached it to Ernie's leg and sent him back out the window.

"Hurry, Ernie," I said. "They need help." Ernie hooted as he flew off. I fell asleep again and woke up the next morning, finally feeling back to myself. The morning started off like normal. My mum fixed a huge breakfast, saying that since I'd barely eaten anything in three days, I needed plenty. We ate, and I discussed inviting Addi and Sirius to stay with us for a while over the summer. At least then they could get away from their grandfather for a while. 

"Mum, Dad, do you think I could invite Sirius and Addi to stay with us for a while this summer?" I asked, hopefully.

"Well, I don't see why not," replied my mum, glancing at my dad who nodded. 

"They're such nice kids," my dad added. "So when should we plan to have them come?" I thought. I wanted them there as soon as possible.

"How about next week," I suggested.

"Okay, dear, do you think they'll need to take the train? Or will their grandfather give them a ride here? They are muggles, right?" mum asked.

"I think they'll have a ride," I answered, remembering the limo that had brought them before. "I'll write to them and see."

"Okay, then, tell them they're welcome anytime," said dad.

"What about your other friends?" asked mum. "You know James and Peter, and those two girls, what are their names again?"

"Lily and Erin," I replied.

"Would you like to invite them too?" she asked.

"Yeah," I answered. I hadn't even given that any thought. I was too concerned about Sirius and Addi. 

"Goodness! I'm running late for work!" dad exclaimed, jumping up from the table, grabbing his cloak and heading for the fireplace.

"Bye dad!" I called.

"Bye Remus! Bye Sarah!" he called to my mum and I. "I'll be back in time for dinner tonight!" With that, he tossed some floo powder into the fire, shouted "the ministry!" and disappeared into the flames. 

I helped mum clean up, then went upstairs to my room to write letters to my friends inviting them to come. I wrote to Sirius and Addi first, telling them to come as soon as possible, then to James, telling him that Sirius and Addi had admitted to their grandfather being abusive, then to Peter, Lily, and Erin telling them to come too. I attached all of the letters to Jeremy, knowing that my friends would see the other letters, and send him on with them until they were all delivered. I hoped that Sirius and Addi's would be delivered first.

Later that afternoon, I was sitting in the living room, when I heard the sound of a motorcycle. It sounded like it was pulling in the driveway. I glanced out the front window. It was Sirius and Addi. Jeremy must have flown fast, I thought. I went out the front door to greet them.

"Hi Sirius! Hi Addi!" I called to them. They didn't answer, and as soon as I got closer, I realized why. The first thing I noticed was the large bruise and cut on Sirius' forehead, like he'd been hit with something hard. And then I noticed the red marks on his throat, like someone had tried to strangle him. His right arm hung limply at an odd angle, and he was covered in bruises and cuts. Addi wasn't as badly beaten, but clearly someone had hurt her too. She had bruises all over, including a particularly nasty one on the side of her forehead, and she'd been slapped across the face with such force that a large red hand print remained on the side of her face.

"Guys? What happened?" I asked, not wanting to admit that I knew exactly what had happened. Addi had just written and told me about their grandfather. I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing. But what else could it be? Now wasn't the time to think about that. They needed help. Sirius climbed off of the motorbike, and almost immediately began to fall. I caught him just in time, and he used my shoulder for support. I offered a hand to Addi, who slowly climbed off of the bike, favoring her right leg.

"My god!" my mum exclaimed as she came running out of the house. "What happened to you two?" she asked. I glanced questioningly at Sirius, then at Addi.

"Addi needs a doctor," Sirius muttered. 

"And so do you," I told him.

"Grandfather went after us," said Addi quietly.

"Your grandfather did this to you?" mum asked, sounding surprised. Addi nodded, and Sirius looked at the ground.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me sooner!" I shouted at them.

"Now Remus," said mum. "Now is not the time. Let's get them inside and get the doctor." Mum helped Sirius, and I helped Addi to the house. When we got them there, we sat them down on chairs in the living room, and mum went to get the doctor. A few seconds later, the doctor appeared in the fireplace.

"Well, what have we here?" he asked, spotting Sirius and Addi on the chairs. 

"They've been abused," said mum quietly. "By their grandfather."

"Goodness!" exclaimed the doctor. "Well, let's see how bad it is." He examined both of them, starting with the large bruise on Sirius's head.

"Looks like you've suffered a concussion," said the doctor. "No mild one either. How did this happen?" Sirius wouldn't answer. We glanced to Addi.

"Grandfather, he--he hit Sirius with a fireplace poker," she said quietly, shuddering.

"You poor kids," said the doctor, as he began to bandage their wounds. "I'm afraid we're going to need to contact social services. We can't have you going back to where you were."

"They are always welcome here," said mum. The doctor shook his head.

"What if their grandfather were to come looking for them? Besides, this needs to be reported to the Ministry of Magic department of Child Care Regulation. Most likely they'll get a nice foster wizard family that will be willing to take them in until they go back to school. They are wizards?"

"Addi's not," Sirius said. It was a lot of effort for him to even be able to speak. The doctor frowned. He looked like he wanted to say something, but didn't know how to state it clearly.

"If your sister's not a witch, and you're a wizard," he spoke to Sirius. "Well, er—wizard families generally don't care for muggle children, and muggles don't usually care for wizard children."

"What do you mean?" Sirius demanded, his voice hoarse.

"I think you and your sister may end up being split up," said the doctor.

"No," Sirius flat-out told him. "I won't leave her." The doctor frowned.

"Well, it isn't in my position to tell you what to do with them," said the doctor to my mum. "But I suggest you contact social services and child care regulation. Wait until tomorrow, mind you. These two need plenty of rest. I'll be back later to administer more medication and see that they're doing all right. Other than that, they'll be just fine. Keep them in bed, though."

"Okay, thank you," said Mum, seeing the doctor back to the fireplace. I turned to talk to Addi and Sirius, but found them both fast asleep on the beds mum had conjured for them.

"Come on, Remus," said mum, placing her hand on my shoulder and leading me out of the room. "They need their rest." 

"Mum, are you going to contact child care regulation?" I asked. She sighed.

"Remus, I don't know what else to do. They need help. They're your friends. Do you want to see them go back to their grandfather's and have this happen again?" she asked. I shook my head. I didn't. "Now, I'm going to see about getting your father at the ministry," she continued. "I'll be right back. Don't wake Sirius or Addi."

"Okay mum," I said. I went back to my room to see if Jeremy had returned yet. I found him sitting outside my window, hooting loudly, waiting for me to open it. I pulled it open.

"Sorry, Jeremy," I said. He flew around the room a few times, then settled himself on my desk and held out several rolled up letters. My friends replies. I took them off one by one, and noticed that the one I'd written to Sirius and Addi was still there. Jeremy hooted loudly when I took it off.

"It's okay," I said. "They're here already." I placed Jeremy in his cage and he drank some water, then settled himself on his perch for a nap. The first letter was from James, who seemed very concerned, and said he would arrive as soon as possible, probably in a few hours, by floo powder. The next was from Peter. He'd be coming early the next morning by train, as would Erin, whose letter was next. Lily's letter said that she'd be there later in the evening.

"Remus!" I heard James' voice downstairs. "Remus, are you here?" 

"Yeah! Coming!" I shouted, running down the stairs.

"What the hell happened to them!" he exclaimed, pointing to Sirius and Addi, who were still fast asleep. "Their grandfather didn't do that?" I nodded.

"And they came the whole way here on Sirius' motorbike. Must've taken them two days," I added. James shook his head. 

"I don't believe it," he muttered. "Why didn't they tell us sooner that their grandfather was abusive?" I shrugged.

"Addi said in her letter that she'd been wanting to tell me since third year when it started, but Sirius wouldn't let her."

"Well, Sirius is like that," said James, sighing. "He doesn't want anyone to worry about him. He thinks he can handle everything on his own."

"I know," I agreed. "It makes me so mad though! What if their grandfather would have done something worse to them? We're their friends! They shouldn't keep things like that from us!" I was angry. Didn't it ever occur to them that maybe we could have helped? And instead they lied to us about all their injuries, and said everything was fine. For three years! 

"Mum's going to contact child care regulation," I told James. His mouth dropped open.

"You mean they're probably going to get a foster home?" he asked. I shook my head.

"Foster homes," I added. "The doctor said he doubts they'll be put together because Addi's a muggle." James just sighed and shook his head.

"So, when's everyone else coming?" he asked. "I talked to Lily and she's coming tonight."

"Erin and Peter are arriving on the morning train," I said. "Peter's all out of floo powder, and Erin's staying with her muggle grandmother for the summer." James nodded. Just then, we cleared the way of the fireplace as my mum and dad both came through.

"Oh, hello James," said dad, when he saw him.

"Hi, Mr. Lupin," said James. "Hi, Mrs. Lupin." He said to mum.

"Hello, dear," said mum, smiling. James held back a laugh. She didn't know how right she was when she called him "deer". 

"Poor kids," said dad, looking at Sirius and Addi. "What kind of a person would do that? Especially to his own grandchildren? Well, Sarah, should we owl child care regulation over at the ministry?" he asked mum.

"I suppose so," she replied, rather reluctantly. "I hate to see them split those two up. I wish they'd let us keep them here."

"It's too dangerous," said dad. "Besides, it'll only be for this summer. Then they'll go back to school, and in spring they'll be graduated. I'll go write the letter." He added, heading towards the kitchen. Mum nodded. Sirius stirred. We glanced over at his bed in the corner. He made an effort to open his eyes, then glanced around.

"James?" he asked.

"Yeah, it's me," said James, trying to appear cheerful. "How are ya feeling, Padfoot?"

"Fine," said Sirius, trying to sit up, failing, and falling back onto the cot.

"You're not fine!" I yelled. "He tried to kill you! And all because you didn't tell us! If you would have told us, we could have helped you! Then this never would have happened!" 

Sirius stared at me, his eyes now wide with surprise. "It's none of your business!" he tried to shout, and began coughing. "And anyway, what makes you think this has happened before?"

"Sirius, all those times you 'fell down the stairs' or 'fell out of a tree' or 'wrecked your motorbike'! How dumb do you think we are?" James asked. Sirius shrugged.

"Do you deny that it's happened before?" I questioned threateningly. Sirius didn't reply. "Well?" Slowly, Sirius shook his head.

"It's been happening since third year," Addi spoke from her cot. "Don't deny it, Sirius."

"I knew it!" shouted James, pointing a finger at him. "You've been lying to us the whole time!"

"What's all this shouting about, Remus?" asked dad, now sticking his head inside the room.

"Nothing, dad," I replied quickly.

"I hope you're not shouting at Sirius and Addi. This is not their fault," he said.

"Mr. Lupin," said Sirius. "Please don't tell Child Care Regulation. I don't want them to split me up from what's left of my family." Dad sighed, and came to sit at Sirius' bedside.

"I know you're worried about that. I will do everything I can to see that you two stay together. But we need to contact them, because what your grandfather did was very wrong, and he needs to be punished. Do you understand?" Sirius nodded. "Good, then I'll let you to get your rest. Sarah says the doctor should be back soon." Dad left us in the room with Sirius and Addi, but our argument was interrupted yet again, by a knock on the front door.

"Lily," said James. "Mind if I get it?"

"Go ahead," I replied. He left the room, and I looked back to Sirius, then to Addi.

"So, why did he do this to you?" I asked. They exchanged glances. "Tell me. I want the truth." I said.

"You tell him," Addi told Sirius. He stared at me a moment, stalling, but finally he spoke.

"I got a letter in the mail. It was a scholarship, to be trained to become an auror. Well, I didn't open it, my grandfather did. When he read it, he came to my room, dragged me out, and threw me down the stairs. When he showed it to me, I got excited because I'd been wanting it, you know I'd been wanting it, Remus." That was true. Sirius always talked about becoming an auror. "That made him mad. He hated magic, grandfather did. He hated our mother for what she was, and he said she tainted our blood. You heard him talk about her when you visited our house. So when he heard that I would be in training for a magic job, it was too much for him. He just completely cracked…" Sirius trailed off. Addi looked at him, then began talking, beginning where he'd left off.

"Grandfather got so angry with Sirius about the letter that he just snapped. I heard him throw Sirius down the stairs and came running into the hall to see what had happened. When I got there, Grandfather had just slapped Sirius across the face, then he threw him in my direction. I helped him up, but grandfather went after him again. He threw him to the ground and started kicking him, hard. He told him he could never go back to school again. He called him a filthy mudblood that murdered his own parents." She spoke barely above a whisper. James and Lily were now standing at the doorway of the room, listening. James' eyes were wide, and Lily's mouth was dropped open with shock. Sirius spoke now.

"I wasn't going to let him call me that," Sirius said. "I wasn't going to let him deny my future. So I stood up, and I started shouting at him. He shoved me into a wall that time. Addi came and tried to help me, but he grabbed her and threw her into the wall too. I shouted at him to leave her alone, but he didn't listen, and he slapped her again. That was it. I wasn't going to take it anymore. So, I—I pulled out my wand on him."

"Sirius, you didn't!" I said. He slowly nodded and continued.

"I held my wand to him, and that moment, my grandmother entered the room. She asked what was going on, and no one answered. I felt myself slipping into unconsciousness, and grandfather managed to get my wand away from me. That's why my arm was dislocated. Then, he grabbed me by the neck and tried to choke me. Just when I was about to pass out, he let go. I heard Addi scream, and for an instant, I saw him holding a fire poker above my head. Then he hit me with it, and I was knocked unconscious." Addi continued from there.

"After that, grandfather stormed off. I was really scared. I dragged Sirius up to his room. I was trying to help him. I tried to get him to come back to consciousness, but a few minutes later, grandfather came back. He grabbed me, dragged me to my room, threw me inside, and locked me there. I stayed until that night, not even knowing if Sirius was still alive. Then when it was dark, he flew up next to my window and we left. We flew on his motorbike for two days, and here we are." She finished and the five of us stayed silent for a few seconds. The silence was finally broken by Lily.

"Your grandfather did this to you. I don't believe it," she said quietly.

"Well, maybe if they would have told us, it never would have happened," James pointed out. "We should have seen it. Moony, we knew it so long ago and we didn't do anything."

"Yeah," I agreed, feeling guilty.

"You mean it's happened before?" Lily asked. I answered.

"Yeah, it's been happening to them since third year, only they never mentioned it until last week when Addi sent me a letter. By that time it was too late."

"Why didn't you guys tell us?" asked Lily calmly. "We would have helped you."

"I didn't want your help! I didn't want your pity!" Sirius shouted.

"That's just your problem Sirius! You think you can handle everything on your own! It doesn't matter how afraid you are, you're more afraid to ask for help, to admit you need help, than you are to face it on your own! But this time you saw, you got hurt, you faced the consequences! Maybe next time you'll realize what friends are for!" James shouted. Lily grabbed his arm.

"Calm down, James," she said. James remained silent. Sirius stared at him.

"Fine, you're right," Sirius muttered. "I should have gotten your help."

"Good," I replied. "Because that's what friends are for. We'd never think any less of you because of it. It's brave to face things on your own, but it's even more brave to realize that you can't handle it on your own and ask for help."

"Yeah, child abuse isn't something to be taken lightly. You shouldn't have put up with it all that time. You didn't deserve it. Your grandfather is a bad person and he deserves to be punished. You didn't deserve to be hurt like this," said Lily. Sirius and Addi both nodded.

"Can I go to sleep now?" asked Sirius, who looked extremely tired. I was ready to answer yes, when the doctor showed up in the fireplace.

"I'm back to check on them again," he said to me. I nodded.

"Come on guys," said Lily, directing us out of the room. On the way upstairs, I let mum and dad know that the doctor was back. Lily knew where the spare room was by then, and took her things there. James and I went to my room, where he placed his things. After a few minutes, we headed back downstairs to the living room. The doctor was gone, and my parents were telling Sirius and Addi goodnight.

"You two get plenty of rest," said mum, as she and dad turned to leave.

"Don't be long," dad said as they passed us in the doorway. "They need to sleep."

"Okay, dad. Goodnight," I said. 

"Goodnight," replied both dad and mum.

"Goodnight Mr. and Mrs. Lupin," said Lily.

"Yeah, goodnight," added James.

"Goodnight," replied mum, and they left the room. We entered the room. It was now illuminated by only a single candle, which burned in the corner.

"Goodnight guys," whispered Lily quietly to Sirius and Addi, who were lying down, their eyes closed.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," added James.

"Goodnight," both of them replied. James and Lily turned to leave.

"Coming Moony?" asked James.

"Go on," I said. "I'll be up in a few minutes."

"Okay, goodnight," said Lily. They left. Sirius had rolled over and appeared to have fallen asleep. I went over and sat down in the chair at Addi's bedside.

"Addi?" I said softly, checking to see if she was still awake.

"Yeah?" she replied, opening her tired blue eyes and staring up at me. I took her hand and held it in mine.

"Addi, I wish you would have told me sooner," I said to her. She nodded.

"I wanted to, Remus, but Sirius asked me not to. I promised him I wouldn't. I didn't want to break my promise," she replied.

"I understand," I told her. "It's just that you were in danger, and we could have helped you. I hope if anything like this ever happens again you'll tell me before it's too late." She nodded.

"I will. I promise."

"Good," I said. "I love you."

"I love you too," she answered. I kissed her hand.

"Aww, that's so sweet," said Sirius jokingly. Apparently he wasn't asleep.

"Shut up," I said. Addi laughed.

"Goodnight guys," I said. "See you tomorrow."

"Goodnight," both of them replied, as I blew out the candle and left the room.

The next morning, I went with dad to the train station to pick up Peter and Erin. James and Lily were staying behind with Sirius and Addi. We arrived at the train station in about forty-five minutes. We got out of the car and stood, waiting for Peter and Erin. They'd already found each other, and we spotted them in no time.  
"Peter! Erin!" I called to them. Erin glanced over and saw me, pointed my dad and I out to Peter, and they walked over to us, pulling their trunks behind them

"Hi Moony," said Peter.

"What's up, Wormtail?" I replied.

"Hello, Remus, Mr. Lupin," said Erin quietly.  
"Hi Erin," I said. I was wondering if I should tell them about Sirius and Addi. I didn't know how to put it mildly.

"Well, kids," said dad. "Let's be getting back to the house now." We climbed back into the car. We were silent as dad started the car, and we got back onto the road. It turned out that I didn't have to tell Erin and Peter what had happened. My dad took care of it.

"Peter, Erin," he said. "Something happened to your friends Sirius and Addi the other day." Erin's face changed to a worried expression.

"What happened?" asked Peter.

"Well, Sirius and Addi have been living with their grandfather for three years now," said dad. "And, sadly, it turns out that he was abusive. He attacked them the other night. They're in fairly bad shape right now, but they'll be just fine." He added.

"Oh my gosh!" exclaimed Erin. "I knew something was going on with Sirius being hurt all the time. He would never talk to me about it."

"Yeah, it seems he forgot to mention it to all of us," I said.

"Poor Sirius and Addi," said Peter. "Are they hurt really bad?"

"Sirius had a concussion," I said. "And they both have broken ribs. Other than that, they have lots of cuts and bruises." We rode home the rest of the way without anymore discussion of Sirius and Addi. We finally arrived home, and I led Peter and Erin to the living room. Addi and Sirius were both awake, talking to James and Lily.

"Sirius!" Erin cried when she saw him, and ran to his bedside. "Are you all right?"

"Erin," said Sirius. "I'm fine, really."

"I can't believe he did this to you," she said to him.

"You know?" Sirius asked her.

"Mr. Lupin told me," she replied. 

"Hey Wormtail," said Sirius, spotting him. After everyone said hello to everyone else, mum and dad entered the room, dad checking his watch.

"They should be here any moment," dad said.

"Who should be here?" I asked.

"The Child Care Regulations worker," he replied. "Now, I'm going to have to ask all of you except for Sirius and Addi to leave the room." He said. Reluctantly we turned and left.

"Upstairs, to your rooms," said mum, when she found us all crowding outside of the room, hoping to hear the conversation. We reluctantly headed up the stairs. We all went to my room, where we strained to hear what was going on downstairs. But it was useless.

"I hope they don't put them in foster care," said James.

"Oh, that would be horrible," said Erin.

"It would only be for two months though," said Lily. "Only until school starts again." We nodded.

"I don't see why they couldn't stay here," pointed out Peter.

"The doctor said that if their grandfather came looking for them, he'd probably check here, so that's why" I told them. We stared around the room, bored, until finally we heard the Child Care Regulations worker leave through the fireplace. At that we all jumped up and ran downstairs. We encountered my parents in the hall.

"What's going on?"

"What's going to happen to them?" We bombarded my parents with questions.

"Sirius and Addi are going to go to stay at St. Mungo's hospital in Diagon Alley for a while," said mum. "James, they've already spoken to your parents, and when Sirius and Addi are well enough, they will be staying at your house for the remainder of the summer." We nodded. The arrangement was much better than we'd been expecting.

The next morning, Sirius and Addi were taken to St. Mungo's in a large bus that arrived. James, Lily, Erin and Peter stayed two more days before they went home. James, who lived close enough to St. Mungo's, said he'd visit Sirius and Addi everyday. Peter and Erin, like me, weren't allowed to use floo powder alone, or we too could have visited them. Lily, of course, couldn't, being from a muggle family. 

Two weeks later, I received a letter from James saying that Sirius and Addi were at his house, and inviting everyone else to come and visit for a while too. I received the in late afternoon. A while later, I was helping mum make dinner.

"Addi and Sirius are out of the hospital," I told her, as she waved her wand to put the crust on top of a meat pie.

"That's great news," she said. "Could you set the table?" she asked. I went to get the plates. There was a tap on the window out in the dining room.

"Oh, that must be the mail," said mum. "I'll be back in a minute." She said, leaving the room. I set the table. Mum returned to the room few minutes later, pale and shaking, holding a letter in her hand.

"Mum?" I said. "Mum, what is it? What's wrong?" She said nothing, simply held out the letter. I took it from her trembling hand, and read.

Mrs. Sarah Lupin:

It is with great apologies and much sympathy that we inform you that your husband, Mr. Christopher Lupin, was one of three casualties resulting from an accident earlier today. The accident involved the testing of a product; Barnabas' High-Powered Flying Beans (beans that enable the user to fly without the use of a broomstick). Unfortunately, there was a problem in the beans (we suspect a shortage in the amount of phoenix feathers used) and the flying power didn't last long enough for the flyers to return safely to the ground. We are terribly sorry for this accident. Please contact us for more details. We apologize greatly for this unfortunate accident. 

Sincerely,

Mr. Arnold M. Abbott 

Head of Department of Wizard Manufacturing and Product Testing

The Ministry of Magic

PS. I grieve terribly for this accident. I knew Chris well, and he was a very kind person. He will be missed greatly at the Ministry. If there is anything I can do to make this easier for you and your son, please let me know.

The letter fell from my shaking hand and fluttered to the ground. I stared at it lying on the floor, not wanting to look up at mum. It couldn't be true, it just couldn't. Dad couldn't be dead. Not my dad, not the man who I'd just seen this morning, who'd said goodbye just the same as always before leaving for work, same as always. Not my dad, the person who pushed me to go to Hogwarts when no one else would have. Not my dad, the person who never stopped caring about me because of what I was. Not my dad. It couldn't be true. Any moment, my dad would come walking in through the fireplace, like normal. He'd come in and greet mum with a kiss, then come and ask me how my day was, as we ate dinner. We were a family. I couldn't lose my family. I felt tears spill out of my eyes. I glanced up. Mum was staring at me, her eyes glistened with tears, her expression worried.

"Oh, Remus!" she cried suddenly, putting her arms around me and sobbing. "I don't know what we'll do. I just don't know."

"It's okay, mum," I tried to reassure her, though I was now crying too. "Everything will be fine." The words I spoke meant nothing to me. They were lies. Everything would not be fine. I had no father. He was dead, gone. I'd never see him again. Reality set in. I would never see my father again. Never see him smile when he looked at his little family, never hear him tell a joke when I was feeling upset, never listen to his words of encouragement when it was full moon. I felt hollow inside. Nothing felt real. I was dreaming. This was a terrible nightmare. Soon I'd wake up and find my dad there, smiling and cheerful, like he always was. Mum still cried in my arms. Finally, she looked up at me.

"I'm sorry, Remus," she said. "I shouldn't be crying like this. I've got to be strong for us. We're on our own now."

"It's okay, mum," I said. "It's okay to cry." I began to sob uncontrollably again, and at these words, mum burst into tears and left the room. 

My mind was so unclear. Thoughts constantly raced through it. I felt so alone, so scared. I couldn't believe how suddenly this had happened to me. I didn't even get to say goodbye, I thought, sitting on my bed, crying. My thoughts were interrupted by Jeremy's hooting. I looked up at the owl, and thought of something. My friends. I should write to them and tell them what happened. They, at least, would offer some sympathy, and they'd certainly be angry if I didn't tell them what had happened. I sat at my desk and began to write letters. When I finally had five letters, ink bleeding from the tears that stained them, I tied them to Jeremy's leg, and sent him off out the window. It was late, so I laid down in my bed and cried myself to sleep.

That night, I had nightmares. I'd see my dad, and for a while I'd be happy. Then, I'd remember that he was dead, and begin yelling at him for leaving mum and I. I awoke in cold sweats, shaking. I didn't want to yell at dad. I knew it wasn't his fault. But I had at least three different versions of the dream that night. Finally, when it was early morning, I awoke, with puffy red eyes, and pale skin. I dreaded to leave my bed. I didn't want to face the day. I didn't want to face mum. She seemed so lost and helpless that it scared me. 

I heard a knock on the window of my bedroom. Jeremy was back. I reluctantly crawled out of bed and opened the window. Jeremy had six replies to the letters I'd sent, each of them filled with shock and sympathy. But at least I had something to look forward to. All of my friends were meeting at James' house that day, and coming to visit. They were going to stay for the funeral. The funeral. I hadn't even thought about the funeral. I didn't want to think about the funeral, seeing my father's cold, lifeless body, lying helplessly in a casket, about to be placed six feet under ground. I didn't want to go, but I knew that if I didn't I'd regret it later.

I dressed and went downstairs. Mum was in the kitchen, looking tired and upset, drinking her usual cup of tea. At first I was surprised not to find dad sitting next to her, reading the Daily Prophet and having his cup of tea. Then I remembered, he's dead.

"Good morning, mum," I said, trying to force a smile.

"Good morning, Remus," she replied shakily.

"Mum, some of my friends are going to come and visit us for a while," I said gently. "They want to be here to help us." Mum merely nodded and stared at the table while sipping her tea. I decided to go into the living room to sit by the fireplace and wait for James, Sirius, Addi, Peter, Lily, and Erin to arrive by floo powder. After what seemed like hours, I heard a swirling sound from within the fireplace, and the fire turned glowing green. James emerged first.

"Hi Remus," he said quietly. "I'm really sorry about what happened." I nodded. Sirius emerged next.

"Hey Moony, how ya feelin?" he asked as though everything was normal. 

"Okay," I muttered. The next person to arrive was Addi. 

"Remus!" she cried when she saw me. "I'm so sorry Remus!" She pulled me into her arms and held me there, as I fought back tears.

"It's okay Remus," she whispered. I couldn't take it anymore. I buried my face in her shoulder. "It hurts to lose people we love. It's okay to cry. It's the only way to relieve the pain." I couldn't fight the tears any longer. I cried until her shoulder was thoroughly soaked. Meanwhile, everyone else arrived. I couldn't help feeling pathetic as I sat there crying as they watched, but every single one of them, even Sirius, encouraged me to cry. Then, after I stopped, he volunteered himself for a game of pitch black. We played for a while, though I was rather unenthusiastic. Once I wasn't paying attention to where I was throwing Sirius and ended up throwing him into an end table and he flipped over it, falling flat on his face. This made even me laugh, though Sirius frowned a bit.

Later that day, after finding what little food was left in the house, we went to bed. My mum had tried to talk to my friends, but was really in no condition to do anything. The next day was the funeral. I had another night of restless sleep, which disturbed James, Sirius and Peter. The next morning, I awoke before everyone else. I dressed in my black dress robes, which were several inches too short, since wizards usually only wore them to funerals, and the only one I'd been to had been three years earlier when my great Aunt Bertha had died, and was trimmed in horrible looking white lace. After showering and dressing, I returned to my room to find James, Sirius and Peter awake and dressed in robes that resembled mine greatly. We knocked on the door of the girls' room, and found them dressed in long black gowns. No one spoke as we headed downstairs, in search of mum, but she wasn't there. After searching the house, I checked in her bedroom, and found her still asleep.

"Mum," I said, waking her up. "Mum." She stared up at me. "Mum, we've got to go to- to… we've got to go to dad's funeral," I said quietly.

"No," she said. "No I won't go."

"Mum, come on," I said. "I know this is hard, but you've got to be there." She burst into tears. 

"I don't know what we'll do without your father," she cried. 

"Don't worry about that now," I whispered. "Let's just go to the funeral, okay?" I felt like an adult talking to a little kid. Mum nodded, and I left her to get ready. 

An hour later, we left to go to the funeral. I hate to even think of the funeral itself. I hate funerals. All I remember are countless people expressing their sympathy to mum and I, and watching my dad's casket being closed, seeing him for the very last time. Ever. 

A few days after the funeral, new worries began to set in. We were in the kitchen one evening, looking for something to eat, though there was nothing. I just assumed that with everything going on lately, mum had forgotten to go shopping.

"Mum, I think we'd better go to the store. We're almost out of food," I told her. "We can go pick some things up if you give us some money," I offered. Her eyes began to fill with tears again.

"Remus, I just don't know what to do," she said. "You're father, he—I mean, I've never worked. All of our money, what little we had, came from him. And now that he's gone, we—Remus, we haven't got anything," she said, crying.

"Won't you get pension?" asked James. She nodded.

"But not until all the paperwork goes through," she replied.

"Don't worry," James said. "We'll buy some things, right guys?" he turned to Sirius, Addi, Peter, Erin and Lily, who all nodded.

"Oh, no," said mum. "Don't you kids go spending your money on us." I felt the same way, but I didn't know what else to do, so in the end, they headed off to the store to buy food. I had never thought of being poor as a result of dad's death. The truth was, we never had much money. But it had always been enough. I'd never gone hungry, and I'd always had clothes to wear and a roof over my head. Now, I worried. I looked at mum, and couldn't help but notice how terrible she looked. Her once long straight, brown hair was now turning frizzy with streaks of gray. Her once cheerful face was now wrinkled and wore an expression of sadness and worry. Her bright blue eyes had faded, and there were dark circles under them. She had once been a rather plump woman, but had lost weight rapidly in the past few days, giving her a shrunken appearance. All in all, she looked worse than me after full moon. She looked sick. I suggested that she see a doctor, but she wouldn't hear it. She said what little money we did have should be spent on me. I argued, but she would never have it any other way. 

My friends were great during that hard time in my life. They were constant encouragement and they could always make me laugh. After they'd stayed at my house for a few weeks though, mum insisted that they leave.

"I feel awful keeping you kids here taking care of us," she told them one afternoon. "You've got families too, and I'm sure they want you home. I'm not keeping you here any longer. Tomorrow you'll leave. I can drive you if you'd like."

****


	29. Chapter 29: More Bad News

****

Chapter 29: More Bad News

Very early the next morning, we packed everyone's things, then climbed into dad's old car, bewitching it to fit all of us. We went to the train station first, dropping of Peter, then Erin. Then, we dropped off Lily in Surry, and finally, headed north to London to James' house on Diagon Alley.

"I'll help with your things," I said, grabbing some of Sirius and Addi's bags. We stepped out of the car and stood in front of the house. James was still inside, trying to get his things out of the car.

"What's that?" Addi asked me, looking up, above the house. I looked up, and what I saw shocked me. I felt my eyes grow wide with fright.

"It can't be," I said quietly. "No, not James' parents."

"What?" Addi asked. Sirius had noticed it too.

"The Dark Mark," he whispered, looking alarmed.

"Should we tell him?" I mouthed, pointing to James, who was still getting his things and hadn't seen it yet.

"What?" asked James, suddenly straightening up, bags in his hands. We fell silent. "What is it?" No one said anything.

"Well, I guess I'd better be getting…oh my god." James had seen it. "No!" he shouted. "No! This can't have happened! No!" James took off running towards the house. 

"No! James, you can't go in!" I shouted, as Sirius, Addi and I took off behind him. James yanked open the front door and revealed the hall. Two lifeless bodies lay in it, James' dads nearer to the door, his mother's farther back the hall. While both of the bodies looked fine, besides the fact that they were dead, they both had wand in hand, looking frightened.

"Mum! Dad!" James cried. "NO!" He stood there, frozen, staring at the bodies of his parents. "No!" he still shouted. "Damn it! No! This wasn't supposed to happen!"

"Let's get out of here." We heard a voice at the doorway. Mum was standing there. "Come on, the ministry's arriving. Let's be going." We filed out the door, James last of all, staring back into his house. I looked at him. I knew what he must feel like. It's hard enough to loose one parent, but losing both at once, and knowing that they were murdered by a powerful dark wizard, it had to be terrible. Mum put her arm around James, comfortingly. We walked out into the small front yard, where ministry officials were now apparating in, with several small pops. 

"Excuse me," said one of them, walking over to us.

"Yes?" said Mum.

"What are you doing here?" asked the official coldly. 

"I was bringing James home," said mum. 

"Oh," said the official, in a more kind tone. "Young Mr. Potter. Well, I'm terribly sorry. We'll all grieve the loss of your parents. Great wizard and witch they were. Never had a better Minister than your dad." He was weeping and turned to walk away.

"So who are you?" another official asked my mum. "And why was Mr. Potter with you?"

"Oh, I'm Sarah Lupin," replied mum. "My son Remus, over there, is friends with James. He was visiting, and I was just bringing him home. The other two kids were in James' parents custody as well."

"I'm afraid we'll have to take them, then," said the official. "We'll have to find them foster care."

"Oh, that's really not necessary," said mum. "They can stay with Remus and I."

"I'm sorry, but I can't let you take them," said the official. 

"Please sir," spoke up Sirius. "We're going back to school in two weeks, and we'll all be seventeen soon. There's no use going through all the hassle of finding us foster homes for two weeks."

"Well, you've got a point there," said the official thoughtfully. "I'll tell you what, we'll just pretend that you never came here today. I'll tell the ministry that I was in contact with you, and that these three were supposed to be staying with you for the rest of the summer, Mrs. Lupin. How does that sound?" 

"Great," I said, glancing at mum, who looked a bit unsure. 

"Just one more thing then," said the official. He took Sirius and Addi's names for reference, then told us to get out of there before anyone else saw us.

"Master! Master James!" we heard a high pitched squeaking noise from behind us and turned around. A tiny house elf stood behind us, tears dripping out of its large ugly eyes, its ears drooping sadly. "Master James, I truly is sorry. Its all my fault they is dead! I was right there! I sees You Know Who and I says—I says you can't do anything to them! You must leave! But You Know Who doesn't fancy listening, he does. And all me fellow house elves, they be very bad—very, very bad! They joins You Know who so he doesn't hurt them. But me, I refuses. And then—and then—then he kills my family! Right in front of my eyes! I is so sorry Master James. I is bad, very, very bad. I deserves punishment, Master James!"

"No, no it's not your fault," said James. "I'm not angry at you in the least." Addi stared incredulously at the tiny creature, then bent and offered it a comforting hug.

"Aww, poor thing," she said as it clung around her neck.

"I've got something for you," said James. He pulled off his shoe, took off a sock and handed it to the house elf. 

"You're free."

"I is free, Master James? I is free! I is going now," exclaimed the house elf. "I is going to meet you again someday, Master Potter. Thank you. You have no idea how happy you makes me. Goodbye." We waved half-hearted goodbyes to the heartbroken house elf.

The property was now completely swarming, both inside the house and out, with reporters and ministry officials. News was spreading rapidly throughout the wizarding world. Never had there been such a crisis. The Minister of Magic murdered by Voldemort; the news spread panic throughout Britain. 

We headed back to my house in Wales, unable to think of anything else to do. James wouldn't speak, he wouldn't cry, he wouldn't do anything at all, except sit there wearing a shocked expression, his eyes wide.

"You all right, Prongs?" Sirius asked him. He nodded slightly, but otherwise didn't respond.

"I'm really sorry about what happened James," I said. "We know how you feel, though. It's hard to lose people."

"I hate Voldemort!" muttered James angrily. "I'll kill him someday! I'll get revenge!" I gave Sirius a look, and he looked back.

"Er, Prongs, that may not be the best idea," he said. Of course it wasn't a good idea, Sirius, so why'd you let Voldemort kill him? Why? James just shook his head and continued frowning. After a long car ride home, we unloaded James, Sirius, and Addi's things and put them back in the house. James sulked on the couch, though he still hadn't shed a tear. If I didn't know James as well as I did, I'd have thought he was taking the situation quite well. But I could always tell when something was upsetting James, and now it was quite obvious. Sirius knew it too. We sat around in my living room with him and tried to make him feel better. Not necessarily cheer him up, but at least make him show some sort of emotion, for we knew that he was holding everything inside. I knew that feeling, and it's hard. At that time, I would have felt better if James would have burst into tears, but he didn't. He wanted us to think he was that strong, but he wasn't fooling anyone. We all knew Mr. and Mrs. Potter, and they were the nicest parents you could have, and James loved them. I knew it was hard to loose a parent. I'd lost my dad only three weeks earlier, and I still felt tears come to my eyes at the thought of him. I knew James was suffering by acting like everything was okay.

"You know James, you're supposed to be upset," said Sirius. "They were your parents and you loved them. It's okay to cry. Would you believe that I cried when my dad died?" We'd never known Sirius to cry, and I guess he was trying to show James that if a tough guy like Sirius could cry, then it was all right for James to cry too. But he just nodded and sat frowning once again.

"Maybe we should let him alone for a while," I suggested quietly to Sirius and Addi. They agreed and we headed up to my bedroom, leaving James downstairs in the living room. 

"I can't believe he murdered James' parents too!" said Addi, when we were in my room.

"Yeah," said Sirius rather solemnly. "But he's been getting a lot more powerful lately, Voldemort has."

"But why does he kill them?" asked Addi. "I mean, dad never said why he murdered mum, and then he killed him too."

"He wanted to kill me, remember Addi?" said Sirius. "That's why he killed mum and dad! Because he wanted to kill me! And he probably still wants to kill me!" Addi looked at him doubtfully, though I knew she'd heard that story before. 

"It just makes no sense," I said. "Why did he want to kill you? Especially when you were like three days old the first time?"

"I guess I'll never know," said Sirius, shaking his head.

"So, do you think he wanted to kill James too?" asked Addi thoughtfully.

"Either that or…" Sirius trailed off.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Addi and I were staying with James and his parents. Maybe Voldemort knew, and he was trying to find me and kill me," he said. "I got James' parents killed."

"I doubt that," I said, trying to convince Sirius that he hadn't gotten James' parents killed, though it did seem like a possibility. "I mean, how could have Voldemort known that you were staying there?" Sirius shrugged.

"I guess you're right."

"Well, then, the real problem right now is getting James to show his emotions. You can tell he's upset, but he won't do as much even get tears in his eyes," I said.

"Well, you know Prongs, so proud and all," said Sirius. "I reckon he just doesn't want anyone to know that he's upset. Like he can fool us." I nodded.

"So, how can we make him understand that it's okay to cry?" I asked. Sirius shrugged.

"What about Lily?" suggested Addi. "We should at least let her know what happened anyway."

"Good idea," I answered. "Do you want to go call her?" Addi shook her head. 

"I don't want to have to tell her the bad news," she said.

"I'll do it," sighed Sirius, leaving the room to go use our Muggle telephone in the kitchen. He returned a few minutes later.

"Well, she was shocked to hear it," he said. "But she'll be coming early tomorrow. She said she wants to be here for James. Hopefully it'll help him to have her here."

"Maybe we should find James now," I suggested. They agreed and we went to the living room, expecting to find James, but instead we found only my mum, who was sitting, reading.

"Where's James?" I asked.

"Oh, he went up to the spare bedroom a while ago. I told him to. You've got a really upset friend there, and who could blame him? He's having a lot of trouble admitting to himself what happened. This has been really hard on him. I think the best thing you could do is leave him alone to think right now," said mum. I nodded.

"We've got Lily coming tomorrow. We hope she might be able to cheer him up," said Addi. Mum nodded.

"Good idea. Now why don't you three get off to bed? It's getting late. Addi, you can sleep down here since James took the spare bedroom. I'll get a cot."

"Okay, thanks Mrs. Lupin," said Addi.

The next morning, Lily arrived early. James still hadn't come out of the spare bedroom, so we immediately led Lily up to it. Frowning, she knocked on the closed door. No one answered.

"James?" she called. "James, it's me, Lily. Can I come in?"

"Yeah," a voice called. Lily pulled open the door. There sat James on the edge of the bed, still looking quite the same as he had before.

"Oh, James, I'm so sorry about what happened!" said Lily as she wrapped her arms around him. "James?" she asked, when he didn't answer.

"I'm glad you're here, Lil," he said quietly.

"Come on," Addi hissed, motioning for us to leave them alone. Sirius and I headed back to my room. We continued talking about James, wondering if Lily would have any effect on cheering him up.

We found out at dinner that night. James and Lily came down, and James' eyes were puffy and red, indicating that he'd been crying.

"He'll be fine," Lily told us quietly as they took a seat at the table. She kept a comforting arm around him as we had dinner. Mum wasn't up, she'd been feeling ill and went to bed early. That seemed to happen more and more often lately. So, Addi, Sirius and I had made dinner. Addi and I had let Sirius attempt to make the beef stew, which was obviously a mistake.

"Is beef supposed to be green?" asked Lily, as she ladled a scoop into her bowl. Sirius frowned.

"Er, of course it is," he said jokingly.

"Are you serious?" said James quietly, the slightest grin appearing on his sad face. We all laughed.

"Really, if Sirius' stew is that bad, try the pie Addi and I made," I said. "At least we can follow the recipe."

"Wow, you two can cook," said Lily, tasting it.

"Yeah, Moony," said Sirius. "If you and my sister ever get married, we're all going to move in with you because otherwise we won't eat. Erin and I are both hopeless at cooking."

"You think you're bad," said Lily. "You should see James trying to cook."

"We have," I said. "Him and Sirius together. You have to be careful though. It could easily be fatal."

"Hey!" said James and Sirius together. We all laughed. After that night, James seemed better. He was still grieving the loss of his parents, but at least he wasn't quiet and distant like he had been. Two days later, Lily had to go home, but promised to meet up with the rest of us in Diagon Alley the next week. The next day, mum informed us that a letter had come for James.

"James," she said. "This morning I got a letter from the ministry. They would like you to go sort through the things in your house today. Would you be willing to do it?" James frowned, but nodded determinedly. 

"We can go with you if you want, James," offered Sirius, but James shook his head.

"No, I've got to do this on my own," said James. "I'll be fine, really. Shall I use floo powder, Mrs. Lupin?" He asked.

"Yes dear, if you don't mind," replied mum. "I'd drive you, but I'm afraid I'm not feeling so well lately."

"No, no, floo powder's fine," said James. "It's faster anyway." He took a deep breath and headed towards the fireplace. He took the small pot on the mantle and grabbed some floo powder. He took a deep breath and tossed it into the fire.

"Well, I guess I'll be back in a few hours," he said, struggling to keep a fake smile on his face. "The Potters!" he shouted, before disappearing into the flames.

"I hope he's all right," I said. "I wouldn't want to have to go through my parents old things."

"Maybe we should go after him," suggested Sirius.

"No," said Addi flatly. "He said he wanted to go alone, so we're going to let him."

Mum walked in the room, sipping from a mug of tea. She had gotten even worse looking than usual over the last few days. Her frizzy hair drooped around her wrinkled face. Her once bright blue eyes were now dull and colorless, surrounded by circles. She had lost a lot of weight and looked small and fragile. 

"I'm going to go to bed," she said, barely above a whisper, sounding exasperated. "I'm not feeling so well again."

"Mum, I think we need to get the doctor," I said.

"Nonsense," croaked mum. "The money we've got, you're spending it in Diagon Alley on your school supplies."

"But mum, your health is more important," I insisted.

"I'll be fine, Remus," mum insisted. "Really, it's just a virus. Don't waste your time worrying about me. Now why don't you all go into town today for a while. You've had a rough time lately. Go have some fun." She headed up to bed. I shook my head.

"I don't know what to do for her," I said.

"Well, you tried to help," said Addi. "I guess that's all you can do."

"So, can we go into town?" asked Sirius. "I could go for traumatizing some muggle kids."

"Sirius!" said Addi, smacking his arm.

"Oh come on Addi," I said. "It is kind of fun."

"Want me to hit you too?" she threatened.

"You can't do that. I'm your boyfriend!" I said, running as she chased me across the room.

"Hey Moony, just for future reference, that excuse doesn't work!" said Sirius. "Believe me do I know." He added. Addi chased me around the room jokingly. I sat down on the couch and she came running after and sat down next to me, knocking me over.

"Going to hit me now, Addi," I asked, grinning, looking up at her.

"Of course not," she said smiling. I pulled her close and kissed her.

"Eww!" said Sirius jokingly.

"Hey Addi," I said. "Has anyone ever taught you how to play pitch black?"

"No!" said Sirius, running out the front door, Addi and I at his heels. We ended up going to town and traumatizing small muggle children at an ice cream parlor by making their ice cream fall off the cones, which Addi insisted was mean. Then Sirius bought ice cream, just so he could make it chase her, and finally got most of it in her hair. I got him back by carefully making an ice cream cone balance upside down on the top of his head like a hat, which Addi found incredibly amusing, as did most of the muggle children around. It took Sirius about five minutes to figure out what was so funny, and by that time, we had taken off running and were halfway back to my house.

When we got back, James still hadn't returned and mum was still sick in bed. We sat down to wait for James in the living room. After about ten minutes, the fireplace began to make the familiar noise of someone traveling by floo powder, and James appeared, carrying several large bags.

"Hey Prongs," said Sirius. But James didn't answer. He was ghost white and frightened looking, shaking all over. He turned and went up the stairs without even acknowledging us. I sighed. 

"What do you think is wrong with him now?" I asked. Sirius shrugged.

"Seeing his parents things probably just stirred up some old memories."

"I guess you're probably right," I agreed.

"So, Addi the famous fixer of problems," said Sirius. "What should we do for him this time?"

"I don't know," she said thoughtfully. "I wonder if Lily would help this time."

"Well, she did the last time," I said. "But she just went home, and school starts in two days. I doubt she can come back again."

"We'll see everyone in Diagon Alley tomorrow though," said Sirius. And then two days after that on the Hogwarts Express."

"Yeah, everyone except for me," said Addi. "I've got to go to Clearglen. I miss all of you."

"Er, actually, you should probably be glad you're not there," I told her. "Your brother is completely crazy."

"Well, that's normal," she said, shrugging, as Sirius threw me a dirty look. I laughed.

"Anyway, though," I said. "You'll still come to Diagon Alley with us, right?" 

"Yeah," said Addi. "I love it there. They've got the best stuff at some of those shops."

"You know, we're all going to be legal adults soon," said Sirius thoughtfully.

"Yeah, and some of us act it more than others," I said.

"Oh shut up," he said. "Really though, what do you think we're going to do?"

"Well, you, James and I all got scholarships to become aurors. So, I guess we will," I said.

"Yeah, and we'll all live in the same town, right next to each other," said Sirius.

"And soon it won't be a town at all," added Addi. "You'll have scared everyone away."

"Well, right now what we've got to worry about is figuring out what's wrong with Prongs," I said, changing the subject back.

"You know, Lily told me that her and James are head girl and boy at your school," said Addi.

"Really?" asked Sirius.

"You mean James didn't even tell you that?" asked Addi. 

"Old Prongs must really be upset," said Sirius. I nodded.

"So, what do we do for him?"

"I don't know. Maybe we should just leave him alone. I can't believe him lately. He seems like a completely different person," said Sirius.

"Well, I guess things like that can change people. I just hope it's not permanent," I said.

"No, I'm sure we'll have the old Prongs back in no time. Just give him a few days," said Sirius. And that's what we did. James wouldn't talk to us, or even nod when we asked him something. He just sat there, with that distant, worried look that was so unlike James that it scared all of us.

The next day, we went to Diagon Alley, using floo powder since mum was still to ill to drive us. We offered to let James stay at my house and buy his things for him, but he silently followed us. We met up with Peter, Erin and Lily in front of Flourish and Blotts. Sirius and I pulled Lily aside for a few seconds to tell her about James. She just sighed and said she'd try to cheer him up, but she didn't know what to do for him. He seemed to be taking everything really hard. We stood back and watched as she walked over to him.

"Hi James," she said, smiling up at him. He had no reaction. It was as though he didn't even see that she was there. He just kept on staring off into the distance. "Are you all right, James?" she asked, taking his hand. She glanced back at us, looking puzzled. I shrugged.

"Well, why don't we go buy our books, since we're here?" suggested Sirius. We agreed and entered the shop. After buying six copies of every book we needed, we left. After that, we headed to the shop to get our new robes. Since they could only fit two people at a time for new robes, we had to wait outside. We let Lily take James in first. About twenty minutes later, they reemerged, carrying large parcels, Lily frowning slightly, and James still staring off looking worried.

"He didn't say a word the entire time," Lily told Addi and I quietly so that James wouldn't hear.

"You don't think there's anything really wrong with him, do you?" asked Addi.

"I think he's just taking his parents' deaths really hard," I said. Lily nodded.

"He doesn't want to admit it though," she said. "But I don't understand. I thought after I visited last week that he was getting better. At least he was talking then."

"Well, he did go to clean out his parents old things," I said. "I guess it upset him again."

"Hey Moony! Robes!" called Sirius. He and Erin had just come out of the shop, and Peter and I were getting ours last. After twenty minutes, we reemerged with new sets of robes for the year. 

"Now what?" I asked.

"How about the quidditch supply store?" asked Lily, and I knew she was thinking that it would probably cheer James up.

"Okay. Good idea," I said. No one objected, so we went inside. James walked in and stared absentmindedly at the brooms on display. After Sirius spent nearly a quarter of an hour admiring a Lightning 500 broomstick, which was a lot more than any of us could afford, we left. James still looked the same as he had. 

"Well, we still need some new supplies for our potions kits," said Lily, checking her list.

"Oh, and I could use some new quills and parchment," Erin added.

"Good idea," agreed Lily. "Is that everything then?" she asked.

"I think so," I replied, mentally going over the list of supplies.

"Can't we get some food first?" asked Sirius, spotting an ice cream shop.

"Oh no!" said Addi. "You're not getting ice cream after what happened last time!" Sirius laughed evilly. 

"Yeah, why don't we go get some ice cream?" said Lily, taking James' arm and pulling him along. After we ordered, we sat down and began eating. I noticed James staring across the street at something, and I looked over, mentally smacking myself in the face when I saw that his house was easily visible from where we were sitting. Lily realized too, and frowned. 

"James, going to eat your ice cream?" she asked pleasantly. James looked down at his bowl of ice cream and swirled it around with the spoon, not eating a bite.

"I'll take that if you don't want it, Prongs," said Sirius, who'd already finished both of the ice cream cones he'd bought. James slid it across the table at him silently. Lily sighed.

"James, I really wish you'd tell me if something's wrong," she said, resting her head on his shoulder. James slowly shook his head.

"It's nothing," he spoke in a slow monotone voice, and his eyes once again fixed upon his house.

"Well, why don't we go get those potions supplies?" suggested Erin suddenly. There was a murmur of agreement and we headed off for the store. After that, we made a quick stop for quills and parchment, and Sirius debated getting a Quick Quill so that he could sleep through class and still have notes. Finally he bought one, much to the envy of Peter, who hadn't brought enough money. 

After that, we said goodbye to each other and Lily made yet another attempt to make James talk, which failed. Finally after a long hug and a reassuring smile, she left him to go with us. 

"I just don't know what to do for him," she told me, looking worried. "Nothing can get through to him. I don't understand it."

"I'm sure he'll be fine soon, Lily," I told her, though I was starting to have doubts myself.

"Well, see you guys in two days," she said, forcing a smile and waving goodbye, and joining her mum in a car outside The Leaky Cauldron. Sirius, Addi, James and I took floo powder back to my house, and Erin took it back to hers. Peter was meeting his dad, who was coming to shop for a bit before they went home.

Seconds later, my living room began to form before us. We climbed out of the fireplace, carrying our parcels. 

"So, Prongs, did you have a good time?" asked Sirius. But James was already halfway up the stairs, not acknowledging anything anyone said. We all exchanged glances and shook our heads.


	30. Chapter 30: End of Summer

****

Chapter 30: The End of Summer

Two days later, things weren't any better than they had been. Mum, despite still feeling ill, drove us to King's Cross Station, since we had no other transportation. A cold misty rain fell as we entered the station. I said a quick goodbye to Addi, promising to write everyday, as she was already running late for her train to Clearglen. Then, Sirius, James and I crossed the barrier to platform 9 ¾, my mum following us.

"You have a good year Remus," she said weakly. "I'll see you in the spring."

"Bye mum," I said, giving her a hug. She really didn't look well, and it worried me. "Take care of yourself, and get a doctor, okay?"

"I'll be just fine," she said. "Now run along. I love you, Remus."

"Love you too, mum," I said, wheeling my trunk forward. Mum then said goodbye to Sirius, and tried to say goodbye to James, though he wouldn't answer. Finally, we boarded the Hogwarts Express, and took our usual compartment, at the very end of the train. We found Lily, Erin and Peter already there.

"Hi mates," said Peter.

"Hi," Sirius and I said.

"Hi James," said Lily. James just looked down, avoiding her eyes, and took a seat next to her. Sirius and I took the remaining seats, just as the whistle blew, and the train took off. Mum waved at us, then Apparated away. 

The long, silent train ride gave me plenty of time to think about everything that had happened that summer. First Sirius and Addi's grandfather abusing them. That seemed like so long ago, even though it had only been about two months. Then, my dad dying a little over a month ago. I still grieved for him a lot, but it had gotten better. I knew it would be easier to live without him at school, with other things on my mind. The biggest thing all of us were dealing with now was James. James Potter, Prongs, our outgoing, popular best friend, Head Boy, now not even speaking. It just wasn't normal. I sat for a while, absorbed in my own thoughts. Finally, noticing the silence, I looked up to see what was going on. James and Lily had both fallen asleep, James on Lily's shoulder. Peter was sleeping as well, and now that I listened closely, I could hear his faint snoring from across the compartment. Sirius was reading his own copy of Quidditch Through The Ages, which he'd bought at Flourish and Blotts. I'm almost positive that's the only book Sirius ever read, in our entire seven years at Hogwarts. Erin was flipping through our new astronomy book. It was her favorite subject.

The lunch cart arrived just then, and we bought some Cauldron Cakes. Peter woke suddenly at the smell of food, but Sirius had to throw several bunched up robes at Lily and James before they woke up. We ate in near silence, and went back to just sitting. Finally, we were almost at Hogwarts.

"We better put our robes on," said Erin. We all pulled on our new black robes over our clothing. Lily pinned her Head Girl badge on her robes, then smiled as she pinned James' Head Boy badge on his. He had no reaction. None at all. 

A half an hour later, we arrived at Hogwarts. Sirius, Erin, Peter and I took one carriage to the castle. There wasn't enough room for Lily and James, so they got stuck in a carriage with Snape and one of his cronies. I watched the castle come closer into view from the carriage. I was glad to be back. The last summer had been a living hell, and if anything could cheer us up after all that had happened, it was being back in that castle, where our greatest worry was whose hair to turn blue, or where the best place was to set off dungbombs. We arrived at the front of the castle, exited the carriage, met up with Lily and James, and filed through the large wooden door into the Entrance Hall. We took our usual seats at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. Within a few minutes, sorting of the first years began. As I thought back to our first year at Hogwarts, it seemed so long ago. So much, good and bad, had happened since then. Now it was the last year we'd ever come here. I knew all of us would miss it. I glanced over at James. I'd had the slightest hope that being back at school would help cheer him up, but it didn't appear to have any effect on him at all. 

After the first years were sorted, Dumbledore announced that a seventh year, named Gilderoy Lockhart had just moved to England from Los Angeles, California, in the states. Sirius sniggered when he saw Lockhart, who had curly blond hair, blue eyes, and the most fake, wide toothed grin that any of us had ever seen. Just our luck, he was sorted to Gryffindor. There was very little applause as he joined our table and took the only seat, on the end next to Peter. Peter frowned and leaned away.

"Howdy there Chaps," said Lockhart, doing his best British accent, which wasn't very convincing. 

"Yeah, howdy there," said Sirius, imitating his accent. "By the way, I'm Sirius Lee Black." He said quickly.

"What's seriously black?" asked Lockhart, looking confused.

"He is," I said, laughing.

"It's his name," said Peter, spoiling our fun. "Sirius Lee Black." He said slowly.

"Oh," said Lockhart. "Well, I'm Gilderoy Lockhart. I'm sure you've probably heard of me, but I'm sure I don't know any of you."

"I'm Remus Lupin," I said. "Er, nice to meet you." 

"And I'm Peter Pettigrew," said Peter. But Lockhart barely paid attention to us. He was now staring at Lily.

"And what's your name?" he asked her.

"Lily Evans," she said, raising her eyebrows as Lockhart's grin widened. He grabbed her hand and shook it. James, though still not speaking, slipped his arm around her. Lockhart frowned a bit, but not enough to get rid of his smile.

A few minutes later, Dumbledore made his usual announcements, and gave us confused glances when he saw that we hadn't pulled any pranks yet, and the feast appeared before us. We began to eat, James only nibbling on his food. It wasn't long before Snape approached our table.

"So Potter," he sneered. "Going to talk yet, or are we still too sad about mummy and daddy?" James looked down at his food and ignored him. 

"I'm talking to you Potter," said Snape. "Are we going to cry now? Wah!" 

"Get lost, Snape," said Sirius. "No one invited you to come to our table, and no one wants you here."

"Be sure to let me know when your voice works again, Potter," said Snape. "I'm sure you've got so much to say about getting your own parents killed."

"I said get out of here!" Sirius shouted at Snape. Snape turned and slowly walked away.

"Don't listen to him, James," I said. "He's just trying to make you feel worse." James still looked down. Even Snape didn't cause James to have any reaction.

"Who is that?" asked Lockhart. "Doesn't seem to be very friendly, does he?"

"To put it mildly," I muttered.

"He also hasn't realized that shampoo was invented," added Peter.

"So, you're Head Boy?" Lockhart asked James, eyeing his badge. James didn't answer.

"He's not himself lately," I explained.

"Well," said Lockhart, brushing his fingers through is blonde hair. "I was going to be Head Boy at my old school, until I moved. I suppose I would have been Head Boy, had I been here when they made the selection."

"They don't choose based on looks, Lockhart. They choose based on something that's definitely missing between your ears," said Sirius, grinning as Lockhart looked puzzled.

"And take it from someone who knows," added Lily. "Even if it was based on looks he'd lose." Lockhart pretended not to hear her, and proceeded to tell me about the time that he killed a werewolf, which I'm certain wasn't true, but it made me angry none the less. Since we had only four people in our dorm room, Lockhart was assigned to it with us. 

For the next few weeks, things remained that way with James. He didn't speak to anyone. In classes, he only spoke when the professor called on him. Everyone, professors included, began to become worried because we hadn't pulled one prank since school started. Dumbledore seemed particularly concerned, and had James go to his office several times for meetings. James would never talk about it though. Snape was having a great time torturing James, because he wouldn't fight back like usual. Lily was starting to appear as worried looking as James. She barely let him out of her sight, but she didn't know what to do for him. None of us did. I guess losing his parents was just really hard for him. But finally, one day, James' silence left as quickly as it had come.

Sirius, Peter, Lily, Erin and I were already seated at lunch. James hadn't arrived yet, and Lily said she couldn't find him before lunch. We were too busy wondering where he was to notice that he'd walked right up behind us.

"Hi guys," said James, grinning. I almost fainted. James actually spoke. I had long forgotten what his voice sounded like.

"James!" exclaimed Lily, throwing her arms around him.

"I'm sorry I acted that way for so long," James apologized to all of us. "It was really dumb."

"Are you sure nothing's wrong, though?" I asked.

"No, no," said James. "I've just been foolish to worry so much. I mean, if something happens, it happens, right?" I frowned. I wasn't quite sure what he meant. 

"Yeah, Prongs," said Sirius, only half paying attention. "So, how do we know the real Prongs is back?" 

"Oh, I'll prove it all right," said James, grinning. "Hey Snape!" he called across the Great Hall to the Slytherin table. "Ready to have a little chat?" Snape looked over and his face fell. 

"Er, what do you want, Potter?" he asked, looking rather frightened.

"I want you to quit being such a nosy, rude, long-nosed, slimy, greasy, git!" shouted James.

"Well, Potter," Snape sneered, as James approached him. "Talking about yourself, are you?"

"That's it!" said James, pulling out his wand. In a flash, Snape was a frog. Everyone who'd been watching laughed and cheered, except for the Slytherins. James grinned, bowed, and sat back down at our table.

"James! You shouldn't have done that!" said Lily, but she was grinning. Sirius was cheering the loudest of anyone, and Peter looked ready to die from laughing so hard. Lockhart was too busy admiring himself at one of his many mirrors to notice that anything had happened. Dumbledore and the other professors had noticed by now that something was going on. Dumbledore stood, his eyes twinkling. 

"James Potter," he said. "I don't believe Mr. Snape looked this way five minutes ago… although I could be mis…"

"Really, Headmaster," scolded McGonagall, changing Snape back with a wave of her wand. "What on earth do you think you're doing, Potter? You certainly shouldn't need reminded that we do not transfigure other students! That's fifty points…"

"To Gryffindor, for a good laugh," finished Dumbledore, laughing hysterically. Snape was now very red in the face, sitting in the middle of the floor in the Great Hall. He stood and sat down with his cronies at the Slytherin table.

"Now that's something I'll never forget," said Sirius.

"He's makes a better frog than a human," I said.

"Yeah, but it's more fun to torture a human than a frog," said James.

"Are you positive he's human anyway?" asked Peter. We laughed.

Later that day, we were back in our dorm room. Lockhart had taken half of it for himself. There were so many pictures of him hanging that you could barely see the wall, and he had at least thirty mirrors. The largest one was the most annoying. It was a full length gold mirror, which Lockhart would gaze into and say "Mirror, mirror on the wall, whose the best looking wizard of all?" Of course the mirror would always answer Gilderoy Lockhart.

"Well, I've got to be going, mates," said Lockhart at six o' clock. He'd gotten detention with McGonagall earlier that day for showing off in Transfiguration class by turning the front wall of the classroom into a huge portrait of himself. He left the dorm room, shutting the door behind him. 

"I am so sick of that bloody mirror!" said James.

"I know!" I said. "How many times are we going to have to smash the thing before he takes a hint!"

"And all those pictures of himself," said Peter. "They're taking up the whole wall."

"I've got an idea," said Sirius, grinning mischievously. He pulled out his wand and put a spell on the mirror.

"What did you do?" asked Peter.

"You'll see later," replied Sirius. "And now for the pictures." He walked over to a particularly large close up one, and put a spell on it. A long, curly, black mustache appeared on Lockhart's face. We all laughed.

"Mind if we help?" asked James.

"No, this is going to take a while," said Sirius, frowning at the wall full of pictures. After ruining all of the pictures in some way, most of them by changing his hair color, we noticed that Lockhart's detention should soon be over. We all sat down to begin our homework. We were just starting our Transfiguration essays, when Lockhart entered the room.

"Hi mates!" he said cheerfully, not noticing what we had done. "Hey, wait a minute! What happened to my pictures?"

"You know, that's the weirdest thing," said Sirius. "They were like that when we got in here."

"Really? Are you serious?" asked Lockhart.

"Yeah," said Sirius as the rest of us fought back laughter.

"In fact, didn't they always look like that?" I asked, giving James a look.

"Yeah, I think so," said James. "I mean, what's so different about them?" By this time we were all holding our breath to keep from laughing. Lockhart shrugged.

"Oh well," he said. "I'll just put up different ones."

"You've got more?" Sirius moaned.

"Of course!" said Lockhart enthusiastically. "You wouldn't like to see them, would you?"

"No, I wouldn't," answered Sirius honestly.

"Well, then back to my mirror," said Lockhart, turning towards his large, gold mirror that Sirius had bewitched earlier. "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the best looking wizard of all?"

"Sirius Black," the mirror answered. Lockhart looked horror stricken. 

"There—there must be some mistake," he stammered. "Oh well, I'll try again. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the best looking wizard of all?"

"James Potter." He tried again.

"Remus Lupin." And again.

"Peter Pettigrew." And again.

"Severus Snape." The five names repeated each time he asked. After about thirty times, he finally gave up.

"I just don't understand it!" he exclaimed. "I thought everyone knew I was the best looking wizard of all. I must be short on beauty sleep! That's it! Well, I'm off to bed now, and do try to be quiet mates. I really need my sleep. Goodnight." He closed his curtains, and we ran out to the common room and burst into a fit of laughter that lasted at least a half an hour.

We never did get used to having Lockhart share a dorm room with us, although we did have some pretty fun pranks. The best part of all was that Lockhart was so gullible that he never figured out that it was us. He also never got suspicious of where we went every full moon. I don't think he ever caught on to that either. So things went along smoothly the beginning of seventh year. It wasn't until after Christmas that the worst thing that had ever happened to any of us took place.


	31. Chapter 31: Attack

****

Chapter 31: Attack

When the winter holidays arrived that year, we all decided to stay at Hogwarts, and spend our last Christmas as students there together. The holiday came and went, as did the full moon that followed two days later. But the bad part didn't start until the morning of New Years Eve.

James and Sirius had spent two entire days on the quidditch field, training for the match against Slytherin right after the holidays. Lily, Erin, Peter and I had barely seen them at all. By the time we went to breakfast that morning, James and Sirius were already out on the field.

"Guess they already left," said Lily, observing James and Sirius' empty seats at breakfast.

"Yeah, we haven't seen them at all lately. This will be the third day," said Erin.

"Well, you know, quidditch is practically their lives," I pointed out.

"Well, they've got girlfriends too," said Lily. "But I guess we don't count as a part of their lives, seeing that they don't even talk to us." I wanted to say something back to her, but I didn't get a chance because just then, the mail arrived. A large black owl swooped down and landed on our table, nearest to me. It had a letter.

"Do you guys recognize this owl?" I asked. I'd never seen an owl like it before; so large and black, with flaming red eyes. 

"No," said Lily. "But open it." I took the letter from the owl, who flew from the table, circled around the room twice, then flew out a window. I opened the letter. It said:

__

Dear Remus, Peter, Lily and Erin,

We're sorry that we haven't seen you much lately. Come to the quidditch field after you eat breakfast today so we can talk. See you soon.

James and Sirius

"It's from James and Sirius," I said when I finished reading it.

"But they don't have an owl that looks like that," said Lily, taking the letter from my hands.

"Maybe it's a school owl?" suggested Peter.

"No," said Erin. "I use the school owls, and they don't have one that looks like that."

"Well, should we go see what they're up to after we finish?" I asked.

"Of course we are," said Lily. "It's probably some prank they're planning on us."

"I don't know," said Erin doubtfully. "I didn't like the looks of that owl."

"Oh, come on," said Peter. "It's probably just a school owl that you haven't seen before. They would have had to use one because Sirius just sent Ernie to his sister last night."

"So we'll go right after breakfast," I said.

"I think I'll stay," said Erin, frowning. "I mean, if they want to talk to us that badly, the can come and see us themselves."

"Well, I'm going out there and James Potter is going to hear what I think of him and his constant quidditch practicing, and it's not going to be pleasant!" said Lily. "They think they can just go off and not talk to us for three days, and then they can't even come to us! What nerve!"

"Okay, well then, let's go," I said, trying to ignore Lily's ranting and Erin's doubtfulness. I began to walk towards the entrance hall, and the three of them followed. We exited through the large oak door, walked across the grounds, avoiding the Whomping Willow, took the path through the forbidden forest that led to the quidditch field, and finally arrived. We glanced around. No one. Nothing. 

"I can't believe this!" Lily exclaimed. "They didn't even show up! They can't even keep…" Lily went silent from behind me, and I heard a thump. Erin shrieked. I turned my head and had just enough time to catch a glimpse of someone who looked a lot like Beaker, our potions teacher holding his wand ready to cast a spell, and Lily and Erin collapsed on the field, before I felt my body being hit with a spell.

I awoke what must have been hours later, because the sun was now shining brightly overhead. I squinted my eyes in the light and saw that I was in a forest. Puzzled, I tried to move, and realized that I could not. I looked down, and found that by body was bound tightly to a tree, from my neck to my ankles. I wiggled, but it was no use. I thought about where I was, and remembered what had happened earlier that day. Was it a dream? I wasn't sure. I tried to turn my head and look for Lily, Erin and Peter. I saw Lily first, tied to a tree on my left. She was still unconscious. I looked for Erin and Peter. I found Erin tied to a tree a little to my right, in front of me. Her blue eyes were wide with fear, looking at me, and she was pale as a ghost. She mouthed something to me, silently.

"What?" I mouthed back.

"Vol-de-mort," she mouthed back. I didn't know whether or not to believe her.

"Did you see him?" I mouthed back. She didn't understand. I asked again.

"What the hell…?" Lily's voice came from her tree. "What's going on?" she asked in a panicked tone. I looked to Erin to answer, since it seemed that she knew more than me, but I saw her staring off into the woods between Lily and I. It only took a second for us to figure out what she was staring at.

"Hello there, friends of Sirius Black," said a high pitched, evil voice, in a sickeningly calm, quiet tone, belonging to a shadowy, dark tall figure lingering in the shadows of the trees. Lord Voldemort emerged into the light.

"Help! Help!" shrieked Lily, at the sight of him. 

"Silence, foolish girl!" he bellowed, gagging her, which only muffled her screams. "You'll all be perfectly fine, providing that your friend Sirius cooperates, that is."

"What are you going to do with Sirius?" I questioned without thinking.

"Ah, a curious one, huh?" cackled Voldemort. "Well, perhaps you're curious as to how a little spell would feel right now. Crucio!" It was pain like I'd never felt before. Thousands of knives were piercing my skin, and I was burning all over. I screamed like I'd never screamed before, but I couldn't hear my voice. All I could hear was that horrible, cackling laugh. And then the pain was gone. I was barely conscious. I was so weak that if I hadn't been tied to the tree, I'd have surely collapsed. I heard from somewhere far away, the sounds of Lily and Erin shrieking. My vision began to fade to blackness, and I slipped away.

I awoke once again, unaware of my surroundings. I felt leaves beneath me. I was no longer tied to the tree, but lying on the ground. I could still feel rope that bound my arms behind my back. My head throbbed with pain, and there was a horrible ringing in my ears.

"He's awake," I heard a voice whisper. I blinked my eyes, and saw Erin leaning over me.

"Good," said another voice. I looked over and saw Lily sitting next to me. "Remus?" she asked.

"Yeah?" I said.

"Are you all right? He was really hard on you with that spell."

"I'm fine," I muttered, trying to pull myself into a sitting position. I wasn't sure what was going on, but I had to be strong for the girls.

"We-we thought you were dead," said Erin quietly, trembling.

"Where is he?" I asked.

"We don't know," replied Lily. "He went away and left us here, but he untied us from the trees first."

"I wonder why?" said Erin. "I mean, why did he untie us?"

"It's probably part of a plan," I said. "I'll bet he expects us to run for it, and then come after us. We'd be playing right into his hands if we tried to get away." Then, something else crossed my mind. "Where's Peter?"

"I don't know," said Lily. "He's been gone since this morning when Beaker stunned us."

"He must have gone for help," said Erin hopefully. "He'll save us."

"What happened to Beaker?" I asked.

"We don't know," said Lily. "We don't know anything about what's going on. But apparently Voldemort wants something with Sirius." Erin began to sob quietly. I looked at Lily and noticed that her face was stained with tears as well.

"It's okay," I said. "We'll be fine. Peter will get Dumbledore, and we'll get out of this." I wished I could be more confident about what I was saying. With a pop, Voldemort appeared in front of us again.

"Didn't I tell the three of you to be silent?" he asked. "You'll learn. You'll learn to listen to Lord Voldemort. If you don't listen, you'll pay dearly." He waved his wand and the three of us were gagged.

"Now, we're going to have a little visitor," said Voldemort, shaping his contorted face into a twisted smile, which was more horrible than anything I'd ever seen. Next to him appeared Sirius, looking dazed and drowsy.

"Meet me here in the forest tonight, Black," Voldemort spoke to him. "Or your friends will die a very painful death, understand?" Sirius nodded, looking miserable and confused. Voldemort bent down and touched Erin's cheek. She flinched and tried to move away. Then Voldemort's wand pointed in my direction again. "Crucio." I felt the pain again, like before, but it didn't last as long. I felt it stop, and drifted back to unconsciousness just as I saw Sirius fade away, and heard Voldemort shout crucio to either Lily or Erin.

When I awoke the next time, it was early evening. Voldemort had gone. Lily and Erin were sitting a few feet away, surrounding someone who was lying on the ground. I crawled closer to them.

"Remus!" said Erin. "It's Sirius. Someone brought him out here." I looked down at Sirius, who had a large cut on his forehead, and was still unconscious. 

"Sirius?" I said. "Sirius! Are you okay?"

__

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said. "But what about you guys?"

"We're all right," I answered. Sirius looked around, frowning.

"Where are we?"

"Somewhere in the Forbidden Forest," I replied.

"We got a note from you and James this morning," said Lily shakily. "It said to meet you guys at the quidditch field after breakfast, but when we got there, someone stunned us and brought us here." Sirius got a strange look on his face.

"What did he do to you?" he demanded. The question was directed to me. I knew what he was thinking of. He'd seen Voldemort put the crucio curse on me earlier when Voldemort had brought him out. 

"Nothing," I replied quickly. 

"So, where's Voldemort?" asked Sirius. "And Beaker?"

"Beaker?" screeched Erin. "What does he have to do with this?" Sirius explained that Beaker had dragged him from the castle, stunned him, and brought him to the Forbidden Forest. I couldn't believe it. I'd been right.

"Come here guys, I'll untie you," said Sirius. He untied all of our hands.

"So, shouldn't we try to get out of here now?" asked Erin.

"I don't think it's a good idea," I replied. "Voldemort is probably around here somewhere just waiting for us to try to escape. He wouldn't just leave us unattended. Besides, I think Peter is getting help."

"Peter's getting help? Right! It's been hours! I knew Peter was slow, but not that slow! And I don't trust him! There's something about him that bothers me! He could be the whole reason we're here in the first place!" shouted Erin. We glanced at each other, surprised, because Erin rarely shouted.

"Come on, Erin, he's Peter. He might not be that smart, but he's our friend," said Sirius, trying to comfort Erin.

"I know," whispered Erin, tears streaming down her cheeks. 

"Where's James?" asked Lily suddenly. 

"He's back at the castle," said Sirius. "But I don't think he knows what's going on." We froze in silence, as Beaker emerged from the trees. Following him, a tall, dark, shadowy figure emerged. The December air suddenly felt ten times as cold and the rush of wind pierced our skin. Lily and Erin shuddered from fear, and I knew I was shaking too, from a mixture of fear and cold. Lord Voldemort was back.

"Black," he said in a sickening tone, dripping with sarcasm. "So nice of you to join us. Now we can begin."

"What do you want from me?" demanded Sirius, leaping to his feet. Sit down, Sirius, I thought. For God sake, sit down! You don't know what you're getting yourself into. Voldemort's laughter pierced the air.

"I thought someone as bright as you would have figured it out, Black. Perhaps that old muggle lover they call your headmaster isn't doing his job. Perhaps your little werewolf friend knows what I'm talking about. After all, werewolves are dark creatures."

A chill ran down my spine. I gulped, and stared at the ground, squeezing my eyes shut tightly and cringing. It all seemed so unreal. It was just a dream. Voldemort didn't really want all of us dead.

"What are you talking about?" shouted Sirius.

"Why, foolish boy, don't you know your destiny?" sneered Voldemort. "What fool of a headmaster doesn't tell a student about such a bright, or should I say dark, future. It is you destiny to join the dark arts."

"I will never join you," said Sirius in a threatening tone, barely above a whisper. Voldemort laughed.

"Suit yourself. I'm sure you're little friends won't mind a little pain," cackled Voldemort. "Let's see, I think another round would finish the werewolf off." I froze with fear as he raised his wand and pointed it at me. Sirius looked ready to launch himself at Voldemort. I tried to mentally tell Sirius not to do anything stupid. But Voldemort lowered his wand. "Perhaps that's not a good idea just yet. How about these girls? The blonde, you love her, don't you?"

"Don't you touch her!" shouted Sirius, as Voldemort's wand pointed toward Erin. Erin looked petrified as Voldemort turned his wand to Sirius.

"I guess I could just kill you now," said Voldemort. "Although it would have been much more fun to torture you first." He muttered something, and a flash of green light flew from his wand and hit Sirius. He instantly fell to the ground.

"NO!" I shouted. Erin and Lily both shrieked too, and began to cry. Sirius lay motionless on the ground, and every single one of us shared the same horrible thought. Could Sirius be dead? Even Voldemort just stood and stared. Finally, I thought I saw Sirius's foot move. I thought I might have been imagining it, until finally, he slowly began to stand. I gasped. Though his robes were stained with blood, he looked strong and healthy. Voldemort's face fell. He was more shocked than we were. Sirius, more stupid than brave, hurled himself at Voldemort, kicking and punching. The three of us were now to our feet, watching in shocked horror at what Sirius was doing.

"Run!" Sirius gasped as he still fought Voldemort. "I mean it! Run!"

"I won't leave you here!" I shouted back.

"I'll be fine!" he shouted. "Just take the girls and get back! Before it's too late. I'll follow!" Lily grabbed my arm and began to drag me in the direction of the school, which wasn't difficult since I was too weak to protest. As I ran, I glanced back. Sirius had now abandoned Voldemort and had nearly caught up to Erin, who was right behind Lily and I. We're going to make it out of this, I thought. Just then, I caught a glimpse of Voldemort raising his wand. 

"Look out!" I shouted back to Sirius and Erin. But it was no use. The curse had hit Erin and she fell to the ground.

"Wait up!" I tried to tell Lily, who hadn't seen, but she continued running, still firmly gripping my arm. I tried to slow her down, but Sirius saw me from where he was bent over Erin, trying to get her to her feet. Voldemort was approaching them. 

"Keep going!" he shouted. "We're fine! Just go!" We continued to run, against my will. I tried to look back as we ran, and I thought I caught a glimpse of a flash of green light, although I could have been mistaken. At the edge of the forest we found Dumbledore and James rushing towards us. 


	32. Chapter 32: Aftermath

****

Chapter 32: Aftermath

"James!" cried Lily, rushing towards him. "Voldemort! Voldemort's here! He had us! Where are Sirius and Erin?"

"They're back in the woods!" I shouted. "With Voldemort." Dumbledore looked at the two of us, and without any consideration of whether or not we were telling the truth, he ran quickly into the forest and out of sight.

"Voldemort had you?" said James, his jaw dropping. He didn't wait for an answer. "We should go help Dumbledore find Sirius and Erin." I tried to agree, but collapsed to the ground with no hope of standing again. If Lily hadn't been using James for support, she'd have done the same. Just then, Dumbledore appeared at the edge of the forest, guiding two stretchers with his wand. By the solemn look on his face and the twinkle absent in his eye, I could tell that something was wrong.

"What is it, Dumbledore?" asked James, when he saw that tears were streaming down Dumbledore's cheeks. "They're not…?" He didn't finish the question. Dumbledore sighed and nodded.

"Erin has died," he said quietly. We fell silent, as the realization struck us. "Sirius is unconscious, and there's no telling whether or not he'll make it." 

"I can't believe this!" shouted James hysterically. "I should have figured it out sooner! I should have gotten help! It's all my fault!"

"You mustn't think that way," said Dumbledore. 

"What happened to Voldemort?" asked James.

"He's long gone by now," replied Dumbledore, as he waved his wand to put Lily and I on stretchers as well. "And he's not someone that any of us want to go looking for." I drifted off to sleep before we arrived back at the castle.

The next evening, I awoke in the infirmary. Memories of what had happened crept back into my mind slowly, like recalling a nightmare. I opened my eyes to find the curtains around my bed pulled shut. I thought of Sirius. I wanted to know if he was okay. I heard voices.

"Do you think he's going to make it?" I recognized the voice as James'. 

"We're doing everything we can," said Madam Pomfrey. "There's no telling for sure just yet though."

"What about Remus?" I recognized another voice as Lily's. 

"Oh, he'll be just fine with some rest," said Madam Pomfrey. "Perhaps I should check on him now." I heard the curtains of my bed being pulled back.

"Remus!" exclaimed James and Lily when they saw me awake.

"Are you all right?" asked James.

"Erin and Sirius," I moaned. Lily burst into tears and buried her face in James' shoulder. 

"Remus," said James. "Erin died yesterday, don't you remember?"

"No," I said. "She can't be dead. She's fine." Lily sobbed louder. I knew I was kidding myself. I remembered hearing Dumbledore say that Erin was dead.

"What about Sirius?" I asked.

"Oh, he'll be fine. Don't you worry, Moony. Ol' Padfoot will pull through, he always does," said James. Lily sobbed even louder. I wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep and escape the terrible truth that was haunting my reality. I drifted off for a while and when I awoke it was late. Lily and James had gone, and I once again recalled what had happened. Only this time, I was all alone. A shiver ran down my spine. I dozed throughout the night, waking every once in a while to recall the high pitched cackling laughter, or see Sirius knocked to the ground by a flash of green light, or feel the pain of the crucio curse. When morning finally came, I was still exhausted. I managed to sleep for most of the day, waking that evening when James, Lily, and Peter came to visit. Lily's eyes were still red with tears, and Peter and James didn't look much better.

"How ya doin, Moony?" Peter forced a smile.

"All right I guess," I replied. 

"Classes start again tomorrow," said Lily.

"Yes they do," said Madam Pomfrey, who'd just entered the room. "You seem to be doing a lot better, Remus. What would you say to going back to your dorm room for tonight, and going to classes tomorrow?"

"Please," I agreed. Anything that would take my mind off of what had happened was good enough for me.

"Oh, guess who's here?" said James, with a slight smile. He motioned to the other side of the room, where I couldn't see. Someone walked over. It was Addi, with a tear-stained face. She was shaking all over, but she managed to force a smile.

"Hi Remus," she said quietly. 

"Hi," I replied.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, taking my hand.

"Oh, I'll be fine," I replied.

"I- I'm staying here until…until Sirius…well, until he gets better," she said, and I knew what she was thinking. What if Sirius didn't get better? Apparently there was still a good chance that he wouldn't survive.

"Okay, kids," said Madam Pomfrey. "Why don't you help Remus back to his dorm now?"

"Okay," said James. "See you again soon, Madam Pomfrey," he added, motioning towards Sirius' bed. I stood up, feeling a bit light-headed, but better than before. We slowly walked out of the infirmary and into the hallway. I walked behind James, Lily and Peter with Addi. I slipped my arm around her shoulder and bent down so that I could talk to her.

"Are you all right?" I asked quietly.

"I'm fine," she said, muffling a sob.

"It's okay," I said. "Sirius will be fine. I'm sure of it." She nodded and sobbed again. We arrived back at the Common Room and entered through the picture of the fat lady. 

"I think we all need rest now," said Lily. I pulled Addi into a long hug. 

"Every thing will be fine," I whispered. "Don't worry." She nodded, but tears streamed down her cheeks. I wiped them away, but realized that I was crying too.

"Good night, Addi" I said.

"Good night," she answered. She and Lily headed up the stairs to the girls' dorm rooms, both of them crying. I turned to James and Peter.

"I just can't believe this is happening," I said. They both nodded silently. We entered our dorm room and went to sleep.

Sirius was still in a coma when it was time for Erin's funeral. All the rest of us attended with Dumbledore, but it's not something that I like to think about. And I felt so badly for Sirius, because I didn't even know if he knew she'd died, and he'd never see her again.

For the next month, time passed by more slowly than ever. We spent every free second in the infirmary, and Addi, who wasn't taking any classes of course, spent every waking second by Sirius' side. It just wasn't the same without Sirius around, and we feared that he wouldn't survive. After a few weeks, when we were feeling a little better, we all showed Addi around the castle. She was fascinated by all of the magical things, and it helped to take our minds off of what had happened. Except for when she would mention that Sirius had told her about whatever we were showing her. Then we'd all grow silent and the terrible tragedy would flood our memories once more.

One evening, all of us were in the infirmary, like normal, sitting in chairs around Sirius' bedside. Madam Pomfrey came to talk to us.

"I hate to be the one to tell you this," she began. "But it doesn't look like Sirius is going to make it."

"What do you mean, not going to make it?" asked James. "He's held out this long. And you told us last week that his condition was improving a lot!"

"Yes, but it's been nearly five weeks, and he's shown very little signs of ever coming out of the coma. His heart rate is lower than it's been since the attack happened…"

"Sirius!" shouted James, jumping from his chair, and knocking over Lily, who'd been leaning on him. "You're alive!" We glanced down at Sirius. His eyes were open and he was staring up at us. 

"Sirius!" we all shouted. Peter stood up, and tripped over Lily, who was still sprawled out on the floor. Then Peter stood again, and fell backwards, almost knocking me over. This created a lot of noise, and Sirius moaned.

"I can't believe you're awake, Sirius!" exclaimed Addi.

"We thought you might not make it," I explained.

"How long have I been here?" asked Sirius.

"Over a month," said Lily.

"Damn!" said Sirius.

"Oh Sirius, I was so afraid you'd died!" exclaimed Addi. "Hagrid came to Clearglen to bring me here, and I burst right out crying in the middle of my class!" Sirius laughed.

"I'm fine," he said. We all hugged each other for a long time. Then I noticed Sirius' expression change.

"Where's Erin?" he asked. We all glanced to one another.

"Uh, Padfoot, don't you remember?" I asked. Sirius thought for a moment.

"The curse was meant for me!" he cried. Just then, Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey returned, ordering all of us to go to bed and let Sirius rest. 

A week later, Sirius returned to classes with us, and Addi had to leave and go back to her school. Sirius acted perfectly normal. On his first day back, he tortured Snape and Lockhart, covered the hallway with dungbombs, blew up his shrinking potion, and earned one detention. James, Peter and I secretly worried about him. He was acting too normal for everything that had happened. We'd never even seen him cry about Erin. For about two weeks, things seemed perfectly normal, except Erin was missing. But I had a hollow feeling inside, like I was living in a nightmare and couldn't wake up.


	33. Chapter 33: A Slowly Healing Wound

****

Chapter 33: A Slowly Healing Wound

Sometimes, we'd see Sirius staring off into space wearing a sad, lonely expression, and we could see that inside he was suffering. Then we'd say something to him and he'd always insist that he was fine, but we knew better. Of course James, Peter and I would always try to do things to cheer him up; the occasional game of pitch black, bewitching Lockhart's mirror, and of course, torturing Snape as much as possible. Sirius was still just as much of a prankster, but there was something about his laugh that seemed foreign, like it wasn't really him at all. It was hard for us too. Erin had been our friend too, of course, and we missed her. Sometimes just looking at her empty seat at Gryffindor Table in the Great Hall could bring tears to all of our eyes. 

Things had gotten worse after the rest of the students arrived back from Christmas break. Of course Dumbledore didn't want to cause panic by telling everyone that Voldemort had attacked several students and killed one. So instead he told everyone that Sirius and Erin had fallen off of a broom in an unfortunate accident and Erin had been killed. This story only lasted a day or so and then somehow the word of what really happened got out. James and I had to tell off quite a few second and third years who kept on asking Sirius about his encounter with Voldemort. Snape found everything that happened hilarious. He only said that it was a shame that Sirius wasn't killed too because no one needs mudbloods like that in the world. James and I slipped a bit of shrinking potion into his cider at dinner that night, and then put him inside of a box and buried it the Forbidden Forest. It was almost a week before he finally came back that time, and Sirius found it entertaining despite Snape's ignorant comments.

One day in early February, we were sitting around in our dorm room, when James reached into his trunk and pulled out a tiny box. He snapped it open to reveal a diamond ring.

"Whoa, Prongs. What's that?" I asked.

"I'm thinking of asking Lily to marry me," he said, grinning. "For her birthday.'

"Go for it," I said. It was obvious that Lily would say yes. Then the two of us noticed Sirius, rummaging in his trunk, sobbing. He pulled out a box too, and revealed the ring inside.

"It was going to be for Erin," he said, crying. "It was supposed to be a Christmas gift, but I wasn't sure. Now I'll never get the chance to ask her." He sobbed. "I loved her so much. I miss her." James and I exchanged glances. 

"We know you miss her, Sirius," I said. "We all do." Sirius shook his head. 

"Yeah, Padfoot," said James. "But it'll get better with time. Trust me." Sirius nodded

The next day, James, Lily, Peter and I were just arriving back in the common room from Divinations Class. We entered through the portrait of the fat lady to find something we never expected. Sirius was sitting on one of the large armchairs with a girl on his lap. I recognized her as Violet Brown, a Gryffindor girl in our year. At first I was surprised, then I thought maybe we should do something. But Lily obviously thought more quickly than I did.

"Sirius Lee Black!" she shouted in a motherly tone, marching across the common room. "What on earth do you think you're doing!" Sirius glanced up.

"Oh, hi Lil," he said.

"Don't you hi Lil me!" shouted Lily angrily. Violet, who looked very startled, whispered something to Sirius and walked very quickly to the girls' dorm room. James had grabbed Lily's arm, to prevent her from attacking Sirius, who was looking as thought he had no idea that anything out of the ordinary was going on.

"Sirius, what were you doing with her?" demanded James.

"What? Now it's your business to know everything I do?" said Sirius.

"Yes it's our business! You're our friend!" said Lily, the anger in her voice lessening. 

"You said I need to move on, James," said Sirius. "So this is me moving on!"

"Sirius, you're approaching this way too fast," I said. "You need time to heal."

"I am healed!" said Sirius. "This is me healed! And you don't have to care what I do because it doesn't matter! Everything I cared about is gone! I have nothing to care about now!" He stormed off to our common room, Lily and James tagging behind him shouting, "That's not true! You've still got us!" But he didn't listen. We all looked at each other.

"This isn't good," said James sighing. 

"What does he think he's doing," said Lily. "It's only been seven weeks since—since…" she trailed off, burst into tears, and cried on James' shoulder. 

"I think Sirius will figure out what he should do on his own," Peter pointed out. "Maybe he just needs to go through this."

"Maybe you're right, Peter," I said. "I guess we'll just see what happens."

"We shouldn't have upset him like that though," said James. "Sirius doesn't think clearly when he's upset."

Sirius broke up with Violet after that; at least we didn't see them together anymore. Sirius seemed to have forgiven us, because he treated us like usual. For about a week, Sirius ignored girls and went back to being as close to normal as he'd been since the attack. A bit over a week later, we saw him with another girl from Gryffindor, McKayla O'Dell. This time we didn't say anything about it, and Sirius didn't say much to us.

Lily's birthday came, and that evening, James brought her into the dorm room to show all of us the shimmering diamond ring on her finger.

"She said yes!" said James, grinning from ear to ear.

"Of course I said yes," Lily told him.

"Go Prongs!" said Sirius, in his usual teasing tone.

"Congrats," I said. 

For a while after that, things seemed to go smoothly. Sirius and McKayla dated for a few weeks, James and Lily were as happy as ever, and pranks were better than they'd ever been. We still weren't pleased that Sirius was going out with someone, but we never complained about it to him. Besides, McKayla seemed to be nice, at least compared to some of the girls Sirius dated later, but of course at this time he wasn't desperate yet. 

One night, I awoke from a deep sleep to shouting. I sat up and listened.

"No! Don't hurt her!" Sirius shouted. "Erin!" James, Peter and I had all jumped from our beds and ran to Sirius'. 

"Sirius, wake up," said James. "Sirius!" Slowly, Sirius' eyes opened. He was pale and shaking.

"You were having a nightmare," I said.

"And shouting in your sleep," added Peter.

"Really?" Sirius pretended he didn't know what we were talking about.

"Could you keep it down out there? Some of us are trying to get our beauty sleep!" Lockhart popped his head out from behind his curtains long enough to yell at us.

"Oh shut it!" said James, tossing a pillow at him and turning his attention back to Sirius.

"I'm fine," said Sirius. "Really," he added when he noticed the three of us looking at him doubtfully.

"Can we get back to sleep now?" asked Peter, yawning.

"Yeah," said Sirius, who had stopped shaking and looked a bit less pale. We went back to sleep, and didn't wake up until the next morning. 

From that day on, Sirius had nightmares every night about Voldemort attacking people. Sometimes he'd have them several times a night and none of us would get any sleep. Sometimes we'd wake him, other times we didn't. Eventually, Sirius decided that he wasn't going to sleep anymore. He forced himself to stay awake all night. He even stayed awake during History of Magic Class for the first time in seven years. Of course, he couldn't stay awake forever. One day, he had Quidditch practice, and he was so exhausted that he fell right off of his broom. Luckily he had only been about twenty feet in the air, so he wasn't badly injured. When he finally did fall asleep again, he had another nightmare. Things went on that way for a few weeks.

We worried about Sirius constantly. He wouldn't eat and wouldn't sleep. He looked terrible, and he was so weak he could barely do anything. His usual, thin but somewhat muscular frame had wasted away, and he was stick thin. His face was pale and hollow looking; his pale eyes were so empty looking, you'd have thought there was nothing there at all. Our teachers seemed worried about him as well. Even McGonagall, who scolded him about getting enough sleep so he wouldn't look so tired during Transfigurations, appeared to be concerned. We had some free time because since Beaker had been caught (he was captured and sent to Azkaban just a week after the attack) we no longer had Potions Class. 

One day, after coming from the library to check out some books for a History of Magic essay, I arrived back at the common room in the middle of a very heated argument between James and Sirius. Sirius, who was looking even worse than usual, was slumped over in an armchair, James standing over him, shouting and pointing his finger accusingly.

"…You don't eat; you don't sleep! Honestly, Sirius, what are you trying to do? Kill yourself?" James shouted.

"I'm fine! Don't waste your time worrying about me!" Sirius tried to shout back.

"Of course I'm worried about you! You're acting like a complete idiot!" James shouted angrily. I thought that was a bit harsh. Neither of them had noticed that I'd entered the room.

"Mates, knock it off," I said.

"Remus," said Sirius, sounding startled.

"James, don't be so hard on him. He needs our encouragement now, not our criticism." 

"What, you don't think he's an idiot? I guess not eating and not sleeping is a perfectly normal thing to do!" James shouted back.

"Of course it isn't!" I snapped. "But yelling at him isn't going to help." James shook his head.

"Then what do you suggest?" he asked. I turned to Sirius.

"Don't you think you should try to eat something, Padfoot?" I said. "And you can't go on without sleep forever. Maybe you should rest."

"Get the hell off my case! I can't take care of myself!" shouted Sirius.

"That's just the problem with you!" I felt myself beginning to get slightly annoyed. "You won't listen to anyone else when they're trying to help. You have so much pride that you won't let anyone help you!"

"Why should I? I told you, I'm fine!" said Sirius.

"Because maybe you have people that care about you! We don't want to lose any more people!" I shouted. James sighed loudly, and I glanced over at him. He was standing, his arms folded, glaring at Sirius, who had now jumped to his feet. Suddenly, James' expression changed and I glanced back at Sirius. He was lying on the ground, unconscious. 

"Quick! Get help!" said James. I ran quickly to the infirmary where I found Madam Pomfrey, who came to help us. We told her that Sirius hadn't been eating or sleeping. She was not pleased, but placed him on a stretcher, and took him back to the infirmary. 

James and I felt really guilty for yelling at Sirius after that. But James pointed out that we had to do something, and it was probably better that he did faint, because at least now he would get some rest and some food.

We visited him later that evening in the infirmary, along with Lily and Peter. He looked much better, after only resting a few hours. He wasn't angry with us either. We managed to talk for about twenty minutes before Madam Pomfrey kicked us out. Sirius admitted that he shouldn't stop eating and sleeping, and that he was going to try to sleep and eat again.

The next morning, when we went to see Sirius, he was in a better mood than he'd been in since the attack.

"I slept all night without a single dream!" he said excitedly.

"That's great," I replied, feeling very relieved. Madam Pomfrey agreed to let us bring Sirius to lunch with us that day to eat, even though he had to go back to the infirmary afterward. He ate enough for about seven people. All of us were feeling cheerful and hopeful that we could finally put the tragedy behind us. Sirius stayed in the infirmary for about three more days and slept almost constantly. Only twice did he awake with a nightmare. Finally, he was permitted to leave and come back to classes.

That day, we had History of Magic class first. Sirius had told James, Peter and I to go ahead and he'd catch up. About ten minutes into class, he arrived, floating his four poster in to the back of the classroom. 

"Sirius! You can't bring your bed to class!" I said.

"Wanna bet, Moony?" he asked. I sighed. The rest of the class was laughing. 

"Mr. Black, please don't bring beds to class," said Binns in his usual monotone voice before returning to his endless lecture. 

"There is absolutely no school rule that states no beds in class," said Sirius, crawling behind his curtains. Two minutes later, we heard extremely loud snoring. At the end of class we couldn't even wake Sirius up, so we had to float his bed back to the common room. On the way, we passed Dumbledore, who just smiled, his blue eyes twinkling, and shook his head.

It was mid March, and we'd finally begun to realize that the end of our last year at Hogwarts was approaching much faster than we wanted it to. We spent those last few months of school pulling more pranks than ever. Our best one had to be when we gave Lockhart a strong dose of polyjuice potion in his sleep, so that he looked just like Snape for the whole day. Both of them were really confused, but we never got caught, and they never figured out what we did. Sirius got rid of Lockhart's annoying mirror once and for all. He made it levitate and took it to the center of the Forbidden Forest. Lockhart wouldn't dare go get it, so he cried constantly for three days straight. To make his crying even more funny, James put a spell on him to make his voice high-pitched. Peter slipped a bit of sleeping potion into Snape's stew at lunch one day, and then we hung him by his feet at the top of a huge tree at the edge of the forest. I'm still not sure how he got down, but unfortunately he did. 

In early May, the last full moon that we'd have together at Hogwarts came. We ran around all night, and Padfoot chased a cat that looked a lot like McGonagall. It was the most fun we'd ever had on a full moon, and I was actually sad that it was our last one. 

Before we knew it, we were scheduled for finals, and graduation was only two weeks away. We never thought we'd see the day come that we'd all graduate Hogwarts. After all, we could have easily been expelled about a hundred times. James, Sirius, Lily and I were the top of our class. We'd notice ourselves getting teary-eyed as we walked through the hallways and remembered all the good times we'd had together in Hogwarts, or every time we saw one of our teachers who had spent half of their teaching career in the last seven years yelling at us.

"I can't believe this is it," I said one day near the end of the year when we were sitting by the lake.

"I know," agreed Lily. "It all went by too fast. I'll miss it."

"But we'll always have each other," said James to all of us.

"So, what are you guys going to do when you're finally free?" asked Sirius.

"Dunno," I said. "We all got those scholarships."

"I want to be able to travel the world," said James. "And maybe be minister someday." 

"I just want to live to see a time when we can all live in peace, without fear of Voldemort," said Lily.

"I want to work for the ministry," said Peter. "And get my Apparating license."

"Thanks for sharing your entire future plans for the next ten years," said Sirius. "But I was thinking more like next week." We all laughed.

"Well, we will need places to live," I said. "It's going to seem so weird. What if we live in different places?"

"Well, there's always my house," I suggested. "Mum would love to have you."

"Sounds good to me," James said.

"Yeah," said Sirius. "Of course Moony here will need Addi to be there too."


	34. Chapter 34: Gone

****

Chapter 34: Gone 

Graduation day arrived, much sooner than we wanted it to. I awoke to an annoying voice screeching "Reeeeeeeeeeemus! Reeeeeeeeemus!" I sat up to find a frog sitting on my stomach, red glowing clock numbers visible on its belly. Outside of my curtains, I could hear the muffled laughter of Sirius, James and Peter. I moaned and got up.

"C'mon, Remus," said Sirius brightly as I slid back the curtains. "Last day and we've got a lot to do, by the way of pranks, that is."

"Did you transfigure my alarm clock?" I asked, holding back laughter as the frog continued to say my name.

"Maybe," said Sirius, forcing his innocent look.

"Just come on, Moony," said James.

"There's no off button on this thing now!" I moaned, trying to make my alarm clock quiet. 

"Oh, I'll fix it!" said James impatiently. "Now come on, we've got lots to do and very little time." He added, glancing at the time on my frog, before tossing it out the window.

"Hey! That was my alarm clock!" I shouted.

"Yeah, it was," said Sirius. "Now, really Moony. Hurry up!"

"Okay, okay," I grumbled, grabbing some clothes and heading for the bathroom. I dressed hurriedly, curious of what the three of them were planning this time. I knew it had to be something big, because it was the last day of school. 

"Come on!" moaned James, pounding on the door as I brushed my hair. "You're wasting so much time!"

"Fine," I said, opening the door. "Here I am. Let's go!"

"Took ya long enough," said Sirius, as we headed to the common room. It was still dark outside, and couldn't have been after five a.m. Nevertheless, James was dashing for the common room, Sirius, Peter and I at his heels. It reminded me of time first year when we pulled our first prank. Only this time we didn't even bother with the Invisibility Cloak. We'd gotten much braver over the years. 

"Everyone's expecting us to do something big at graduation," explained James, as we descended the main staircase. 

We arrived in the Great Hall, where the house banners had been hung as they usually were at the end of each year.

"I think we could make some improvements here," said James, glancing around thoughtfully. He absentmindedly waved his wand at the Slytherin Banner. Slytherins Stink appeared in bright red letters across it.

"That's a start," said Sirius. 

"We need to do something that people will remember us for," said James. He pulled out some firecrackers and we placed them at various places around the room. "Just like our first prank, only better," James explained as he placed the last of the firecrackers under Dumbledore's chair. "And of course, there is one more thing," he added, grinning. "But it has to wait until later." He pulled a tiny bottle with a greenish solution inside out of a pocket in his robes. "Crazy Potion," he explained. "It's a complicated recipe, but I finally perfected it. We'll slip a bit of it into Snape and Lockhart's drinks at lunch, and there's no telling what they'll do. The effects are different on everyone."

"Good idea Prongs," said Sirius approvingly.

"Won't someone figure out that they had potion though?" I asked doubtfully.

"Sure, Dumbledore probably will," said James. "But who cares. It's our graduation day. It's not like they're going to expel us now."

"We should get back to the common room," said Peter. "Breakfast starts soon." We headed back upstairs to the common room. As was a tradition on the last day of school, we were served breakfast in our common rooms. After eating and bidding farewell to the younger Gryffindors, we headed back to the dorm to prepare for graduation. All of us put on our best robes, and our black pointed hats. James wore scarlet robes, and his head boy pin. Lily matched him with her head girl pin and scarlet robes that nearly matched her hair. Both of them were giving speeches at the ceremony. James, Sirius and I were receiving scholarships to be trained as aurors, and Lily was receiving one to train for work at the ministry. Peter hadn't received any, but already had a job planned for after graduation, working as an assistant for a ministry official. 

"We've got to pack up our things before we go to the ceremony," said Sirius sadly. We glanced around the dorm room, which had been ours for seven years. The cozy circular room with its stone walls, large windows, and five four poster beds. It showed quite obviously the occupation of five crazy teenage wizard boys. There were pictures covering practically every inch of wall space; pictures of Lily, Addi, and Erin, pictures of us, pictures of our families, pictures of quidditch players, and of course on Lockhart's side of the room, pictures of him. A table sat stacked high with books, parchment, quills and ink sat in the middle of the room. Scattered all over the floor were clothes, shoes, spellbooks, a few pairs of Sirius' socks, some dungbombs (which didn't smell half as bad as the socks), potions kits, cauldrons, and Peter's entire collection of famous wizard figurines, which marched back and forth and found it quite amusing to try to make you trip over them. Of course, if you actually stepped on them, though, they'd scream so loudly that the entire Gryffindor house would be woken up. Our trunks sat propped open, filled with as many jokes from Zonkos and candies from Honey Dukes as would possibly fit. I quickly blinked back the tears that had come to my eyes with the thought that we'd never come back there again. The most significant part of our lives was ending forever. All of us were a little more solemn than usual as we quietly packed up our things, and the room looked plain and unoccupied. By this time, James was comforting Lily, who was openly crying about leaving, and the rest of us exchanged sad glances. Sirius sighed.

"I'll miss it," he said.

"Yeah," agreed Peter. 

"You know what's scary?" said Sirius. "I'll even miss Snape." We all looked at him in disbelief. "Well, he was so much fun to play jokes on," Sirius explained. He did have a point. We spent several moments reminiscing on all of the pranks we'd played on Snape. 

We were interrupted when Lockhart came bustling into the room. 

"Good day, mates!" he called cheerfully.

"Yeah, if it's the last day we have to see you, then it is a good day," muttered Sirius. We laughed. Lockhart was dressed in a muggle suit with velvet scarlet robes over it. His hair was exceptionally curly, and his pointed hat was bright gold.

"What the hell are you dressed like that for?" asked James, choking on laughter.

"Potter, Potter, one day you'll learn that when you're as highly respected a student as I, you must set a good example for your fellow students," said Lockhart proudly. We couldn't hold in the laughter any longer. Lockhart looked at us, puzzled, then went to his section of the room and began carefully packaging all of his pictures and mirrors in his trunk.

"What a fruitcake," muttered Sirius.

"What'd you say, mate?" asked Lockhart.

"Oh, I was just saying that I could eat some fruitcake," said Sirius. We all laughed. 

Finally, we had to head to the Great Hall for the end of the year ceremony. We arrived to find that the Slytherin Banner still said Slytherins Stink. Snape and his cronies were crowded around it, their wands in the air, trying to curse it back, but having no luck. We took our usual seats at the Gryffindor table, for one last time. Everyone filed in and took their seats. Dumbledore stood before us all.

"Seventh years," he said, smiling around at all of us, the twinkle showing in his blue eyes. "Each year at this time, I am saddened to watch another year of my students depart this school. But more than I am sad, I am proud, because I know all of you have learned how to be some of the best witches and wizards the world has ever seen right here in this very school. Don't think of this day as an end to your school days, but as the beginning of your lives. Whether you continue on to work for the ministry, become aurors, teach here at school, or do something completely different, always follow your dreams and the very best will come to all of you. As I look around at this crowd of familiar faces, I recall my fond memories of each and every one of you, whether they be pranks or punishments, outstanding achievements or just conversations. You are all fully educated wizards and witches now, ready to take on the world. There will be dark days ahead of us all. Some of you will go on to fight the dark side and together we will overcome the horrors of these days. I know that with the knowledge, courage, and determination in each and every one of you, there is a power greater than Lord Voldemort could ever possess. I would be lying to you if I told you that it will be easy, but one day this world will be free from the control of Lord Voldemort. Those of you who devote your lives to defeating the dark side, I wish the best for you, your safety, and well being. To all of you, the best of luck in your future endeavors. And remember, you are always welcome here at Hogwarts. Now, James Potter, our head boy, will make his speech." Dumbledore sat down. James took a deep breath went forward.

"Fellow classmates," he began. "First of all, I would like to congratulate all of you for making it this far. Second of all, I'd like to offer a bit of encouragement. If I can be head boy, and Sirius can pass with the second highest grades of our year, then anyone here can achieve anything they want. Third, I would like to thank the entire staff here at Hogwarts for making our years here memorable, teaching us everything we know, and yes, even for catching us when we pulled pranks. We owe everything we've learned to you. And last, but not least, I'd like to apologize to every teacher here at Hogwarts that has ever had to put up with Sirius, Remus, Peter and I. We were rude, obnoxious troublemakers… but we loved every minute of it and would do it all over again if we could!" Sirius, Peter and I erupted into cheers, which were soon followed by others.

"And now, more importantly," James continued. "As Professor Dumbledore said, it will be no easy task to defeat Lord Voldemort. But we as a class are strong. Together we have the strength to defeat the strongest of dark powers. And we'll do whatever it takes; we'll devote our lives, we'll sacrifice everything, we'll fight to the end, and we will succeed!" The entire room erupted into cheers, except for the Slytherin table, where it remained silent. 

James took his seat. After that, Lily made her speech, which was much more motivational and serious. Then we ate our final meal in the Great Hall. James slipped the bottle of potion out of his robes.

"Sirius, do the honors?" he asked.

"Certainly, mate," replied Sirius taking the bottle. He headed for the Slytherin table. We saw him having a conversation with Snape, who looked shocked. A few minutes later, Sirius returned to the table. 

"All taken care of," he said. "Now all we do is wait and see what happens."

"And Lockhart," I whispered, motioning to where he was sitting a few seats away.

"Oy, Lockhart!" said Sirius. Lockhart glanced over. "How would you like to try our all new invention? It's a great tasting potion to add to your drink. One drop will keep your breath minty fresh and your teeth pearly white!"

"Wow," said Lockhart. "Certainly I'll try some, old chap! Although I do think my teeth are white enough already."

"There you are then," said Sirius, adding a few drops to Lockhart's drink. Unsuspectingly, Lockhart took a sip.

"Wow, tastes great!" he exclaimed. "Thanks mate." We laughed hysterically. I glanced over to the Slytherin table.

"Hey mates, look at Snape!" I said. "I think he's lost it!" Snape had climbed on top of the table and began to dance. People noticed and began laughing and pointing. Snape didn't even seem to notice, he just continued to dance.

"Well, it works," said James, grinning.

"You really shouldn't have done that," said Lily, grinning. Sirius shrugged.

"Wasn't me," he said. "And I'm serious!" 

"I've never seen someone with such twisted logic!" I said, shaking my head.

"Thanks, Moony," said Sirius, grinning. I sighed. Snape was still dancing and many of the Slytherins had left the table. McGonagal seemed to be having an argument with Dumbledore, who appeared to be thoroughly enjoying the scene. Suddenly Lockhart jumped up as well.

"Mind if I join you, mate?" he called to Snape.

"Sure," called Snape cheerfully. Lockhart jumped up onto the table, and the two of them continued dancing. 

"May I have this dance?" asked Snape to Lockhart. The entire room was roaring with laughter.

"I'd be delighted," said Lockhart, taking his hand. The two of them danced together.

"Oh, don't they just make the perfect couple," said Sirius.

"Ew, Sirius that's disgusting!" I said, frowning. Peter had fallen onto the floor in a fit of hysterical laughter, and James was kicking him trying to make him stop.

"Now I'd like to sing a song to you, my love," said Lockhart, kneeling before Snape.

"Oh, please do," said Snape, grinning.

"You are so beautiful to me…" Lockhart began. I'm not sure how it was possible, but the laughter had gotten even louder. McGonagal, who was struggling to keep a straight face, had turned even redder than her scarlet robes. James had now joined Peter rolling on the floor laughing, and Sirius stole Lily's camera and was busy taking pictures. 

"I never want to forget this," he explained. Suddenly Lockhart stopped singing, and Snape's dreamy expression changed.

"What the hell are you doing!" exclaimed Snape, snatching his hand away from Lockhart.

"What was I doing? You mean what were you doing!" exclaimed Lockhart.

"I—I don't remember," said Snape, frowning.

"Me either," said Lockhart, heading back for the Gryffindor table, looking extremely puzzled, as everyone continued with hysterical laughter. No one told Lockhart what had been going on. After about ten more minutes, mostly everyone had finally calmed down, except for Peter, who was still lying in the middle of the floor laughing hysterically. James glanced at his watch.

"Three…two…one…" he said. All of the firecrackers went off, including the ones under Dumbledore's chair, which caused him to jump to his feet frantically. But then he laughed.

"I think we all know the four boys who are behind all of this," he said, glancing in our direction. "James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. Would the four of you please stand… and take a bow for the best end of the year prank this school has ever seen!" Once again, the room erupted in cheers. We bowed, especially Sirius, who did several Elvis impersonations. McGonagal's face flushed with anger, but she remained silent.

"That," said James proudly. "Was our best prank ever." We all agreed.

"Students," Dumbledore began, when we finished eating. " On a more serious note…" 

"That's me!" shouted Sirius, jumping up and running around waving his hands in the air and grinning.

"No, not you, Mr. Black, sir," Dumbledore continued. "Before you are dismissed to the train, I would like to take a moment to recognize those students who received scholarships. The following top three students of this year received Auror Scholarships. Please stand when your name is called. They are James Potter, Sirius Black," There was applause. I knew my name was coming next. "And… Severus Snape." Snape stood up and glanced around, looking smug. James and Sirus exchanged puzzled glances with me. I couldn't figure out why I hadn't been the third receiver of the scholarship. It was supposed to be me, not Snape. "Now, before we depart," said Dumbledore, when he finished announcing the rest of the scholarships. "Let's sing the Hogwarts School Song one last time." We sang like usual, in a slow obnoxious tone so that we were the last ones finished. "You are all dismissed," said Dumbledore. "You may board the train. Your luggage has already been loaded. I need to speak to Mr. Remus Lupin please," he added. I told James, Sirius and Peter to go ahead and went to find Dumbledore.

"Headmaster," I said when I saw him. "You wanted to see me? Why didn't I get the scholarship like I was supposed to?" Dumbledore sighed.

"Remus, I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you. First of all, the scholarship. You were rightfully entitled to it, but I couldn't allow you to accept it."

"Why not!" I demanded.

"Remus," said Dumbledore. "As much as this hurts you, not everyone is willing to accept what you are. I've you'd have taken the scholarship, they wouldn't have been willing to train you anyway, and it would have been announced to the public that you're a werewolf. So, to save the difficulties and humiliation that it would have caused you, I decided to award the scholarship to another student instead. I'm terribly sorry that it had to be this way. Do you understand, Remus." I nodded. "Unfortunately, there's more bad news," said Dumbledore, the usual twinkle in his eye now gone. "Your mother passed away last night, Remus."

"What?" I said. "Not my mum!"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," said Dumbledore. "She'd been ill for a while." I nodded.

"It was my fault she didn't go to the doctor," I said. "She wanted to save all of our money for me." I began to cry.

"I'm terribly sorry, Remus," said Dumbledore. "Given your situation, I have a request for you. Would you teach Defense Against The Dark Arts here at Hogwarts next year?"

"You—you'd be willing to hire me to teach?" I asked, surprised. 

"Certainly," said Dumbledore. "You'd make a fine teacher, and it's the least I can do since the scholarship didn't work out."

"Well, then I'll do it," I said.

"Now, you'd better catch the train. It'll be leaving any moment. I'll be seeing you next fall then, Professor Lupin," said Dumbledore. I headed for the train. So many thoughts were racing through my mind. My mum was dead, I wasn't getting the scholarship, and I was going to be a teacher at Hogwarts. I didn't know what to think right then. I found Peter, James, Lily and Sirius in our usual compartment on the train.

"Remus, what's wrong?" said James and Sirius in unison when they saw me. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks again.

"My—my mum died last night," I said. "And I can't get the scholarship."

"What? Why not?" demanded James.

"Because I'm a werewolf," I said quietly, taking a seat at the far side of the compartment near the window. Everyone got quiet because they seemed to have understood. We sat in silence for a long time. I couldn't believe my mum had died, just a day before I would have been home to see her. And I hadn't even been out of school yet and I was already getting shunned because of what I was. I was feeling thoroughly depressed as all of these thoughts ran continually through my mind, without the slightest trace of a thought of comfort or happiness to make them less painful. My friends weren't helpful. They remained silent, wrapped up in their own thoughts, too consumed with their own problems to worry about mine. But I realized that in just an hour I went from feeling like a carefree schoolboy, to feeling like an adult, with worries, frustrations and grief. I have to handle this like an adult, I told myself. There's no need to get depressed, just live with it, I repeated over and over in my mind. 

I was no better now than I had been seven years ago, I thought sadly. Still depressed, still ashamed of myself. What had Hogwarts done for me? I thought about it. Without Hogwarts I never would have met my friends. Yes, friends. I had friends; +the only real friends I'd ever had I found at Hogwarts. And they had done more for me than anyone else in the world could. Their cleverness caused me to reveal my darkest secret. Their compassion caused them to accept me for what I was. Their strength made up for my weakness. Their support caused me to accept what I was. Their concern saved my life. And their friendship meant the world to me. Without them I would be nothing. Without them I wouldn't even be alive. They had done more for me than I'd ever be able to repay them. But I owed it to them, and to myself to accept the consequences of what had just happened, and understand that I had to go on. Was I going to let this get me depressed? Was I going to destroy all that the best seven years of my life had taught me over this? Hell no! Not then, not ever. I would get through these setbacks and move on with my life, but I would not let it destroy me! I wiped the tears from my eyes. There was no need to cry.

"Are you alright Remus?" asked Sirius, glancing over at me. I looked at my friend. Sirius had been through worse than I had. So much worse. Losing his mum when he was three days old, having his dad be murdered by Voldemort, and living with his abusive grandfather for three years. What right did I have to feel sorry for myself when my friends had been through so much worse?

"I'm fine," I replied.

"You sure?" asked James. James' life hadn't been easy either. He'd grown up in the best home life of all of us; his father was the minister of Magic, and his parents were two of the most caring concerned parents I'd ever seen. He had a nice house and got just about everything he wanted. But the death of his parents hit him suddenly and surprisingly. They'd sheltered him from the horrors of Voldemort so much that the first time he'd experienced death it was the death of his very own parents, and both at once. No matter how hard he tried to hide it, he hadn't been the same since.

"Really, guys," I said. "It's no big deal. I'll get through it."

"No sinks involved, right?" said Peter, grinning. I grinned sheepishly. Everyone laughed.

"No sinks," I said.

"Well, this is the last time we'll be riding this train," said James, looking fondly around the compartment we'd shared for seven years.

"You know," said Sirius thoughtfully. "If this is the last time I'm going to see Snape and Lockhart, and I certainly hope it is, I think I'd like to play one last prank on them. What do you guys think?"

"I'm for it," said James. "How about you, Moony?"

"Sure," I replied. 

"Yay!" shouted Sirius in his little kid voice, yanking open the door and running the length of the train. "Oh Snapey! Where are you?" he called. James, Peter and I chased after him. Suddenly, Peter screamed from behind me. We turned around to find Peter face to face with Snape, both of their wands raised. Peter was shaking furiously and we noticed that Snape's hair was bright green. Sirius burst out laughing.

"No!" said Peter. "I mean—I didn't mean—I mean that's not what I meant to do! It was an accident!"

"Well, what have we here?" sneered Snape, glancing us all. "Black, I hope you aren't actually considering becoming an auror. It'll be a waste of your time. They never hire mudbloods. And Potter, I heard you're marrying that mudblood Evans. Shame to taint your family blood like that." James and Sirius had advanced on Snape, their wands poised. Peter looked relieved and slowly backed away. Snape, who apparently didn't feel threatened, continued talking. "Lupin, I know why you didn't get your scholarship. Werewolf!" At this, I joined Sirius and James in raising my wand.

"You might have spent seven years of you life thinking your better than us," said James in a calm, threatening whisper. "But you're wrong. Do you know why you're wrong? Because you can't accept people for what they are. You think everyone should be just like you, and think the way you do."

"Agghh! A world full of greasy haired narrow-minded slimeballs!" Sirius chimed in. 

"Oh, listen to little Potter the mudblood lover," said Snape. "Always trying to be such a perfectionist. Why can't we all just get along?" he mocked. Snape's eyes then fell to Peter.

"Pettigrew, I don't know what you think you're doing, but you'd better watch it or you'll owe someone a good explanation," Snape threatened. Peter shuddered. 

"Sorry," he trembled.

"Don't apologize!" said Snape. "You're a worthless little rat! Do you ever expect to accomplish anything like that?" James, Sirius and I exchanged puzzled glances. What was Snape talking about. We really didn't care.

"Hey Snape," said Sirius, as a mischievous grin spread across his face. "Ever considered modeling for a future career?" He waved his wand and Snape was dressed in a long pink dress. On his head was a blonde wig and his face was covered with too much makeup. We all laughed.

"Freaks!" sputtered Snape angrily as he darted back to his compartment.

"Good riddance," muttered James.

"You're so great at telling people off, James," said Sirius sarcastically. "You can't accept people for what they are. You think Snape understands that? You've got to speak in terms he understands. That's more like Me great and powerful wizard, you greasy slimeball. Sometimes you're just too nice. It's going to get you killed someday. I can see it now. You'll be battling Voldemort and he'll have his wand raised at you, and then you'll be like 'you shouldn't kill people! It's not nice!' Honestly!"

"I'm trying something new," said James. "It's called being honest. As much as I hate to admit it, we've got to start behaving like adults."

"Wwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! I don't wanna!" Sirius wined.

"So Peter, what was Snape talking to you about?" I asked him.

"I don't know," Peter replied quickly.

"He's Snape," said Sirius. "He doesn't make any sense."

"Pink is so Snape's color," said James, mocking a tone Lily might have used. Sirius sniggered.

"What a pansy!" 

"Who?" demanded James. "Me or Snape?"

"Well, you see Prongs, if you're a pansy then you like..."

"All right! Stop right there!" said James. "That's not funny!"

"Then why are you laughing, Prongs?" asked Sirius. We all laughed, taking our seats once again on the train.

"The last seven years have been the best of my life," I said.

"Yeah," agreed James. "What would I do without you guys?"

"Probably get in a lot less trouble," said Sirius, grinning.

"That's true," said Peter.

"We've been through so much together though," I said.

"Sheesh Moony, don't go getting all sentimental there on us! It's not like we're never going to see each other again. By next week we'll be so sick of each other that we'll be kicking each other out of our house," said Sirius.

"Yeah, you're right," I said. "And you'll be first to go." I added.

"Everybody loves me!" said Sirius, grinning.

"Yeah they do," said James. "Especially Snape and Lockhart..."

"Ew! Prongs!" said Sirius. 

"Hey, you said it!" said James.

"Said what, Sweetie?" asked Lily sleepily from where she had just woken up next to James.

"Nothing, Lil," he said putting his arm around her and giving us a look that meant we were supposed to end the conversation. 

We rode for a while in silence and my thoughts drifted back to the death of my mother and the refusal of my scholarship. Somehow, they didn't seem that bad. Sure they were losses, but I didn't feel completely self consumed as I had in the passed. I saw a path ahead of me. Maybe it wasn't clear, and maybe it wasn't what I wanted it to be, but I did have a future. I guess that day I learned that we all have our share of hard times, and my friends and I hadn't had easy lives at all. But you can't spend all of your time worrying about things you can't control. You just have to live with whatever life gives you. And the hardships you endure are what make you the person you are. Life isn't easy, it isn't simple and most of the things that people do and the things that happen have no simple explanation. It just isn't that way. There are some things that no one has control over, and those things we just have to accept for what they are. I'd seen many deaths and tragedies in my young life, but in a world with Voldemort, I was certain I hadn't seen them all. I can't really say that it gets any easier to deal with the loss, but I do know you develop more of an understanding. We're all here for a while and when our time comes we die. Some peoples' times come way to soon, but that's life. It's sad, but you learn to live with it. For the first time I felt like I understood what Sirius had described to me after his dad died. It was amazing how my mind felt incredibly clear, and my emotions very calm. I was ready to move on with my life. I looked out the window of the train. It was the end of a beautiful day. The bright blue sky was free of clouds and the sun was just setting in the west, casting an array of colors across the horizon. With the setting of that sun today sets the end of my childhood, I thought. And with the rise of the sun tomorrow morning starts a new chapter of my life.


	35. Chapter 35: On Our Own

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Chapter 35: On Our Own

We got off the train late that night, and walked to Diagon Alley. We made the decision to stay at the Leaky Cauldron for a few days until we could find a place to stay, since we were no longer going to stay at my house. We arrived late, but the Inn keeper was very kind to us. He was aware of our situation, and even offered us free rooms for a week. We were not only incredibly grateful, but incredibly tired. My head barely touched the pillow before I was fast asleep.

The week passed by quickly. We were constantly searching for reasonably priced flats for the five of us, and Addi when she graduated. When we weren't busy, I grieved for my mother, but there was hardly any time to think about it. Without much thought, I sold our house to an elderly gentleman, who had been a ministry official and a good friend of my father's. I brought in a tidy profit, but I'd need it over the summer until I began working.

"I found two flats we can afford," Lily announced one day upon returning from Muggle London. None of us objected, so we gathered our things and headed off to our new home.

"This is the building," said Lily, after she had led us into a tiny side street. She motioned to a large, rather rundown, grimy, cement, white building, several stories high, with lots of windows and rows of tiny balconies.

"Now, they're not the greatest," Lily cautioned as we headed through the double doors at the front of the building.

"Who'd have thought?" muttered James under his breath as we entered the lobby, which was nothing more than a tiny white room with ratty orange carpet and paint chipping from the walls. There was a hallway to the first floor flats and stairs to the upper floors.

"We're on the third floor." Lily led us up two flights of stairs on the creaking staircase. We headed down a narrow hallway, until we came to the end of it. There were two flats, one to the left and one to the right. Lily pulled the keys from her pocket and unlocked the one to the left.

"No one has lived in these for a while," she informed us, turning the knob and opening the door. We were blinded by a cloud of dust that escaped from the flat. I coughed. When the dust cleared, we took our first glance at the place we'd call home. The flat was a dreadful sight. The wooden floors were creaky and uneven, the walls were covered in peeling, pale green paint, and the ceiling was so low that Sirius' head nearly touched it. The kitchen was nothing more than three bright orange, rusting metal cabinets, a tiny sink, a stove, and a refrigerator that I was sure must have been at least twice as old as any of us. Out a bit from the kitchen, a large light covered in dust and cobwebs hung crookedly from the ceiling; underneath was a place for a kitchen table. The living room was nothing more than an extension on the kitchen; a small area, perhaps big enough for a sofa and a muggle TV. From here, a narrow hallway led to a tiny, rundown bathroom, a single hall closet, and two identical bedrooms which appeared to be barely big enough for two beds each.

"Lil, er—we couldn't afford anything better?" asked James, frowning at the state of the bathroom.

"We're saving a lot of money this way," Lily insisted. "This place might not look the best, but it has got a lot of potential. We'll get started first thing tomorrow with getting some furniture and fixing it up. We'll work on the other flat too; it's just the same as this one."

"Whatever you say, Lils," agreed James doubtfully.

"Where are we going to sleep?" whined Peter when it got to be time for bed.

"We're going to have to sleep on the floor," said Lily, receiving four audible moans. "Come on. It'll only be for tonight," she argued. "This will be a great place to live after we fix it up."

After much grumbling, we all fell asleep on the floor of the living room and kitchen. I awoke the next morning to a great deal of back pain. 

"Ouch," I moaned, rolling over.

"Your back hurt too?" Lily asked.

"Yeah," I replied. She and James were both awake already, Sirius was still snoring loudly, and Peter was no where in sight.

"He said he needed to go see his parents this morning," explained James.

"I'm convinced he just wanted to get out of helping," added Lily.

"Somehow that wouldn't surprise me," I said.

"I'm going to get out of helping too soon, if I don't see some food," said Sirius sleepily.

"We haven't got any food here," said Lily.

"Or anyone who can cook for that matter," added James. 

"We need Addi," said Sirius sleepily. "She can cook."

"You know what?" said Lily cheerfully. "Why don't we go over to one of those nice little cafes and have some breakfast. And then we can do some shopping for the things we need." She stood up, making an effort to leave. Sirius, James and I sat on the ground staring at her as if she were crazy.

"It should be illegal to be that cheery in the morning," moaned Sirius.

"Come on guys," said Lily, grabbing her trunk handle and heading towards the bathroom.

"Don't worry. It'll take her an hour to get ready anyway," said James, laughing as Lily picked up a shoe and threw it in his direction, so that it barely hit his forehead.

"You throw like a girl!" Sirius grinned sleepily. Lily rolled her eyes in disgust. 

"Be ready when I come back," she called, leaving the room. The three of us drifted back to sleep. Nearly an hour later, Lily returned, dressed in different clothes, her hair neatly braided.

"I thought I told you guys to get ready!" she said, observing the three of us who were still sprawled out on the floor.

"Ready," said James, jumping to his feet.

"Same here," I added. "Come on, Sirius!" I grabbed his ponytail and pulled.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Moony!" shouted Sirius. "Don't ever do that again!"

"Okay," I said grinning. Sirius stood up as slowly as possible, humored that we were all frustrated with him. 

"Are we ready?" said Lily, sounding exasperated.

"Yeah," replied James. We headed out. About a block down the street we found a cafe serving breakfast. We ate. And in Sirius' case, ate and ate and ate. 

"Seriously, Sirius, if you don't stop eating like that, we'll be out of money in a week! None of our jobs start until fall!" said Lily.

"Yeah, but Prongs is rich," said Sirius.

"Hardly, but in that case I'd like to keep it that way," said James. 

"Why don't we go over to that grocery store and do some shopping?" said Lily, when we were finished eating.

"Yay! Food!" shouted Sirius, taking off back to the flat. We decided to do our grocery shopping in Diagon Alley, since we knew the prices would be cheaper.

"And he just ate three meals," said Lily, shaking her head and tossing her hands up in exasperation as we got up to follow him. We entered the large grocery store.

"Wow, this is really similar to muggle stores," said Lily, looking around at the aisles of food. Sirius had grabbed a cart and was riding it up and aisle, waving his wand and various things on the shelves and filling the cart. Lily sighed.

"That looks like fun," said James thoughtfully. 

"No you don't!" said Lily. "You three have got to grow up someday!"

"Yeah, someday," said James, glancing at me and grabbing a cart. I followed, and we took off up the aisle.

"James Ryan Potter!" shouted Lily from behind us. We ignored her and rode all throughout the store, piling the carts up with everything from spinach to ice cream. 

"Checkout time," announced James, when both of our carts were piled high, and Sirius was on his third. We spotted Lily still on aisle three picking out canned vegetables.

"Oy! Lil!" called James. "Don't worry about it! We've got everything taken care of!" Lily shook her head and moaned audibly, but joined us.

"Everything's all right, Lil," said James, putting his arm around her. "Trust me."

"That's not safe," said Sirius.

"Guess who's carrying the groceries home," said James.

"Hmm," I said. "Well that's difficult. It's not me. And it's not Lily. So it must be Sirius!"

"Are you serious?" said Lily, joining in on the joke.

"Hey!" said Sirius, waving his wand to gather up the bags. The total came to 97 galleons.

"Ninety-seven galleons!" exclaimed Lily. "From now on, I do the grocery shopping." James paid the bill without complaining. We arrived back at the flat a few minutes later. We found Peter sitting outside the door to the flat, nearly asleep.

"Hi Peter!" I called.

"'Bout time you showed up," he greeted us.

"Come on in, Wormtail," said James, opening the door.

"Didn't I give you a key?" Lily asked. 

"Yeah, but I guess I lost it," said Peter sheepishly.

"You're so irresponsible!" Lily groaned.

"What do you expect? He's Peter," said Sirius. Peter muttered something that I didn't hear, and we entered the flat.

"Lunch time!" said Sirius happily.

"You just ate enough for five people at that cafe an hour ago!" said Lily.

"I live for food," said Sirius, shrugging. Lily frowned. "I'm sorry Lil," said Sirius honestly. "I'm just really glad to finally be free."

"Free from what?" I asked.

"Everything," said Sirius. "Just free to do what I want when I want without anyone telling me otherwise. There isn't a better feeling in the world."

"Okay," said Lily, raising her eyebrows.

"Ugh, living with girls," Sirius told me. "It requires too many apologies, and then when you do apologize, they just act like you're crazy anyway. What's the point?"

"No you don't, Sirius," Lily scolded. "Don't get Remus into your little ways. He's the only one of the four of you that knows how to act normal."

"Ha! That's funny. Because Remus is not normal!" Peter laughed hysterically. No one else joined him. I frowned. James and Sirius gave him threatening looks.

"What? It's a joke," said Peter, stepping backward.

"Don't you ever say that about Remus, you little rat!" shouted Sirius, taking off after Peter, who had gone dashing for the hall. James followed them. I remained in the kitchen with Lily. She shook her head and sighed.

"Are you alright, Remus?" she asked.

"I'm fine," I said. "I'm sure Peter didn't mean anything by it."

"I don't know," said Lily. "There's something about him that I really don't like. But James likes him. He says he trusts him. But you know, I worry about James. It seems he'll trust anyone sometimes. He can be too forgiving, you know?"

"Yeah," I said. It was true.

"I just don't think Peter is very trustworthy. Do you ever get the feeling he's hiding something?" Lily asked. I didn't know what to say, but before I could answer, we heard a loud thump from back the hall.

"Well, we'd better go see what they're up to now," said Lily, heading towards the sound. I followed. We found James and Sirius standing outside of the hall closet, laughing hysterically. We could hear Peter's muffled screams inside the closet.

"Help! Help! Let me out! It's dark in here!" Peter wailed. "I'm sorry, just please, let me out!"

"Okay," said James.

"No!" all three of us said.

"What? He apologized," said James.

"Prongs, you're just too nice sometimes," said Sirius.

"Okay then," said James. "Hey Peter! Suffer!" He shouted through the door.

"No James! Prongs! I thought you were my friend! Don't leave me here!" Peter wailed. James once again glanced at the door.

"No James!" said Sirius. "Let him there. He deserves it!" Sirius lowered his voice. "And the most pathetic part of all is he has his wand." We all laughed.

"So let's let him in there and see how long it takes for him to come out," said Lily.

"Whoa! Et tu Lily?" said Sirius.

"I didn't know you read Shakespeare!" said Lily, laughing. James and I shrugged. I guessed it must be a muggle thing. We decided to go back to the kitchen, because Peter's screaming was giving us all headaches. We began working on fixing up the flat. James and I were using our wands to take nails out of the boards covering the windows. Sirius was cleaning floors, and Lily was "interior decorating". We'd been working for about two hours when suddenly Peter emerged from the hall.

"Find your way out, Pete?" said Sirius.

"Hmph," said Peter crossing his arms.

"Don't just stand there," I said to him cheerfully. "We could use some help."

"Hey Wormtail," said Sirius. "Can I borrow your wand?" Peter handed it to him. "Oh, by the way, the bathroom needs cleaned," said Sirius.

"But, you took my wand!" said Peter.

"Won't kill you to do it like a muggle," said Sirius. "Unfortunately," he added as Peter stomped off. 

"That's not very nice, Padfoot," said James. "Peter is our friend, remember. He's not Snape." Sirius ignored him. 

"It's stifling in here," moaned Sirius later in the afternoon when it had grown warmer. He was right. I yanked at the collar of my shirt. Peter, who was dressed in a jumper wiped the beads of sweat from his forehead.

"What are you doing dressing like that in June?" asked James. "Why don't you take that jumper off. You'd be cooler."

"No, no, I'm fine," insisted Peter.

"Suit yourself," said James, getting to work on removing boards from windows. I felt a little bad for Peter after the things we'd done to him, even though I knew I shouldn't. I gave him his wand, which Sirius had asked me to hold. 

"Come on, Wormtail," I said. "I'll help you with the bathroom." Peter said nothing, but let me lead the way to the bathroom. It was hideously dirty. At that moment, I was very thankful to have magic. We got there and I waited for Peter to get started. He looked at me.

"Go ahead," he said coldly. I sighed.

"Peter, I don't know what is with you lately," I said, cleaning the sink. "I've never done anything but been your friend."

"But not the same way you're friends with James and Sirius," said Peter, frowning.

"That's not true!" I objected, feeling guilty because I knew it was. Peter made a move to grab his wand from his pocket.

"Ouch!" he said suddenly, clutching his forearm. 

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing," said Peter. "I just bumped my arm against the wall." I raised my eyebrows. I hadn't seen him hit the wall. "Ah! It really hurts. I think I'll go see my mum. She'll know how to fix it. I'll be back later." And with that he Apparated away. I groaned.

"What a way to get out of work," I muttered. "And I was feeling sorry for the rat." I shook my head and continued cleaning. Several minutes later, I finished the bathroom, and emerged into the hallway, where I found James and Sirius trying to hang a picture Lily had assigned to them.

"Hey Moony," said James. "Where's Wormtail?"

"He left," I said, rolling my eyes.

"What do you mean?" said James. "We didn't see him leave and we've been right here."

"He pretended to hurt his arm, and then he said he needed to go get his mum to fix it and he Apparated away," I said. 

"What do you mean he Apparated?" demanded Sirius. "He can't Apparate yet! We're all going to get our licenses in two days!"

"Well, he just did," I said. "He's been acting awfully strange lately. He seems to think we're not as good of friends with him as we are with each other." James sighed.

"I can't stand his jealousy. He complains about us not being good friends and then he leaves instead of helping. Honestly!" Just then, Lily returned. 

"Well guys, I think we're all finished," she said. I surveyed our work on the flat. The kitchen was now looking charming, with deep red walls, and new oak cabinets that had replaced the old orange ones. We had placed my old kitchen table under the cleaned and polished hanging light. The living room floor was covered with an oriental rug Lily's mum had given us, and now contained a brown leather sofa; an unwanted item of Peter's family, a tiny red maroon armchair, and a small stand with a television. We had placed various lamps around the room to brighten its darkness, and thoroughly scrubbed the large windows. The bathroom had cleaned up reasonably, with a lot of work, and was now at least usable. The bedrooms were each painted gold, trimmed with red borders (we still favored our old house colors), and each contained two beds and two dressers (we had collected up our old ones from our houses). All in all, the flat had cleaned up nicely, as Lily had insisted it would, and all of us were satisfied with our work, and exhausted.

"What do you say to dinner now, Sirius?" Lily asked.

"Food!" shouted Sirius excitedly, running for the kitchen. We ate a late dinner, then went to bed. We each beds that night. Sirius and James shared a room, and Peter and I were supposed to share the other, although Peter never returned that night. Lily slept on the couch in the living room, because we hadn't fixed up the girls' flat yet.

The next day we attended my mother's funeral, which I won't describe in any great detail. I was, of course, very shocked and upset about the sudden death of my mother. I did feel guilty, however, that with everything going on, I'd barely had time to grieve the loss. Her death seemed to be a part of my life that had ended and been replaced by a new start on my own. However, at the funeral that day, I broke down into tears. Reality hit me at once and I knew that things would never again be the same as before. Too many things had changed. Luckily everyone was able to keep me from feeling too depressed. If there was anything I had learned about life at eighteen, it was that no matter what, it goes on.

After the funeral, James, Lily and Sirius accompanied me to my house, where I did some last minute sorting through old things before the new owner moved in. Peter was off somewhere again, which was nothing unusual. I collected up the things from the house that I wanted, and left the rest behind. The next day we got our Apparating Licenses. All of us passed, and we talked to Peter, who had already gotten his, which explained how he'd Apparated from the bathroom.


	36. Chapter 36: Coincidence

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Chapter 36: Coincidence

After a few days, things smoothed themselves out. We started to become used to living independently. The only thing that remained real problem was our terrible cooking. We visited Lily's parents often since we could Apparate straight to her house and back. I fear we nearly gave poor Mrs. Evans a heart attack the first time we Apparated into her kitchen while she was cooking dinner. Mr. Evans, however, was fascinated by Apparation. Petunia, we were pleased to hear, had moved out and was engaged to that boyfriend she'd had for years. 

I received a letter from Addi one day inviting us to go to a party her school was having after graduation. We all decided to go. The dress was formal, muggle formal, of course. Lily took charge of dressing all of us.

"Hurry," said Lily. "We'll miss the train." 

"I don't see why we can't Apparate," complained James.

"Because it's a muggle party!" said Lily. "We can't just Apparate into the middle of it. We're taking the train." So we Apparated to the train station and took the two hour ride to Clearglen School. We arrived and got to the party, which was outside behind the school. 

"Now remember," said Lily to James and I more so than Sirius. "Act like Muggles. Don't do anything suspicious, I mean it. No spells. Understand?" James and I nodded. 

"Sirius?" said Lily.

"Oh Lil, you know you can trust me," said Sirius, grinning. James and I forced loud laughter.

"Oh shut it!" Sirius snapped, his tone slightly angry. He hadn't been in a very good mood over the last few days. One minute he'd be joking and grinning, and the next he'd be angry, or just silent. We meandered around the edge of the party.

"Hey Moony, I need to talk to Addi alone for a few minutes," said Sirius. "Then I'll bring her over here, all right?"

"Sure," I said, as Sirius set off. James, Lily and I remained at the outer edge of the party. We stood in silence, feeling rather out of place. No one said anything to us. Then, out of no where, a girl came running from the woods and bumped into James.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," apologized the girl, whose strawberry blonde hair was streaming messily from the elegant bun twisted on top of her head. Her long black dress was tattered and dirt stained. Judging from the scrapes and bruises on her face and arms, it appeared she'd fallen. I looked at her more closely. Her face was red and her eyes puffy, like she'd been crying.

"That's all right," said James calmly. "Don't worry about it." He turned away and the girl turned to leave.

"Hey, wait," said Lily, examining her state more closely. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," the girl said nervously, her voice quivering. "I—I'm fine. Just taking a little jog, th--that's all."

"Are you sure?" questioned Lily, glancing at the girl's platform heels.

"Yeah, really, it's all right," said the girl, frantically rubbing her eyes. "You're not from this school, are you?" 

"No," said Lily. "We're visiting a friend."

"Oh," said the girl. "Well, I'm Marianna."

"I'm Lily," said Lily. "And this is James, and this is Remus."

"Remus?" said Marianna, thoughtfully. "You're Addi's boyfriend, right?"

"Yeah," I said slowly, wondering how she knew.

"Addi and I are like best friends," Marianna explained. "And she talks about you all the time."

"Oh," I said.

"Well, I'd better go," said Marianna suddenly. "Nice meeting you all." She took off running again.

"Nice meeting you too!" we called.

"That was odd," said Lily. "I wonder why she was really running."

"Girls," said James, shaking his head.

"Hey!" said Lily, acting offended. Just then, a tall, blonde, rather tough looking fellow came running in our direction.

"Fancy that," said James. "I guess people around here like running."

"Where'd that girl you were just talking to go?" he demanded.

"What girl?" said James, glancing around stupidly. "I don't see any girl."

"Don't play stupid, you know who I'm talking about!" he shouted.

"Oohh, her," I said. "I don't remember which way she went, sorry." I glanced in the direction she had gone, making sure she wasn't in sight. I wondered what the guy wanted with her, but he didn't seem pleased.

"I think she went that way," said Lily, pointing in a different direction, towards the woods.

"You sure?" he asked doubtfully.

"Positive," said Lily.

"You'd better be," he answered, running towards the woods.

"Hey watch it!" called James angrily. "Don't talk to her like that!" James groaned.

"What a jerk," muttered Lily. "I wonder what he wanted with Marianna."

"I don't know," I said. "But I think it's good we didn't tell him where she really went."

"Let's go dance, James," said Lily, taking James' hand.

"All right," said James. "See you, Moony."

"Bye," I called, and went to look for Sirius and Addi. I spotted them near the center of the dance floor, dancing together, deep in conversation. I wanted to go over to them, but found myself shaking with nervousness at the thought of dancing with Addi. I drew in a deep breath and began walking toward them slowly, hoping she'd see me first, but she didn't. I walked up behind Sirius and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Do you, uh, mind?" I asked nervously. Addi grinned at me. She looked beautiful in a turquoise dress that matched her sparkling eyes. Sirius stepped aside.

"She's all yours, Moony," he said.

"Hi Addi," I said.

"Hi Remus," she replied. There was an awkward pause. I realized that we weren't dancing yet, so I put my arms around Addi's waist and we began to dance.

"I'm glad to see you," I said.

"Me too," replied Addi. I looked deep into her eyes. Kiss her, a voice inside my head said. Kiss her. I nervously leaned down and kissed her on the lips. We separated. Addi was blushing and I could feel my cheeks turning red. We both grinned nervously.

"So, how have you been?" she asked.

"Okay, I guess," I said.

"I'm really sorry about your mum," she said, placing her hand on the side of my face. "I really wanted to be at the funeral, but I had finals and I couldn't get out of school."

"It's fine," I said honestly. "I'm all right. So, how have you been?"

"I'm okay," she said. "It's my friend Mari that's worrying me."

"Do you mean Marianna?" I asked.

"Yeah," said Addi. "Do you remember me talking about her?"

"Actually we, er, met her on the way in," I said.

"Really?" asked Addi. "Was everything all right?"

"I guess so," I said. "Why?"

"Well, she's going out with this complete git, Steve," Addi said frowning. "And he's such a jerk. He's abusive and he won't leave her alone." I felt a jolt in my stomach. Everything made sense. 

"Well, um, when we met Marianna, I think she was running from him," I said. "And then after that, he came over to us and asked which direction she'd gone in. We told him she'd gone into the woods, so he went in there. But that's not where she went," I said.

"Oh, God," said Addi.

"Don't worry," I said. "Maybe we'll get lucky and a tree will fall on him or something." She laughed. We danced in silence for a while. I noticed Addi staring at something behind me with a worried expression.

"What are you looking at?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing," said Addi. "It's just Sirius." She sighed. "I think he's really missing Erin again."

"Want to go talk to him?" I suggested.

"No, he's walking away," said Addi. "Maybe we should just let him have some time alone. How's he been acting lately?"

"Actually, he's seemed pretty well," I said. "We went grocery shopping the other day and he bought half of the store." Addi laughed.

"That's Sirius," she said. "Always hungry, but he's hopeless at cooking."

"Yeah, we figured that out too," I said. "He and James blew up the oven the other night," I said. Addi giggled.

"You have no idea how many times he did that when" she paused. "When dad was still alive," she finished quietly. There was another awkward silence.

"I'm sorry for making you remember that," I apologized.

"Oh, no, no, it's not your fault," said Addi, blinking back tears. "I'm fine." I brushed the tears from her cheeks. She forced a smile and leaned her head on my shoulder as we continued dancing.

The song ended, and another began to play.

"So, where are Lily and James?" asked Addi. "I'd like to congratulate them on their engagement." We found Lily and James standing next to the punch bowl.

"Hey, Lily, James," said Addi.

"Hi Addi," said Lily.

"Hi," said James.

"So, I heard the big news," said Addi. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks," said Lily. James just grinned.

"I'm so happy for you two," said Addi, hugging Lily. "Ooh, let me see your ring!" she squealed.

"Girls," said James shaking his head. I nodded.

"Hey, we heard that!" said Lily. James and I grinned.

"You're so lucky," Addi said to Lily.

"Don't worry, I'm sure Remus will ask you," said Lily. Addi shrugged. I felt a stab of guilt. That's what she wanted. I hadn't even done any serious thinking about it yet. I forced myself to keep a smile on my face. Addi glanced off, and suddenly her expression changed.

"Oh God," she moaned. "What is he doing now?"

"What? Who?" I said.

"Sirius," she said, pointing. I saw Sirius standing with a group of girls.

"Sirius always flirts with girls," said James, shrugging.

"No," said Addi. "Look who's holding his hand." I looked more closely. 

"Marianna," I said slowly, certain that that's who the strawberry blonde haired girl holding his hand was.

"That girl we met?" asked James.

"Yeah," I said.

"What the hell does he think he's doing!" demanded Addi furiously. "If Steven finds out about this he'll kill Mari, and Sirius! I'm going to go talk to him right now!" She stormed off, James Lily and I trailing behind.

"Addi said that git Steven is abusive," I told them quietly. Lily looked horrified.

"There goes Sirius getting himself into another relationship again," said James, sighing. I nodded grimly. Addi had been right about him missing Erin a lot lately. Every time he missed her, he'd find any girl to go out with, sometimes for a week, sometimes a month, sometimes two days, and then he'd leave them for no reason. But we'd never known him to get involved with a girl that already had a boyfriend.

"Sirius," said Addi, in a calmer tone than she'd just been using. "Sirius, what are you doing?" The rest of us stood awkwardly outside of the group observing. Marianna glanced back and forth between Addi and Sirius, looking thoroughly confused. Sirius shrugged.

"Meet my new friend, Mari," said Sirius, grinning. Addi and Marianna exchanged glances.

"No, no, Sirius," said Addi bitterly. "Meet my best friend, Marianna." Sirius raised his eyebrows. "And Mari," Addi continued. "Meet my brother, Sirius Black."

"He's your brother?" asked Marianna.

"What a coincidence," said Sirius, shrugging.

"Yeah, he's my brother," said Addi. "And he'd better have a good explanation for all of this."

"For what?" asked Sirius. Addi ignored him.

"Mari, where's Steven?" she demanded. Mari remained silent, wide-eyed and nervous.

"Sirius, what did you do?" Addi asked. "Honestly, have you got nothing in that head of yours?"

"Well, actually there could be some air in there, dust, spider webs..." said Sirius. Mari laughed nervously. Addi groaned.

"Why can't you just answer me honestly?" she asked.

"Why can't you ever just leave me alone?" said Sirius. "All of you!" he added to Lily, James and I. "Is it so hard to understand that I know how to take care of myself?" Addi said nothing back to him, but I could see her eyes filling with tears. I glared at Sirius. It made me so angry that he'd shouted at Addi like that, that I started to let out a growl. I caught myself and stopped. It was getting too close to full moon. Addi turned to march away, and I followed. James and Lily were walking off in the other direction. I could hear Addi's sobbing from behind her, but she didn't even realize that I was behind her. She sat down in a chair at the side of the dance floor, tears pouring from her eyes. I sat down next to her, and she barely acknowledged that I pulled her into my arms. She sobbed into my shoulder for a long time, soaking the jacket of my tuxedo. I was furious with Sirius for upsetting her like that. How could he be so selfish and irresponsible? Addi finally lifted her head.

"I'm sorry," she said, noticing my soaked shoulder.

"It's okay," I whispered.

"Sirius can be so stubborn," she said. "I just don't want to see him or Mari get hurt."

"I know," I said. "But everything will work out. It always does, right?"

"I guess so," said Addi.

"Now put a smile on that beautiful face," I said. Addi grinned through her tears.

"That's my Addi," I said. "Come on, let's go dance." I led her onto the dance floor.

"So, you're really excited about the job you were offered?" I asked. "You certainly sounded like it in the letter." She grinned.

"Yeah, it'll be exciting to work for a member of parliament," she said. "But I'm sure it won't be nearly as exciting as what you'll be doing." She grinned. I realized that I'd never told her what had happened with the scholarship.

"Oh, I didn't take the scholarship," I said flatly.

"You didn't? Why not?"

"Well, it wasn't really my decision. I spoke to Dumbledore, and he said that, well, because of—of what I am, that, well, I wouldn't be allowed to accept the scholarship."

"Oh, I'm sorry Remus," said Addi sympathetically. "You must be so disappointed." She pulled me closer.

"No, no, I'm fine," I said honestly. "Dumbledore offered me a job teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts, so I'm still going to have a job." I grinned. Dumbledore had been so kind to me. I only hoped someday I'd be able to properly thank him. I expected Addi to have the same enthusiasm, but the smile on her face quickly fell.

"You—you're going to teach at Hogwarts?" she choked.

"Yeah," I said, instantly wondering what could be troubling her.

"So, you'll be away at school all year," she concluded.

"Well, yeah," I said. She shook her head sadly and I finally figured out the problem.

"We never get to spend any time together," she whispered, her voice quivering.

"Oh Addi, I'm sorry," I said. "It's just that, well, this is the only job I'm going to be able to do, and... I promise we'll spend every weekend together, how's that? And summers and holidays?"

"Okay," Addi agreed with an exasperated sigh.

"What's the matter?" I asked, forcing her to face my eyes.

"Do you see Lily and James over there?" she motioned. The two of them were at the edge of the dance floor, tight in each others' arms and lost in each others' eyes.

"Yeah," I replied vaguely.

"They're happy," Addi said.

"Aren't we happy?" I asked, growing worried that something was really wrong in our relationship. She shook her head slowly and opened her mouth, but no words came out.

"Addi?"

"I love you, Remus." She flung her arms around my neck and buried her face in my shoulder.

"I love you too," I replied awkwardly.

"Do you?" she looked up into my eyes, tears streaming from her own.

"Of course," I replied.

"I thought things would be different now that we're out of school, Remus. I've barely seen you at all in the last three years, and I thought we'd finally get to be together, but apparently that's not going to happen!" She pried herself from my arms and turned away.

"Addi! Addi, look at me," I said. She ignored me. "What is this about?"

"Don't you see? Everything in life is so uncertain, and I just want some sort of certainty. Certainty in us, Remus."

"Addi, we're eighteen years old. We've got plenty of time," I said. "Someday we'll—"

"It's always someday. I—can't—wait forever, Remus. Life is too short, and with the way things are going... I just want someone I can rely on..." Her words echoed in my ears and I was overcome with guilt. I walked around until I was facing Addi, placed my hands on her shoulders, and leaned forward until my forehead was resting against hers.

"You listen to me," I said gently. "I promise we'll be together; you have my promise. I just need a little time to sort things out, okay?" She nodded slowly.

"Forever?" she questioned. A funny sort of uncertainty came over me, but I ignored it.

"Forever." The words escaped my lips. This seemed to satisfy Addi, and we danced the remainder of the song as though nothing had happened.


	37. Chapter 37: The Order of the Phoenix

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Chapter 37: The Order of the Phoenix

We hadn't spent much longer at the party, when a frantic looking James dragged me off to the outskirts of the party to discuss something 'extremely important'. I could hardly bare the look of disappointment on Addi's face as I excused myself from our dance. As it turned out, we had received an owl from Dumbledore calling for an emergency meeting of the Order of the Phoenix. 

With much objection from James and Sirius, who were apparently at least on speaking terms at the moment, I returned to Addi once more, to tell her that we had to leave, and briefly explain what was going on. She said nothing, but nodded understandingly. I hurried off after Sirius, James and Lily quickly, before guilt caught up with me and forced me to turn back. 

We quickly scrambled to the woods behind Clearglen school, from which we Apparated to Hogsmeade, as close as we could get to Hogwarts. A brisk jog from there led us back to our trusty old sanctuary inside the walls of the welcoming castle. 

We were greeted at the large wooden door by McGonagall, who solemnly led us into the cavernous Great Hall. The room was lit by soft torchlight, illuminating the grim faces of a group of people who were gathered around a single house table. The low murmur of hushed voices was interrupted by a loud crack of thunder. The ceiling overhead was a troubling stormy gray. At the head of the table, I spotted Dumbledore, who, upon our entrance into the hall, stood to greet us.

"Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix," he announced rather grimly. We glanced around the table as several of the members greeted us. "Members, these are our four new—"

"Sorry I'm late!" Peter came rushing into the room, breathless.

"Excuse me, our five new recruits to the Order of the Phoenix. These are James Potter, Sirius Black , Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and Lily Evans. Please sit." He motioned to several empty chairs at the far end of the table. We silently obeyed his command. 

"Now, the five of you are here because you are the most capable young people in your year at Hogwarts. If you haven't guessed already the Order of the Phoenix is a league against Voldemort. We work to help break up Death Eater attacks, save lives, and our ultimate goal is to defeat Lord Voldemort himself. These people," he motioned to the others seated around him. "have been trained as aurors, spies, strategy planners, and dark arts specialists. You will be trained as well, and soon you will be helping us with attacks. You will be owled immediately at any time of emergency. That is why you were called here tonight. I'm sorry to report that a Muggle family was killed earlier this evening." I felt a sickness building in the pit of my stomach. So this was reality; this was what I had heard so much of, but never really known the danger. Certainly, facing Voldemort had been one of the most difficult things I had dealt with in my life, as had been losing a very close friend, Erin. But somehow I had still always felt sheltered. Now we were going to be the ones who stopped Voldemort from stealing innocent lives. I thought of that family. Had they been expecting their deaths? Did they have kids? Small children? Had they just been sitting down to a nice dinner when their lives were unexpectedly stolen from them? James and Sirius fully understood the cruel horrors of the work of Voldemort. Their parents had had their lives robbed from them in vain. But was there something more that none of us could understand? Had they understood why they were killed, while the rest of us were here with only guesses to the reason why? I settled myself in the chair, feeling as though I was right where I wanted to be. If there was a way to stop Voldemort, I wanted to be a part of it.

"Logically, our new members will need training," Dumbledore explained. "James, Sirius, the two of you will become aurors. Sirius, Frank Longbottom will be training you. James, Professor McGonagall will be your trainer. Lily and Remus, you will both be trained by Arthur Weasley as strategy planners, and Peter, you'll be trained by Victor Brown as a spy." Arthur Weasley waved to Lily and I from a few seats down the table. He was a friendly looking young man of mid-twenties with a mess of wavy red hair, wire rimmed glasses and lots of freckles. He looked awfully familiar, and I remembered a boy a few years below us at Hogwarts named Tom Weasley, and concluded that this must be his brother.

"Well, I believe we've got everything covered, so this meeting is adjourned," announced Dumbledore, standing. Others stood and abandoned the table, gathering in crowds around the Great Hall to hold discussions with their fellow Order of the Phoenix members. Lily and I met up with Arthur. He shook each of our hands and we introduced ourselves. We agreed that our first training session would occur the following Monday at ten o'clock at the Three Broomsticks. After the meeting, we returned to our flat to get some sleep.

The next morning, I volunteered to pick up Addi at King's Cross Station. She had taken the early train from Clearglen School to London. The others were busy doing some last minute improvements to the girls' flat before her arrival. Addi's train pulled up to the station right on time, but Addi was nowhere in sight. After a few moments of searching, I began to get the feeling that something might have been wrong. But I knew it wasn't time to panic, and in any case I didn't know what I should do. So, I wandered throughout the train station. Twenty minutes passed; soon nearly half an hour. Finally, seated on a bench, quite alone, face buried in her hands, I found Addi. I hurried to her side. She glanced up, her face pale and her tired eyes weary, with dark circles under them. My guess was she had spent half the night before awake crying, after all that had happened.

"Hi Addi." I tried my best to sound cheerful.

"Hi," she replied weakly, making no effort to stand.

"So, ready to go back to the flat?" I asked. She didn't answer.

"Addi?"

"I've got somewhere else to go," she responded quickly, her eyes transfixed on the ground.

"Somewhere else?" I questioned, surprised. "Why? Where?"

"What do you care?" she snapped. "Neither does anyone else." I was determined to stay calm.

"Of course I care." I sighed. "Could you at least tell me where you're going?"

"A friend," she answered. "They're picking me up later." She sobbed quietly. I took a seat on the bench next to her, hardly able to believe what I was hearing. Addi couldn't be leaving me; this couldn't be over.

"Why don't you want to come back and stay with us?" I asked cautiously.

"I don't want to be an interference to your lives!" she shouted, turning away and burying her face.

"How could you ever think that?" I asked quietly, feeling guilty about the night before.

"Well, you apparently want time on your own, my brother thinks he's dating my best friend, and James and Lily are perfectly happy in their own little lives! There doesn't seem to be a place for me in that!"

"Do you really have somewhere to go?" I asked, fearing that I might have to leave the train station without her.

"Oh, who am I kidding! I've got no one!" she cried desperately. "You, and Sirius and Mari, you are all I have! Why do you think I'm so concerned?"

"Everything will work out," I said calmly.

"You always say that! When, Remus? When is it all going to work out? Sirius is going to ruin Mari's life with his ways, and she won't do anything about it, and last night you told me you don't want us to be together now, and everything is so wrong!" I watched painfully as Addi burst into fresh tears. It hurt me so badly to see her upset that the pain stabbed through my heart like a knife. It was at that very moment that I realized how much she meant to me, how much I loved her more than anything. I pulled her into my arms without objection and told her how much I needed her and told her with all honesty that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She silently considered my words, and finally returned them, her mood brightening slightly.

On the way back to the flats, we talked about Sirius and Mari. Addi seemed to find Sirius completely at fault for what had happened between he and Mari the night before. I casually suggested that Mari had something to do with it as well. In my opinion, no matter how frustrated we all were with Sirius, we had no right to blame everything on him. He had been through a very rough time in the last few months, and the last thing he needed was an intrusive girl to torment his feelings. Addi didn't seem to agree, and I didn't argue.


	38. Chapter 38: Serious Doubt

Author's notes: First of all, I'd like to apologize for taking so long to upload this story. I intended it to be completely uploaded a long time ago, but ff.net has been having problems and I've been really busy, so that hasn't happened. I'm going to try to have it completely up within the next two weeks. It's been all finished; the only things left to do are any last minute editing and uploading. 

Secondly, I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed. I appreciate all the feedback and comments. You guys are awesomeJ Way back in one of the first or second year chapters(sorry, I haven't written author's notes in, like, forever!), some of you mentioned that I had used the nicknames Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs when they weren't supposed to get those until fifth year. You're absolutely right! My original plot had them getting their nicknames in first year, and when I changed it later, somehow that chapter got missed—a mistake on my part!

I'm also not certain about James' position on the Quidditch team. I'd originally heard that in an interview, J. K. Rowling said that he was a chaser. Then, in the movie, he had apparently been a seeker. Anyway, he's a chaser in this story.

Well, things certainly haven't been looking so good for the marauders in the last few chapters, huh? No one ever said their lives were perfect, or anything close to it in the case of this story. But don't worry, there are quite a few laughs throughout the next few chapters. There are just ten more to go after this one! So, I'm sure you're sick of my rambling by now, so on to the story! (or, most likely, on to more of my rambling! Hehe)

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Chapter 38: Serious Doubt

When we arrived back at the flats, Addi made a brief appearance in our flat with everyone. While neither she or Sirius argued, although I could sense a certain tension between the two of them. It wasn't long before Addi disappeared to the girls flat, accompanied by Lily. Only James, Sirius and I were left in our flat.

"So, Remus, did you see Mari today?" questioned Sirius casually.

"No," I replied.

"The last thing you need is right now is a relationship, Sirius," added James.

"Oh thanks for telling me how to run my life!" snapped Sirius. "For your information, I'm having dinner with Mari tomorrow night, and the only reason I asked if you saw her today is because I thought she might confirm our date!"

"You can't go out with her, Sirius! You need time to heal," said James.

"I am healed! This is me healed!" insisted Sirius pointing his finger towards himself. I groaned, sick of the argument.

"James, just let Sirius do as he wishes. We're not going to be able to stop him," I sighed with exasperation. James looked bewildered and Sirius gave me a look of great thanks. I figured there couldn't be any great harm in Sirius and Mari going out once, as long as it was what they both wanted.

"Sirius, just one thing though," I added, as he headed to his bedroom. 

"Yeah?" 

"Try not to be too hard on Addi about this. She's taking it pretty rough."

"Don't worry, I won't," Sirius replied, leaving the room. James shook his head in disgust.

"You know, Sirius isn't the only person to blame here," I pointed out, as I had to Addi earlier. "Mari is equally responsible for what's going on."

"You know, you're right," said James thoughtfully.

"What are you thinking?" I demanded.

"Well, I just thought... well, what if we tried to get Mari out of the picture, you know, without making it obvious what we're doing."

"We can't just do that!" I exclaimed. "It's impolite, and disrespectful to Sirius and Mari, and rude..."

"Yeah, you're right," James agreed. "But, what else are we going to do? Sit back and see our best friend get himself hurt? I mean, we know he still misses Erin. He might not show it; he might not admit it, but how could you care about someone that much and lose them, and hardly react at all? I know if I ever lost Lily I'd go insane without her. Who knows how much time I'd need to feel like myself again, let alone love again? I'm not sure I ever could. If you've got any other ideas, I'm all for them, but with Sirius' stubbornness I don't see any other options. And I refuse to sit here and watch my best friend get himself hurt." I thought for a moment.

"You do have a point," I agreed. "There isn't much else we could do."

"Alright then, we'll get started as soon as we see her," said James. And that's exactly what we did.

Marianna arrived at our flat later that evening, accompanied by Addi. I suddenly felt guilty for planning to push Addi's best friend away from our group, but she was not pleased with Mari dating Sirius either, and something had to be done. It wasn't that we didn't like Mari, although we weren't particularly fond of her at the time, but at that point we'd have treated anyone in that situation the same.

James was at the door in a flash.

"Hi Maryanne," he said, flashing a cheesy grin.

"Uh, it's Marianna," she said a bit stiffly. I noticed for the first time, that when frowning, her otherwise pleasant face had a harsh appearance, ice blue eyes, a long pointed nose and thin lips.

"Oh, excuse me, Marianna," replied James curtly. Addi glanced at me, puzzled. I shrugged.

"I'm not sure Sirius is quite ready yet," James continued, rolling his eyes. "You know, he's never on time for anything." 

"You know, it's funny. Neither am I," said Mari. "The only reason I'm on time today is because of Addi."

"So, what do you think of Sirius so far?" I asked casually, glancing around to make sure Sirius still hadn't entered the room. Mari gave me an odd glance.

"I don't think it's any of your business!" she snapped, frowning. Addi frowned at me as well. I raised an eyebrow. Just then, Sirius entered the room.

"Hi Mari," he greeted her, then glanced around. "What's with everyone crowding around here? Haven't you ever heard of privacy?"

"Well, you know, Padfoot. We just wanted to see you off on your first date with your new girlfriend," said James innocently.

"I never said I was his girlfriend," hissed Mari.

"James, I don't know what's with you, but knock it off!" snapped Sirius.

"Perhaps you two should be going now," Addi suggested awkwardly to Mari and Sirius. They nodded in agreement and headed out the door. Addi closed it behind them.

"What the hell are you thinking!" she hissed.

"What?" asked James.

"Don't taunt them like that! Especially Mari! Don't you think she's been through enough already? This goes for you too, Remus!"

"Do you want to see Sirius get himself hurt again?" asked James.

"Of course not," said Addi. "But you know how he is. He's going to do what he wants anyway. There's no use trying to chase Mari off. Trust me, she's just as stubborn as he is."

"Give me two weeks," said James. "I'll guarantee you she's gone."

"We'll see," Addi agreed. "But I'm warning you two, you have no idea what she's like."

As it turned out, Addi was right. We spent the next two weeks questioning Mari about she and Sirius' relationship, which seemed to be getting pretty involved. They'd gone out five times. We teased them, taunted them, made them both angry with us, but nothing worked. Once when Mari was staying for dinner, James even put worms in her soup, certain it would scare her off for sure. Mari, being unpredictable as she was, took one look at the worm on her spoon, and burst into laughter. She complemented James on his sense of humor. Addi shot me an _I told you so_ glance. Lily, who happened to be getting along with Mari very well, got extremely angry with James, and shouted at him for three hours straight after Mari had left. Addi, who was simply annoyed, went back to the girls' flat without a word, and Sirius had become quite grouchy and went to bed, though I doubted he could be sleeping over Lily's shrill shouting. I sat up with James, willing to take my share of Lily's blame for what we had done. That did not mean, however, that we had given up on splitting up Mari and Sirius.

We did back off of the situation for a while, mostly because there were too many other things occupying our time. We'd been through our Order of the Phoenix training with Arthur, and shortly after the two weeks was up, came the first attack we had to deal with.

We were called out at two a.m. on a Monday night in late June for a Muggle attack. James and Sirius were sent out with a group of aurors, including the famous Madeye Moody, said to be the best auror the Order of the Phoenix had ever seen. No one doubted that there would be at least one more Death Eater in Azkaban with him on the job. 

Lily and I worked with Arthur, examining large, detailed maps, much like the Marauders Map, showing where our aurors were, as well as the Death Eaters. We gave instructions on safe apparating places, and tracked the safety of our men and women who were on the site of the attack. Lily was a genius when it came to our job. Even Arthur was fascinated at the strategies she could plan for arriving at the scene, efficiently, safely, and effectively. That night, three Death Eaters were captured and brought in, and the family was safe and sound with a few memory charms. James and Sirius had received a nasty attack with the crucious curse by a Death Eater, so when they arrived back at Hogwarts, Madam Pomfrey insisted they stay the night in the infirmary. "Just like old days," moaned James.

We saw more and more of Mari as the summer went on, and it became more and more apparent that she and Sirius weren't going to split up. Unintentionally, since our plan had gone into action, I'd taken a disliking to her. We had convinced ourselves that she was nothing but an unwanted outcast, that she wasn't and could never be one of us. Not only was she snippy, selfish, stubborn, and annoying, but I swear she was trying to win Sirius over with gifts and food. Sirius seemed so completely in love with her, that he couldn't see past it. There was something different about the way he gazed into her eyes; unlike any of the girls he'd dated in the last few months, and as I thought about it, unlike he'd ever looked at Erin either. What I'd been dreading had come true, I was almost certain. Sirius was in love with Marianna.

Ever since Sirius had started dating her, we'd been sworn to secrecy about magic. We weren't allowed to let Mari know anything. Of course, there had been the occasional slip-up, such as the time James couldn't remember how to work the Muggle TV. Luckily for us, Mari was gullible enough to think it a joke. 

Addi seemed to have accepted the fact that Sirius and Mari were dating. In fact, it seemed to bother her less than it bothered the rest of us. Her main concern was now back to our relationship.

One evening, we were sitting home alone; Mari and Sirius and James and Lily had all went out, and we couldn't be certain where Peter had gone. We sat on the sofa, the TV turned to a muggle movie that Addi had insisted we watch. It was some sappy, romantic love story, and I had nearly dozed off to the flickering of the screen when I heard the sound of Addi sobbing.

"Sad part of the movie?" I asked sleepily. She shook her head and rested it on my shoulder.

"We need to talk." 

"About what?"

"About us."

"Oh, Addi, not this again," I sighed. "Haven't we been through this enough?"

"Remus, I need an answer. What is it that keeps you from making any long term decisions about our relationship? Honestly?" I looked into her eyes. Why wasn't I certain about our future? I opened my mouth, forcing myself to be as honest as possible.

"Addi, it has nothing to do with you," I assured her. "It has to do with me. I want you to think about something, very carefully. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone like me—a werewolf? I won't be able to be there for you when you need me. I doubt I'll even be able to find work to support you... you certainly deserve better than that..."

"No, Remus. Don't say that; don't ever say that." She pulled her arms around my neck. "I understand the situation perfectly, and I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you. I just can't take this not knowing. I need a plan for my life; I can't wait forever."

"You're sure you don't mind?"

"Three years ago when you told me, I didn't mind. What should make now any different?"

And so I made my decision, once and for all. I would do what both of us wanted. The very next day, I headed straight for a jewelry store and found the most beautiful ring they had. The price was a bit much, but nothing more than I was willing to spend for Addi.


	39. Chapter 39: Surprise!

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Chapter 39: Surprise!

I decided to put the ring away for a while; no one knew I had it, not even James, Sirius and Peter, and I decided to keep it that way. I still felt I needed time before I proposed. It wasn't so much myself that I was concerned about. I didn't want Addi to agree to spend her life with someone she would regret later.

That was the thing with Addi, especially recently. She would appear perfectly happy to most everyone, but I could tell she was hurting. When the two of us were alone, she'd confide in me about whatever was bothering her at the time. It was always Sirius, her missing her father, or something about us. I always wondered, however, if she ever had any doubts in me; or rather, the werewolf.

Sometimes it would seem as though Addi's troubles were consuming her alive. I'd spent countless hours comforting her. I was there for her when she needed me. Not to provide for her, of take care of her material needs, as much as being her emotional support. And I realized; that's what she wanted. I really was the only one she had, other than Sirius. And she was all I had too, I reasoned. Then why didn't I propose yet? I asked myself. I couldn't come up with an answer.

Other things preoccupied our time for a while. Lily and James had set the date for their wedding; it would be late in August. Lily, Addi, and even Mari were ecstatic about planning. Everything from the color of James' tux (Lily wanted lavender) to the kind of wedding cake to serve at the reception was a hot debate. Addi took pleasure in telling me in great amounts of detail every plan they had made. One evening she came home to announce that she while shopping she had seen 'the most beautiful dress that would be perfect for a wedding', and begged of me to go back with her and look at it. Addi wasn't the only one dropping hints about getting engaged. Lily would over-exaggerate a dreamy expression while telling Addi loudly "Don't worry, I'm sure Remus will propose to you someday soon." And in response to this, when I said nothing, I would receive a sort of glare from Marianna, who seemed to think I was hurting her best friend. 

One night, James and I were nearly certain we'd finally gotten Marianna out of the picture. Sirius came home annoyed and told us that she refused to go for a walk with him down to the river after they'd had dinner.

"I tried to persuade her to go, and she shouted at me and turned and ran," complained Sirius. "So I came home. I can't believe it. I don't understand what her problem is." James and I exchanged triumphant glances as Sirius stomped off to bed. We assumed that we'd finally done something to make her angry enough to leave. James figured that allowing her to overhear a conversation about Sirius' 'other girlfriends' probably did it.

Our victory began to seem less likely when I mentioned it to Addi, who told me that ever since Marianna had dated Steve she'd been very cautious around her dates and probably didn't want to be around Sirius alone.

The next Friday, Marianna arrived at our flat, confirming that Addi was right. So she and Sirius continued dating, and James worked harder than ever to try to scare her off.

We were insanely busy with attacks for the next few weeks. For about eight days, I think there was at least one attack a night. We worked on wearily, hardly seeing a wink of sleep. An attack by a Death Eater had put James in the infirmary unconscious, and Lily refused to leave his bedside, day or night, so Arthur and I had to work alone on planning strategies. Twice we made errors, but there were lives saved that week because of us. 

Even when we were off duty, we'd find ourselves involved in attacks. Lily, James and I had gone shopping in Diagon Alley one afternoon when a group of Death Eaters attacked a small wizard boy who couldn't have been more than five years old. Three of them were using crucio on the poor child at once. His mother screamed and panicked, running up and down the street while his father tried desperately to curse the Death Eaters. Crowds of people swarmed into the safety of shops and houses, leaving the family nearly abandoned. Before Lily and I had even realized what was happening, James had his wand pulled on a Death Eater, ready to curse him. Lily and I quickly followed. Two of the Death Eaters quickly turned their attention to us, but the third continued to curse the child.

We didn't come out of that battle painlessly. But we did rescue the child, and Lily gave him back to his mother, who was still sobbing, and we saw them off to St. Mungo's to make sure the boy was alright, and ended up being treated ourselves, after the boy's mother insisted upon it. Luckily, though unconscious at the time, the doctors said the boy would pull through fine. Things didn't always work out so well.

I didn't know what to think of the world in those days. An innocent family couldn't even spend a day shopping in the city without being at risk of getting attacked. You never knew when you might be next. It was a constant haunting fear. If you dared go out alone, you were taking a great risk. And the worst of it was, the attacks appeared completely random. No one on our side had the slightest idea what might be causing Death Eaters to attack those who they did, or if it was just a sick game of attacking innocent victims for fun. Attacks were frequent, and death tolls high, and we saw all of it. It's hard not to feel guilty when someone gets killed, but we tried our hardest; sometimes things were just beyond our control. Those days were quite a painful experience to live through, and they claimed some of the best wizards and witches lives. But for those who survived, their lives will never be the same again.

In the midst of the large scale crisis taking shape under the power of Lord Voldemort and the Death Eaters, we were dealing with conflicts of our own. 

Marianna stayed with Sirius, despite the fact, that with all the attacks, most of the times she came to visit him, he was either out on duty, or away at auror training. Addi frequently complained of having to make up lies of the whereabouts of her brother, and begged him to tell Marianna the truth about magic.

One evening, however, Sirius and Mari begged James, Lily, Addi and I to go out with them on a sort of triple date. We reluctantly agreed, in order to keep the girls happy, and went to a small pub for dinner. Dinner passed by smoothly enough, although we didn't speak to Mari unless she spoke first. 

After dinner, we decided to go dancing; Lily's idea. James and I went, against our own will. Mari and Sirius spent the whole evening in each others' lap, doing anything but dancing.

"Sirius, why don't you stop and breathe for a few minutes?" James asked once.

"That's really ignorant," said Mari. "Why don't you leave us alone?"

"Fine then! I wasn't even trying to be rude to you that time!" Mari glared at him, and James glared back.

"Good thing we can't use magic around her. I'd have turned her into a toad by now," he hissed to me as we walked away.

"I don't think you've got to turn her into one," I replied. "The resemblence is there already." We burst into a fit of laughter, and recieved several suspicious glances from Addi and Lily. We avoided Sirius and Mari the rest of the evening, and they didn't seem to mind in the least. The only thing we did mention afterwards was that perhaps it was time to tell Mari about magic. At first, Sirius flat out refused, though as time passed, and Mari became more suspicious, he began to consider the idea.

The night of full moon, near the end of July, Sirius told us he was taking Marianna out on a date and was finally going to tell her everything. James, Peter, and I were heading up to the Shrieking Shack, where I still went to transform in those days. We were convinced that upon hearing about magic, Marianna would leave Sirius to never return. We had no idea how wrong we were.

The next day, I wandered into our flat absentmindedly, wand in hand, to find Sirius, Mari, and Addi sitting in the living room, sipping tea and talking.

"Hi Remus," Addi and Mari greeted me. Sirius bolted to the door, snatched my wand, and quickly threw it in the corner.

"What are you doing?" I demanded.

"Remus, Remus..." sighed Sirius. "How many times do I have to tell you to quit carrying that old stick around? Convinced it gives him good luck," he shrugged and told the others.

"What are you talking--?"

"So, Remus, glad to see you're back from Wales so soon. We were expecting..."

"I wasn't in Wa—"

"Of course you were! Visiting your mother, remember?" He insisted.

"But last night was full—" He glared at me.

"What?" I demanded. "It's not supposed to be a secret anymore."

"So, Mari. How's your family doing?" I overheard Addi begin speaking loudly.

"There was an attack last night. I haven't told her yet," he hissed angrily.

"Oh, how convenient," I commented, recalling that James had headed out first thing in the morning to register our fireplace in the Floo Powder network.

"What is it?" asked Sirius.

"Nothing," I replied quickly, as we joined Addi and Marianna.

"Everything okay?" asked Addi.

"Fine," I replied, glancing nervously at the fireplace across the room.

"So, how have things been going with you and Remus?" Mari asked. I thought briefly of answering by telling her it's none of her business, as she had done when I asked her about Sirius, but Addi beat me to responding.

"Good." She rested her head on my shoulder. "You and Sirius?" Mari opened her mouth to respond, but before she got a word out, I heard the familiar roaring sound of the fireplace. I saw Sirius' face fall as we all glanced in that direction. An instant later, James and Lily appeared, stepping out and brushing soot off their clothes.

"Hi mates," said James. The room went silent. Mari stared, her eyes wide.

"Aaaaaggggggggghhhhhhhh!" she shrieked. "No, that's impossible!" She scrambled from the door, still screaming. Addi followed.

"It's all right, Mari! Wait! You don't understand!" Worriedly, I glanced at Sirius. He glared at James furiously.

"Sorry?" James said.

"What the hell did you do that for?" he demanded.

"You said you were going to tell her last night!" 

"Well, there was an attack last night, and since none of you were around, guess who had to go out!" 

"We're sorry, Sirius," said Lily calmly. "I'm going to go help Addi talk to Mari. I'm sure she'll understand." She left before Sirius could respond. As for James and I, we decided it would be best to also leave and let Sirius have some time to himself to cool down. We headed to Hogsmeade, secretly certain of our victory of getting rid of Mari.

Three days later, the last thing we ever expected happened. Sirius had been grouchy ever since James and Lily had entered the flat by floo powder. Finally, late one evening we returned to find him not there. We thought little of this, assuming he'd needed some time to himself, and went to bed. The next morning, we awoke to find Sirius, already neatly dressed, cooking breakfast, (or trying), and whistling cheerfully.

"Sirius?" I questioned, glancing at the clock, which clearly said eight-thirty.

"Good morning, Moony!" he greeted me.

"What are you cooking?" I asked, noticing the smell of something burning. 

"Eggs." He held out a frying pan, filled with charred, brownish-black remains of what I supposed had once been eggs.

"Er, no thanks," I said. Just then, James stumbled into the room, rubbing his eyes.

"Hey Remus, seen my glasses anywhere?" he blinked a few times. "Sirius? You're up already?" he asked incredulously. 

"Yep. And I saw your glasses lying on the end table," was Sirius' reply.

"Ah, found them," said James, placing the glasses on his face. "What are you cooking?" he demanded.

"Eggs," Sirius replied, shrugging.

"Those are eggs?" questioned James doubtfully, prodding them with a fork. "You couldn't have tricked me into eating those even with my glasses off."

"Well good, because they're not for you," said Sirius.

"Then who are they for?" asked James.

"Mari."

"She's coming the whole way over here for breakfast?" I asked.

"Well, yeah. You know, it's not that far; just across the hall. Lily and Addi do it everyday."

"What?" demanded James and I in unison.

"Mari decided to move in with them; after we discussed magic," Sirius explained.

"So, she doesn't mind?" asked James.

"Well, apparently not, or she wouldn't have said yes."

"Yes to what?" I demanded. There was a pause.

"I asked Mari to marry me last night," admitted Sirius.

"You didn't," said James.

"I did." James and I exchanged glances.

"Well, that's fabulous news, Padfoot!" I exclaimed, faking excitement. "Congratulations!"

"Yeah," added James, slapping him on the shoulder. "Welcome to my world."

Our shock was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Come in," called Sirius. Mari walked in, beaming, and Sirius wore a broad grin at the sight of her. They greeted each other with a kiss.

"Congratulations, Mari. We heard the news," I said sincerely. James nodded.

"Thank you," she replied. My eyes fell to her hand, where a familiar gold ring, with a single diamond, had been placed on her ring finger.

"I think we should leave these two alone," said James through gritted teeth, grabbing the cuff of my shirt.

"Yeah, we'll see you later," I called. Sirius and Mari didn't respond. James dragged me into the hallway.

"Can you believe it!" he hissed. "It's crazy! He can't just propose to her like that!"

"Did you see the ring?" I asked.

"No, what about it?"

"It's the ring he was going to give Erin."

"You're sure?"

"Positive! But he can't do that! He—he just can't! That ring was for Erin, not _her_!" James nodded.

"I don't know what to do. I think we're too late to do anything."

"Could you two be any louder?" Lily stuck her head out of the girls' flat. "Get in here!" she motioned to us. James and I obeyed. 

"Can you two believe what's going on?" James asked Lily and Addi, who was also in the room.

"Good morning to you too, sweetie," replied Lily sarcastically. "Personally, I don't understand why everyone is so angry. Sirius and Mari get along so well. They're our friends, and what they want should be what we want." James shook his head in disgust. Addi was sitting on the sofa, her eyes fixed on a spot on the ground. I could tell she was trying to remain calm. I sat down next to her, slipping my arm around her shoulders.

"Are you all right, Addi?" I asked.

"Never better," she replied bitterly, drawing in a few deep breaths. She flung my arm off of her shoulders, as she stood up and stomped off to her bedroom. I sighed. I should have known she wouldn't take the situation easily. And it wasn't entirely Sirius' thought. I had half an idea the fact that Addi's brother and best friend were getting married before she was wasn't exactly a pleasing thought either. Still, I knew of nothing I could do at the time. I took Lily's advice and let her alone, while the three of us remained in the girls' flat, eating a breakfast of cold cereal and hot tea. When Sirius and Mari decided to go for a late morning walk, James and I returned to our flat; Lily promised to try to talk to Addi.

Shortly after James and I returned, Peter made an appearance.

"Hey, Petey!" James greeted him. "Still living here?" It was his first time back in two weeks.

"Sure," replied Peter.

"So, where've you been?" I asked.

"Oh... around," replied Peter. I nodded.

"So, I guess you haven't heard the news?"

"What news?"

"Sirius is getting married. You remember Mari... I think you met her once or twice," I said.

"Oh, her," said Peter, a slight smile forming on his face. "Well, tell Padfoot congratulations, and let me know when the wedding is. I've got to be off again." He shook his head. "I've started my new job, and it's really demanding." He hurried out of the flat before we could even ask him where he was working.

"Do you notice anything different about him lately?" I asked James.

"Yeah, I think he feels unwanted," James responded suggestively. There was a moment of silence. "I'm going to head over to Diagon Alley to grab some lunch and a few supplies. Want to come?"

"No, that's all right," I replied. He soon left, leaving me alone in the flat.

In my bedroom, I pulled open the sock drawer of my bureau. I rummaged to the bottom of it, where I found a tiny black velvet box. I seated myself on the bed and snapped the box open. There was the shiny new diamond ring, sparkling at me like Addi's eyes. I sighed and snapped the box closed. I placed it back in the bottom of the drawer, being sure to stack plenty of socks on top of it.


	40. Chapter 40: Rejection; Almost

****

Chapter 40: Rejection; Almost

Three days passed by slowly. I heard nothing of Addi, or Lily, who was with her in their flat. Mari, not wanting to invade, was staying on the couch in our flat, to the great displeasure of James and I. 

Finally, on the third morning, there was a knock at the door. I answered.

"Hi Remus," said Lily with a friendly smile. I allowed her to enter.

"Hi," I responded. "How's Addi?"

"She'll be alright," replied Lily. "She's just feeling a little down right now. She'd like to meet you for dinner tonight though. She said you know the place; a little Italian restaurant a few blocks over where you two go a lot." I nodded.

"What time?"

"Seven."

"Okay, I'll be there."

"Great, I'll tell her," replied Lily.

At six-thirty, I dressed in my only Muggle dress suit, smoothing the wrinkles, adjusting the collar, and being sure to look presentable. Just before seven, on a last minute thought, I dug to the bottom of my sock drawer and placed the tiny black box in my jacket pocket. Feeling more secure, I left the flat.

I arrived at the restaurant just at seven, to find Addi already seated at a tiny table in the corner. I walked over.

"Hi Addi," I said slowly. "Am I late?"

"No, no, you're right on time," she replied vaguely. Feeling awkward, I sat down. I pulled Addi's hand in between both of mine. She stared at me blankly.

"I miss you," I said quietly. She turned her head. I let go of her hand and sighed. A waiter arrived to take our orders. After I'd eaten my plate of spaghetti, and she finished her fettucini alfredo in silence, we stood to leave.

"Why don't we go for a walk," I suggested. She didn't object. We began walking in silence, avoiding each other's gaze. I hung my head and stared at the sidewalk passing by under my feet. At this rate, we'd have walked through the entire city of London without having accomplished anything. At last I spotted a tiny park up ahead of us.

"Let's go sit down." I motioned toward a park bench. Addi didn't object.

"I think we need to talk," I said.

"What's there to talk about?" Addi muttered coldly. 

"Whatever's bothering you," I replied calmly. She drew in a deep breath.

"I don't want Sirius and Mari to get married," she said quietly.

"Why not?"

"They're my brother and best friend! And they practically just met! And they're already getting married!"

"But isn't it like both Sirius and Mari to tend to rush into things?" 

"Well, yeah," said Addi slowly. 

"Do you think they love each other?" I asked. She gave me a confused glance, but answered the question.

"Yes, I think they do."

"Well, if two people love each other, then why shouldn't they be married?" I asked.

"Maybe you'd like to answer that question!" shouted Addi

"Is that what this is about?" I asked. "It's not really about Sirius and Mari at all, is it? It's about us."

"Oh, I'm horrible!" Addi moaned. "I'm wishing terrible things for my brother and best friend who want to get married, because—well, I guess I'm envious. And I'm blaming my boyfriend who has done nothing but be there for me. I'm a terrible person!" 

"No. No, you're not," I whispered, pulling her into my arms.

"Why do you even bother with me?" asked Addi, her eyes tearing.

"Because—I love you." I thought of the ring tucked in my pocket, and looked at Addi's tear-filled eyes. How could I cause her so much pain? On my first instinct, I slipped my hand inside the pocket and enclosed my fingers around velvet box.

"Addi, you mean the world to me," I began. "And I know how much you want us to be together. Well, I want it just as much as you do." I took a deep breath and held out the box. "Adhara Black, will you marry me?" I snapped the box open and stared at Addi's face, waiting for a reaction. For an instant, nothing. Finally, her eyes softened.

"I'm sorry, Remus. I can't."

"What?"

"Thank you for the offer, Remus, but you only did this because you knew it was what I wanted. I want it to be what you want too." I felt my own eyes begin to fill with tears.

"But Addi, this is what I want, more than anything." She shook her head. 

"Let's get back to the flats," she said, standing. I was in too much shock to get to my feet. I couldn't bring words to my lips anymore. I just didn't understand how she could refuse. But what she thought wasn't true; I really did want to spend the rest of my life with her. I supposed I'd never really done a good job showing it, so I decided that's what I needed to do.

"Someday, Remus," said Addi. I felt a stab through my heart and remembered telling Addi those very same words before, only now I knew how she'd felt. We headed back to the flats, barely speaking a word.

"We won't tell anyone about what happened tonight, okay?" said Addi. I nodded. I'd been thinking the same thing. I wished her goodnight without a kiss and headed inside. No one else was home, so I headed to bed.

I didn't get a bit of sleep that night. I stayed awake crying, imagining horrible things, like Addi finally realized she didn't want to spend her life with a werewolf, or that it was really too late and I'd never get to marry her. And all of it was my fault. If only I'd have asked her sooner!

The next morning, I didn't bother getting out of bed. I didn't see any reason get up. I felt miserable, tired eyes, messy hair and an unshaven face, red from resting on the tear-soaked pillow. I closed my eyes and imagined nothing had happened. As soon as I opened my eyes, I faced reality. But I felt as though as long as I hid away, none of what had happened was real. If I didn't have to face it, I didn't have to think about it. Unfortunately, as in the case of all bad situations, that wasn't true. 

About four in the afternoon, there was a knock on my door.

"Come in!" I called, trying to make my voice sound normal.

"Hi Remus." I froze at the sound of Addi's voice. "Remus?" she spoke gently. "I just wanted to apologize for yesterday. I felt really horrible." I couldn't bring myself to respond. I felt her sit down at the edge of the bed. I turned over. She placed her hand on my forehead, brushing back my hair. I stared up at her beautiful eyes and fought back tears again. She leaned over and before I could prevent it, her lips touched mine, taunting my feelings. She sat up, silently, and I watched as tears formed in her eyes.

"Remus?" she asked.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"Could we forget everything I said yesterday?"

"You mean...?"

"Yes, I want to marry you. I believe that you were telling the truth when you said it's what you want." I stood and she threw her arms around me, grinning through her tears. I grabbed the box from my nightstand and slid the diamond on her finger. 

"There, my future wife," I said, beaming. She grinned broadly.

"Let's go tell everyone."

Everyone seemed very happy for both of us, Mari included. She, Lily and Addi spent hours squealing about the ring. Sirius secretly told me he thought it was the best thing I could have done for Addi. 


	41. Chapter 41: Marriage

****

Chapter 41: Marriage

Summer quickly drew to an end, and soon I headed back to Hogwarts to begin my teaching career. I was briefly trained, although with the demanding work of Order of the Phoenix, there was rarely someone around who could fulfill the duty of trainer, and rarely time enough to be spent learning my new career. I learned most everything by reading countless books. By the time the students arrived, I was ready.

The first, second and third years were fairly simple. I was teaching material that I was comfortable with, and they tended not to question my authority. The older students, however, were more difficult. The seventh years seemed to think the whole class was a joke, since I'd been friends with most of them just last spring. Somehow I managed to plow through the material. Dumbledore assured me that I was doing just fine.

James and Sirius enjoyed randomly stopping by to demonstrate a prank or strange spell to the class, who enjoyed their visits more than anything else. Usually I had to throw the two of them out, before things got completely out of hand. They seemed to forget that I had responsibilities as a teacher. When they couldn't be at Hogwarts to cause mischief, they still managed to disrupt class. Mail was delivered to teachers by owl during first period everyday. Not a single day passed by that I didn't receive a howler, or some dungbombs from my old pals Padfoot and Prongs. Occasionally the stench was so horrible that I had to move the whole class to an abandoned classroom in a different corridor to continue teaching.

Of course, I didn't forget my life outside of Hogwarts. I spent every weekend at home with my friends and new fiance. After months of problems, it finally seemed as though everything would be okay between Addi and I.

"I can't wait to be married to you," she whispered, grinning, one evening when we were in the girls' flat alone.

"Me either," I replied, kissing her. "Nothing has ever felt more right to me." I kissed her again. 

"I think we should move to the country," said Addi. "Maybe back to Wales where you lived. I think it'd be nice to raise a family there."

"Whatever makes you happy," I replied with a smile. She settled herself in my lap, her head leaning against my shoulder and pulled out a tiny book.

"Lily let me borrow this," she said. It was a book of baby names. I laughed nervously.

"Planning ahead quite a bit, aren't we?"

"I just can't wait," she replied. "So, which is better for a boy, Jonathan or Jack? Or should we call him Remus Jr.?"

"No, we're not putting another innocent child through the torture of being named Remus!" I laughed.

"I like your name!" objected Addi. 

"How about Jeremy then?" I suggested my middle name.

"Okay, I like it!" said Addi. "So if we have a boy, we'll call him Jeremy. Or if it's a girl, we should call her Brienna. Or do you like Shayla better?" I laughed and shook my head.

"You act like you're going to have the kid tomorrow."

"This is very important," scolded Addi good-naturedly. "Now, what do you think?"

"I like Brienna," I replied.

"Great, Jeremy and Brienna. Perfect."

"Just like you," I grinned, slipping my arms around her.

"That was really cheesy, Remus," Addi laughed.

"Yeah, I know." I kissed her. "We'll be great parents someday."

"Mmhm," Addi replied.

Conversations like that weren't uncommon between us, and they were what I remembered when I was away at Hogwarts. I wished I could be with Addi all the time, because I missed her a lot, but I needed some way of making a living. We saw less and less of each other as all of us went our seperate ways. James and Lily's wedding arrived in mid-September.

"It'll be all right, Jamesie," said Sirius, giving a nervous James a punch on the arm and a reassuring smile. James drew in a deep breath and observed himself in the mirror, straightening his bowtie and making one last attempt to flatten his messy hair.

"We always knew you and Lily would be getting married someday," I said grinning.

"Yeah, didn't we tell him that in first year?" said Sirius.

"Yes, I think so. And then he turned our hair bright green," I said, recalling the incident. James laughed nervously. There was a knock at the door.

"Come in," called Sirius. Mari stuck her head through the door.

"It's almost time. Are you all ready?"

"We're fine," I replied.

"Well, I've got to go. Lily's feeling a bit nervous," said Mari, leaving the room. We looked at James, whose face had gone chalk white.

"Nervous, Prongs?" I asked. He swallowed.

"Sort of. I mean, this is the rest of my life. I'm not sure if I'm ready for this kind of commitment. I thought I was, but..."

"James, this is Lily you're talking about. You two have been acting like you're married since about fourth year. Besides, you two love each other. It's obvious," said Sirius. I nodded.

"You and Lily were meant to be together. Just wait until you see her walking down the aisle. You'll be so certain you're doing the right thing that you'll wonder how you ever could have questioned it."

"It's time for you all to get out there!" called Mari, knocking on the door. I glanced towards James, who forced a smile and followed behind us. Without a word, he took his place at the altar.

Sirius and I met up with Addi and Mari. Addi slipped her arm around mine. We lined up behind Sirius and Mari, who were the best man and maid of honor. In front of them were two of Mari's younger cousins, the only two small children we could find to be the flower girl and ring barer. Lily still hadn't appeared from her dressing room. 

We peered out into the small gathering of people. All of the Hogwarts Proffessors were there, occupying the majority of James' side of the church, since he had no relatives. Peter had also come. Lily's family occupied the other side of the church. Even Petunia and her husband had come. Some of our old Hogwarts friends had also come, as well as several members of the Order of the Phoenix. 

The airy organ music filled the room, and the procession began. We proceeded down the aisle and took our places. At last, Lily glided down the aisle, escorted by her father. She looked like an angel in her long lacy gown. Her fiery red curls were neatly arranged on top of her head, and a vail covered her glowing face. James grinned at the sight of her.

The room was silent as the two quietly recited their vows, voices trembling. No one could help but notice how perfect they looked together; the way their eyes glowed, the way they smiled and everyone could tell the only thing each one saw was the other. By this point in the ceremony, most of the guests had tears filling their eyes. McGonagall had fallen to pieces and was sobbing loudly. Hagrid was openly bawling, and currently on his third huge handkerchief. Even Dumbledore's eyes glistened with tears. Addi and Mari were both openly sobbing, and even Sirius looked a bit teary-eyed. I felt my own eyes cloud over.

"James, do you take Lily to be your lawfully wedded wife; to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?" There was a pause.

"I do."

"And Lily, do you take James to be your lawfully wedded husband; to have and to hold in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?" Lily's emerald eyes glistened as she stared towards James. She seemed to be reassuring herself of her decision.

"I do."

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride." James lifted Lily's vail, and pulled her into a long kiss. The room erupted into cheers, the loudest being from Sirius, and everyone continued weeping. I felt tears rolling down my own cheeks.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. and Mrs. James Potter." The two of them were beaming, James' usual marauder grin was stretched to three times its usual size.

Everyone congratulated the newly married couple. After that, we headed off for the reception, which was an adventure in itself. Lily had way too much fun smearing wedding cake in James' face, until Sirius decided to get involved and cover both of their faces with icing. The photographer tried to have Sirius thrown out because he wouldn't stay out of any of the pictures. After a lot of food, dancing, and a bit too much to drink for some, we all headed home.

James and Lily had moved out of the flats and were moving into a tiny cottage in Godric's Hollow.

The school year seemed to drag on endlessly. Until that point, it had never occurred to me that sometimes teachers are as anxious as students for the year to be over.

Full moons passed by. Usually Dumbledore took over class for a few days while I rested in the infirmary afterward. He wasn't fond of me still going to the Shrieking Shack. Hogsmeade had had quite its share of Death Eater attacks. Twice Voldemort himself had shown his face there. I was offered an abandoned corridor in the school to transform in instead, but recalling how James, Sirius, Peter and I had spent the majority of the nights during our Hogwarts years roaming through forbiddon parts of the school, I decided it was better that I remain in the shack.

If James and Sirius weren't busy, Padfoot and Prongs would sometimes join me, however usually I was alone. I often wondered if any of my students were clever enough to figure out where I disappeared to every full moon, however I never did find out. 

It wasn't unusual that classes would be cancelled, and students forced to remain in their common rooms, while the Order of the Phoenix took control over an attack. Those days were the worst anyone alive had ever experienced. Not a day passed without an attack or rally of Death Eaters in the Dark Arts dominated world we lived in. We were so busy, they had to make a rotation of Order of the Phoenix members so that a crew was on standby constantly in case anything happened, and it usually did.

The ministry had even starting recruiting people for jobs that know one else was allowed to know about.

"You're looking at the latest Unspeakable for the Ministry of Magic," Sirius announced upon arriving home one day. 

"The latest what?" Mari asked, looking confused and slightly worried.

"An Unspeakable," explained James, his eyes glowing with interest. "They do top secret ministry work. It's so confidential that they can't tell _anyone_. So what do you do, Sirius?"

"I can't tell you. I'm sworn to secrecy," said Sirius. Mari and Addi both raised an eyebrow.

"Please Padfoot?" pleaded James. "It's just us. We're not going to tell anyone."

"That's not the point. I don't want to lose my job before I even get to start," argued Sirius.

"Can't you even give us some sort of clue as to what you do?" I asked hopefully.

"Here's a clue. Leave me alone," said Sirius sarcastically.

"You can't tell us anything?" asked Mari.

"I'm sorry, I wish I could, but I just can't."

"Come on, everyone. Let's leave Sirius alone. He's not allowed to say what he does and we certainly don't want to get him into trouble," Lily tried to shut us up.

We never did figure out what exactly Sirius did, although after he got the job, he was gone more than ever. And his disappearances weren't patterned either. We'd wake up one morning and find him gone, or have plans for an evening and he wouldn't show up. This especially seemed to annoy Mari. James was so caught up in his curiosity that every time we did see Sirius, he'd continually beg him for details. 

Meanwhile, work for the rest of us at the Order of the Phoenix got tougher. We experienced more and more attacks, closer and closer to the safety of Hogwarts.The ministry had tried to persuade Dumbledore again and again to shut down the school and allow the students to return home. He wouldn't allow it. No where else was safe, only Hogwarts remained unattacked. To that day, the only occurance near the grounds was the murder of Erin White, nearly a year earlier. For safety precautions, all students were required to remain inside the castle at all times. There was no quidditch, no Care of Magical Creatures, no Hogsmeade trips and no outdoor detentions.


	42. Chapter 42: Unexpected

****

Chapter 42: Unexpected

Sirius hadn't had his Unspeakable job for more than a week when something completely out of the ordinary happened. It was a Friday night and I had just arrived back home from Hogwarts. The girls were visiting our flat for dinner. Sirius was randomly gone, which tended to happen often. We were just gathering around our tiny kitchen table, when a familiar rumbling in the fireplace told us someone was coming. Several seconds later, Sirius stepped out, looking exhausted, beaten and covered from head to foot in something that looked horribly like...

"Blood!" Marianna exclaimed, looking at him in horror. "You're covered in blood! What the hell happened?" We'd all left our seats and come to gather around Sirius in front of the fireplace, everyone keeping a considerable distance.

"S-sorry, I wasn't expecting you all to be here," said Sirius quickly, taking a step backward.

"That doesn't answer the question, Sirius," said James. "What's going on?" Sirius sighed. 

"I can't tell you. You know that."

"It was okay for you to not tell us when it was just some new job," I said. "But when you come home beaten and drenched in blood, I think we have a right to know what's going on."

"It was an accident, all right?" said Sirius. "That's all I can say." Mari, Lily and Addi looked horrified at the sight of Sirius.

"Why don't you go get yourself cleaned up, and then get some rest," Lily suggested, frowning.

"Sounds good," said Sirius, quickly leaving the room. When we went to look for him a little while later, he was gone again. We had no idea what Sirius' job was, but we knew it wasn't anything ordinary. He was almost never around, and usually he would leave without telling anyone. He had no schedule; it was completely random.

Our Christmas spirits were quite dampened that year, although we did plan to spend the holiday together. It would be a rare gathering time for all of us outside of Death Eater attacks. Of course, as usual, nothing went as we planned. An attack on Christmas Eve landed James, Sirius and I in the infirmary for Christmas, and Lily, Addi and Mari spent the day crowded around our bedsides. The only perk to the situation was that Dumbledore set up a huge feast for us in the infirmary.

One weekend, I was at home alone. Addi and Lily had decided they needed to take a girls' weekend, James was out on call for auror duty, and Sirius and Mari had planned a date for the evening. I had just settled on the sofa and flipped on the muggle television, which I had taken to watching, when there was a knock at the door.

"Come in!" I called, wondering who it could possibly be. The door opened, revealing Mari, red-faced and teary-eyed.

"Hi Mari," I said slightly startled. "What are you doing here?" She shook her head.

"Did something happen with Sirius?" I asked, almost hopefully. She didn't respond. Against my will, I felt bad for her.

"Why don't you come in and sit down awhile. I'll make some tea."

"Alright," she replied.

"So, do you want to talk to me about what's wrong?" I asked, boiling some water. "I thought you were going out with Sirius tonight."

"I was," she said bitterly. "Except he never showed up."

"Oh," I replied. I sat down in the armchair. I didn't know what else to say. Mari sighed and shook her head.

"Sometimes I just don't know about Sirius," she sighed, slipping her engagement ring off of her finger and holding it in front of her, examining it. Her bottom lip trembled, and tears streamed from her cheeks. "I mean, he's never around. He's missed so many of our dates, and he's always got some pathetic excuse. I don't understand this whole Unspeakable thing. He says he's at a job, but he can't even tell me about it. I don't even know if I can trust him at all. He says he loves me, but I have to wonder if even that's true." She moved the ring between her fingertips so that light reflected off of the diamond.

"You know, that ring almost belonged to someone else." The words slipped from my mouth, unintentionally bitter.

"What?" Mari asked, staring at me intently.

"Sirius never told you about any of his other girlfriends?" I asked.

"Well, no not really," said Mari, looking at me curiously. "He has other girlfriends?" she asked slowly, her eyes full of hurt. It would have been so easy to say yes. We would have been rid of Mari forever. But I couldn't do it.

"No, no, he doesn't have any other girlfriends _now_," I explained. "But he used to."

"Oh," Mari said. "And he was going to marry one of them?"

"Yes, that's true," I replied. 

"Who was she?" Mari asked.

"Well, her name was Erin White," I began, pouring two mugs of tea and handing one to Mari. I sat down on the couch next to her. "She was a witch, one of our best friends at Hogwarts. James and I were convinced that Sirius liked her since the very first day of first year when she sat with us at the back to school feast. It turned out that we were right. Sirius took Erin to the Winter Ball fourth year, and they remained boyfriend and girlfriend from then on." I paused for a moment to keep my eyes from tearing. Mari listened intently. "Erin and Sirius were complete opposites; Black and White. It was obvious in their appearance for one thing. Erin was short; really tiny, and very pale, with blue eyes and hair so blonde it was practically white, unlike Sirius, of course. Erin was always so quiet and patient; there was nothing that could get her temper going. She was one of the smartest, most capable girls in our year. She was the kind of person you couldn't get past with anything. If you were up to something she knew about it; if you were upset about something, she tried to cheer you up. She was always friendly to everyone, even the people we considered enemies. I guess sometimes the worst things happen to the nicest people." I wiped tears from my eyes, and looked at Mari.

"What happened between them?" she asked looking concerned.

"I'll explain," I said shakily. I didn't want to talk about it anymore, but I couldn't stop where I was.

"It was seventh year, just a little over a year ago," I began. "New Years Day, to be exact, also Sirius' birthday. He had a ring; that ring, ready to give to Erin. He was planning to propose that very day. There was a huge quidditch—er, wizard sport match coming up, and so Sirius and James were out training for days. We hadn't seen them at all, and one morning we recieved a note from them telling us to meet them in the forest. Erin didn't want to go; she said she had a bad feeling about it, but we talked her into coming along. When we got to the woods, the person we found awaiting us wasn't Sirius at all. It was Lord Voldemort. The note was a trick. He captured us and kept us there. Finally, Sirius arrived, and we planned our escape. As we got away, Voldemort tried to curse Sirius, but Erin jumped in the way and took the curse for him. She saved his life, but it cost her her own." I looked at Mari through watery eyes. She was crying, still looking at the ring.

"I had no idea," she sobbed. "That's so awful. I feel horrible for not knowing."

"It's not your fault," I said. "It's our fault for making you feel unwelcome. I'm really sorry about all the things James and I did. I guess we just didn't want anyone replacing Erin."

"I'll never try to replace her," promised Mari. "I'd never want to do that."

"I owe you a huge apology, though. We shouldn't have treated you so badly."

"I understand. If it were me, I'd have probably done the same thing. I guess I should be giving Sirius his ring back."

"Mari, you can't do that," I insisted.

"Why not?"

"Because Sirius loves you. He loved Erin, but she's gone. You're all he has now. You don't want to hurt him worse than he already is?"

"No."

"Then please put that ring back on your finger and make my best friend happy," I pleaded, with the first sincere smile I'd ever given Mari.

"Okay," she agreed slowly sliding the ring back onto her finger. There was a moment of silence, followed by a knock at the door.

"Come in," I called. Sirius stumbled through the door, exhausted to the point he could hardly stand.

"Mari?" he asked. "What are you doing here?"

"Remus was just telling me a story," she said. I got a sickening feeling in my stomach. Sirius wasn't going to be pleased that I told her.

"About what?"

"Erin."

"Remus told you about Erin?" Sirius' eyes fell to me.

"Sirius, she deserved to know!"

"I'm so sorry," whispered Mari, pulling her arms around Sirius before he could say another word. After a moment, Sirius had calmed down.

"Where were you tonight?" Mari asked finally. "We had a date planned."

"I'm sorry, Mari. I really am. I had every intention of coming. It's just that there was a last minute attack, and they needed me. No one else could take the job. I'm really, really sorry. I'll make it up to you." 

Normally, Mari would have either yelled at him, or gotten angry and stormed off. But she did neither of these two things, just nodded understandingly and kissed Sirius goodnight. Shortly after, she left, and Sirius and I went to bed without a word.


	43. Chapter 43: Parents

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Chapter 43: Parents

The winter passed by slowly, a confused blur of attacks, teaching and visits home. The frequent blustery snowstorms made the conditions nearly unbearable. On top of everything else, there was a nasty bout of the flu going around; nearly everyone was sick in bed. The infirmary had overflowed with sick patients, and Madam Pomfrey had to occupy an extra corridor with cots to treat all of her patients. For nearly three weeks, there weren't more than about thirty students well enough to come to come to classes. 

One afternoon, Lily and James made the announcement that they were going to have a baby. Sirius and my initial reaction was to laugh at the absurdity of Prongs raising a child.

"You, a father!" laughed Sirius. "I can picture it now! The kid will be three days old flying around on a broomstick dropping dungbombs everywhere!"

"Don't you give him any ideas!" said Lily sending a pillow sailing in Sirius' direction. James shook his head and looked at us with a solemn face.

"I might have screwed up a lot of things before, and I may have made jokes out of things, and acted immature, and pulled pranks, and done a lot of things I shouldn't have, but I swear, I'm going to do this right. I am going to be a good father." Lily beamed at him, looking incredibly pleased, Sirius rolled his eyes and Peter stifled a laugh.

"You don't believe me?" James looked a bit insulted.

"Sure we do," said Sirius. "But you're not going to able to be around the baby constantly, so that will call for a baby-sitter. And who better to do the job than your old pal Padfoot?"

"Believe me, we'll find someone," said Lily.

The days brightened with the coming of spring. The number of attacks dropped drastically from what it had been, and with the fresh green grass and warm sun, it was easy to believe the world was a peaceful place once again.

Sirius and Mari were married in a tiny park on a beautiful May afternoon. The service was very small, especially since there was some tension between Mari's family, especially her father, and Sirius. 

Even our old Padfoot got nervous on his wedding day. We had to give him the same speech I recalled him giving James just a few months earlier. I guess it's something that's a lot easier to talk about than it is to actually do. 

All of our hard feelings about Mari had gone. Ever since the night I told her about Erin, I had accepted her as a part of our friends. I'm not quite sure what happened to James. I think he just came to the realization that she was there to stay and there was nothing he could do about it. Whatever the reason, all of us were thrilled for the two of them that day.

It wasn't long after the wedding that Sirius and Mari also decided to move out of our flats and get their own place to live; a small house just outside the city. Peter had long since declared that he was moving out to live nearer to his work. He still visited occasionally, but I sensed a sort of distance growing between us.

Addi decided to move in with me in our old flat so that we could sell the other; we saw no point in having two large flats for just the two of us. Besides that, I think Addi was expecting that we'd be getting married very soon after.

We hadn't picked a date for our wedding. I saw no need to rush into it; we were nineteen years old. We had the rest of our lives to spend together. I wasn't certain that James and Sirius had done the right thing by marrying. The way things were then, there was no time to spend as a family, and raising children wasn't safe because of the attacks. I assumed as soon as things calmed down, then I would get married. I think Addi understood my thinking as well, because she no longer questioned me about it, and seemed content living just the way things were.

Lily's stomach was beginning to look quite round, and James discovered he had his work cut out for him. One Saturday afternoon we all paid a visit to the tiny tudor cottage.

"James, you're going to cook dinner! My feet are swollen!" Lily bellowed, from the couch where she was relaxing. 

"Fine, darling, just one tiny problem. I can't cook!"

"You're so helpless!" Lily moaned, attempting to get to her feet. Mari and Addi were at her side in an instant. 

"You're not doing a thing. You need rest," said Mari.

"Yeah, we'll take care of the cooking," said Addi. James and Lily both looked relieved.

"So, what are we cooking?" asked Mari.

"Ham," replied James.

"Ham? I could really go for some chicken," said Lily. "And chocolate. I need chocolate!"

"Would you stop this?" James moaned. "You're always wanting things we don't have, and instead of going and getting them yourself you always expect me to do it for you!"

"I'm sorry, James," Lily apologized, looking teary-eyed. James' face softened.

"Oh, Lil, it's all right. I should be the one who's sorry." He sat down on the couch and put his arm around his wife. "I'll go get what you want, and then we'll make dinner, all right?" Lily nodded, still looking upset.

"Wow, I pity you Prongs, putting up with this all the time," said Sirius. Addi glared at him.

"I may be pregnant, Sirius Black, but that doesn't mean I won't make you miserable just like I used to in school!" Lily threatened. Sirius took a step back without a word.

"And besides," Mari spoke up quietly. "You'll soon be putting up with it to."

"What?" asked Sirius a moment later. "You mean...?" Mari nodded.

"We're going to have a baby, Sirius," she said, almost as though she was afraid of his reaction. 

"I'm going to be a father!" Sirius exclaimed excitedly, jumping up and down like a child. He hugged Mari, who looked extremely relieved. "Oh, and Prongs and Lils, I'm sorry." We congratulated them.

"I've got an idea," said Addi. "To celebrate, why don't we forget cooking and go out for dinner?" No one objected, and we spent the rest of the night in peace at the Three Broomsticks.

All went smoothly until the last day of July, actually, more like the night before the last day of July. I became faintly aware of someone tapping my shoulder.

"Addi?" I mumbled sleepily, not bothering to look up. Someone yanked on my arm.

"Ouch!" I grumbled, looking up. A large shadow filled the room. Addi was still asleep next to me.

"Who the hell..." I began.

"Relax, it's me, Padfoot," I heard Sirius' voice.

"You're an idiot! What do you think you're doing showing up here at this hour?" I demanded, climbing from bed.

"What?" Addi yawned.

"Hi, sis," said Sirius in an overly friendly tone.

"Sirius!" Addi jumped up at once. "It's the middle of the night! And besides, you shouldn't just come walking into our flat!"

"Well, believe me, finding my sister and best friend in the same bed wasn't something I wanted to see either..." He received a pillow in the face from Addi, who had turned slightly red.

"What are you doing here, Sirius?" I asked calmly.

"I'm here because Lily went into labor. Everyone else is already at the hospital, and they sent me to get you two."

"Oh," I replied. "What hospital?" Sirius shrugged. 

"Some Muggle one. Lily insisted. Now hurry up and get ready. I'll go back with you."

"How's Addi getting there? She can't Apparate."

"We'll take floo powder to a James and Lily's house. It's not far from there." We threw some clothes on and were quickly ready to leave. 

Several minutes later, we arrived at the hospital. We found a pale and nervous James pacing a hallway.

"James! How's the father doing?" I hit him on the shoulder. He shrugged.

"They won't tell me anything. How am I supposed to know if she's okay!" he cried.

"I'm sure Lily's just fine, James," said Addi. "Why don't you sit down and try to stay calm?"

"Stay calm, right. Stay calm," James repeated, wandering off looking dazed.

Sirius, Addi and I went out in search of a coffee machine. It wasn't hard to find. James and Sirius always told me I shouldn't be allowed to have caffeine. I guess that day proved they were right. Between all the caffeine, and being nervous for James and Lily, I was a wreck. I sprinted and paced hallways, demanded that nurses told me if everything was okay; half of them looked at me like I was insane, and even went skipping in and out of patients' rooms, giving them quite a scare. Addi, James and Sirius had long since joined Mari in a waiting room. 

Several hours and ten cups of coffee later, Addi found me making faces at a little kid with a broken leg, and dragged me away, insisting that from then on I had to drink decaf, before telling me that Lily had had the baby.

He was an adorable baby boy, with James' messy black hair and Lily's sparkling emerald eyes. Harrison James Potter. They called him Harry. Never had any of us seen Lily or James as happy as when they held Harry in their arms.

Harry became the center of everyone's attention. We were amazed how much like James he was too. Only a week after he was born, he'd taken James' wand from his robe pocket and turned his hair pink.

"He's better at that than you are, Prongs," joked Sirius.

Little Harry grew fast, and as he did, he also grew more and more like James. Soon, he was learning to speak. Not only could he say Mama and Dada; I was Mooy, Sirius was Pafoo, Peter was Tail, Addi was Di, and Mari was Maw. All of us adored baby-sitting Harry, although Lily was just a bit concerned, especially when it came to Sirius. She couldn't have been too worried, though, because she and James made Sirius Harry's godfather. James explained that the reason he didn't ask me was because of full moon, and I understood completely.

Several months later, Mari gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, with Sirius' jet black hair. They kept the Black family tradition of naming people after stars and called her Cassiopeia; Cassi for short. Whenever we all visited, Harry loved trying to talk to Cassi, who couldn't answer back, but laughed at her 'big cousin'. 


	44. Chapter 44: Darkest of Days

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Chapter 44: Darkest of Days

I taught for the remainder of the school year, despite attacks. The Order of the Phoenix had become more and more busy with attacks, and it seemed we saved fewer and fewer people. Sirius' job as an unspeakable sent him off doing things he wasn't allowed to tell anyone, and we seemed to see less and less of him as time went on. Eventually even James and I began to feel slightly suspicious of what he was doing. I noticed that this usually got Mari slightly annoyed, not to mention stressed out from trying to raise a child alone. Fortunately, aunt Addi was more than willing to spend most of the time while I was at Hogwarts helping Mari.

Several peculiar things happened that spring. The first, Severus Snape admitted to being a Death Eater, and joined our side, under the acceptance of Dumbledore. We still didn't trust him, however Dumbledore seemed to trust him as much as anyone. He made him a spy for our side. The second thing that happened was that Peter began spending more time with us again. For nearly a year we'd only seen him about once a month. Suddenly, it seemed that he was always visiting, especially James and Lily. We were all very pleased to have all of our group of friends back together again.

Summer came once again. The days passed by so slowly that it had seemed like winter lasted an eternity. Harry and Cassi were quite the pair now. They knew how to steal wands and wave them around, making various things happen.

Soon, it was Harry's first birthday. He was growing up so fast. Lily and James planned a huge party for him. We all attended, and brought all sorts of gifts. Sirius even bought him a child's broomstick that hovered just off the ground. Lily wasn't pleased, but James was thrilled. Nothing could make any one of us more happy than seeing the look of joy on Harry's face as he sat between his beaming parents, surrounded by a mountain of presents, a huge glowing birthday cake, and Sirius who had dressed like a clown for the occasion. Mari played photographer, and was sure to get plenty of pictures of Harry smearing cake all over uncle Pafoo's face. I'll remember that day forever. It was the last day that we were all together, no worries, no cares. Because soon after, things got worse than ever.

James came to visit me one day in mid August, looking terribly worried.

"What is it, Prongs?" I asked, looking at his pale expression.

"I was just to see Dumbledore," he explained. "He asked me to come and see him. The reason is, he thinks someone is spying on Lily, Harry and I. What can I do, Remus. I can't even keep my own family safe!" I stared at my best friend of nine years. He was James Potter, the best wizard of our year, daring and clever minded, always with a plan for everything. Now he stood before me, trembling, near tears. So lost, so alone, so afraid. I never thought I'd see James that way.

"I'm sure everything will be all right," I said, trying to sound certain. But nothing could erase the look of worry stretched across his face.

For a long time, he didn't tell Lily anything at all. Sirius was angry with him for it, but I could see his reasoning. There was no use making her worry unnecessarily. 

We all spent a lot of time at the Potters' from then on. We never actually stated the reason, but we all knew it was because we wanted to keep them safe. James and Lily didn't seem to mind in the least. In fact, I think James felt much safer when we were around.

September first came quickly that year, and it was back to Hogwarts for another year of teaching. Sirius, Mari, Addi, and Peter still spent the majority of their free time with the Potters, as did I on weekends. Not once did it ever seem that they were in danger. Not once were they threatened, or attacked. Nothing out of the ordinary happened in the peaceful village of Godric's Hollow. We soon began to believe Dumbledore had collected some wrong information, or the person who was after them had simply given up.

Lily certainly wasn't oblivious to James' worrying. In fact, I think she had enough of an idea what was going on.

"Remus," she confronted me one day while I was visiting. "Have you noticed anything different about James lately?"

"Er—no not really," I lied.

"I think something's bothering him. Something serious. He hasn't been himself lately at all."

"Hmm..." I replied thoughtfully. I felt awful about not telling her the truth.

"I overheard him talking to Harry the other night. He was saying something about if daddy and mummy have to leave. I don't understand what's going on." Lily looked as worried as James. I couldn't tell her though; I couldn't let James down.

"Everything will be all right, Lil," I said. "James would never let anything happen to you or Harry." Lily nodded.

"Mumumumumumumum!" came Harry's voice. Lily sighed.

"Mummy's coming, Sweetie!" she called, heading for his bedroom. She reemerged into the living room again a moment later, holding tiny Harry, who was kicking and screaming.

"Dadadadadadada!" he wailed.

"Shh..shh...daddy will be home soon," whispered Lily. James had gone out on duty for an attack. Harry continued kicking and screaming.

"Come on, Sweetie," cooed Lily. "Daddy will be home any minute." Lily glanced at the clock. "James should have been back by now," she whispered to me worriedly.

"I'm sure he's fine," I reassured her. Harry was still screaming for his dad. It was getting quite late, but I promised to stay with Lily and Harry until James got home. An hour passed; then two. Harry continued whining, Lily trying desperately to remain calm and put him to sleep.

"Where are you, James?" I whispered. "Please be okay." It was another forty-five minutes before we finally heard a whistling in the fireplace.

"James!" Lily cried. 

"Dadada!" cried Harry, who was currently in my lap. James staggered into the room, looking weak enough to collapse, scratched and bruised. I noticed his wrists were red as though he'd been tied up and tried to get loose. 

"Oh, God! James, what happened?" Lily put her arm around James' shoulder. He winced.

"It's nothing," he muttered. 

"Don't tell me it's nothing," said Lily. "You can't come home looking like this and tell me it's nothing."

"The attack got a little rough, that's all."

"The attack was four hours ago. Where have you been?"

"At Hogwarts, where else?" I could tell James was lying. He'd always been hopeless at it, especially to Lily.

"Dada!" cried Harry again. James pulled his tiny son into his arms.

"I'm sure glad to see you again, kid," he said, smiling.

"Maybe Harry will sleep now that he's seen you," Lily sighed with exasperation. "Let me put him to bed."

"Okay, goodnight," James said, handing Harry to Lily. She left the room.

"James, what happened?" I hissed, noting that his eyes looked incredibly alert and worried, dispite his exhaustion. 

"I was captured," he replied slowly.

"You weren't!" I exclaimed. "By who?"

"I'll swear it was Lucius Malfoy," James spat. "He was going to get Voldemort. Luckily I escaped." My face fell.

"You've got to be careful, James," I said. "I'm so glad you're safe." I couldn't believe it; I wouldn't have thought it possible that James would ever be captured.

"Thank you for staying with Lily and Harry, Remus," said James. "They're the only thing that keep me going. If it weren't for them, I doubt I would have made it out alive tonight." I nodded.

"James?" Lily's voice came from the entrance. "Made it out alive from where?" James went pale.

"I—I was attacked tonight, Lils. And captured. But I don't want you to worry. Please don't worry! I swear everything will be alright. I'll never let anything happen to you and Harry. Even if it costs me my life, you two will always be safe."

"James, don't talk like that," Lily whispered, her voice shaking.

"I should really be going now," I said, assuming Lily and James probably wanted to talk alone. 

"Okay, we'll see you, Remus," said James. "Thanks again."

"No problem. That's just what friends are for," I replied.

"Bye Remus," said Lily.

"Bye." I left without another word. James' capture was never spoken of again. I never even found out exactly what happened that night, or if it had anything to do with what was yet to come. 

It wasn't until early October that we found out just what sort of trouble the Potters were in. James paid me a visit one evening at Hogwarts.

"I've just gotten through with speaking to Dumbledore once again. He said he's certain that someone close to us is spying, and plotting against us. We're going to have to go into hiding." He hung his head.

"That's awful," I said. James nodded miserably.

"But I've got to keep my family safe. Could you come with me now to our house. I've got something really important I want to discuss with everyone." I agreed, and James and I both Apparated back to the tiny cottage.

We were all seated in the Potter's living room, James, Lily, Harry, Sirius, Mari, Cassi, Peter, Addi and I. James took a moment to explain what was going on, unable to look Lily in the eyes.

"Dumbledore reccomends the Fidelius Charm." James glanced intently around the room. Sirius, Lily, Peter and I nodded.

"So, I guess what we need is a Secret Keeper." I felt Harry, who was seated on my lap, pull something from my pocket. I glanced down, but not soon enough.

"What's this?" Sirius snatched the bit of parchment from the toddler's grasp.

"Interesting, Remus." His gaze was intent upon me. "Very interesting. Tell me, what were you intending to do with this?" I felt the color drain from my face as Sirius held up a notice.

_Don't be caught on the wrong side. Join Lord Voldemort before it's too late. Stick with your own kind, werewolf._

"I've never even read that before, Sirius!" I defended myself honestly. "Jeremy arrived with mail just when I was on my way out. I put it in my pocket without even looking at it. I don't want anything to do with the Death Eaters!" I felt everyone's gaze transfixed on me. Sirius threw the letter back in my face in disgust. I let it fall to the floor. The room remained silent. Finally, James spoke up.

"Sirius, would you be our Secret Keeper?"

I stayed at the Potters only long enough to bid them farewell, and wish them the best of luck while in hiding.

I held little Harry in my arms, and he waved his hands excitedly.

"Dada fy boom!" he exclaimed, flapping his tiny arms.

"Does he?" I asked.

"Yes!" Harry nodded enthusiastically. "I boom too! Down!" I put the energetic toddler down on the ground and he ran off, returning a few minutes later with his tiny toy broom.

"Boom!" he exclaimed. "Boom!" 

"That's quite some broom, little mate," I said, feeling my eyes begin to tear. "Uncle Moony has to go now. I might not be seeing you for a little while, so can I have a hug?" I knelt and held out my arms.

"Mooy!" cried Harry running into my arms. I hugged him tightly.

"I'll see you again soon, Harry." I let him go and turned to James and Lily.

"You two take care of yourselves," I said. They nodded.

"You be careful too, Remus," said Lily, giving me a quick hug.

"Yeah, Moony, don't worry yourself. I'm sure we'll be just fine. This will only be for a little while." James sounded much more certain than he looked. I extended my hand to him. He shook it for an instant before we gave each other a brotherly embrace. Sirius and Mari took their turns saying goodbye as well. Finally, all of us stood around uncomfortably, no one wanting to leave, for fear they'd ruin the moment.

"Remember, Marauders are always together," said James with a grin as we all crowded the doorway.

"Everything's going to be just fine, Prongs," said Sirius. "You can rely on me. I'll never fail you. I'd give my own life before I'd ever let Voldemort come near you or your family."

"Thank you for this, Padfoot," said James, looking as though he were holding back tears. It was getting quite dark, and quite late. We opened the door and filed out. James, Lily and Harry stood in the doorway.

"Marauders forever!" James called, grinning.

"Marauders forever!" returned Sirius, Peter and I. 

"See you all soon!" called Addi. Everyone waved goodbye. We bid farewell to Sirius and Mari, who were also going into hiding. I also had to say goodbye to Addi, for I was remaining at Hogwarts for the duration of the charm, and she was disappearing as far into the Muggle world as possible. The spell would be performed first thing the next morning and I wouldn't see any of them until it was safe for James and Lily to come out of hiding.

The next two weeks at Hogwarts were miserable. I heard nothing of any of them, although I supposed that as long as I heard nothing, that meant everything was going well.


	45. Chapter 45: Happy Birthday

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Chapter 45: Happy Birthday

The annual Halloween feast did little to brighten my spirits. I sat at the teachers' table, observing the young Gryffindors as they talked and laughed. I stared at the seats at the far end, that were once occupied by James, Sirius, Peter, Lily, Erin and I. Oddly enough, on that particular night, every one of those seats remained empty. I could almost picture the six of us sitting there, discussing pranks, cracking jokes that made half of the table laugh hysterically, and trying to keep straight faces as we watched the results of our latest prank on Severus Snape. I sighed. All of that seemed so far away now. We'd been so young, so carefree. Now our world had become plagued with worry, so that there was room for nothing else. 

What hurt me the most was that Sirius had practically accused me of being a Death Eater. Who knew if the other's believed? But I had a strange feeling that I was suspected. But it wasn't me. So I had to wonder, who was it?

The thunder cracked and the lightning flashed throughout the dimly lit Great Hall. Black clouds rolled across the once clear, starry sky.

Dumbledore dismissed the students to bed, and the teachers soon followed. I struggled to sleep that night. Perhaps because the thunder and the wind were so loud. Perhaps because of something else.

The next morning I awoke and prepared for my first period class as usual. Faithful old Jeremy arrived right at his usual time, carrying a bundle of letters. I collected my mail from him, quickly stroking his feathers and dismissing him. I flipped through the letters, selecting one and tearing it open.

__

Moony,

Happy Birthday! I hope you are well. I wanted to let you know that I'm sorry about the other day. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. Everything is going fine with the plan. That's about all I can say in case this is intercepted.

Padfoot

Feeling greatly relieved, I picked up the next envelope. Inside was a card from Addi. There was one final letter; it felt thick. I tore the envelope open. A singing card popped out. Several of the first years who had trickled in to class stared in amazement. I opened the card. Sure enough, it was from James, Lily and Harry.

__

Happy Birthday, Moony! We love you! Was written on the inside. Two folded pieces of paper also fell out. The first was a drawing of what appeared to be balloons, by Harry. I smiled at his scribbled signature at the bottom; he'd obviously been helped by Lily. The second was a brief note from James.

__

Moony,

Hi. Can't say much. Just wanted to let you know that we're all doing okay. We've got a plan that will definitely work out. I can't explain here; perhaps Padfoot can stop by sometime and explain. We're all well; there's been no sign of any danger. We've lasted this long, so I'm certain we can make it the rest of the way. Hopefully this won't last much longer and we'll be able to see you soon.

Happy Birthday!

Sincerely,

Prongs

I placed the letters in a stack on my desk, feeling thoroughly relieved. Everything was going to be all right. I smiled at the class of first years seated in front of me.

"Okay, if all of you would open your books to page 137, we'll begin..." I was interrupted by a knock at the door. "Come in!"

Dumbledore peeked into the room.

"Professor Lupin, could I have a word with you in the hallway, please?" I walked to the door, oblivious to Dumbledore's saddened face and solemn tone.


	46. Chapter 46: Accepting the Truth

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Chapter 46: Accepting the Truth

"Yes, Headmaster?" I asked when we were out of earshot. I noticed for the first time that he looked like he'd been crying.

"Remus," he spoke gently. "I'm afraid I've got some bad news." He paused. I felt my heart leap to my throat. _It can't be about James and Lily,_ I told myself. _I just got letters from all of them; they're fine. It must be something else. It's got to be._

"Remus?" I looked back to Dumbledore. "I guess there's really no easy way to give you this news. Remus... James and Lily were killed last night." The words echoed through my ears. I was frozen in that second. They rang and rang around me, the absurdity of the statement fooling my mind. The room around me was spinning out of control; shivers ran throughout my body, and finally I comprehended.

"No, they weren't," I said plainly. "I just received mail from them. They're fine."

"I'm sorry, Remus. I know something like this is hard to accept. No one means for these things to happen. Sometimes they just do. But we can't live in denial."

"But Sirius! Sirius was their Secret Keeper! He wouldn't have failed them!" I cried, openly bawling. Dumbledore's eyes glistened, and he quickly wiped them with his sleeve.

"I'm afraid Sirius betrayed them," said Dumbledore quietly. I heard James' voice reciting the line of the letter I'd just received;_ We've got a plan that will definitely work out. I can't explain here; perhaps Padfoot can stop by sometime and explain._ I remembered Sirius' job as an Unspeakable, how he was always disappearing. Suddenly it all became clear. The damn traitor had left us for Voldemort. He'd planned to get James and Lily killed! "And what's more, earlier this morning, Sirius chased down little Peter and killed him as well." 

"Sirius killed Peter?" I questioned in shock. "That's it, I'm dreaming! This is a dream! A nightmare! Wake me up! Wake me up, Headmaster! WAKE ME UP!" I wailed collapsing onto my knees at his feet.

The next thing I remember, I was back at the flat Addi and I shared, resting on a bed. Addi wasn't in the room. For a moment I wondered whether anything I remembered was real. After a moment, I was certain it was. I didn't want to move. I wanted to stay there forever. I clamped my eyes shut and tried as hard as I could to forget, to make my mind blank so the hurt would go away. But every time I closed my eyes, there was James' beaming face on his wedding day as he stood beside Lily; there was little Harry, clinging to James' back, stealing his wand, and giggling like mad. There was Peter, in absolute hysterics about a prank, and there were the four of us, the Marauders, all grinning; James and Sirius, practically looking like brothers, standing next to each other, both proudly holding the Marauders' map. A sickening feeling came over me, and I fought to erase that picture from my mind. Tears came, and I couldn't stop them.

I spent hours wondering why? Why Sirius? Why did he kill James, Lily and Peter? Why did he ever join Voldemort? But most of all, why was I too dumb, too inattentive to not notice? Why couldn't I have realized just a day sooner? Then they'd all still be alive. Why had James made Sirius his secret keeper? Why hadn't I convinced him to switch? I just couldn't understand why Sirius did it. One thing that had always been important to Sirius above all else was loyalty. He was the most loyal friend you could have, despite his other flaws. He always stuck up for his friends. And he and James had been close; even closer than I'd been to the two of them. I remembered what Sirius said to James the night before the charm started, "_I'd give my own life before_ _I'd ever let Voldemort come near you our your family." _He'd lied! He'd lied about everything! It wasn't fair! They didn't deserve to die! They had done nothing wrong. And they were so young! We were so young! There were so many plans we had, and now none of them would happen! And poor little Harry would never even live to remember his parents! He would never know what a great, funny father he had, or what a sweet caring mother he had to care for him. No, now poor Harry lived with Petunia and her husband Vernon, who hated everything to do with magic. I wondered if he'd ever even know he's a wizard. Everything had gone so wrong! It wasn't supposed to end up this way! It wasn't right! Everyone was gone! Everyone! But there was still one person I had to think about.

I found Addi on the sofa, her eyes closed, but she wasn't asleep. She opened them when she heard me. We rushed into each other's arms, sobbing uncontrollably. We were silent for a long time, but I held her tightly, afraid that if I let go I'd lose her like I'd lost everyone else.

"It's all Sirius' fault," said Addi finally. "He did it. He killed them. My own twin killed all of those people." She sobbed. I pulled her close, but I had no words that could make it better.

"I guess that's where he went, whenever he wasn't around. I guess he was just planning it all and we sat back and let it happen!" 

"We can't blame ourselves," I said, fighting to stay calm. "Sirius wasn't who we thought he was."

"But he was my twin," Addi cried. "I knew him like no one else did. My own twin made our lives hell!" I shook my head.

"I'm sorry Addi, but I don't think you did know the real Sirius." She shook her head.

"I just don't understand why he would join Voldemort. He killed our mum, our dad, Erin, Mr. and Mrs. Potter, and now Sirius just decided to join him and kill James, Lily and Peter too!" She cried. Finally, she pulled out the Daily Prophet.

"Sirius has a hearing in two days. We owe it to him to go." She croaked between sobs. At the mention of his name, I felt a renewed rush of uncontrollable anger surge through my body.

"He did this! It's all his fault!" I shouted angrily. "It's all your brother's fault! He killed them! He ruined everything for all of us! We were going to be happy! Do you even remember what it's like to be happy?" I screamed. Addi quickly scrambled away from me, staring across the room with large frightened eyes. She buried her face in her hands and cried.

"I can't believe he did this," she whimpered. "I just can't believe it. My own brother, my twin, the murderer of his best friends!"

"Apparently we didn't know the real Sirius Black!" I shouted.

"Will you please at least go to the hearing with me and listen to what he has to say?" asked Addi quietly. 

"Yes," I replied. It wasn't going to change anything.


	47. Chapter 47: Traitor

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Chapter 47: Traitor

The next two days were more miserable than any I had ever experienced in my life. There was nothing to do except be alone and think. Everything reminded me of James, Lily, Sirius or Peter. I smashed pictures, tore up letters, put everything that made me think of them into boxes, and it didn't help. I couldn't accept the fact that they were gone. For a moment, I'd forget and think maybe Prongs and Padfoot would be coming to see me. Then I'd face the horrible reality all over again, as it haunted me.

I couldn't get flashbacks out of my mind. Everytime I closed my eyes a memory came to me. Memories drove me to insanity. Sometimes I'd forget they weren't real. I'd talk to James, or Lily or Peter or Sirius, as though they could hear me. 

Eventually, I decided just to sleep. After hours of tossing and turning awake, I'd finally drift off, only to awake a little while later crying, recalling dreams of being a student at Hogwarts again. 

Addi was there too, but neither of us acknowledged the other. We were too consumed in our own grief. Finally, two days had passed, and we had to venture out to the Ministry for Sirius' hearing.

Addi and I joined the crowd that filed into the courtroom. In front sat Barty Crouch, head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Addi and I found seats among the others, near the front. I wondered several times what I was doing there. 

"Order! Order!" called Crouch. Several guards dragged Sirius into the courtroom and strapped him to the chair in the center. "Sirius Black, you are convicted of the following: working for Lord Voldemort, aiding in the murder of twenty-one year old James Potter, twenty year old Lily Evans Potter, and attempted murder of their son, one year old Harrison James Potter; as well as the murder of twenty-year old Peter Pettigrew, and twelve muggles." Sirius stared at him blankly, as though in a daze. I felt a surge through my body. I wanted to jump up and shout, to tell him what he did, how much he hurt us. I wanted to make him understand. I wanted to make him sorry. I fought to remain calm. 

"How do you plead, Black?" Sirius looked around the courtroom. He said nothing. He wouldn't even admit he was guilty! The traitor! I wanted to leap from my chair and tear him limb from limb. I wanted to take the most horrible curse I could do and curse him to make him suffer like he made the rest of us suffer.

"It is true that when we arrested Mr. Black just two days ago in the street shortly after he murdered Pettigrew, he was found laughing. There were many witnesses, all of them Muggle, who can verify that the convictions are true. Therefore, Sirius Black will recieve a full life sentence to Azkaban."

"No!" Sirius finally cried out. "NO! I'm innocent." The bastard couldn't even admit to commiting the crime. It was too much for me to handle. They began to unstrap him and try to drag him away. I stood to leave, shaking my head, trying to control the rage within me.

"Moony!" Sirius cried, escaping from the guards for a second and falling at my feet. "Believe me, Moony! I'm innocent!" I looked down at the pitiful sight, the murderer of my best friends, of everything I had, falling to my feet and begging for forgiveness. I had a strong urge to kick him as hard as I could. I wanted to shout. I wanted him to understand. I wanted to make him go through what James and Lily went through just to see how it felt. 

"Don't call me Moony," I growled. "Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs are dead! You killed them!" There were no marauders anymore. The marauders were long gone. Each was painfully tortured to death, even Padfoot, for he'd unwillingly done it to himself as well. I wished at least he felt guilty. He should have had to live with that guilt for the rest of his life. He should have felt so horrible that he wanted to die; that he should have ended his own life.

"Please, you have to believe me! You have to!" Sirius cried. "You can't let them do this to me!" He grabbed onto my feet.

"Get off!" I muttered, kicking until he let go, watching with grim satisfaction as he winced in pain, the determination disappearing from his face, his expression growing panicked as he realized I wasn't going to believe him; that he was going to spend the rest of his life in a prison cell in Azkaban. "I hope you rot in prison for what you've done!" I shouted loud enough for the whole courtroom to hear. Thoroughly disgusted, I turned to walk away.

"Addi!" Sirius cried. "Addi, believe me!" Addi stared at him, her eyes wide, her expression blank. She reached out her hand as the guards were taking Sirius away. I grabbed her hand and led her out of the courtroom. We went home.

"I believe him. I think he's innocent!" said Addi, tears streaming down her face.

"How can you think that? How dare you think that!" I shouted. "After all he did!"

"I know Remus, but what if we're wrong? I saw him in that courtroom today! He's my twin! I can tell when he's lying! And today, he wasn't lying!"

"Addi, I know you want Sirius to be innocent! So do I. And I want Lily and James and Peter to be alive too, but they can't be! We've got to face reality! And the reality is Sirius killed all of them!"

"No!" Addi shouted. "Why won't you believe me? Why won't you at least consider what I have to say?"

"Because you're wrong! There's evidence! You can't deny the evidence!"

"What if all those people didn't see what they thought they saw?" questioned Addi. "What if it was all a trick?"

"Sirius killed them! That's all there is to it! Now would you please stop trying to convince me other wise! All you're doing is making this harder for both of us!"

"I need to be alone," said Addi quietly. "I can't stay here. I need to think." She walked to the bedroom. After a few seconds I followed. She had a huge trunk open in the center of the room, half of her belongings piled into it.

"Addi?" I whispered. "You can't..."

"I can't stay here! I can't be around you! You won't believe me and I know I'm right! I know I'm right!" She slammed the trunk shut, latched it, and wheeled it out of the room.

"All your doing is fooling yourself! You're living a lie! Believe me, I want Sirius to be innocent too, but he's not! And we can't change that! To go around pretending that he is will do nothing but make you more miserable!"

"Damn it, Remus, I'm not pretending and I'm tired of you never listening to what I have to say! I have nothing now, nothing! I want nothing to do with you!"

"Fine, then in that case, go!" I shouted. "Go on out there and think you're right! See where it ever gets you!" Addi took one last look at me, a pained expression on her face, before turning and walking out the door, closing it behind her. I stood and watched her go. It took a few seconds before the tears began to spill from my cheeks. That was the last I ever saw or heard of Adhara Black.


	48. Chapter 48: The End

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Chapter 48: The End

I had nothing left, absolutely nothing. No one. I was alone in the world. No one cared if I were dead or alive. I was miserable. I resigned from my teaching position, which Dumbledore accepted with understanding. After several days, I sold the flat and moved back to Wales. I built a sort of shack in the woods, where I wouldn't be a disturbance to anyone, and that's where I lived. That's my home. For twelve miserable years that's been my home!

At first I found it difficult to face a new day, knowing all that had happened. I was alive, but I wasn't really living at all. Everything played horribly through my mind. Sirius shouting at me in the courtroom remained a fresh vision in my mind, along with Addi's screams of his innocence. Both made me angry enough to shout and throw things, which I did often. 

Then, I'd always remember James and Lily's funeral. Crowds of people dressed in black attended; everyone from the Hogwarts staff, to the Dursleys. Little Harry was there, with his Aunt Petunia. Once during the service, he escape from his aunt's arms and ran to me crying, "Mooy! Mooy!" I held the tiny child close to me. He was all that was left of all my friends. The only thing I had to remember them by.

"Mooy, when mumum and dada come back?" He asked me curiously. I burst into tears. I couldn't bare to tell him the truth, that he'd never see them again; that his uncle Pafoo had killed them. So I said nothing. Soon Petunia took him away from me, as I sobbed. I was offered comfort from the teachers, but nothing could help. I was a lost, miserable soul, doing nothing more than waiting to die.

The twelve years were long, monotonous, and torturous. I lived for the past. I'd talk to James and Lily as though they were still there, at times I believe I thought they were. I'd always recall memories that would make me sob and sob for days. Not a minute passed that I didn't think about what Sirius had done. I didn't interact with people. I never talked to anyone. I hadn't seen Addi or Mari since the day Addi left. Yes, I was not one to be around people anymore. I didn't need them. I didn't need friends to betray me again. I'd learned my lesson, and my lesson was that true friendship and trust were dangerous, to truely be safe, you must trust no one, love no one, and care only about yourself. That's exactly what I did.

I wonder if Sirius can still remember what he did. Probably not. He's long been insane; as good as dead. He probably has no idea! He probably doesn't remember James or Lily or Peter, or Mari, or Addi or me. He probably doesn' know how miserable he's made all of us. He thinks he's suffering in that prison cell, but the innocent victims of his crimes sufffered just as much, or more. 

I'd come to the horrible realization that I was back to where I started. I've gotten no farther than that terrified little six-year-old boy who got bitten on that Halloween night so many years ago. I have no friends, no one. The only difference between then and now, is that now I've experienced true friendship, and true love. They say you never know what you had until it's gone. That's so true.

My whole life is a failure. But it wasn't meant to be that way. Now everything has come to an end. It's all over now; I've got nothing left to live for, nothing to look forward to. My life was cut short at the age of twenty. I'd seen so much throughout my days, that I'd lived a lot of life, and it's hard to be without something you're so used to. But after twelve miserable years, you get used to the loneliness, and the heartache, and the bitterness you feel for the traitor that caused it all. Sometimes I wonder if Sirius is still alive and hope he's not. I hate the night when the stars shine. One of them shines all too bright, a constant reminder of the reason I'm here now.

So, I guess that brings you to the conclusion of my story. Here I am, Thirty two years old, sitting in a shack in the woods doing nothing more than waiting to die. All because I've been branded for life by a scar. A horribly ugly scar that will remain with me until the day I die. Not the scar on my upper right arm, for that one has become easy to live with. No, it is a scar deep within that haunts me, that tortures me, a scar to the heart, a scar with a pain so sharp it keeps me awake and night and brings me to tears everyday, a scar that doesn't heal with time, a scar that tells me with a sharp stab when I wake up in the morning that I am alone, a scar of betrayal, a scar not visible to the eye, but only to the soul. 


	49. Chapter 49: A New Beginning

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Chapter 49: A New Beginning

Last night I wrote what I thought were the last words to my story. I thought there was nothing left for me; that everything that was ever going to happen had happened, and I would be miserable until the day I die. I was wrong.

This morning I awoke, just like any other day. I made a bit of tea and sat down in my chair to read the Daily Prophet, that had been delivered earlier. The picture on the front page caused me to choke. 

There was a man, with beady hollow looking eyes and a pale bony face framed with a tangled matted mess of hair. He didn't look a thing like I remembered, but something about him was the same. I'd recognize that face anywhere. It was Sirius. I forced my eyes away from his, and read the headline. _Black Escapes Azkaban. _I read it over and over again, finally understanding what it said. Sirius had escaped. He could have been anywhere, and he was dangerous. What did he want? What the hell could have kept him sane long enough to be able to escape after twelve years? No one had done it before, ever. 

It was the last thing I ever expected. I thought Sirius was gone forever, but perhaps he was back to find the rest of us, those of us who had survived his last murders, so he could finally finish us off. I looked back into that picture. Those eyes. There was something about those eyes. I got a strange feeling in my stomach when I looked at them. It almost felt like doubt, maybe even pity. I threw the paper to the floor. Again, I heard Sirius' words to James. _I'd give my own life before I'd ever let Voldemort come near you our your family. _I didn't feel the usual rush of anger I felt when I heard those words. Instead, I began to cry. I didn't try to stop myself; I let the tears come. Sometimes that was the way I could think the most clearly. I had the strangest feeling that I'd forgotten something, or neglected to realize something back before James and Lily died, but I couldn't figure out for the life of me what it was.

I glanced at the table and noticed a letter sitting on the table where the paper had been. It was addressed Mr. R. J. Lupin. I never received mail. Curiously, I picked up the letter and carefully opened it. I recognized the handwriting in an instant. It was from Dumbledore.

__

Remus,

Hello. I do hope you have been well, although I suppose after all that has happened, that is a rather unrealistic wish. I also assume you have already heard the news about Sirius' escape. I'm writing because I have a request of you. I'm in need of a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher for the upcoming school year. (We haven't been having much luck keeping them around the last few years). I am hoping you would fill the position for me. We haven't had a better teacher since you resigned twelve years ago. Besides that, with Sirius on the loose, I think you'd be safest at Hogwarts. None of us know what he's planning to do next, of course. But it's best to be safe. James and Lily's son Harry will be in his third year, and I thought perhaps you might like to see him. His resemblance to James is remarkable. Please consider my request. I think you'd be much happier here. I'll be awaiting your response.

Sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore

Headmaster

I stared at the letter. I'd never even thought of going back. I thought I'd never see that school again. But now the idea of walking through those hallways, seeing all those teachers and students again, seemed unusually appealing. 

It has been a long twelve years, all because I thought there was nothing left. I thought the best days of my life were over, and they may well be. But never give up living. Never throw away what's left. I could spend the rest of my life in this shack, assuming I've seen all I'm going to see, done all I'm going to do, and believe that everything that went wrong was meant to torture me for the rest of my life. Or, I could move on. After twelve years, I could finally accept that the past is the past and that there's still a future ahead. Because there's always a future ahead, no matter what. It's a lesson I learned back in second year; it's a lesson it took me twelve long years to learn again. 

It took me twelve long years to learn that I was wrong about my life. Perhaps I'm wrong about some other things too. It can be a wonderful feeling, the feeling of doubt. How could have I ever given up when there is so much left out there? Sirius escaped from Azkaban. In an odd way, I almost feel a certain amount of glory for him. It reminds me of the Sirius I used to know; the devoted prankster who could escape from any situation. 

Today has been an interesting day. I don't know if it's good or bad, right or wrong. I don't know what's going to happen to me, if I should be happy or sad, or angry. I don't know what the days to come will bring. I feel so mixed up, so confused. There's a feeling of nervous excitement in the pit of my stomach. Everything is so unpredictable, and I like it. That's the way life should be.

I will go back to Hogwarts. I will live my life. I will not hide from the world anymore. My name is Remus Lupin and I am not afraid.

__


End file.
